Tag Archives: Humperdick

28th October – Mr Poo & Knockout

Posted on October 29, 2012 by mrpoo| Leave a comment
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Rating: 7.7/10 (3 votes cast)

The Location – Mr Poo decided that having his run so close to the Bunny H3 might not be a good idea.  Did he think the males would sneak off to chase the Bunnies?  Or was he afraid that no one would come to his run at all?  The next plan was a run at CMU but building work there had blocked off the most fun trails.  Eventually he decided to set a run at the Fire Prevention Centre. Despite confusing the hell out of Belly Dancer with complicated directions like ‘out of town’ – quite a strong turn out appeared.

The Run – What a crappy run! – only Dog Shit’s 1.3km figure-8 run and of course Belly Dancer’s pointless and dangerous ramble over the mountains with no discernible trails were worse than this!  Even Throbbing Ninja’s recent attempt to kill off hashers by oxygen deprivation at high attitude was preferable to the run Mr Poo set! At best it was 3km – but hashers managed to waste 20 minutes on a slope infested with mosquitoes and bamboo spikes looking for trail. Frustrated with people calling on previously run trail Grease Gorilla intimidated people so much that even when Seaman Soars found the trail he was told that he was wrong.

Chack Wow was on the verge of making one of his ‘executive decisions’ and leading people back but eventually Jungle Chim (or possibly Square Router) insisted that he really was standing on som powder that we had not seen before and we actually continued with the run intended . Mr Poo did redeem himself (a little) by turning up with cold beer and co-hare Knockout at his favourite knocking spot – ooops I mean picnic table. Belly Dancer decided to give up on the rest of the run and  lead the ladies back in – ignoring the powder and voracious yapping dogs that the FRBs faced as they dutifully ran around the lake.

The Circle – an X-rated circle the likes of which I’ve never witnessed before – unmentionable!

Well done Mr Poo – crappy run, great beer and one of the best Happy Hash circles I’ve ever been too!

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27th October – CSH3 – Slippery When Wet

Posted on October 28, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast)

A virgin hare – which means weeks of panicking in the desperate hope that everything works perfectly! Slippery was a nervous wreck for an hour or so before the run as he busily counted people as they arrived in the desperate hope they reached the magic #40 – which would trigger the reduced entrance fee to Ratchapreuk. He shouldn’t have worried, over 50 hashers showed up. Knowing we would be going inside Royal Flora, meant we knew it would be a flat run, no mountains and probably not the longest run/walk. The hare brief consisted of promises that we could short cut, along with some confusing new checks.

Then we were pointed across the car park in the direction of the park entrance. Cunningly the hares had extended the run by using the car park half a km from the entrance! Once inside the first circle was pivotal to know which way around the park we’d go – I got it right, left it was. Immediately I did a little loop around a garden just to get back to where the short cutters could see me.

At the next check there was a large lake, which surely we’d go around? Nope. After a few more loops around in circles we had Belly Dancer leading Big Top and others straight lining their way to keep up. The trail took us up some stairs, but at the bottom there were arrows pointing in all directions. What the hell, I’ll play the game and run up the stairs only to run around a big circular balcony while those below watched and laughed. Again Belly was at the front, and his competitive spirit pushed him to run through a check back to find inevitable trail further along, calling us to confusion as we doubled back on the trail in the wrong direction.

When Turkish Delight and I finally figured it out we found Skid Mark and Humperdick already ahead along with Angry Inch. How they managed that I have no idea! We doubled back past the temple, and again were completely confused searching for trail which had perhaps been washed away. All of a sudden it was Just Cumming as the FRB – wtf? How did he get there? Humperdick stood grumbling about the dutch windmill missing an arm as we ran through the international gardens. Finally heading back towards the entrance with Skid Mark and Turkish Delight, and with Unplugged, Plan and Big Top short cutting their way towards us.

From the looks of facebook this morning, while we were busy running, most of the ladies just went for a photo shoot in the park, posing in front of different flowers etc. Either way it was a very different hash. When hares try to do something different, it always takes some extra efforts, and is also prone to turning into a fuck up! This time, they’d thought it out, and it worked – lots of smiling faces for the circle. OnOn.

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22nd October 2012 – Dog Shit and Skidmark

Posted on October 25, 2012 by mrpoo| Leave a comment
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Rating: 9.3/10 (3 votes cast)

It had been a big weekend of hashing.  The visitors from Hong Kong had enjoyed the sights of Chiang Mai on Friday night, along with some locals (though many of them ended up having to make their own plans).  Throbbing Ninja had tried to kill us all on Saturday, and there had been two great hashes on Sunday.  How could we crown this?  Apparently with a beautiful run from a beautiful resort with a swimming pool!

The first confusion on the run was a circle check in a river from which we found more trail and another circle.  One of the visitors asked if it was ‘trail on’ but International Hashing Rules expert Chack Wow didn’t know the term (apparently it means that you call ‘on on’ if you see paper).  However we couldn’t decide if we had got there ‘legitimately’ and wandered around aimlessly before one of the Hong Kong visitors found it back across the bridge we had just crossed.  Superman, who’d been standing there waiting, led the charge and we were off again.

There were an enormous number of checks (Skidmark had promised 15!) which kept the pack well together.  A length of trail along a stream meant: trail, water, trail, water in a way that kept Mr Poo and Chack Wow busy, until Mr Poo stumbled off up the wrong hill.   Around this point Hunperdick caught up and pointed out he couldn’t hear Turkish Delight calling, much as when he is actually at the run.

The visitors completely missed the Skiddy Sticks towards the end of the run and while checking some people may have gone through crops, which led a local farmer to fire his gun in the air and encourage some yellow-bellied hashers (Superman, Gready, Tiptoe, Frozen Dick) to take a different route in and miss the swimming pool.

Circle was great (congratulations to Belly) and Nutcracker was given his fantastic touring name ‘Finger up my ass’!  Success all round! :)

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14th October – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

Posted on October 15, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast)

A BmY live hared always gets the blood pumping a bit faster and after reading Frozen Dick’s Facebook post about how a trail is a ‘work of art’ – I fully expected BmY to apply his vast intelligence into setting something pretty special.

However …. Evil Big Top conspired with Chuck Wao and Mr Poo to thwart his endeavours the night before by plying him with beer. Grease Gorilla too had been enlisted to further fill him with sambuca …. Fortunately I decided that a peaceful night before Anything came back from Phuket was a more sensible option than heading into town (no one saw me did they? 5555).

I got a bleary phone call at 12:35 Sunday lunchtime from BmY asking be to bring along a powder bottle – rats had devoured his bottles – and I asked if his co-hare was ready? There was earlier promise of Fish and Tits co-haring with BmY, but he forlornly said since she learnt of her role in the run – she had gone A.W.O.L.

So I headed off (yet again) to Doi Suckit and BmY’s favourite running territory and there was a nervous panic stricken BmY waiting – hummm – whats to become of this? BmY then proceeded to tell me about the dump trucks carrying away his run!! This did not look promising at all – I was even more perturbed when he told me where he had hidden the beer – did he seriously think I would get there first to find it!?

A good crowd of 28 turned up and a shaking BmY got on with the hare brief (well … a rather long brief) and after Skid Mark had been selected for precision time keeping – BmY was given a 5 minute head start.

Grease Gorilla had brought KY and was eager to run BmY down – Chuck Wao and Mr Poo looked like they’d just fallen out of bed. Humperdick along with Cant Stop Cumming, Cock Climber and her sexy sister (Clit Climber?) led the early charge.

On Out and as usual I got to the first check and proceeded to get it wrong … just … as Cant Stop Cumming just found the paper ahead of me … BmY had won the day at this check as all the FRB’s were totally off course and must have taken 2 or 3 minutes for them to regain the lead.

Through some modest shaggy and then round BmY’s scenic lakes – this was some great hashing – the checks kept the pack nicely together with me alternating between which was the better view – the trail, Knockout or Seman Soars daughter Lauren (Pussy Sores?).

On the look out for the BN (beer near) marking and BmY’s cryptic description of where to find it – after 2.3km there was the FRB huddle were supping into it. It turns out that 6 can’s was enough for everybody – more smart thinking BmY! I (stupidly) thought that this was half way and would help BmY out by bringing his mini-eske back – humm – not a smart move on my part!!

A little before we got to the main canal – a V-check totally screwed the FRB’s – it had been kicked out wrong as I arrived, perhaps it was Cant Stop Cumming who went the right way and called on – but by now BmY was no doubt back at the ‘B’(?) supping his 2nd beer.

At the canal the obligatory check left the temptation to head back down the road a tempting option – surely BmY would not have much more left in him? Wrong – the run became a bit more challenging – with a circle check hidden by a stream crossing catching us all out and bringing the pack together – Skid Mark or Dog Shit I think found the innocuous little trail off this.

Through some shiggy and then some road (hummm) … then into a buffalo field that forced us to slow down and finally the pack was dispersing. Glancing at the GPS as we finally reached the canal again – 6.66km!!

BmY claimed an 11 minute gap on FRB Chuck Wao – well done Sir – a great RUN despite the attempts to thwart you!!

An exhausted BmY handed the circle over to RA Mr Poo – who did a fine job entertaining the circle. (Lovely) Dog Shit’s new girlfriend (Nam Tarn) was awarded the female wings and Humperdick unjustly got the male wings for admiring Knockout’s butt!!

OnOnOn to the restaurant opposite the Airport in anticipation of picking up the Bunnies returning from Phuket. More inspired planning from BmY – Thanks for a fun day – (and I want my bottle back before your rats eat it!).

OnOn
BD

Scout:-
Set:-

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13th October – CSH3 – Mr. Poo

Posted on October 15, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rating: 8.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Mr. Poo chose Frozen Dick to co-hare with him, and that explains why the run was way out past Doi Saket, and not at Wat Umong or the Boy Scout Camp..! Anyway, we made our way out to the outstation, with Superman and Chilly Pussy missing the run start. Sups was duly punished for not getting the beer there on time, and Humps protested the lack of water. Turkish had already confused most of the drivers by stopping at the wrong A site, while Big Top, Geisha Gash and Shagless cruised way past the A bucket, presumably scouting future runs?

After such a shambolic start, we set off and I immediately got the first check wrong, but I caught back up with the FRBs as we approached a lake that I have some less than fond memories of. Jogging down away from the lake, I kicked a snake by mistake – ugh!!! At the cross check, Chuck Wao correctly guessed uphill and after coming back from the check back a largish group proceeded up the hill. They hares had done a good job with the checks, and there were some more tough ones to come – Skiddy found the paper after a great check that brought everyone back together before sending us down a tiny ‘trail’? We scrambled across a hill and as we emerged to a small trail the other end, we were completely disoriented.

Turkish got the pick of the check and cruised off the way we all wanted to go. We suspected him of silent running and followed after him – meanwhile, Sloppy Rod was the silent running c*nt who wanted to win like a racist bastard and refused to call again for the rest of the run. As Chuck Wao, myself and HRA pursued him fortunately he got his just deserts and was later punished on the ice.

The circle was fun, and then it was in to town to be punished by the evil Big Top!

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7th October – CH4 – Dog Shit

Posted on October 8, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast)

A 6 hour drive at break neck speed got me back in time for the run – almost… I picked the boys up and got back around 15 minutes late… Never mind, I might catch up. My legs were painful though, so it was a struggle to get moving up and over the first little hill.

The trail was a little confusing, as I later found Dog Shit out there relaying part of it – he ran off to show me the correct route, and I set off in pursuit of distant calls. After a while I came to Tip Toe, who had returned from foreign parts.

The trickiest part of the pursuit was that the checks were squares of paper, that couldn’t be kicked out, and so I had to guess a bit on each of the checks. But soon enough I spied Plan, Square Rooter and Human Excrement. As we headed quickly back towards the cars, the rest were ahead somewhere, with Chuckie and Humps doing better on both the trail and the journey back – hats off to the outstationers who got back in time to support Doggie.

Sorry – no trail map today – I left the GPS on half way back across town.

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6th October – CSH3 – Cool Balls

Posted on October 8, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

It’s outstation time! Cool Balls had been warming up to this epic for weeks! First up it’s at Khun Yuam – about 20km north of Mae Sariang… 20km MY FUCKING ASS!!! Close to 100km along steep winding roads more like it. Once everyone had signed up he offered us half a dozen different ways to get there – the quickest of which was about 5 hours – short of hiring a helicopter of course!

Hashers straggled into the resort throughout the afternoon, weary from their rides / drives etc. We drank our way through Friday evening, with a restful day on Saturday, UNTIL 3pm when we gathered for the hash. I’d noticed Cool Balls and Redundant Semen slip away for around 4 hours in the morning, which was ominous… It was more ominous when Cool Balls appeared to lose the start of his run – emphasized as it took us 700m to find the first bits of paper.

Shortly after Chuckie and I split at the first V check – he was right, I was wrong. Where I say ‘first’ V check, actually it was the ONLY V check. And it seemed there were only 2 more circle checks to go as well – in 9.5km… YES 9.5km with 3 checks!

The trail led us down to a river, with a nice concrete bridge over it – apparently the only bridge the hares could find! I caught up with CW as he was turning back from a water crossing – I persuaded him otherwise and he joined the rest of the crazy hashers for a dip – not much that can be done on an A->B run! If you go back to the start, there’ll be nobody there…

We gamboled our way through some rice fields, with HRA and Anything somewhere up front. Chuckie vocalised his displeasure in typical style as we jogged on to a snake and leach infested corn field. A circle check had us all confused and 30 odd hashers dispersed through the field following what appeared to be trail, but which then trickled out. Finally Skiddy found the trail, the other side of the river, and we all dutifully waded through it. Lucky Skiddy had his camera to capture the moment. We then waded along the river to where the cars were waiting at a “B” stop.

After a beer, it was HRA that rustled up some hashers to go out on a 2nd leg – Humperdick showing fine form, with Unplugged, Snail Trail, Anything, Big Top, Cumalot, HRA, BmY, Skiddy braving the inevitable hill. Sure enough, he sent us back over the river (over a bridge this time), and straight to the foot of mount doom. There were no more checks, it was just a straight up climb. Probably one of the steepest hills Thailand has to offer, and every step sapped my energy to the point of collapse near the top. Fortunately, what goes up, must come down, and the downhill was a great running trail. I opened up, tracking Humpers, but only catching him when he screwed up at an invisible check – the cunning hares had again found a way to bring us back together, without using checks.

Through the rice fields and we were surely on our way home… I was so weary, I’d forgotten we were the wrong side of the river. Here it was narrower, faster, the current strong on my weary legs. Humps nearly fell too, so I stalled with HRA to pluck the ladies out as they surely got swept away – or rather, I stayed to watch HRA pluck the ladies out as none of us really had any energy left. Unplugged and Anything would have found a shorter route back to Chiang Mai had HRA not rescued them.

An epic 9.5km run. It had everything – water, ricefields, trail, climbing, descending through some truly spectacular countryside. If it wasn’t for the hash we would never experience it, so as the pain subsided, we appreciated the efforts of the hares more.

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25th August – CSH3 – I Got Gas

Posted on August 25, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rating: 7.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Kids were super excited about swimming today, so we were early out to I got Gas’s pool, ready for the big hash / barbecue / pool party! I had high hopes, until I Got Gas confessed to Frozen Dick’s influence into the run, but anyway we’ll give it a go. Setting off over a concrete bridge, we were soon back on the road, and as is my custom, I set the early pace… Frozen Dick clearly wanted to screw me early with a long set of Skiddy Sticks… But sadly when we got there, the sticks were gone, and we spent a while ‘looking’ until Skiddy played CSI and discovered evidence of there formerly being sticks…

Wooly Jumper was for a short while the FRB, as the trail headed off towards the Tiger camp area. I jogged along with Chuckie, only to get badly screwed at the next check, and spend a long time chasing the pack to get back together. Up the hill – fortunately not too bad – and we ran into confusion at a check with some old paper hanging. Fortunately Turkey and I found the real paper and we headed off back down the hill.

The next set of skiddy sticks didn’t confuse me as I spotted the paper off trail to the left and then we were on familiar ground – through an old A site, a dip into the jungle until I found Doggie short cutting his was in from the road. Stan on his return ran smartly in along with Can’t Stop Cumming – who is always keen to overtake after the On-In.

The pool was an obvious draw after the run, and it took some effort to get the circle started. The highlight of the circle had to be Mr. Poo drinking from another man’s ‘not’ new shoes… Apart from that, I propose we follow the mantra “short circle is a good circle”, and change the circle format to -> 1) Open Circle 2) Splash Hares 3) Wings 4) Close Circle. Who’s with me??

My favourite part of hashing is the run, then only Chuck Wow grumbles into my ear… (Ok, so does Humperdick… and Graven…), but at least it’s limited to those who I can’t run away from!

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11th August – CSH3 – Humperdick

Posted on August 13, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rating: 8.5/10 (2 votes cast)

We set off towards the football field along the canal road, only to drive past it and weave our way along bumpy roads to a novel run site – so novel that HRA was desperate to plot the co-ordinates so he could return and steal the route again, while many of the female driving hashers were already worried about a dark exit… The perfectionist hare was already busy assisting Turkish with his erection.

Right on cue Sups arrived so we could unload and set off in good time. I careered off, sprinting down the hill, only to get the first check completely wrong and have to pick my way through hashers as we doubled back straight up the hill to where the hare was waiting. Bastard.

We jogged along, and then scrambled through some shiggy and finally intercepted some familiar trails. The pace was ok, with Chuckie, HRA, myself, Unplugged, Horny Monkey and occasionally Turkish taking turns at the front. We climbed up a gentle trail, before plunging down a road – time to open up the legs, only to find a sharp corner at the bottom as the sadistic hare turned and took us back up the hill again. Argh – Chuckie, loving the hills, hit the front and nobody could keep pace with him. We arced back down and surely this would be it? No – there was more pain to come with another climb to get over to the next valley – from the top of this final ascent Turkey’s Erection had the ladies gasping and all charged towards it. As I finally dropped to a walk on the road at the On-In, I was suddenly passed by a pack including Roger D and Big Top! WTF? Where did they come from? Clearly they came straight along the road missing the final climbs. Short Cutting and Sprint Finishing – excellent hash behaviour.

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30th July 2012 – CH3 – Superman

Posted on July 31, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

A lovely evening, a keen pack of over a dozen hounds, scenic hills and open forest, idyllic trails….what could go wrong? Amost everything!

And it all started so well. Away we sauntered, skipping like lambkins up the forest path to the first circle in the perfect place. Trails ahead, back right, to the sides. Off eveyone went, full of good spirit, hither and thither, thither and hither, and soon we were doubling over everyone else’s trails and checking up to 300m and dropping into gullies. Where was the fcuking paper? Eventually Horned Moonbeam decided we should all head back to A site and question the hare!

The circle was kicked out backwards and On On yelled, much to Kwazi’s disbelief and annoyance. Back down the hill we went to find a disconsolate hare. Grumbledick grumbled the most and Sups gave out the direction of his on on paper. Beers were opened but Alice, Ryan aka Forest (appropriate) and GD headed straight back up to rejoin our trail and return to the offending circle in question. Even with Sups instructions it took 5 minutes to find paper at a tad over a 100m strewn off a small trail in the bush. Frozen was still up there and we doubted he’d find it! It wasn’t easy to find. Needles in haystacks. Rational women. Blue Moons. Hardworking Scousers. Virgins in Pattaya etc. You get the drift.

We ran off on neat piles of shredded paper and managed to follow all of Sups well laid trail thru the forest, down the gravel road behind the Night Safari, up into a small settlement, down thru some outhouses and then along darkening forest trails up and over ridges and spurs and back to the On iN before dusk completely fell. It was well worth the effort because Sups lays a good run, but a bit stressful with only three guys checking everything and racing the onset of the powers of darkness. But enough of the Burrito Butt.

The circle was a bit fraught at times. Sups poetically described the pack as “p*ss weak cnuts” and then increased the syllable count to “p*ssy wh*pped cnuts”. A few good splashes were doled out and some also rans. Visitor Ryan aka Forest was welcomed to the group. A married missionary working with CNX churches setting up HIV/Aids programs, he had been been in Malawi (former British Nyasaland)in Southern Africa for ten years. All the crap quasi religious half quotes and jokes we could muster were aimed in his general direction and I think he realised by the end, as Square Rooter said, “There is fertile ground for you here Ryan, there are plenty of sinners and souls to save!” Amen to that.

ONON you bastards.
A Lice

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