Tag Archives: Suckit

13th Feb – CH3 – Square Rooter

Posted on February 13, 2017 by admin| Leave a comment
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Seriously Rooter? Are you fucking insane? WTF?! I’ve heard the philosophy of never let a good hill go to waste… and I’ve been on Turkish’s runs where he’s straight lined through shit to connect trails, and I’ve been on Belly Dancer runs where the sole intention is surely to take out half the hashers, but I can’t remember anything quite like today…

We know the area behind Doi Kham, I’ve hashed trails all around there, but clearly Square Rooter wanted to teach us something new today? The harebrief was clear warning – be wary about what was to come – walkers may as well go home, if you aren’t fit, just give up now… We set off, and set off gingerly… From the usual runsite we headed towards the “gully”. Last time rooter teased us with that trail before cutting straight back out to the right towards the regular trails (around “last man standing”). A couple of checks, and we were still heading up the dry river bed. Suckit commented that he’d never been that way before – I had, but when we carried on deeper, it was new for me too. I was interested – but surely there was a reason nobody had set runs there before?

After a km we got to the point Rooter had told us to turn back if not capable. A bit early, so most carried on. And then no checks for a while as the trail turned into a sheer climb. Sheer… Seriously – this went on and on, no trail, just straight up. So steep that trees couldn’t hold on to the side, and nor could the earth, with constant landslides – I felt sorry for whoever was behind me, but when I looked over my shoulder it was Turkey, so I didn’t feel quite so bad. Up ahead was Chuckie, Brownie and Suckit. They were only 40-50m away, but it might take a while for me to get there. We were crawling, scrambling, feeling out footholds. 28 minutes for 1km, in total 280m elevation change, but 170m elevation gain over 500m. It was complete insanity. I have no idea why anyone would attempt it once, let alone do it and then decide to make their friends do it?!

Finally we got to the “top”, or the ridge with a trail heading to the right up towards Doi Pui, or down towards the Sameong Road football field. It was already kicked out when Turkish, Piggy and I got there, and we started the descent. Taking it steady for a while as my legs got used to the idea of not having to climb, and gently easing into a run. Now the trail was a great running trail – nicely descending, if only it had all been like this! The sneaky lizard gizzard wizard colombian searching for lines of powder eased past us like he was very, very thirsty and had no qualms about sprinting down a steep hill. I kept my pace moving wondering if I would see the leaders again. We did, and managed to catch up at the bottom where clearly a few checks had slowed them down. Managed to come in not far behind, and watch as everyone else came in covered in mud – Sheep Shagger being almost the last back – midway through the circle…

Only the hare was later getting back – too ashamed to face up to punishment? I don’t remember a hash run quite so severe as this one, and I don’t remember a hare ever having to sit on ice for that long afterwards….

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22nd December – CH4 – Suckit

Posted on December 22, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Suckit & Itchy teamed up, but this time from along Sameong road – I guess they were fed up of everyone else setting runs through their house 11km south? There were 2 songthaews and a large Happy hash group – the club is growing strong, we might need to buy more chairs!

We set off with Poo, Angry and I mixing up the start like a cycling peloton. Until the first check, when I was wrong. Finally it was called from the right, and I turned back only to see KO stood behind me with a look of distress. At first I thought she was just really disappointed to get the check wrong, but then I discovered she just wanted me to get out the way so she could take a pee! After another check I caught up, and sure enough promptly got the next check wrong – damnit! We ran over to the edge of the large quarry. A 50/50 chance, left or right. I didn’t think they would go around the quarry, so picked right. I didn’t get far before I was called to the left. I decided to take it easy for a bit, expecting the hill in the near future. The hill didn’t appear, instead, the pack just sprinted away…


Seriously, this was a fast paced hash – wtf was going on? My splits were reasonable, but I was back behind Kwazi! I decided to put some effort in, and tried to push for a couple of km. Sub 6 minute kms, and I didn’t seem to be making any ground. When I past Sex Pistol, she was equally flummoxed. The pace was very fast for a hash run. I wasn’t even close enough to hear any calls, I just plodded on through neatly kicked out checks. I wasn’t plodding though, I was pushing it, but seemed to be making no progress – amazing pace from the FRBs today!

I finally caught up by the small quarry lake beneath the temple, but a couple that checked the wrong way breezed past me and I gave in, steadying off to a jog walk. Only really running again when trying to explain to Blows Herself that we don’t overtake after the OnIn..!

Cheers Suckit – a deceptive trail that clearly fooled me more than anyone else, and was definitely a fast running trail.

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17th December – CSH3 – Cumalot

Posted on December 17, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Cumalot cast her eye over the men of the hash and selected Brown Finger to be her paper carrying bitch for the day, between them setting a run at the far south of canal road. I know Suckit knows this area like his own backyard – because it is… And I know Brownie stayed at Suckit’s when he first got back – did he learn the secrets?

The runsite was just off the canal road, which meant the first km was weaving its way through the little mud sois before we got to the hill trails. I jogged off and promptly got the first circle wrong. We circled Suckit’s place, but each time I got close to the front, there was another check, and I was forced to check the wrong way. I’m not sure if I really got to the front of the pack again, but I did a lot of checking the wrong way.

There was a little cut through that went past a Cruella D’Ville’s place, with a billion yappy dogs having some fucked up orgy. I was distracted and when we headed into the woods, I didn’t quite pick up on which trail we went in on, and so was a bit disoriented, and god these trails all look so similar. The checks were well set, slowing the FRBs down, keeping the pack together and cycling the lead, you can’t really ask for much more. I did get back to the front when Mr. Poo ran past a circle check without seeing it, Angry, Turkish & Graven followed me and sure enough I got the next V-check wrong, and was back in the middle of the pack.

The pace was good, the trails being flat and gently undulating, but I confess I was completely disoriented, and when I thought I recognised a feature, I could never be sure. I did know we were heading around to the right, and finally found myself again following Poo at the front. Another circle, and a complete gamble. Finally I knew where we were! Turn right and we hit old trail, turn left and it is a boring km of road to get home. Poo went right, I went left. After an eternity, Poo finally called, and I was at the back of the runners. On the positive side we didn’t have the km of road to do, instead, we ducked and weaved back on the opening trail, but the hare had diligently been out and cleared everything up, relaying the end of the run in powder.

Nice effort hares – a good run, a good circle from the acting, acting GM.

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8th December – CH4 – Square Rooter

Posted on December 8, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rooter’s birthday adventure, and boy did he put some effort into it! We’ve run from that runsite a bunch of times, and I was fairly confident I knew all the trails around – Rooter proved me wrong several times! He was a generous hare, today offering us multiple wimp trails and a hare brief that was long enough that I could arrive late, get changed and still get out with the pack.

We set off, with Kwazi running ahead, but not even getting to a check before refusing to move another inch until someone found trail. We did, and Brownie was off… Do we need to run? Already? Damnit! A circle, and I didn’t want to check left, but it was my obligation, so I idled along, and when I did find the powder, just ahead was Brownie and 3.5inch, cutting onto trail. We were back to the road we’d driven in on, and most wanted to go right. I went left, and around the corner found powder, another circle and then up the hill a bit, more powder and Dyke Converter blaring music while he lugged around bags of mud. Random!

An excellent check followed. We were all over the place searching! Music to entertain us! I went up the hill, and back… I could see Taste My Buns being very thorough down the hill to the right. Finally I headed through the shiggy to the left, and ahead Blows Herself was discussing how she had found powder… She wasn’t calling “ONON” as is tradition, but hey we were on to another circle. Suckit and I checked down to the left, and I found pink paper on the trail to the left, while Suckit found a circle to the right. We figured the pack would appear sooner or later and started checking the circle – the pack didn’t appear, and we didn’t find trail off the circle. Finally we followed pink paper backwards and saw the pack in the distance. Seems we had followed one of the wimp trails backwards and finally rejoined the main group – not a short cut, just parallel to the main trail, and trust me, that wimp trail was shitty shiggy! Rooter went to a lot of effort to hack out a trail, that wasn’t used by many…


Back on trail and a V check by a temple. Oh inspired my dear Rooter. How about a V check, where somewhere (perhaps) to the left there was a hidden back check, while to the right solid powder for 200m or so, and then nothing. Finally we found a pile of pink paper under a stone tucked neatly in a freshly watered flower bed by the temple wall. Did you pay someone to wash away the powder? We assumed it was a circle, and the FRBs charged forwards. Sometime later, closer inspection revealed a FT. So now, having wasted a bunch of time, we had a V check with a checkback (maybe) one way, and a FT the other. My head was reeling, but finally someone picked out some powder we hadn’t seen before and we set off, while most of the FRBs were still down the bottom of a hill wondering what the Fuck was going on.

I somehow got into the mix, with Cumalot and HRA and we hit a bit of a scramble with “QUIET” written at the bottom clearly by our hare. What did that mean? What were we doing? WTF? This was all new for me, I had a suspicion we were creeping through private property, and a shortwhile later when a pack of 20 vicious dogs were set on us, I think we were right. I had a stick to waft at them as I edged backwards. Crap Thai was escorting the rest of the hashers through a gate, while I held of the dogs like a hollywood action hero. Crap Thai and I ducked through the gate and slammed it shut in the face of the evil canine hoard, like Indiana Jones escaping with his hat.

Onwards, and there was a 2nd Wimp Rambo split. By chance I got there with HRA, and well, we talked each other into the Wimpier option. A wimpier option that promptly hit some devilishly difficult checks. The rambo runners were nearly upon us before we solved them. Finally we found trail and HRA led the way to the ONIN. HUH? ONIN? Where the fuck are we? I know this area, and I can’t figure out where my car is! A bit further and another ONIN… Huh? This was a road, so we were closer to home! A final ONIN to encourage us up the hill to the beers. Very nice set Rooter – very confusing, good use of regular stuff, and some clever mixes of stuff that was new to me. A well engineered run, a great circle, and fun ONONON.

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10th Feb – CH4 – Suckit

Posted on February 13, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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Suckit teamed up with Itchy, Poo and Knockout to organise the 500th run outstation – some ways towards Chiang Rai. When I eventually found the resort, after driving back and forth along the highway, most were ready and waiting. Perched on a little hill there was a spectacular vista all around. What did Suckit have in store for us??

I led the way through the first few checks, with the help of inside information – from my cabin I’d seen some white spots on a trail that was about a km away – now that is a well marked trail! Things were going well with Brown Finger forced to take the false trails each time, until finally my luck ran out and I was behind. We turned into a little valley, and at a circle check the pack spread out. Brown Finger climbing up a steep hill, while most headed off into the gully to the right. I headed left, and to my joy hit trail that curved around the base of the hill.

OnOn, and onto another nice trail that climbed into the trees, only to once again be thwarted when we deviated steep down to the left. Not far later I caught the pack at another circle that had everyone scattered. This time I wasn’t so gleeful to find the trail leading steep up a rubber tree lined mountain. It wasn’t far up, but mentally it was tough and the groans came from everywhere. When we got to the top, all we had to do was go back down the other side – equally steep, but lined with straw for a soft landing, and almost enough trees to swing between on the descent. From there the hares had put in yet another hill, but this time it was the hill with the resort sat on top. Nice run, in a completely new area!

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15th September – CH4 – Mr. Poo

Posted on September 16, 2013 by admin| Leave a comment
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The words “Monumental Fuck Up” have long been associated with hares such as Horny Monkey & Turkish Delight, but today we had Mr. Poo as the hare – could he break into the elite group of haring disasters? Well, he tried…

When I arrived Poo was already covered in mud, sweat and powder, so it was slightly confusing when he announced he’d be live haring and ran off carrying just 2 small powder bottles. The hare brief was so brief & confusing that we didn’t really know what to do. Rather than chasing him, we sat down and discussed things for a while and when he didn’t show up again, we reluctantly set off in the direction he’d gone.

At the 2nd check Semen Sores ran into Poo coming the other way. Apparently he had got lost, chatted up some monks and thought we would be somewhere else (other than on his trail). SS was so surprised that he forgot to ravage Poo, and let him get away. As reinforcements arrived we found the powder, including an arrow that pointed in the wrong direction. Itchy Bitchy was about to head back to the A saying ‘screw this’ – Able Seaman hadn’t even bothered setting off. Incredibly Kwazi found trail from further along the path and we started to piece things together. A couple more circle checks and there was an option to go up the mountain – Suckit was scared off by a bull, but Kwazi, Hump me Now and myself set off up the hill, only for trail to be called off to the right. Kwazi opted to keep going up the hill, and after a brief toilet break I went back to set off on the true trail. Only when I got back to the circle, Mr. Poo was busy ‘fixing’ the trail – he started following Kwazi up the hill.

Still confused I set off after the “ONON” calls, as Poo told me it didn’t count as catching him – apparently we were supposed to run the pre-laid loop before having our way with him. Up the hill, and we ran into Kwazi going the other way. The checks were easy now as we knew where the trail couldn’t go. As I checked off the last circle, I suddenly spotted Poo making a break for it, laying powder from off to the left. He promptly wrote the On-In over my shoes, and raced with SS back to the A bucket.

If the objective was to confuse us, he succeeded…

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9th May – CH3 – SkidMark

Posted on September 9, 2013 by admin| Leave a comment
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What do you expect? Skiddy from the flats to the south of CNX – during rainy season… I expect to get wet…

At a restaurant and dinner ordered, we got our hare brief and set off. I planned a steady start and watched as Humperdick & Horny Monkey set the early pace. Along the road and I assume they were calling, but it was drowned out by the cars. The first check took us across the railway, and the 2 FRBs danced in front of the train leaving the rest of us to follow behind. Soon it wouldn’t matter – it was on to a trail hacked out of the fields by Skiddy’s machete. It was hard going and certainly not running terrain… The reward at the end? A set of Skiddy sticks hidden disguised in the long grass… You know things aren’t going well when it’s Sups’ whistle that leads you the way…

We ran through a huge construction yard, with the simple goal of reaching the highway, and ran along the highway with cars flying past at 140-160kmph. A moments refuge and a beer with the promise of beautiful ladies and the delivery of a grumpy father. Whatever, we move on through Skiddy’s favourite bridges and danced through some trees. It was time to haul ass, and put some effort in. We crossed the train tracks again, and I spotted a bit of paper across the road, woot.. With a small mistake I nailed a few checks and was out ahead. We were nearly back, and surely I had it in the bag… A glance over my shoulder and there was Suckit, Poo and Horny on my tail. Another check – goddamnit! It has to be to the right? surely? not to the left? But there didn’t seem a way through, so the 4 of us checked down the street to the left… Only to hear Ting Tong calling back to the right… AAARGH! So close, but at least the food was good!

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1st September – CH4 – Square Rooter

Posted on September 2, 2013 by admin| Leave a comment
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Square Rooter, Square Rooter, Square Rooter… Why, oh why, oh why???

He was looking even more smug and proud than usual when I got to the runsite at Doi Suthep – what had the wily bastard put together for us this time? One thing could be sure – it wouldn’t be flat… The hare brief promised us around 4km, that would take over an hour – shit, shit, shit… Why had I come?

We set off into the water fall, and even though the trail took us along the concrete path, the rain and moss made that a slippery, dangerous adventure. I found myself the wrong side of the waterfall at one point, but decided it was probably the better side to be as we would inevitably rejoin at the road. And at the road the trail continued on scrambling on a muddy, slippy, path barely gripping to the side of the mountain. When he’d had enough of that, it was time to climb. Up, up, up one of the main trails.

With Suckit and 2 Dutch boys up front, I settled into a comfortable climbing pace, and eventually got to a V check where both were calling check back and heading back… A quick gamble and I decided that Suckit was probably correct and the visitors probably didn’t have a clue what they were talking about, so I went to the right and sure enough the trail scrambled through shit to cross over to the other main artery. Square Rooter must have enjoyed manufacturing that ‘connect’… With hardly any trees to hang onto, and just wet leaves to slide along, it wasn’t much fun, but I managed to get across and hit the inevitable circle check on the other trail. I suggested one of the young Dutchmen ran up the hill, and like a eager rabbit he did just that. I chose the trail down, with little intention of coming back if I was wrong – sure enough there were soon calls off to the left.

I figured it was the little loop SR had used a couple of weeks back, and they would rejoin us at the clearing, but the calls got fainter as the trail must have descended sharply towards the Boy Scout Camp. From there, what goes down must come back up, and I quickly got back to paper – with a kicked out circle from the wimp trail. There ahead was Frozen Dick with the hare – FD can either talk or walk, but not at the same time, so I quickly caught up with SR keen to show me where the rambos would rejoin the trail. As he described what he was putting them through, I wasn’t sure if he was trying to encourage me to go back and do it all, or congratulate me on my short cut – either way I wasn’t remotely tempted to climb back up the hill, only to go back down one side, to climb back to where I already was – the better option seemed the 600m or so down to the cars.

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26th August – CH3 – Superman

Posted on August 27, 2013 by admin| Leave a comment
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What did Sups have in store for us 11km south on canal road? He showed up early and drove straight past the runsite to ‘check’ on his paper after a storm had past through… He seemed satisfied that the first bit of paper might be there still, so it’d be good enough… Then the excuses started – mostly to do with him and Superbitch getting stuck out in a storm and only just finishing on time.

We set off and had a long trek along a track / road to the old burning place – several trails heading off to the right, and surely we were going to take one of them? No checks, but we were kept together as we tried to decipher what was left of the paper that had been washed off the leaves. Eventually I spotted trail heading off to the right, and left the newbie visitor to run down the road to the inevitable false trail. Meanwhile I ran into the next false trail and we were back together as the trail mysteriously disappeared around a temple. An impromptu circle check and finally Humps found trail heading into the woods.

Suckit joined us at the front as we broke out into ‘his terrain’, and with him knowing every blade of grass he was soon bounding ahead. Again few checks, and when we had checks we just filed forwards till we got to paper. At one point we seemed to be on newspaper, so perhaps we’d short cut?

Finally at the last check, I thought Sups might have a bit more up his sleeve, he might throw in one twist at the death? Nope – the rains must have washed out all imagination and we rounded the corner back to the A.

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28th April – CH4 – Semen Soars

Posted on April 28, 2013 by admin| Leave a comment
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SS always puts a lot of effort into his runs – before the run he said he’d been out scouting 3 times but wasn’t satisfied. Running at baan Pong resort past San Kampaeng I knew there were plenty of good trails, so I set off with high expectations…

Quickly we were on the trail between the hill and the rice fields – I’ve been here before, in fact I could see the remains of checks from maybe a year back… Skiddy set a run here? Or was it the ball breaker? Who knows?

Off one circle I’d gone about 60m, when I spotted some white hanging in the distance on the fence – looking good I pressed on, but didn’t see any paper until I got to the fence – at which point someone called from towards the rice fields. Strange I was definitely on, it was clearly our paper, but maybe I’d gone too far? I arced around the fence, still on paper, and ran back into a circle check with Suckit coming towards me. Interesting – it seems we both got to the circle check from the wrong direction as there was paper heading off it the other way. A quick regroup, and we decided to head back and joined everyone running around like headless chickens in the field.

As Doggie called in year another direction. Behind me I heard a noise – was it a farmer shouting for us to get off his land? No, it was Semen Soars telling us we were going the wrong way – we were on a different one of his trails! He’d set several false trails while setting the real trail – just to try and confuse us? He pointed Tip Toe and I in the right direction and for once Tip Toe was the FRB! The rest mostly ignored us, and I was ahead, heading back towards the circle I’d already seen. This time I would get it right? Surely? Having already seen the paper, it was surely a no brainer? But as I got to the paper I’d seen before, it seemed like something was wrong. So as Suckit came along to explain what we were supposed to do, I took a nap in the ditch.

Eventually I started heading back as Semen Soars was there setting yet another trail so that we could get back from wherever we were… It felt like I was running backwards and forwards along the same road all evening, with sometimes there being trail, and other times not, but ultimately I don’t think I did what I was supposed to do… Or rather I did, because I got soem exercise and then drank beer… What more could you ask for?

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