Tag Archives: Mr Poo

5th January – CSH3 OUTSTATION – Byte My Yahoo & Unplugged

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Looking back over my history running with CSH3 – the first Outstation of the year was usually in February – time enough to recover from the ‘festive season’. Dr Byte must have had some ingenious plan for making the OS the first run of the New Year.

Having survived the end of the World, 1111 and the Fiscal Cliff – just what did the virile duo have in mind? Mae Moh is home to the largest open pit lignite mine in Thailand (extra fascinating info here – http://www.mine-planning.com/Homepage/publications_documents/maemoh.pdf). I had Googled the location and Dr Byte had posted a couple of tempting photo’s to whet our appetites’.

The Friday before was a ‘golfing day’ – I hear this was a great success with one beer per stoke after the 4th hole, and this was followed by a night of drunken debauchery I can’t even begin to write about.

Perhaps wisely I set off on Saturday with Mr Poo and Knockout – what a delight, Knockout sitting up front with me was Poo’s desperate plan to make me drive ‘sensibly’ – and I did – more time with Knockout – thanks Poo – your very lucky and hope you both will be very happy. En route Dr Byte called and asked us to get some powder – huh!? This was a bit ominous – earlier in the morning he called me – and I thought it was some deranged pervert heavy breathing down the line – had he been laying trail or laying Unplugged!!??

Duly we arrived at the EGAT facility with its small town of 1970’s box student dorms – Dick Tracy was the first we encountered and I decided to leave Mr & Mrs Poo to settle in while take a quick look at the mine and power plant.

Behind the power plant were some very tempting looking hills (mountains) – Horny Monkey knew I’d like it here – and I did!

OK OK – enough pre-amble, so what was the run like?

The hares had organised a luxury (compared to the songtheow) coach to take us to A – Wow! – what a place to start a run – a platform sticking out over the valley with the mine and reservoir below – very cool indeed!

So photo op and moment to catch up friends – good to see Big Top and Red Carpet back in town. The hare brief was given an Dr Byte and Unplugged wanted a 2 min head start for an initial live hared section (hence the powder call). Unplugged was clearly visible going up a tower to no-where (that only Horny Monkey gamely went) while BmY arced off to set the real trail. Dick Tracy and Sunspot ignored the 2 mins and raced after him. Dick the Boy Wonder was valiantly trying to delay us by singing some obscure/obscene Texan Hash song – but as the 2 mins popped up – off I went.

Sunspot has been running pretty well of late and had probably 500m under his belt, with Dick Tracy racing ahead – I had to run him down to get to the first check. I’m sure BmY was delighted at the 500m checking I did – wrong! He was chuckling away at the check and rightly predicted I’d catch up with the pack soon enough.

In the middle of ‘thorn forest’ – the checks were tricky and did really well confusing the hell out of us with FRB lead changing frequently. Horny Monkey and Skid Mark seemed to be most energetic – taking it in turns to find the Skiddy Stix. HRA seemed to be getting nearly every check wrong, until he lucked out and the ‘thorn tunnels’ section of the run.

Here HRA used his advantage and powered ahead with Big Top, Game Set & Snatch, visitor Skiddy, Shagless, Red Carpet, Pamala, Mr Poo and me in pursuit.

For the short cutters there was a convenient road parallel to the ‘tunnels’ – so they easily kept up with Thobbing Ninja and Superman enjoying our shrieks at getting skewered with thorns and stickers every few meters.

Looking to the East – there were gorgeous mountains were crying out for a (Lanna?) hash on/up then, but BmY would have none of that – dirt, stickers, cow shit, flat, flat and more flat were on his mind and he joyfully kept popping up at every other check to marvel at how well he was keeping the pack together.

The highest elevation change was a mere 4 meters – but it was great fun. Just under 7km we came On In to the waiting coach – overlooking the stunning valley as the sun was beginning to set. Everyone came in close together – Frozen Dick was in ahead of the foragers – Cumalot, Super Bitch and Throbbing Ninja.

Screwed Up ran his first run since his knee op and well deservedly got the Male Wings.

The circle was joyful and fun – beer flowed and humour grew as the sun set over the valley – excellent job hares!

OnOn
BD

25th December – CH3 – Square Rooter

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9 of us showed up for Rooter’s Christmas Run, set from a familiar site at Huay Tung Thao. Indeed SR had taken us running through there just last week, so I wondered if we’d have the same run from a different starting point. Not to be as he took us into the housing development. Belly Dancer was chomping at the bit as usual, but it was myself and None of Your Business checking at the first circle.

With an area constrained by the houses and the river, I went about 100m and saw some paper in the distance, sure enough I got there a little before None of Your Business came around the hill on the true trail. The next check foxed me as the hare had chosen the shiggy crossing of the water and taken us over to the trail at the bottom of the mountain.

Here I was convinced I knew what the hare had in mind and set off to the left. There was the paper, and sure enough at the next corner was another circle. This time I set off right towards the water fall and a familiar little loop, but no paper! As Mr Poo called from the trail my head was confused – what on earth was he doing – surely not taking us all the way up the hill, and surely not out to the canal road? It wasn’t A->B, so how could we get back around?

Graven Image joined us as we got to another check, and he reluctantly called us on up the hill. ARGH! I’ve scouted this area quite a bit, and if there is a way to get around, it must be way up the hill… At the next checks he had us all over the place, searching higher and higher up the mountain, but with no sign of paper. Belly Dancer (yes you read it right!), got the last check right as it went along the trail that takes us straight back to where we’d just been – nobody wanted to check it.

I passed BD as he started extending his stick to help him on the downhill, and sure enough we were back on the main trail, but the checks had been replaced with arrows and we soon caught the devious hare as he ambled back along the trail that he’d relaid. Nice one!

23rd December – CH4 – Suckit

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It was down the canal road to Suckit’s favourite run setting area – just by his house… The turnout was large by CH4 standards, a 2nd songthaew needed to bring everyone from town. Eventually Suckit pointed us out the gate and I set off with Angry Inch hot on my heels. At the first V check, he just followed me rather than checking. He was running well! We headed towards the hills, and then the dogs attacked. Swarms of yapping, growling canines as I tried to check, they were only driven more aggressively as the pack chased after me.

In the hills, I kept getting the checks right with Dead Virgin, Mr Poo, Angry Inch and HRA hot on my heels. Somewhere Skiddy was getting everything wrong… Angry Inch kicked out one check wrong, and refused to go back to correct it – I did feel sorry for the DFLs for a moment, until I found Klaus Barber (welcome back!) and Frozen Dick had short cut ahead of me – and Robin Banks was up there too.

I emerged from the woods with HRA, Dead Virgin, and Graven Image was hot on our heels. The “race” was on. Down the hill on the home straight and finally there was the On-In – the traditional end of the hash. But Dead Virgin couldn’t help himself but to race home, Graven, Poo and HRA followed suit. Bunch of racist bastards!

Back at the A, the circle was a treat! Lots of fun! Then the food at Ya’s was great – until the karaoke started!

22nd December – CSH3 – Byte My Yahoo

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Christmas is coming and Byte My Yahoo was in a festive mood. Two minibuses full of hashers turned up at the Agricultural Centre to find Santa Claus, and the grinch (played by Frozen Dick) in full costume with powder and a sack of presents! During the hare brief we discovered that there would be presents at circle checks and that we should ingest, wear or solve them before moving on.

We set off, with Belly Dancer racing so fast that he made the first circle check! He unwrapped the present to discover sweets which he wasn’t going to share until Unplugged made him. We all know he’s on the naughty list this year! At the next circle check Mr Poo went the right way immediately but the paper was so far away he’d given up and was just wandering aimlessly when he found it. We carried on through the central field, to the left, round the wall and through the buildings. Angry Inch got a free dress, which he refused to wear! Luckily His Royal Anus had a better sense of humour and proudly FRBed the rest of the run in sartorial splendour.

The next great present was the beer stop. Skidmark stopped all the racist bastards who attempted to race off (notably Square Router and Snail Trail) until we’d finished the beer – and then we proceeded to fail to find the trail. By the time we found it going through the orchard even Pamela had caught up, with Slippery when Wet and several other walkers.

Across the dam, through the barbed wire and along through the white gate, up through the same small path, U-turn and back to 3 metres away from the entrance, same as for the last ag centre live hare and then back to the main lake. At this point Byte My Yahoo was waiting for the pack to spot him, waving at them and with several presents, including a wooden puzzle which would have to be solved before the pack moved on.

Sadly the half-minds completely failed to notice him and wandered straight in after the lake, beating the live hare to the circle! :) BMY wandered in, bemused, a while later to witness the finger pointing by Horny Monkey and others, though most agreed it was all Dead Virgin’s fault. In typical hash fashion we then went on to give him the wings and have the most disorganised gift exchange ever. Excellent hash behaviour and a Merry Hashmas to all! :)

15th December – CSH3 – Belly Dancer / Big Top / Frozen Dick / Skid Mark – RUN 1,111

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The day had finally come, and it was time to head out to the biggest hash of the year – the biggest hash in a couple of years since the 1,000 run. I wasn’t feeling too well on account of Human Excrement, but managed to scramble my way out to the runsite a bit early to make sure everything was in order. There was a pervasive nervous tension around, or was that just my dodgy stomach? My ribs were hurting and I wasn’t sure I was up for the 11 grueling KM the hares had put together.

The first beer stop was immediate – great way to start, except that it was Chang, and I immediately wanted to vomit! Then it was chasing Frozen Dick’s live haring – with 11 minutes headstart of course! The crowd of around 90 set off and just around the corner had our 2nd beer stop. Across the carpark was the 3rd beer stop with a 4th on the reservoir wall. Time for a group photo and for the pack to split between the ‘long run’ and the ‘short run’.

The hares had given me some inside information about the start of the long run, so I had little choice but to take that option, and led the way towards the ‘zoo’. We’d been told something about just follow the trail and just through the gate there would be a circle check. Well we went through a gate and spread out looking for trail. Sadly you can rely on hashers fucking things up, and the gate was somewhere else. Plenty of time eaten up already and we hadn’t even found the trail.

When we found the circle, it was a tricky one, and took another 10 minutes or so before Dead Virgin picked up the scent and we were off. The circles were pretty small (quarter A4), and we missed the 2nd circle check, but eventually found the trail further on. My ribs were killing me – I really shouldn’t have been running, and promptly collapsed vomiting on the trail, which didn’t help at all.

OnOn, and the pack was brought back with some skiddy sticks. Anal Birth found the trail off to the right and gave the least inspiring call in history. The checks had been screwing with us, and at one point we’d done 3km in an hour. This was going to be a long 11km. Finally we emerged and saw Frozen and Skiddy checking on our slow progress. Another regroup, and by now my ribs were just a dull constant agony, so I had a bit of a run with Alice past another reservoir. Great running trails all over the place, and the pace picked up. We took a sharp turn up some steps and found a circle. As I checked straight on all of a sudden I heard Graven calling confidently to the right and Alice calling confidently to the left. There were OnOns all around me and in my confused state I had no idea where to go, so I kept on forwards and finally intercepted the trail on top of a ridge. Alice came running up to me, and we jogged on together with a large part of the pack having missed out the whole mountain part of the run.

I had very little idea where we were, but the checks had been kicked out so I just kept jogging along until we bumped into Screwed Up complete with beer for another beer stop. He had no idea what was going on and nor did Chilly Pussy just around the corner. Finally we saw Big Top holding a sign on the other side of a little lake, begging us to swim across to her – it was a short cut! I gave Mr. Poo my watch and jumped in leaving Poo and Alice to jog off the long way around the lake. We were definitely not a pack any more, but Suckit appeared as I was climbing out and duly jumped in for a swim. Dead Virgin took the swim option too.

Along the road a bit and we found Angry Inch running towards us, eventually figuring out where we were and found trail leading into the last 4 beer checks. I think I missed a beer check, and some how passed the other long run runners. Oh well, I’d done enough and had to get the circle started while the remaining runners made it back in fits and starts – Semen Soars being the last man in as the circle closed, and Cumalot strolling along with her headphones.

OnOnOn to the river market for some excellent food and some more post run analysis. Thanks to all who put in so much effort – and thank goodness it’s over! 😉

My GPS track has gained a bit of distance as I forgot to switch it off…

9th December – CH4 – Snail Trail

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Snail Trail was the hare, but when the run directions appeared it was clear she didn’t have much to do with it! The runsite was the same as Skiddy’s recent male hash and after hearing complaints from those who crawled through his tunnel of love the first time he decided to send us through it twice this time.

Everyone was early – except Big Top and Dogshit who had gone to the restaurant rather than to the runsite! After standing around for a bit, we set off and I led the way through the tunnel crawl. With Kwazi behind I was able to check in 2 directions before anyone else emerged from the tunnel. Sadly they were the wrong directions and not for the last time I was running around in circles and overtaking Doggie as Robin Banks led the pack. Sure enough we were heading the reverse as the previous run, but most times rather than going right and left, we’d go left and right, if that makes sense. Check out the map, I was all over the place.

Finally we locked in on the old trail, and wary for Skiddy sticks I was looking down the side trails. I spied some paper off to the right – Damn! it was old paper from Sups’ run. But it had to be coming up soon – sure enough at the next junction, I turned right and was on the true trail. Unplugged and Mr. Poo didn’t want to trust me, so they followed Humperdick to the skiddy sticks. Ha! I was locked in following the previous trail back to the rice fields, across the rice fields.

Then I remembered a little scramble trail that Skiddy had used before – surely he’d do it again? Damn it! I got torn up and was stuck in the middle of nowhere when half the pack overtook calling on on from the road nearby, with no easy way of me getting back. Back through the tunnel and beer time. Lots of excellent checks and another good set.

1st December – CSH3 – Chilly Pussy

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Whoa! Who set that run? I know Chilly Pussy was the hare, and she engaged Anything as her co-hare, and they took Barbin Doll along for the experience, and somehow they managed to pull that off! Some excellent running trails, some clever checks, plenty more runnable sections, the odd bit of shiggy scramble. I think Humperdick summed it up best when he came in and said ‘very good run…. for a male hash’. It was excellent, but with quite a few coming in in the dark, perhaps a little much?

We set off and had a steep descent to a predictable first circle check. So predictable that Belly Dancer, (perhaps with the nepotistic aid of GPS), started calling “On On” without bothering to wait for paper. I was doing well, getting the checks right, until one circle. I chased over to where Poo was, and luckily found him climbing up a steep hill on the false trail of a V check. Ha! Not the last false trail he would find today. The hares had cunningly cut along the side of the hill only to go back up the same hill just around the corner – poor poo.

Then was the circle that had us foxed. Finally None of Your Business found the trail which was close to the circle on an obvious trail. No idea why it took us so long to find it, but by the time I had scrambled back up the hill I was behind Square Rooter and Horny Monkey. I enjoyed the steep descent swinging between the trees and finally caught Poo and None of your Business as we got into the creek valley. None of Your Business thought he might be almost home, and he might “win”, so he sprinted off, only to find quite a lot more to do.

Another V cost Poo dearly and finally we emerged from the jungle. Perhaps the hares were lost at this point as we scrambled up and down, round and around, along the edge of the jungle back to the A. On the whole it was a great run, just what I look for in hashes. Good job Chilly & Anything! You can call this “some eulogistic tosh” if you like – I guess it can hurt one’s feelings if someone’s wife sets a much better run than they can!

25th November – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

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Rating: 10.0/10 (1 vote cast)

We all got word of Itchy Bitchy’s poor dead dog just before the CSH3 run on Saturday. CH4 committee members Mr. Poo and Byte My Yahoo pondered worrisomely throughout the night trying to decide the best course of action. Yahoo decided that he was up for the challenge of setting a non-scouted run in an area that he always gets lost in. When I pulled up to the A site, I was happy to see that he had returned alive and in post-shower bliss though slightly disappointed that he HAD remembered to bring his towel (unlike yesterday). That wasn’t the first bent over bum I’d be seeing that day, but it was perhaps the finest. 😉

With the Lanna Bush Fang and Bunny Pai outstations taking place over the weekend, we weren’t really sure who would be running. Fortunately, Anything, Unplugged and Frozen Dick had all made it back. We could all see where the paper trail began early on, and so Frozen Dick set off immediately without waiting to listen to the full hare brief – racing bastard! The first circle check was slightly confusing as no one was really sure who was supposed to do the checking. BmY had set the run, Chuck Wao had such a terrible hangover that he couldn’t even make it to the run and Mr. Poo was looking rather slow and haggard – possibly due to the unusual adventure of him staying at the Hash Pub past midnight. No, he didn’t turn into a pumpkin, just a tired old man more like his own age. :)

Having not scouted the run beforehand, it was clear that BmY was getting us as lost at his checks as he was when he was setting it. Hashers dispersed in all directions led mostly by FRB bunnies Anything, Beautiful Box, Crazy Crack, Can’t Stop Cumming and Cock Climber. Finally, we found the ‘On’ some couple hundred of meters away with Grumbledick pondering BmY’s ‘mistake’. Having done a similar scouting / setting at the same time run last week, I knew there were more of these kinds of checks to cum.

There were quite a few, in fact, in which some hashers waited for nearly 5 minutes (mostly bent over picking grass needles out of their shoes) at the check due to numerous hidden trails and everyone unsure of who was up ahead checking already. At one particular circle check Beautiful Box, followed by a deeply entranced Human Excrement, passed straight through a blatant False Trail AND Checkback bar – maybe they wanted to spend some time in the woods alone together? Luckily, I saw it and we all headed back to a call from Anything who then passed right through a V-check. Though I was fairly certain that she had gone the correct way, I checked to my right anyhow, closely followed by Mr. Poo, down what was of course the wrong trail – darn it – and then was off to try and catch up to Anything once again.

At another circle check, hashers trampled deep into the bush failing to think about the 360 degrees scenario. Though I’m not sure who found the ‘On’, it was Frozen Dick that bellowed out to bring back together hashers checking every which way but the right one. A very narrow barbed wire fence slowed everyone down except for Crazy Crack who leaped through with perfect precision. Frozen Dick had to be dragged underneath by about half a dozen hashers and was slightly peeved to discover from the hare later that there had been a more accessible gateway about 20 meters or so away. EVIL hare!

Frozen Dick’s GPS came in handy when he gave it a look at the last check before the main road. “That way!” he stated with certainty giving both of us the FRB advantage. But, someone was already in front of us and had kicked out the circle checks heading straight back to the A. I could see Mr. Poo and Crazy Crack up ahead jogging around each other in circles in what I presumed was a False Trail and so was happy to spot them just as I was passing a nice trail heading left. Humperdick was cutting across to meet me though failed to inform anyone of the False Trail making him a newly inducted member of the CUNT family.

As we headed up a slight incline to the On-In, I could hear Cock Climber and Can’t Stop Cumming behind me complaining of how slow they had been running all day. Perhaps a little too much Spider Peeing for both of them? We’re all still trying to figure out what that is exactly – definitely a splash to remember for next week! It was a fun run followed by a fun circle though slightly delayed due to the antics of Ravenous, Codpiece and Tip Toe! Some of us DID wonder how they would make it through that barbed wire – a moot point as they somehow ended up at the Canal Road!!! After the circle, we headed to the OnOnOn to celebrate Bar Bin Doll’s birthday!!!

On-On

Big Top

18th November – CH4 – Big Top

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Rating: 9.0/10 (3 votes cast)

EVIL was setting the run, and she’d done a web search to try and find a virgin runsite! The runsite was probably virgin – it looked like it had been dug out a few days before, and we proceeded to park up in a mud pit. Fortunately it wasn’t raining! I was pretty sure we’d run around the area fairly recently though!

The hare brief warned us about the potential of 200m circle checks (just to fuck with us), as well as false trails etc. I was trying to pay attention, but wasn’t the only one suffering from an EVIL induced hangover! 😉 Anyway, Humperdick and I set off running and the trail started with a circle. Only one obvious trail away from it, and I was calling OnOn at the road. We ducked into a resort, and a circle at the side of a lake. Clearly we had to go one side of the lake or the other, so I set off running – with potentially 200m to the first powder I got to the other side of the lake before I heard Chuckie calling from the road on the cliff above me. Darn it to buggery, I was screwed!

I cut through a resort that Bend Over and HRA have used as an A bucket before, and rejoined the trail behind Frozen Dick. I caught Human Excrement as he guarded a check – no effort to kick it out, just standing and guarding!

The trail headed up the hill, a nice trail that I’ve run down before – I prefer running down it! Semen Soars and Chuckie were enjoying themselves up front while Poo and I enjoyed ourselves behind Unplugged and Beautiful Box! There’s a great trail that cuts around the side of the mountain, and we could see SS ahead, so far ahead… After a circle check the hare gave great attention to avoiding the nice trail down, cutting steep down an orchard instead. CW didn’t like it, but he didn’t like me throwing myself off the side either, so we hit the rubber wall together. No chance either of us was going to check left – that’s about a 10km detour!!! The next False Trail caught out CW because he’s a good sport, and it let Poo join us at the last check.

The memory of the 200m circle checks had faded, and the pack regrouped as we didn’t want to go past 120… Finally CW found it and jogged on home. Very similar to a run that Bend Over and HRA have set in reverse, but there is a good reason – it’s a good run!

11th November – CH4 – Belly Dancer

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Rating: 8.5/10 (2 votes cast)

The 11th of the 11th of the 12th… Belly Dancer was in a good mood. After an early morning meet up to rescue a stranded Bangkok hasher, he set off to lay the trail with Anything. In the evening at 11 seconds after 11 minutes after 9pm, he was particularly happy – Belly being a big fan of palindromic time:- 21:11:11 11/11/12

But back to the run – what would he have in store…? Yellow paper and red paper? More confusion – this time if we got to a white cross check, it wasn’t really a white cross check, it was actually a Wimp/Rambo split. Conventionally in Chiang Mai we mark with a clear W/R, and cross checks mean the correct trail is one of 3 options. No wonder we need to pay attention to the hare brief!

We set off up the hill and pretty soon came across strips of white paper. At a circle check Skiddy found trail way down the hill to the left, while Can’t Stop Cumming was way down the hill to the right. Good efforts from her to get back with the pack. At the bottom of the steep bank we climbed back up the other side, back to where we would have got to if we’d have just carried on up the perfectly pleasant trail. WTF? Scrambling over the bank of the mountain there was actually another trail here – white strips of paper??? Who else would be so stupid as to set a trail here? Ah yes… Belly Dancer did…

Back on the ridge it was HRA leading the way and we descended to another almost invisible circle check, hiding in plain site at the edge of a field. Home advantage – I’d been here many times, so ran off to the road and found the infamous cross check / wimp rambo split. I ran off to the right with Poo, shouting for Junglicious to join us on the Rambo trail. Confusion reigned but eventually almost all the hashers followed me – Skid Mark being the exception. He had to check left, and ended up doing the wimp trail on his own. As we ran along Poo was asking ‘Are you sure this is a good idea? Belly Dancer? Rambo trail?’

I burst ahead to get the choice at the next check and left Poo to do the dummy check. Hah – it was a long way to paper there, but eventually I was on, and now it was a rerun of Just Cumming’s run from a month back. Nice – I enjoyed it back then, and breezed through a few checks again today – until we hit the blasted tarmac. No more checks, just miles of grueling tarmac. Foot Loose from Bangkok picked me off, and I started going backwards.

Finally back at the A. Better than many of BD’s runs, but not his best ever!