Tag Archives: Sex Pistol

22nd December – CH4 – Suckit

Posted on December 22, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Suckit & Itchy teamed up, but this time from along Sameong road – I guess they were fed up of everyone else setting runs through their house 11km south? There were 2 songthaews and a large Happy hash group – the club is growing strong, we might need to buy more chairs!

We set off with Poo, Angry and I mixing up the start like a cycling peloton. Until the first check, when I was wrong. Finally it was called from the right, and I turned back only to see KO stood behind me with a look of distress. At first I thought she was just really disappointed to get the check wrong, but then I discovered she just wanted me to get out the way so she could take a pee! After another check I caught up, and sure enough promptly got the next check wrong – damnit! We ran over to the edge of the large quarry. A 50/50 chance, left or right. I didn’t think they would go around the quarry, so picked right. I didn’t get far before I was called to the left. I decided to take it easy for a bit, expecting the hill in the near future. The hill didn’t appear, instead, the pack just sprinted away…


Seriously, this was a fast paced hash – wtf was going on? My splits were reasonable, but I was back behind Kwazi! I decided to put some effort in, and tried to push for a couple of km. Sub 6 minute kms, and I didn’t seem to be making any ground. When I past Sex Pistol, she was equally flummoxed. The pace was very fast for a hash run. I wasn’t even close enough to hear any calls, I just plodded on through neatly kicked out checks. I wasn’t plodding though, I was pushing it, but seemed to be making no progress – amazing pace from the FRBs today!

I finally caught up by the small quarry lake beneath the temple, but a couple that checked the wrong way breezed past me and I gave in, steadying off to a jog walk. Only really running again when trying to explain to Blows Herself that we don’t overtake after the OnIn..!

Cheers Suckit – a deceptive trail that clearly fooled me more than anyone else, and was definitely a fast running trail.

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17th November – CH4 – Pigshit

Posted on November 17, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Piggy teamed with Sheep Shagger for the HAPPY hash! So happy to get out of work, I must be more thankful for the joys that life bestows upon me! A familiar runsite at the back of Doi Kham – for some reason BigTop thought it would be sensible to run to the runsite from town… huh? Don’t we do the running bit of the hash while we are, well doing the running part of the hash?!? The harebrief gave away a few clues – first we would be going up a different hill to last time, and second, we should probably only do the wimp trail… Piggy, piggy piggy…? Oink, oink, oink.

By now the reader should be feeling the positive cheerfulness in the tone of my writing, as I skipped off towards the start of the trail like a easter bunny about to get that inner peace only fulfilled by giving chocolate eggs away, or the rapturous jollyness of a random drunken handjob. Who am I trying to kid? The chocolate eggs just feed an industry designed to make our kids bloated and fat with brown stains around our mouths, while the initial climax is later climaxed by shame, guilt and regret. The regret kicked in as the trail headed up the first hill! I love trail running, and we have awesome trails around Chiang Mai, but there is a certain amount of masochism that goes into pushing oneself out on the run, only to be rewarded with beer later.

We set off, and at the first opportunity the trail turned up, but having got the check wrong, Sex Pistol and I continued along the creek bed a little further before climbing up the hill to rejoin the trail. The next check went back down the hill back to the creek bed we’d just left. Excellent job hares – that check had me cursing at the time, but later in admiration. The young virgin scooted past and I had a feeling I wouldn’t see him again until the circle. Another check, and I felt the call of nature, ducking off trail behind a tree. I heard some calls from up above, and not long after found some trail. I followed for a while until it was clear it was old trail, so I headed back to the circle and the wimp rambo split. I recalled clearly Piggy’s harebrief advice and how he locked eyes with me when he said we would be better off just doing the wimp… I obliged and headed off on the wimp.

After a while I caught Belly Dancer, but was too winded from the climb to say howdy. Thankfully we turned right and I jogged back down the hill picking off walkers one by one, until finally catching ABB at the last check. Yes, he was already checking left, but I wasn’t about to go back up the hill I’d already been up sometime before, so jogged on to the OnIn…

Nice run Piggy – just about spot on for a Happy Hash!

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20th October – CH4 – Alice

Posted on October 20, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Alice is always the hare these days! But at least he is liking “my area” in Doi Saket… Except, his focus is on the other side of the canal to where I normally go. And despite teasing us today, he stuck with the area he has been scouting. A big turnout today, with 2 songthaews! With visitors and the returning Graven, we were a big pack to set off.

The first check was a no brainer – I’d seen the paper on the drive in, so I told CW not to bother with the alternative and ran off to confirm the On call. Then to the canal, and I was right again, convinced we were heading to the bridge. I didn’t spot it straight away as I was the wrong side of the road, but locked in and headed to the bridge I often use. A circle check on the exact same tree that I have stapled circle checks before. I was at home, and guessed through the abandoned moobaan. I know exactly where to place the 100m paper, and today there was no paper there. I checked a bit further, but nothing. I headed back to the circle and was even pondering going back over the canal when there was a call… We all stormed off only to find a confused Sex Pistol and Blows Herself… Apparently SP had called over to BH “was that an ONON?”

Poo found it from a goat trail back across the canal, and nicely regrouped we trudged down narrow shiggy trails for a bit. It was actually a neat connection – one that I should have used a few months ago, but last time I set there it was pissing it down, and I simply couldn’t be arsed to explore enough. Alice found a much nicer little trail, and there were plenty more options here – saved for the future! I got stuck in the pack for a bit, making little progress until we turned left, and the shape of the trail was coming clearer. Back to trails that I knew, and Angry Inch was charging along ahead, shortcutting to get there, but ahead… for now….

We ran past a soi, and my attention was alerted, not just because it went in the right direction, but also I thought I could see something white in the distance… Sure enough there was a circle check around the corner. I turned back and ambled up the soi, checking idly, while CW also clued in and joined me. Once we were duly convinced, we took off and found a V. I went left, he went right, and after a while I heard a muffled check back. The last few checks were going home checks and I managed to stay clear of the chasers and got to the hares final treat! A sick, filthy infested water crossing. I pondered for a nanosecond and then took the plunge. I hope I am still alive tomorrow as there was some filth festering at the bottom of that. When I saw the OnIn I couldn’t help but wait to see CW’s reaction as he arrived with Piggy.

Nice run – particularly liked Angry Inch finding the wrong canal and taking the long way home!

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1st October – CSH3 – ABB & Angry Inch

Posted on October 1, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Maejo again – fantastic! We gathered near the Tiger’s Head, ready to see what ABB had in store. We set off, with Turkish energetically leading the way, and then trailing off a bit. I got to the first V check, and it was a complete 50/50 choice – I gambled left, and the trail continued, while TMB must have hit a check back – I heard Piggy calling OnOn in my direction, so kept on. Next up a circle… The cause of huge confusion!

The check wasn’t at a junction – just in a waterbed gully. So I continued straight, while behind Chuckie and Turkey lingered by the check – there had been a trail off to the right about 50m before the check, but they didn’t seem keen to go back. I spotted a strip of paper ahead of me, but it “didn’t seem right”… Normally after a check the paper is hidden to some extent on the side of a tree, so you need to go 100m before you find it – this seemed to find the most obvious tree and make it stand out. I didn’t call, but went over to investigate. Obscene, running up behind had no fear and he squealed ONON from 40m away, pulling the pack towards me. The strip of paper was at a mainer trail and I saw paper to the left, heading down the hill, until a circle check hidden on the back of a tree. I checked forwards until it was called back up the hill with Piggy tearing in half the very strip of paper I’d seen before to try to indicate we should turn right there. In reality we were completely wrong! Back up the hill, we were running backwards on trail, and found another circle that took forever to figure out.

Poo and I did another loop and got back to the same spot, finally figuring out what we’d done wrong, as we heard Piggy call us on. I ran down to Piggy and he was just stood in the jungle on his own calling “ONON” as loud as he could! Bellowing in the hope of bringing the pack back – a hash hero today! Ahead of him Sex Pistol was the only one who’d figured out what had happened sooner and was blazing a trail. Behind Poo and Turkish at least found their way, while the rest of the pack were somewhat slower rejoining the trail. Lucky the FUCK UP was so early on, that only HRA bailed out and gave up!

There was immense glee in Sex Pistol’s voice when she called ONON off a check, leading the FRBS. We set off to chase her down, and finally when we crossed the road, I hit the front, but the pack was spread out massively. Sex Pistol got caught out by the deadend behind the shelter we used last week, and instead we crossed the weir at the usual place. Piggy nearly catching me, but then reluctantly (heroically?) checking the option to the right. I pressed on, but of course promptly got the next V check wrong. I was still ahead, but Poo was breathing down my neck and when I paused for a moment unsure of whether we were on paper, he pounced and darted ahead. Enjoy it while you can, as shortly after he hit a circle check, but didn’t even see it. When I passed the trail to the right, I suspected another circle was coming, and so promptly ran back and slotted in with CW behind TMB as somehow they had caught up from the early misadventure! This was fun!!!

Another couple of checks and a final V check. TMB picked left – that is the obvious way, it heads towards the Tiger’s Head, so I commented to CW that she was probably right. I do apologise CW, I had her on a 10% chance… I checked straight towards the great trail that cuts over the hill, but bizarrely TMB called “ONON”. WTF?! How can she know? CW was confused but took off after her, while Turkish paused as well. I called “Checking” around the corner, over the gully and to the OnIn.

What an interesting run!!! The trails were 100% great! It was a great route, all on great running / hashing trails. I have no complaints at all. Checks are supposed to fuck us over, and boy some of these checks fucked us over, and some got fucked over more than overs, and in ways that the hares never imagined… but who cares? Great run, thanks hares!

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10th September – CSH3 – Knockout & Sex Pistol

Posted on September 10, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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The runsite was the strawberry place in Sameong – a nice A-site with great views. At the top of a hill, the trail had to set off downhill – which is fine, except that it means the trail will finish uphill – there is no way to avoid a climb at the end… But we had that to look forward to, first the start would be downhill…

I set off with Chuckie, and while protocol is to walk at the beginning, nature took us into a brisk jog. A circle check, and I spotted paper quickly, but had to navigate a small gully before I could call ON – an obstacle that would soon cause Poo & Cumalot similar navigational challenges. It was still downhill, but now back on the road we drove in on – DAMN! I wish I had looked in my mirrors more as I drove to the runsite!!! The out trail was just following our drive up the hill! A V-Check, I went left, CW did the dummy run to the right – I was so certain I was on, and was going well until I hit a false trail – NICE JOB hares! Back along the road and this time CW, TMB and I were all caught out by an invisible V check leading to a check back.

Another couple of checks and we got to a circle where nobody really wanted to give up the high ground. TMB checked up, Turkish straight. A Thai virgin headed reluctantly down to the right. I was lured to the right too as though a wailing banshee was beckoning me. Checking downhill is always a risk, a risk you might have to climb back up, but there were no other calls. The virgin was just smiling, but not finding paper, so I tried a bit harder, and sure enough – it was a brilliant check, leading through a tight gully, climbing back out and on to the road. As I got to the road, KO’s car came skidding to a stop with an impromptu beer stop. Sweet! I grabbed some water, and was very glad I did later…

From here we had a bit of tarmac time, heading towards the quarries, and I had a nagging bad feeling about the inevitable hill… The checks up until the beerstop we great, but from there it was hard to keep the pack together. One circle was around 130m, which brought Chuckie back, even though we knew it had to be that way. He retraced his steps once he saw me persisting that way, and sure enough the paper was there. There was no way to avoid the hill, but we had 5km in our legs before we started…. Why oh why? KO? You don’t like us?

As the climb started I wasn’t far off the front, CW was 100m ahead of HRA, 100m ahead of me. I kept on going, but one by one, hashers caught me up. When Cuckold passed, I thought – surely not?! Not long back I remember passing him on hills – he could never make it to the top without stopping! Today it was more of a pause than a stop… Taste My Buns went past in a flurry as though I was the only one going uphill! Poo was gentler, but didn’t want to wait for me. There was a little down, before another up. I managed to jog down a little, and scrambled to the top before lying down at the top for a rest – the humidity! Tadpole past by and I managed to get back to my feet as Turkish got there. There was some downhill, and I managed to jog a little, Turkish ahead, Alice behind. Alice caught up by the OnIn, and we were both relieved to be alive. Back at the resort, we opted for the stairs to climb back up – attempting some small talk, but mostly reverting to the age old cave man panting for communication.

All in all, it was a great trail – a tough one for sure, some great mentally challenging checks early on, and physically challenging later.

Alice:- Strawberry Fields Forever.

Picture a run
Across the spurs
On a hillside,
With 2 tangerine runners
And clear Samoeng skies.
Somebody calls you
You answer quite slowly
The girl with false trail in her eyes…

Blimey, these girls are setting the bar pretty high. Monday hares are on a hiding to nothing and Cuckold gives himself enough hidings as it is.

Knockout and Sex Pistolet combined for a scenic, challenging and varied run from the Strawberry Farm down Samoeng Rd. Thick white strips marked the trail, sometimes bent double but well sited – and well sighted. Checks were strips stapled together and obvious. That’s more than can be said about some of the On trails which were cunning if not difficult in places.
The trail curved a path down the spurs and thru some orchards then up and around with some stunning open vistas to enjoy on the return. Two Thai guys attracted by KO while setting joined us and really got into the spirit and ran well, especially Mr Happy!
I ran where I could and walked when I couldn’t and managed to keep up with Turkish and Blows Herself most of the run. Turkish grabbed the back of a flatbed SUV to pull himself up the worst gradient after I tried to work out if I could somehow catch and vault the tailgate.
After the steep section towards the end, I almost caught Byte my Yahoo who started jogging again as he sensed me approaching. I forebare to overtake after the On In narrowly saving the good Dr from the ignominy of a marriage proposal when he shouted On In. I was that happy to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I was running on empty energy wise, although still had some water left.
We climbed the steep stairs to get back to the A, the thought of the winding, steep longer path didn’t appeal.
Top run, nice company, kind weather, fun circle, OnOn. And mental note not to fly with Poo after Chucky’s narrative to close the circle.

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2nd July – CSH3 – HRA

Posted on July 2, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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There are a few hares in history who are well remembered for losing hashers on trail… for hashers coming in in the dark as the circle ended… We don’t need to name names, but some of us have feared for our lives being left on trail in the dark. HRA is the latest to join that distinct haring club!

There was rain all day, it was miserable… As beer monster I had a duty to deliver beer to the medium sized group that braced the elements. HRA was nervous – something in his demeanour was even more concerned than usual – we even saw him several times out on trail, when any normal hare would have been snuggled in the shelter with a beer. The hare brief wasn’t brief – multiple Wimp trails… unmarked but for an arrow (an arrow that could have said “Save yourselves!!!”). When he finally pointed out the direction, even then it took us a while to find trail. Finally Obscene and I could call and set off away from the hills to a junction where surely there should have been a check, and perhaps pre rain there might have been, but there definitely wasn’t anymore. We found trail and continued into shiggy covered rice fields.

The side effect of rain is mud, and this was heavy going. The soles of everyone’s shoes gained 3 inches. Slogging along on the flat trails away from the mountains, we headed into shanty town. It had grown a lot since the last time we ran through (the AGFU)… Ah yes the AGFU, when we ran many of the same trails, when they were dry, and didn’t involve slip sliding around. We got to what looks like a wet moobaan development, and a circle had the pack spread out to the left. To the right I saw the hare, and headed towards him and trail. While most of the pack followed, Turkish short cut his way to the lead, and took advantage of the torrential rain to not bother calling. It was a clusterfuck. I couldn’t see without my glasses, hardly anyone could hear even if we were calling, and the paper to mark the trail was soggy anyway. What the fuck are we doing?

Of course it wouldn’t take long before Turkey fucked up. But then there was a check that fucked everyone up. Mostly as it was in a moobaan and the rain was so loud nobody could hear anything. HRA was on his bike like a sheep dog rounding us up and shepherding us in the right direction. Having lost ground there I took some time to catch up with Pigshit (who was “walking” today – wtf?), Shagless, ABB, Toe Sucker, Sex Pistol, Obscene… A bit of a meander and finally Sloppy was in sight, leading the way, and enjoying having first choice at a check on the road that surely took us home. He slow danced his way towards the A, insisting that I checked the “dummy run”… Well Fuck You Sloppy! You got it wrong!

We turned away from the A and headed for the hills… 5-6km in and now we were hitting the hills? What was HRA thinking? I second guessed a False Trail, and led the way up the hill. From there many checks were straight on back towards the A. For a while CW was getting 2nd choice on the checks, but refusing to see an alternative way… Finally he caught up, and when he picked it, he was off and home sailing all the way down and home. A LONG 9km run. The circle was mostly missing the hare, who was riding his bike around looking for hashers, and Sups, who was driving his car in search of Superbitch (what a husband!). Finally as the circle closed Superbitch, Anything and Bubble Head came in – at least Bubble Head had a smile on his face. I guess he was smiling that HRA just joined his Dad’s club!

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30th June – CH4 – Sex Pistol

Posted on June 30, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Sex Pistol’s virgin haring had her teamed up with Cumalot. The football field on the Sameong Road – a runsite we are familiar with! The hare brief was early, and we were kicked out, running down the road – in the usual general direction of the temple, but then a bit of a detour through the rice paddies – bad hares! These paddies were now full of water, ready for planting!!! We hit the road, and a circle. First instinct said go left towards the temple, but then we spied some papery like thing straight on across the field – the first bit we ran to was only a leaf, but it wasn’t far before we found paper. A little bit further and back to the road, and there was Kwazi?! Impressive guesswork for him to appear there!

I got a check right, and then paper leading past a bridge over the river, and towards the back entrance of a resort. Alarm bells were ringing – either the hares had found something nobody had found before, or it was going to be a shitty run back down the road, OR, it was a false trail. Thankfully it was the latter, and the pack regrouped as we headed towards the dreaded temple steps. I could only dream that we would only go part way up… But no… we were forced to endure the whole 1,000 steps. These steps are particularly cruel, relentless… Just when you think you are there, you turn a corner and there are 300 more, even steeper steps. I have no idea how to pace myself for that kind of torture.

Finally the top, and HRA and I summited together, someway behind the FRBs. I went around the left of the temple towards the road, only to find out it was being called to the right. wtf? Not content with punishing us with the stairs, the sadistic haring duo had found a trail that went up a bit more over the crest behind the temple. FS! I was spent – I headed off down the road, listening to the OnOn calls from the hill. Pretty quickly I was back with the pack as they briefly hit the road, before setting off cross country. Almost as steep as the ascent was, the descent was sharp. Like lemmings we were tossed off the trail and thrown down the hillside, emerging back at the bottom. 3km in – the hares decided it wasn’t far enough, even with the stairs, so we turned away from the A-site, and had an extra loop around the hill and back through the quarry to the bamboo bridge finale.

But as we got to the bottom of the hill, the heavens opened, the rains poured… The trail was washed away… The called of “OnOn” were replaced with deafening thunder and raindrops. What might have been a V-check was now some confusing paper. The FT on the tree, was still an FT, but who knows what we were supposed to have done. I joined up with HRA & Cuckold heading back to the A, occasionally seeing paper, but with my glasses in my pocket, who knows! I’m going to feel that tomorrow.

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