Tag Archives: Humperdick

24th Feb – CH4 – Itchy Bitchy

Posted on February 24, 2013 by admin| Leave a comment
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I have vague memories of EVIL Big Top’s wise decision to buy 3 large Leo’s just after most people had gone home – leaving me, the sipping BT and the slurring Horny Monkey to consume them appropriately… Needless to say I wasn’t feeling too good this morning – I wasn’t feeling too good this afternoon either, and by run time I was feeling decidedly unsure about the whole idea.

Oh well, I’ll give it a go, and set off to the familiar ground of the Ag Centre – afterall I could always short cut if it didn’t work out… I wasn’t the only one who looked reluctant as we set off – the hare brief was more of a hare encouragement – for once nobody was chomping on the bit to get going, we could have easily stayed there a bit longer. Nope, it was on out, and I walked along with Chuckie discussing the relative merits of a ‘brisk walk’ over all that checking business.

Around the corner and there was the first check – true to my brisk walk intentions I sauntered along the dam – over 100m, but eventually I spotted some powder. Nice, I kept up the walk until I got to the next check just ahead of Mr. Poo. I had first pick and went up over the old run site on the hill, again taking my time to inspect the blob of white stuff on a rock to ensure it was the expected trail consistency. “On On”.

The pack followed and it was on to the next check – where I’d started the Santa run from. I mosied my way over to where there was a squarish looking piece of paper, and called back to Angry Inch for his recommendation. “On On”. A pattern was forming. I found the trail off each circle, ambled my way to the next check ensuring I had first pick so the chasing pack were forced to do the extra distance.

I had every intention of short cutting, but found myself tracking along nicely. Finally Chuck Wao and HRA caught me up and when I finally picked wrong at the last circle, the pair of them turned the run into a race and sprinted off. As I passed the On-In I found Graven Image, Mr Poo, Angry Inch coming from all directions after their badly disguised short cuts. Meanwhile the troopers like Humperdick and Unplugged did the whole run.

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11th Feb – CH3 – Humperdick

Posted on February 11, 2013 by admin| Leave a comment
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Exhaustion… 2 brutal runs by Skiddy, (inspired by Belly & Square Rooter), over the weekend coupled with an epic afternoon drinking session (inspired by Gascoigne & Big Top) had me feeling worse for wear over my coffee this morning. Nonetheless I made it to work, and my hangover had the common decency to kick in right about the time my class was due to start. Bugger – there could only be one cure for it, so I set off to the hash.

Humperdick Humperdick Humperdick – couldn’t be too bad right? He hasn’t really built a reputation for runs (yet). I mean – apart from them being on canal road. I’m not entirely sure what his style is, but he does put in effort, so I was hopeful he’d be kind and gentle….

We were pointed off and Belly Dancer did his usual olympic sprinter start. My brain told my legs to run, and my legs told my brain to fuck off. This wasn’t going to be pleasant. At the first check Belly went off to the right, and I found the paper straight on. Normally at this point it’s the end of Belly’s charge and we meet him back at the circle for a beer, but not today. Today he’d roided up and was on a mission. He stormed ahead while I fucked up at the first Skiddy check. He was 100m ahead of everyone till he came to a small decline that was about 3 steps down, and by the time he’d crossed it, he was 100m behind. Seriously? Even Horny Monkey passed him!

Into the hills we went and there was a part that confused everyone. Horny Monkey did one route, while Angry Inch, Graven and I did another – neither was right, and when the EVIL MOFO HARE described later what he actually wanted us to do, I was glad about the ‘compromise’ we’d come to. Compromise? Short Cut? Who cares?

The trail started climbing… Who am I kidding? There was no fucking trail… We scrambled over shiggy crap with leaves covering rocks tripping our way over the hill – a familiar trail – I didn’t enjoy it the first time we’d done it… Finally we got out to the guys yard, and he proudly pointed out the paper on his bushes… We meet random people out on trail, but it’s nice when they are happy for us to run through their gardens! I sprinted past GI & AI, and immediately regretted it, taking the wrong option at the gate.

Damn… I tried to run… but my legs resisted… It took some determined self restraint to set off following the paper rather than just shortcutting back to the beer, but I managed. Hardly any more checks, just another 3km or so around and back to the A. At least this bit was flat. I finally got back some 10 minutes or so after the FRBs, but it was a long time before Frozen Dick dragged in the stragglers; Slippery When Wet, Fishy Fingers and Tip Toe.

Sups had thought better of the whole affair and done a “Festering Tool”.

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9th December – CH4 – Snail Trail

Posted on December 10, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Snail Trail was the hare, but when the run directions appeared it was clear she didn’t have much to do with it! The runsite was the same as Skiddy’s recent male hash and after hearing complaints from those who crawled through his tunnel of love the first time he decided to send us through it twice this time.

Everyone was early – except Big Top and Dogshit who had gone to the restaurant rather than to the runsite! After standing around for a bit, we set off and I led the way through the tunnel crawl. With Kwazi behind I was able to check in 2 directions before anyone else emerged from the tunnel. Sadly they were the wrong directions and not for the last time I was running around in circles and overtaking Doggie as Robin Banks led the pack. Sure enough we were heading the reverse as the previous run, but most times rather than going right and left, we’d go left and right, if that makes sense. Check out the map, I was all over the place.

Finally we locked in on the old trail, and wary for Skiddy sticks I was looking down the side trails. I spied some paper off to the right – Damn! it was old paper from Sups’ run. But it had to be coming up soon – sure enough at the next junction, I turned right and was on the true trail. Unplugged and Mr. Poo didn’t want to trust me, so they followed Humperdick to the skiddy sticks. Ha! I was locked in following the previous trail back to the rice fields, across the rice fields.

Then I remembered a little scramble trail that Skiddy had used before – surely he’d do it again? Damn it! I got torn up and was stuck in the middle of nowhere when half the pack overtook calling on on from the road nearby, with no easy way of me getting back. Back through the tunnel and beer time. Lots of excellent checks and another good set.

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1st December – CSH3 – Chilly Pussy

Posted on December 2, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Whoa! Who set that run? I know Chilly Pussy was the hare, and she engaged Anything as her co-hare, and they took Barbin Doll along for the experience, and somehow they managed to pull that off! Some excellent running trails, some clever checks, plenty more runnable sections, the odd bit of shiggy scramble. I think Humperdick summed it up best when he came in and said ‘very good run…. for a male hash’. It was excellent, but with quite a few coming in in the dark, perhaps a little much?

We set off and had a steep descent to a predictable first circle check. So predictable that Belly Dancer, (perhaps with the nepotistic aid of GPS), started calling “On On” without bothering to wait for paper. I was doing well, getting the checks right, until one circle. I chased over to where Poo was, and luckily found him climbing up a steep hill on the false trail of a V check. Ha! Not the last false trail he would find today. The hares had cunningly cut along the side of the hill only to go back up the same hill just around the corner – poor poo.

Then was the circle that had us foxed. Finally None of Your Business found the trail which was close to the circle on an obvious trail. No idea why it took us so long to find it, but by the time I had scrambled back up the hill I was behind Square Rooter and Horny Monkey. I enjoyed the steep descent swinging between the trees and finally caught Poo and None of your Business as we got into the creek valley. None of Your Business thought he might be almost home, and he might “win”, so he sprinted off, only to find quite a lot more to do.

Another V cost Poo dearly and finally we emerged from the jungle. Perhaps the hares were lost at this point as we scrambled up and down, round and around, along the edge of the jungle back to the A. On the whole it was a great run, just what I look for in hashes. Good job Chilly & Anything! You can call this “some eulogistic tosh” if you like – I guess it can hurt one’s feelings if someone’s wife sets a much better run than they can!

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25th November – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

Posted on November 28, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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We all got word of Itchy Bitchy’s poor dead dog just before the CSH3 run on Saturday. CH4 committee members Mr. Poo and Byte My Yahoo pondered worrisomely throughout the night trying to decide the best course of action. Yahoo decided that he was up for the challenge of setting a non-scouted run in an area that he always gets lost in. When I pulled up to the A site, I was happy to see that he had returned alive and in post-shower bliss though slightly disappointed that he HAD remembered to bring his towel (unlike yesterday). That wasn’t the first bent over bum I’d be seeing that day, but it was perhaps the finest. 😉

With the Lanna Bush Fang and Bunny Pai outstations taking place over the weekend, we weren’t really sure who would be running. Fortunately, Anything, Unplugged and Frozen Dick had all made it back. We could all see where the paper trail began early on, and so Frozen Dick set off immediately without waiting to listen to the full hare brief – racing bastard! The first circle check was slightly confusing as no one was really sure who was supposed to do the checking. BmY had set the run, Chuck Wao had such a terrible hangover that he couldn’t even make it to the run and Mr. Poo was looking rather slow and haggard – possibly due to the unusual adventure of him staying at the Hash Pub past midnight. No, he didn’t turn into a pumpkin, just a tired old man more like his own age. :)

Having not scouted the run beforehand, it was clear that BmY was getting us as lost at his checks as he was when he was setting it. Hashers dispersed in all directions led mostly by FRB bunnies Anything, Beautiful Box, Crazy Crack, Can’t Stop Cumming and Cock Climber. Finally, we found the ‘On’ some couple hundred of meters away with Grumbledick pondering BmY’s ‘mistake’. Having done a similar scouting / setting at the same time run last week, I knew there were more of these kinds of checks to cum.

There were quite a few, in fact, in which some hashers waited for nearly 5 minutes (mostly bent over picking grass needles out of their shoes) at the check due to numerous hidden trails and everyone unsure of who was up ahead checking already. At one particular circle check Beautiful Box, followed by a deeply entranced Human Excrement, passed straight through a blatant False Trail AND Checkback bar – maybe they wanted to spend some time in the woods alone together? Luckily, I saw it and we all headed back to a call from Anything who then passed right through a V-check. Though I was fairly certain that she had gone the correct way, I checked to my right anyhow, closely followed by Mr. Poo, down what was of course the wrong trail – darn it – and then was off to try and catch up to Anything once again.

At another circle check, hashers trampled deep into the bush failing to think about the 360 degrees scenario. Though I’m not sure who found the ‘On’, it was Frozen Dick that bellowed out to bring back together hashers checking every which way but the right one. A very narrow barbed wire fence slowed everyone down except for Crazy Crack who leaped through with perfect precision. Frozen Dick had to be dragged underneath by about half a dozen hashers and was slightly peeved to discover from the hare later that there had been a more accessible gateway about 20 meters or so away. EVIL hare!

Frozen Dick’s GPS came in handy when he gave it a look at the last check before the main road. “That way!” he stated with certainty giving both of us the FRB advantage. But, someone was already in front of us and had kicked out the circle checks heading straight back to the A. I could see Mr. Poo and Crazy Crack up ahead jogging around each other in circles in what I presumed was a False Trail and so was happy to spot them just as I was passing a nice trail heading left. Humperdick was cutting across to meet me though failed to inform anyone of the False Trail making him a newly inducted member of the CUNT family.

As we headed up a slight incline to the On-In, I could hear Cock Climber and Can’t Stop Cumming behind me complaining of how slow they had been running all day. Perhaps a little too much Spider Peeing for both of them? We’re all still trying to figure out what that is exactly – definitely a splash to remember for next week! It was a fun run followed by a fun circle though slightly delayed due to the antics of Ravenous, Codpiece and Tip Toe! Some of us DID wonder how they would make it through that barbed wire – a moot point as they somehow ended up at the Canal Road!!! After the circle, we headed to the OnOnOn to celebrate Bar Bin Doll’s birthday!!!

On-On

Big Top

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18th November – CH4 – Big Top

Posted on November 18, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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EVIL was setting the run, and she’d done a web search to try and find a virgin runsite! The runsite was probably virgin – it looked like it had been dug out a few days before, and we proceeded to park up in a mud pit. Fortunately it wasn’t raining! I was pretty sure we’d run around the area fairly recently though!

The hare brief warned us about the potential of 200m circle checks (just to fuck with us), as well as false trails etc. I was trying to pay attention, but wasn’t the only one suffering from an EVIL induced hangover! 😉 Anyway, Humperdick and I set off running and the trail started with a circle. Only one obvious trail away from it, and I was calling OnOn at the road. We ducked into a resort, and a circle at the side of a lake. Clearly we had to go one side of the lake or the other, so I set off running – with potentially 200m to the first powder I got to the other side of the lake before I heard Chuckie calling from the road on the cliff above me. Darn it to buggery, I was screwed!

I cut through a resort that Bend Over and HRA have used as an A bucket before, and rejoined the trail behind Frozen Dick. I caught Human Excrement as he guarded a check – no effort to kick it out, just standing and guarding!

The trail headed up the hill, a nice trail that I’ve run down before – I prefer running down it! Semen Soars and Chuckie were enjoying themselves up front while Poo and I enjoyed ourselves behind Unplugged and Beautiful Box! There’s a great trail that cuts around the side of the mountain, and we could see SS ahead, so far ahead… After a circle check the hare gave great attention to avoiding the nice trail down, cutting steep down an orchard instead. CW didn’t like it, but he didn’t like me throwing myself off the side either, so we hit the rubber wall together. No chance either of us was going to check left – that’s about a 10km detour!!! The next False Trail caught out CW because he’s a good sport, and it let Poo join us at the last check.

The memory of the 200m circle checks had faded, and the pack regrouped as we didn’t want to go past 120… Finally CW found it and jogged on home. Very similar to a run that Bend Over and HRA have set in reverse, but there is a good reason – it’s a good run!

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17th November – CSH3 – Superbitch

Posted on November 18, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Superbitch teamed up with Wooly Jumper for the run, and they were looking suitably haggard when we showed up – they were busy picking the grass seeds out of their trousers. An ominous sign. They told me roughly where to start, but with the paper starting around a few corners, we were lucky to find the out trail!

At the first check we passed one of the world’s most mangy dogs, and I was attacked by a few more as I missed where the trail left the road up into the hills. It was a scramble up the shiggy bank to a trail and HRA hit the front. I jogged along with Horny Monkey, Humperdick and Unplugged until we met HRA coming back from a false trail at a cross check. I got lucky at the next check and hit a few checks spot on, going well until HRA caught me at a circle check on the top of a hill.

The trails looked familiar, we were close to where Square Rooter and I set about a month back. HRA sprinted off past me to check to the left, and I reluctantly went to the right – this time I was lucky though, and found the trail through a field and into some more shiggy. It was slow going and I heard Chuckie behind asking how far ahead I was.

Now we were on the trails I knew and getting another circle right I sped ahead rounded a corner and there was the “ON IN”. I was a little confused as I didn’t think we were that close to the A, but we had already done 4.5km or so. I kept plugging away, and then got off paper. Chuckie caught up as I started thinking I’d screwed up, but after 500m or so, we found some paper.

CW was begging me to let him overtake after the On-In, and eventually I let him go. Semen Soars also went past. How far was this??? My GPS said about 2.2km from the On-In back to the beers… It seems the hares hadn’t scouted and had grossly misjudged where they were, and neglected to go back and move the On-In. Shame as that was probably the only downside to a nice run on some great trails!

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Elevation Gain Criminals!!

Posted on November 5, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Given that everyone knows I hate hills…. 😉 Since I got the GPS, here are the biggest elevation differences:-

1) 440m – 15th Jan 2012 – The Ball Breaker – Frozen & Humper Dick. OK, it was the Ball Breaker… Once a year, I forgive you!

2) 387m – 29th Dec 2012 – Skid Mark’s Xmas Lanna Run… Remember that bastard hill? At least we had miles of rice fields to recover in!

3) 299m – 25th Feb 2012 – Belly Dancer (& Square Rooter)’s Lanna Run – Evil, evil, evil… Pure evil!

4) 293m – 20th Oct 2012 – Throbbing Ninja – Around half the distance and half the time of those above – Throbbing Ninja welcomed our guests with a truly evil ascent. One of the toughest CSH3’s I can remember.

5) 283m – 22nd September 2012 – Hollow Legs – remember when he dragged us straight up, and couldn’t be bothered to find a way back?

6) 253m – 26th February 2012 – Anything – who could forget when Anything set the run by Doi Kham? Only Humperdick did the full trail… When I got the scout report, the trail should have been 438m elevation change – which would have put it #2 had I not made my way back to lower ground…

7) 246m – 4th March – Itchy Bitchy – If I recall this was the 400th run, which Anything again had a say in… I seem to remember short cutting this and still it reports at 246m elevation gain – is this the GPS reading I stole from BD?

8) 231m – 1st January – Mr. Poo – To shake off the new years day hangovers he chose to not take us up the hill once, but twice. Behind Wat Umong, a memorable run for all the wrong reasons!

9) 214m – 6th October – Cool Balls – The outstation at Khun Yuam… I think this was all on the B->C part of the run!

10) OK, I have my sets stored too… and I can’t avoid it, one of them should make it to this list…:-
? 216 – December 27th – remember the Christmas Spirit run?
? 204 – January 28th – remember across the dam towards Doi Saket?

THIS IS NOT A CHALLENGE!!!! GETTING ON THIS LIST IS NOT A COMPLIMENT!!!

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5th November – CH3 – Frozen Dick

Posted on November 5, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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After a long absence, my first run back with the male hash and circumstance led it to be Frozen Dick and Belly Dancer… Of course I can’t forget when Belly left us out in the wild in the dark, and Frozen has a history in that area of setting 11+km runs that got fucked up – what could the pair of them concoct together???

The hare brief was brief – especially by Frozen Dick standards – and we set off along the edge of a lake to a circle check next to a weir. Of course it would be across the weir, but only Skiddy followed me over and we dispersed through the myriad of trails that were there. There were lots of good trails on the other side of the water, and only after we’d exhausted the nice trails did I check the shiggy crappy trail that ran along the waterside. Frozen had pulled a chair up to watch from the other side, so it was pretty clear I was onto something. Sure enough I was in shit, but apparently this was the trail.

We hit a road and so the tarmac began. I ran the wrong way, I ran further the wrong way, it seemed every direction I set off in was wrong… Dogs attacked, and the pack caught up as Poo found trail leading up the hill – only we weren’t going up the hill, that was just a lamely marked false trail. Back to the road where the trail was marked on the back of trees, but it was clearly on tarmac. Another circle had me way off trail to the left, and Poo not spotting the crappy false trail to the right. More tarmac!

Finally we cut off the road and Skiddy was leading along a muddy track. We ran straight past a circle hidden away to the right. Nobody was interested in checking right, so we all ran straight to the paper. Humperdick didn’t like the look of the next check, but after around 150+++ metres I found paper and called on. The V was redundant, as Poo ran over the hill while I ran around it.

Then there was a circle by a little lake / quarry type thing. It was familiar ground – Just Cumming had run us here just a few weeks back. It doesn’t go anywhere – at least it doesn’t go anywhere nice… I checked around in circles around the lake, only to hear Poo calling up the hill way in the distance… I jogged over and had a look as the trail went up. Square Rooter decided to go for it. I looked the opposite direction at the white pagoda where my car was…

I was concerned about Tip Toe, and so helped him walk back… 😉 Meanwhile Sups and Missing Link had already turned back. Kwazi had done his own run from the start. 2 days in a row I turned back at the base of a mountain after 4-5 km…

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4th November – CH4 – Angry Inch

Posted on November 4, 2012 by admin| Leave a comment
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Angry Inch was the hare, but it seemed he did a fantastic job of delegation – delegating Poo to set the trail and run the circle! Poo decided to live hare it and asked for a 10 minute head start. Angry Inch really didn’t want us to leave, but after 5 minutes we set off in pursuit.

It appears that Poo had already broken live haring etiquette, by pre-laying trail – the first False Trail which bought him an extra few minutes. In the confusion it was Frozen Dick that ended up as FRB, and for the 2nd day running inexperienced FRBs caused confusion to reign, and Poo was surely off into the distance by then.

We all know the Ag centre well, and hares essentially have a choice – running along the flat trails at the bottom of the hill, OR going up the hill. NOT BOTH! Given that it was a live haring, the flat trails seemed the obvious choice – Belly Dancer cut across and claimed he caught the hare… Anyway, it was through the orchard (de ja vu) and along the reservoir – the trails much more overgrown than previously. Poo even managed to build a blockade to suggest he hadn’t been through.

My legs started feeling the effects of Bone Hur hill yesterday, my head was feeling the effects of an evening with Evil Big Top, so I was unsettled that we set off to do the loop around the big field which would add a couple of km to the run. Abruptly there was a circle check and the trail cut left UP THE HILL! Huh? Is Poo some kind of superman? A live hare, after 5km decides to go up the hill? Nobody wanted to check that way, but sure enough the trail went up… I’m guessing that the beer stop was up there somewhere – Square Rooter and I thought better of it – afterall what goes up must come down!

When we got back, having crawled under a barbwire fence, there were already quite an assembly at the A bucket. Conspicuously no hares, but plenty of short cutters! The hares strolled in after about an hour, and Humperdick lead the FRBs in a while after that with them appearing from all directions. I think only Humperdick actually came from the same direction as Poo. Skid Mark was DFL clocking up 9.5km! Nice run, I do like the live hare scenario, but not sure my legs will recover in time for a return to male hashing tomorrow…

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