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The day had finally come, and it was time to head out to the biggest hash of the year – the biggest hash in a couple of years since the 1,000 run. I wasn’t feeling too well on account of Human Excrement, but managed to scramble my way out to the runsite a bit early to make sure everything was in order. There was a pervasive nervous tension around, or was that just my dodgy stomach? My ribs were hurting and I wasn’t sure I was up for the 11 grueling KM the hares had put together.
The first beer stop was immediate – great way to start, except that it was Chang, and I immediately wanted to vomit! Then it was chasing Frozen Dick’s live haring – with 11 minutes headstart of course! The crowd of around 90 set off and just around the corner had our 2nd beer stop. Across the carpark was the 3rd beer stop with a 4th on the reservoir wall. Time for a group photo and for the pack to split between the ‘long run’ and the ‘short run’.
The hares had given me some inside information about the start of the long run, so I had little choice but to take that option, and led the way towards the ‘zoo’. We’d been told something about just follow the trail and just through the gate there would be a circle check. Well we went through a gate and spread out looking for trail. Sadly you can rely on hashers fucking things up, and the gate was somewhere else. Plenty of time eaten up already and we hadn’t even found the trail.
When we found the circle, it was a tricky one, and took another 10 minutes or so before Dead Virgin picked up the scent and we were off. The circles were pretty small (quarter A4), and we missed the 2nd circle check, but eventually found the trail further on. My ribs were killing me – I really shouldn’t have been running, and promptly collapsed vomiting on the trail, which didn’t help at all.
OnOn, and the pack was brought back with some skiddy sticks. Anal Birth found the trail off to the right and gave the least inspiring call in history. The checks had been screwing with us, and at one point we’d done 3km in an hour. This was going to be a long 11km. Finally we emerged and saw Frozen and Skiddy checking on our slow progress. Another regroup, and by now my ribs were just a dull constant agony, so I had a bit of a run with Alice past another reservoir. Great running trails all over the place, and the pace picked up. We took a sharp turn up some steps and found a circle. As I checked straight on all of a sudden I heard Graven calling confidently to the right and Alice calling confidently to the left. There were OnOns all around me and in my confused state I had no idea where to go, so I kept on forwards and finally intercepted the trail on top of a ridge. Alice came running up to me, and we jogged on together with a large part of the pack having missed out the whole mountain part of the run.
I had very little idea where we were, but the checks had been kicked out so I just kept jogging along until we bumped into Screwed Up complete with beer for another beer stop. He had no idea what was going on and nor did Chilly Pussy just around the corner. Finally we saw Big Top holding a sign on the other side of a little lake, begging us to swim across to her – it was a short cut! I gave Mr. Poo my watch and jumped in leaving Poo and Alice to jog off the long way around the lake. We were definitely not a pack any more, but Suckit appeared as I was climbing out and duly jumped in for a swim. Dead Virgin took the swim option too.
Along the road a bit and we found Angry Inch running towards us, eventually figuring out where we were and found trail leading into the last 4 beer checks. I think I missed a beer check, and some how passed the other long run runners. Oh well, I’d done enough and had to get the circle started while the remaining runners made it back in fits and starts – Semen Soars being the last man in as the circle closed, and Cumalot strolling along with her headphones.
OnOnOn to the river market for some excellent food and some more post run analysis. Thanks to all who put in so much effort – and thank goodness it’s over! 😉
My GPS track has gained a bit of distance as I forgot to switch it off…
