Tag Archives: Brown Finger

17th Oct – CH4 – Bend Over

Posted on October 17, 2019 by admin| Leave a comment
VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Happy Happy Happy Hash! Bendover chose to sent us on the way to Sameong, in order to come back close to the canal road football field. I can’t complain too much – I hit 6 straight green lights on canal road – I should buy a lottery ticket!

After the harebrief, we set off into the nice cut through – I always wonder about that cut through – who built it? It must be man made. Anyway, I jogged along and superhuman Tasty was alongside and then just ahead at the first circle. No options – a cliff to the right, dense jungle to the left. Tasty carried on – I loitered and called for those behind to start checking, but nobody could spot a trail. No call from Tasty, so as the last of the back markers got to the check, I went back 150m or so to find trail heading off down the hill.

I was ahead for a while, and hit a circle near the road. As I checked back to the left, I saw the hare cruising past in his truck – I suspect trail wasn’t yet in place, but either way it wasn’t where I was looking, but had time to get back to Cartoon and Pussy Whisperer as trail was found further on the road. A V-check, and I was right, but here a breakaway formed with Tasty, Brownie and Graven. I held on to them for quite a while as we looped around on some nice, well marked trail. Good checks, but I managed to get to the checks as the others found trail.

At the W/R split, I decided to save my legs for tomorrow, and took the shorter route home. Good job!

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog, CH4 - Sunday, CH4 - Write Ups

Tagged , , , , ,

13th Feb – CH3 – Square Rooter

Posted on February 13, 2017 by admin| Leave a comment
VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Seriously Rooter? Are you fucking insane? WTF?! I’ve heard the philosophy of never let a good hill go to waste… and I’ve been on Turkish’s runs where he’s straight lined through shit to connect trails, and I’ve been on Belly Dancer runs where the sole intention is surely to take out half the hashers, but I can’t remember anything quite like today…

We know the area behind Doi Kham, I’ve hashed trails all around there, but clearly Square Rooter wanted to teach us something new today? The harebrief was clear warning – be wary about what was to come – walkers may as well go home, if you aren’t fit, just give up now… We set off, and set off gingerly… From the usual runsite we headed towards the “gully”. Last time rooter teased us with that trail before cutting straight back out to the right towards the regular trails (around “last man standing”). A couple of checks, and we were still heading up the dry river bed. Suckit commented that he’d never been that way before – I had, but when we carried on deeper, it was new for me too. I was interested – but surely there was a reason nobody had set runs there before?

After a km we got to the point Rooter had told us to turn back if not capable. A bit early, so most carried on. And then no checks for a while as the trail turned into a sheer climb. Sheer… Seriously – this went on and on, no trail, just straight up. So steep that trees couldn’t hold on to the side, and nor could the earth, with constant landslides – I felt sorry for whoever was behind me, but when I looked over my shoulder it was Turkey, so I didn’t feel quite so bad. Up ahead was Chuckie, Brownie and Suckit. They were only 40-50m away, but it might take a while for me to get there. We were crawling, scrambling, feeling out footholds. 28 minutes for 1km, in total 280m elevation change, but 170m elevation gain over 500m. It was complete insanity. I have no idea why anyone would attempt it once, let alone do it and then decide to make their friends do it?!

Finally we got to the “top”, or the ridge with a trail heading to the right up towards Doi Pui, or down towards the Sameong Road football field. It was already kicked out when Turkish, Piggy and I got there, and we started the descent. Taking it steady for a while as my legs got used to the idea of not having to climb, and gently easing into a run. Now the trail was a great running trail – nicely descending, if only it had all been like this! The sneaky lizard gizzard wizard colombian searching for lines of powder eased past us like he was very, very thirsty and had no qualms about sprinting down a steep hill. I kept my pace moving wondering if I would see the leaders again. We did, and managed to catch up at the bottom where clearly a few checks had slowed them down. Managed to come in not far behind, and watch as everyone else came in covered in mud – Sheep Shagger being almost the last back – midway through the circle…

Only the hare was later getting back – too ashamed to face up to punishment? I don’t remember a hash run quite so severe as this one, and I don’t remember a hare ever having to sit on ice for that long afterwards….

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog, CH3 - Monday, CH3 - Write Ups

Tagged , , , , ,

14th Jan – CSH3 – Foxy & TMB

Posted on January 14, 2017 by admin| Leave a comment
VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast)

It seems like every week is a ‘special’ run, with hares putting extra efforts in as the hash goes from strength to strength! We had the Xmas Eve run, the New Years Eve run, the Ball Breaker, and now a barbecue run at Foxy’s new place, with special contributions from 3 1/2 Inch, Anti Virus and Turkish Delight. The event drew out from the wordwork the likes of Bone Hur (& Bone Idol) amongst the throng of regulars and visitors! Numbers seemed reasonable when we set off on the run, but clearly quite a few extras didn’t realise just how (ffing) far down Hang Dong road it was, and just how many traffic lights we had to get through – the likes of Super family, Cool Balls & family, and the Shagless wedding party arriving late.

Those that were ready set off immediately to a circle check in the middle of Foxy’s compound. Finally Turkish found the trail after we had broken through a fence and escaped – he found trail, but waited a while before letting anyone else know, and it took the rest of us a while longer to figure out how to get to where he was calling from. We followed after Turkish and got to another circle. Turkish had gone 100m or so to the right, Brownie was reluctantly checking ahead, and while another couple milled around the check, I begrudgingly checked to the left – towards the Hang Dong road… It was a 0%’er, but someone had to do it. I got a full 100 paces, slowly, before that Tvrkish fvcking cvnt called. Tw@t c0ck tvrd d!ck cvnt. We saw him in the distance as we ran across a field to another circle. Again I got it wrong and checked right. I suspect Turkish had had time to check that way already, but others caught him as the call came – I didn’t see him again until he was sat back at the runsite. SCB.

Obscene led for a while, and suddenly we hit a very familiar trail – yes, Shagless had set here. A false trail to the right brought the pack together and then it was HRA and I checking forwards on the road. It was quite a way, but finally we found powder. The next circle was tucked around the corner. Brownie and Scooby carried along the road, and then pointed left and cut across. I went around the corner and saw them on a parallel road pointing at a tree. They said they had paper, but seemed confused about what to do. Apparently the BB screw up has given them mental scars and they were fearful of calling. Coming from the correct direction it made pretty good sense, the paper hidden on the back of the tree, and I set off. Brownie followed while Scooby continued confusing the pack behind us – arriving at the next check with only Brownie and Bob was a bit weird, but we all managed to check in completely the wrong places, twice, and now I was way behind again. Damn, I was getting everything wrong.

The trails were familiar, and I spent some time slowly moving towards the front, at one point the trail suddenly turned right, and I called Poo & Scooby back after they’d carried on forwards – well I called Poo back, and then spent a minute trying to remember what to call Scooby. Whatever, it worked, and we rejoined the front as they came back from a false trail. There was an obvious alternative, but I wasn’t placed in the right place to check it, so rather than just milling around I went left, and again was left behind. I was getting tired, and seemed to be constantly playing catch up, only to get it wrong when I did catch up.

Lizard Gizzard was ahead, but his advantage was negated by the pack recognising where we were and most not bothering to run around an extra loop. The pace had been quick – sub 7min per km, and I was starting to feel the pain. I dropped back a bit and watched the FRBs play the game. We could see Big C and I knew we weren’t far from home. We turned into a Moobaan, and there was a check that caught out most of the FRBs, and suddenly I was near the front with Graven and the Lizard. The Lizard missed trail for a moment and I was chasing Graven down – surely we would be home v. soon?? Trail turned abruptly left and suddenly the ground was spongy, moist and uneven. I walked taking care of my footing, while the rest of the pack charged past me. Half of them promptly sank waist deep into a nasty trap set my the hares! I remembered another run by Shagless when the same thing happened at the same point, but I can’t quite remember who it was that sank. We emerged back to the rice paddies, and Angry and I checked to the left along the edge of the fields, trying to avoid damaging them. Around 100m from the check, at the edge of the field, I spied Superman and Superbitch scuttling along the other side of a small creek – they were ON, so AI & I hopped over the creek and trudged in. Mostly a good running trail, but it really shows how long it takes to recover from a Ball Breaker like last week…

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog, CSH3 - Saturday, CSH3 - Write Ups

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

7th January – CH3 / CSH3 – Frozen Dick, Sheep Shagger & Graven Image (BALL BREAKER)

Posted on January 7, 2017 by admin| Leave a comment
VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.8/10 (6 votes cast)

Once a year the hashers of Chiang Mai come together for the annual Ball Breaker – a special run where bodies are pushed to breaking points, mental willpower is tested, resolve is broken, and only the toughest survive – oh and yes… BALLS are BROKEN! Let me get straight to the point, before wallowing in the details – a huge thanks to the haring trio – it is a huge undertaking, a lot of work, and the result was well worth it – a great run, a great challenge, one that truly lived up to the remit of breaking our balls. I survived it, I am a happy man tonight!

The build up to the ball breaker wasn’t so inspiring… There were many voicing concerns about it, and very little information forthcoming from the hares. Every time I spoke to Graven or Sheep Shagger they seemed to want to disown it, claiming they knew nothing about it, and they had no idea if there was any trail. When I spoke to Frozen, he seemed confident things would come together, but not in a way that inspired any confidence. With less than a week to go, logistics were up in the air (neither GM in town), who would bring beer? how about food? what time? I zoned out and assumed it would come together… The hares had talked a lot about struggling to find connects, but largely they had succeeded, or spent a lot of time and effort re-establishing trails.

I arrived ready for a 1:30 runstart, but the songthaew was late, and then runfees had to be collected, and then there was a photo op, and then there was an extended harebrief, where perhaps we might have to sign indemnity forms before we set off. Finally we were released, and set off over the dam wall. I was promising myself I would take it steady, and it seems everyone else also wanted to take it steady, which was good. Gone were those crazy 6 min km runs of recent weeks and we settled into the 8-10 minute range. Being somewhat familiar with the start of the trail, I figured we had to head over to the trail, and turn left, but the hares put in a bit of a loop around the field. Good for them – but Brownie and I headed across to the paper, and most of the pack followed. I hit the road, and the only benefit it gave me was getting to see Graven hiding behind a tree at a False Trail. Damnit!

We started up the hill, for the first time. Nobody really putting much effort in – I think Angry Inch was leading for a while here, but eager to step out of the way to let Brownie take over. It wasn’t much of a hill before a circle check and mass confusion. Trail started again very quickly, but we were all scrambling across shitty shiggy. The kind of shitty shiggy that hares hope we will have forgotten about before the end of the run. The only funny part of that was when Angry Inch cut across and came running down the hill to where I found another circle and suggested he turned around and went back up. The trail went down and Taste My Buns led us for a while as we found a nice trail that came back down the hill (presumably that is why the hares forced us through the shitty bit?) We were all together and the trail was clogged up. I was itching to run, but it was probably good for me that I couldn’t. At the bottom, of course we turned right, and then right again to go back up the god damn hill. This time the trail was better, and Brownfinger lead the way, but he led it gingerly – he was in no mood to break away this early.

We climbed and climbed and finally got to a ridgeline. Inevitably there was a check there, but I was already breaking left, and on trail. Nice trails along the top, from time to time overgrown with shiggy. Scooby and I took turns at the front as we tried to spot the paper. The small pieces in places weren’t as easy as they could have been, but it was perfectly followable. The trail abruptly broke left down the hill, and I immediately called for a false trail. I reluctantly followed Scooby to the inevitable, and we climbed back up to where the rest of the pack were heading off after Poo who had slipped through to the front. A large pack, all closely together. Another check, and order was switched up again. I somehow got to the front, in time to see yet another FUCKING false trail! Turning back, I also managed to find the true trail before the rest and led the way back off down the hill.

That was until a circle check. I got there first and looked left and right where there were precipices both sides. There was a nice enough trail going straight on, but why a circle here? You couldn’t go left or right without a risk of death. I suspected it was back up a bit and there was another way down, but as I was first there, I had the duty to check down the hill. I did so, over 100, before finally HRA called from somewhere – I had no idea where. I just didn’t really want to have to climb back up the sodding hill. I tried to get a clue which way to go and Poo helpfully suggested I cut around the hill – which way? to my right? I tried, but it was a cliff… I tried carrying back down the trail I was on, hoping I could cut across, and then came to the realisation that I had made a very grave error. I had no choice but to go back up and follow trail (as we should always do). I was way behind, but there was a long way to go, so I told myself to take it steady and I would get back sooner or later.

When I got back to trail I found Knock Out, and she was the first to be surprised to see me behind her. Next I caught Foxy Cleopatra, and then ABB – each time a surprised reaction. Next I caught the hares as they were busy putting in a short cut. WTF? Now I had to run further in the wrong direction and go back again?! I told them there were hashers following me, so they waited at the junction. I continued, and it was really pleasant, setting my own pace, running on really nice trails – really nice trails. There was a bit of a hill, and I was already hating hills, but finally I met with Pussy Whisperer, and rather than being surprised, he tried to talk me out of running, reminding me how much further there was to go! Down the hill I joined Toe Sucker and then ran along with Blows Herself for a while. Blows Herself is unimaginably positive, what an awesome life attitude!!!

Back down the hill and a mainish trail and suddenly Brownfinger, Sloppy and “Just” Bob appeared in front of me.. It took a few minutes for me to realise what had happened, a false trail, some confusion, again, and somehow I was back with the pack. Around the corner, up a short hill and there was Graven, there was “Beer Near” and the first beer stop. I had 9KM. I went to grab a beer, but somehow found soda manao, and my hand seemed to overrule my brain. Soda manao it was. Frozen pranced around fishing for information – who did what? who deserved the wings? who loved my run? Quickly the pack regrouped and set off again and there was a km or so of hardtop before another check. I walked over the two dams, trying to process the fizzy drink and by the time I got to the checks, I was a bit behind. I was quite happy with this, and set off with the goal of staying around 100m or so off the front of the pack, so I could avoid the work…

There was a hack up the hill, but all perfectly serviceable, and when we hit a flat trail, I had a good idea where we were again. I jogged gently, and caught Sloppy who seemed to be starting to feel the pain. Suddenly the pack came running back towards me calling false trail. To the right it was a steep cliff up, to the left a steep cliff down. Nothing obvious either way. I’d been going steady and looking around at the terrain and hadn’t seen anything promising. So while the rest of the pack went back on trail, I carried on, and spotted evidence that humans had passed to the right. I started climbing and found the paper. ONON. I was exactly where I didn’t really want to be… Climbing the hill, but at the front! I remembered there were some trails up there, but didn’t really want to be doing this climb. It was steep, and when I got to another circle I was really lazy checking off to the right. Brownie found it, and led us down to a trail. He went right, and was right, so Greasy and I were slow getting to the next check. I stepped off trail and took a moment to enjoy again the taste of that soda manao, in reverse…

And then was “the hill”. This was steeper than the previous hill. OK so the top wasn’t as high as the previous ridgeline, but we started the climb from lower down and it was a 150m elevation climb, steep. Brownie lead the way, and as I scrambled my way up I passed hashers on the verge of quitting. Sloppy and Angry were discussing whether there was a viable short cut. Sex Pistol looked in terrible shape begging for the next peak to be the final one. Finally I broke the top and set off back down the other side. Those ahead were gone, I was alone again, just pushing on following nice trails downhill. I caught Blows Herself again, and she muttered words of encouragement. At the bottom we were back on roads and I could see a sea of hashers ahead of me. Comfortable running, so I jogged along blanking out the pain. Somehow we turned into a field and somehow I got to a circle that wasn’t yet solved, and miraculously there was Graven, who showed me the way to a hidden trail that lead us down and out to the road. Brownie and I jogged down it together and we had survived to beer stop #2. I didn’t even have the energy or mental capacity to open up the back of Frozen’s pickup. While we weren’t finished, there was a plethora of hashers that had taken a ride from B->C, itching to go on. Whoa! Holdit peeps!?

It was hardly a beerstop… I didn’t even finish my manao soda. I barely dared to. But they were off again… AAAAARGH! My legs were starting to rebel, they didn’t want me to keep going. It wasn’t physical anymore, now it was mental. You will keep going. I walked, and lost ground. Even Tiptoe and his harem of ladies were gaining meters on me. But I am a stubborn fuck. Turning into the kings project I gifted the guards my empty can, and trudged on. The trail turned right, and a nice trail. Again a good km before a check, so everyone had dispersed in front of me. I heard the odd ONON, but couldn’t place them.

Then I got to “THE V” check. The hares had done so well so far, and then to fuck up monumentally at this point?! When I got there it was of course already kicked out. But it was kicked out wrong. Torn from the right, meaning go to the left, but when I followed the trail to the left, I found a check back, (very clear) and a confused Bob. We cut across to what we presumed was the other trail, but with the check being kicked out wrong I then had to climb back up to correct it. I made a clear arrow and headed back down the trail, only to find an even more confused Bob coming back saying there was no more trail. We looked to the right and found a circle. No trail leading to it, but it was kicked out in straight towards where trail started immediately. Hmmm… It didn’t seem right, but we could head On calls from various directions. We went on for a bit, but it just felt wrong, really wrong. The paper was stapled the wrong way, and now it didn’t have BB written on it anymore. I finally determined it was the CSH3 run of the day rather than the BB, and turned back up the hill and persuaded Bob we had to go back to the V check. On the way back we recruited Sex Pistol and had a new pack of FRBs.

Back at the V check we finally found the OTHER trail and reset the paper yet again. This time our new FRB pack gained Poo and Knock Out. I was feeling good again… Energised… We found unbroken checks, and we were the new kings! We were the FRBs! The others had screwed up, and we would be heroes! The adrenaline rushed through my body and my mind went numb. Nothing would stop me completing the trail now, because I had to do it! I bumped into the hares and gave them an update while the drove a merry HRA, daughter, Foxy and Pussy back to the A drinking happily. I got to another circle, looked around a bit, and found the trail, going back to get the paper from the circle. A malevolent Sloppy caught up asking why I was calling, but his attitude changed in a moment when he realised we were the FRBs. Suddenly he turned into a racist and was up for a fuck – yes, he wanted to fuck with me…???!!!??? We compromised on working together, and carried on.

Another couple of checks and then suddenly behind me there was Brownfinger. I had just called “Checking” off a circle check and he appeared saying “I’m checking tooooo…” in the creepiest scariest voice! Excellent work for that group that after going so wrong at the V check still made the effort to come all the way back and do the true trail. That took some balls that clearly hadn’t been broken quite yet, as if I was that close to home and beer, I would probably have made a different decision! We were into the last throws of the challenge. The hills were now gentle. The trails were good, and while they were running trails, our weary bodies were doing our best to move through them. While there were fantastic checks all through the run, the hares left some great ones till the end, and the lead turned over again and again. We were all delivered the highs and lows of changing emotions – I’m on (high), I’m off (low), he’s off (maybe high), my legs hurt (low)… We went over a dam, and I just thought it was the wrong lake, My car is by a lake, why isn’t it this lake??? Another circle, and Brownfinger’s final demise as he headed left with several following. Who would emerge as the leader? Greasy Gorilla solved the riddle and called us on through the last couple of checks and somehow I came jogging in with 3 1/2 inch floppy and Bob… When I say I came jogging in, in reality I was just happy it was downhill for the last 100m or so – I wasn’t jogging, I was just doing my best to control gravity…

Strava Fly By

An excellent set, my balls are truly broken and I’m sure many more are across Chiang Mai. The logistics worked, and everyone was safely able to complete as much as they were able – great job hares!

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog, CH3 - Monday, CH3 - Write Ups, CSH3 - Saturday, CSH3 - Write Ups

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

2nd Jan – CH3 – Sloppy Rod

Posted on January 2, 2017 by admin| Leave a comment
VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 8.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Without question, this was the best run so far this year! Way out past Baan Pong resort, so I just popped over for the run and headed home. Legs were still a bit stiff from Saturday, so I struggled to get going, but trotted along with Greasy across the dam at the start. Good to see some long time returners visiting for the holidays.

At the end of the dam, of course there was a circle check. Brownie scuttled off to the right, towards the dreaded hill the hare took us up not long back. I went left, and followed Greasy to the powder. The circle hidden from view of the road, but we’d driven in this way, and I hadn’t seen any powder. I followed Greasy to the left, and then he led the way towards the lake. Greasy was nailing them one after another, while everyone else went wrong.

I kept it steady, not out of choice, but out of stiff legs. Another check, and this one took a bit longer, even though it had to be away from the lake. A great trail was a real temptation, so I went further than I should have done. When it was called to the right, I went much further trying to find a way across, but eventually stumbled on a circle check, not long before Brownie got there. Graven & Brownie followed me as we went onto smaller trails, passing several opportunities for checks before we cut back down to the main trail.

Around the corner we went to the right of a lake, and then a circle check. I looked over my shoulder and everyone else turned around as though it was a false trail. I was the only one climbing the hill to check until Scooby joined me, but there were too many options. Finally some of the FRBs came back and started to help, but sadly Turkish didn’t come back – he went 300m++ past the circle to find powder and then started calling ONON as though he was saving our life! He lured the pack to short cut and we headed back to the A bucket – at least I stayed quiet when I missed a bit of the trail…

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog, CH3 - Monday, CH3 - Write Ups

Tagged , , , ,

17th December – CSH3 – Cumalot

Posted on December 17, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

Cumalot cast her eye over the men of the hash and selected Brown Finger to be her paper carrying bitch for the day, between them setting a run at the far south of canal road. I know Suckit knows this area like his own backyard – because it is… And I know Brownie stayed at Suckit’s when he first got back – did he learn the secrets?

The runsite was just off the canal road, which meant the first km was weaving its way through the little mud sois before we got to the hill trails. I jogged off and promptly got the first circle wrong. We circled Suckit’s place, but each time I got close to the front, there was another check, and I was forced to check the wrong way. I’m not sure if I really got to the front of the pack again, but I did a lot of checking the wrong way.

There was a little cut through that went past a Cruella D’Ville’s place, with a billion yappy dogs having some fucked up orgy. I was distracted and when we headed into the woods, I didn’t quite pick up on which trail we went in on, and so was a bit disoriented, and god these trails all look so similar. The checks were well set, slowing the FRBs down, keeping the pack together and cycling the lead, you can’t really ask for much more. I did get back to the front when Mr. Poo ran past a circle check without seeing it, Angry, Turkish & Graven followed me and sure enough I got the next V-check wrong, and was back in the middle of the pack.

The pace was good, the trails being flat and gently undulating, but I confess I was completely disoriented, and when I thought I recognised a feature, I could never be sure. I did know we were heading around to the right, and finally found myself again following Poo at the front. Another circle, and a complete gamble. Finally I knew where we were! Turn right and we hit old trail, turn left and it is a boring km of road to get home. Poo went right, I went left. After an eternity, Poo finally called, and I was at the back of the runners. On the positive side we didn’t have the km of road to do, instead, we ducked and weaved back on the opening trail, but the hare had diligently been out and cleared everything up, relaying the end of the run in powder.

Nice effort hares – a good run, a good circle from the acting, acting GM.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog, CSH3 - Saturday, CSH3 - Write Ups

Tagged , , , ,

12th December – CH3 – Byte My Yahoo

Posted on December 13, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

(Courtesy of Brownfinger)

So then, from beer and bar girls to chocolate milk and early nights. This is how some view the sad progressive demise of the Chiang Mai male hashing community. Indeed, with the ever increasing average age of the proverbial male hasher, it has been said that the wearing of incontenance pants after the run will soon become mandatory to avoid any unpleasant urinary accidents during the circle or on the way home in the songthaew.
While I will quickly add that the above concerns are merely what I have heard others say and are not my own, I will confess to feeling a little worried about quite what to do when setting a male hash run. In fact I have of late somewhat dumbed them down, not in the sense that I think male hashers are dumb sons-of-bitches, although that certainly is true in a number of cases, but in the sense that I have tried to make them easier, taking into account more obvious infirmities and the general dibilitating effects of the ageing process on physical abilities: a wimp/rambo split for a run over 5k, nice trails with no bushwhacking, no nasty hills or shitty shiggy.
So, have I become a little too gentile in my run setting? Is my natural inclination to protect myself and my ageing brothers from the ravages of a traditional male run warranted. Do male hashers want to be mollicoddled in their declining years. I was about to find out! Pro Byte and his evil alter ego, Dr Moriarty, were about to teach me a lesson or two I will do well not to forget!
Lesson number one. Always tell the slowest and most reluctant hashers that the run is a very tough one, that they might not be man enough to complete it, that if they want to have a go then they should arrive and start early. Ahhh, I get it, it plays to their vanity, makes them feel special and more determined than ever not to show any weakness, to complete the run and to demonstrate they can still cope with anything that any stupid hare can lay before them. A masterstoke! No need for a time-consuming wimp/rambo split, and if they collapse on trail then it would be their own stupid fault. After all, they had been warned!
With Frozen Dick and Tiptoe already pumped up and out on the run when we arrived, the hare herded us back into the songthaew and we set off down the road to the B site – an unusual B to A run, then. With a brief hare brief devoid of any instructions about what to do with false trails and the promise of a sub 7k run, we set off happily down the road, with Mr Poo and me running down hill ahead of a typically slow-starting pack. And it was here that Forest-Gump-Poo, for some reason unknown to anyone other than himself, decided to keep on running . . . and running . . . and running . . . seemingly taking no notice whatsover of any checks (or absence of) or calls (or absence of), and that was the last I saw of him until he arrived sweating profusley back at the A having run about 3k further than anyone else. Strange . . .
And then we were off into the forest and trails that Dr Byte had used for his ballbreaker a few years ago. I remembered some of them but certainly not all. Nice trails, until that is we came to the second (I think) false trail which happened not to have been on any discernable trail. Snowballs found it and he wasn’t quite sure what to do, because of course he hadn’t been briefed. I politely advised Snowballs to pick up some paper and reset the trail but because we weren’t on a trail it would have been difficult to reset even for an experienced Chiang Mai hasher, and as Snowballs hadn’t been briefed on how to reset a false trail . . . It was here that I began to feel a tad sorry for those who were behind in the pack. Would they be able to find trail, I wondered?
And then there was the hill of death, almost verticle with a slippery surface, only a few thin trees to steady the pace of descent. Snowballs had already tumbled beautifuly just ahead of the slide, but now it was the turn of that downhill headcase Angry Inch, who descended so fast that he actually took off into space half way down and only just manged to grasp hold of a tree, his momentum swinging his tiny Ewok physique almost 360 degrees before he was forced to let go. He sailed majestically upwards into the atmoshere and then fell hard, straight down into the gully by the side of the trail. OMG, the sickening, appalling noise of the crash, which I was absolutely convinced would result in a smashed skull or at the very least a broken limb. I was concerned. But I needn’t have been. Up popped the little Ewok from the undergrowth, bushing off the stckers from his stumpy legs, and with a shrill war cry on his lips, he ran off like nothing had happened at all. Amazing? Dumb?
Turkey, Turkey, Turkey. The hare had obviously briefed him before the run on how to fuck up every other hasher and “win”, and this the Turk did and almost did with the evil precision and mastery of Dr Moriarty himself. Turkey had somehow managed to worm his way to the front of the pack – way out in front . . . suspicious, I really think so. Off of a circle check, Turkey had taken the only trail available. By the time the rest of us arrived at the check, he had obviously been following paper for about three hundred metres or so without calling. So when he did eventaully call, the obvious line to take was directly towards the call which took us through nasty, waist-high shiggy and on to a water crossing that really couldn’t be made. Piggy correctly kicked out the check and laid paper in the direction of the call, in the direction to that shitty, shitty shiggy. Some of us circled through the deepest part of the shit and eventually found a safe water crossing point and others went back and tried to find Turkey’s trail that headed over a rickey old bridge. Safe to say that we lost a lot of time there while Turkey dissappeared into the distance, and the trail was completely fucked up for all those who followed. It was almost dark. Nice job Turkey.
And then we were heading towars the A site, but with a series of excellent false trails and checks we didn’t seem to be getting any closer to home. I will admit to a sneaky look at the GPS to verify this. I guesstimate that we stayed at a distance of 600m from the A for about 2k of running. What the fuck?
Finally, with an excellent false trail and a clever true trail (sorry Gravy) that brought us out just ahead of the false trail, there was the welome sight of the On In. There was concern that others would struggle to find there way back, particularly as I had not seen Poo since his early eccentricity, and had not seen Frozen Dick and Tiptoe at all. Where the fuck were they? It was very dark! But the hare was not concerned. All would be well in the end. After all, he had warned them. And there was a well-stocked BBQ, and cold beers. We had in fact run about 9k (Poo 11k) and so we sort of tucked into the BBQ and beers with increasing relish and forgot about those left out on the trail . . .
It was very, very dark, but then the stragglers appeared out of the gloom, and I waited for a reaction. But surprise, surprise there were only fist-pumps and smiles, no angry voices. We demolished the rest of the meat and crisps and swilled the cool beer that always tastes its best after a long, hard run. Piggy conducted the circle in a fun and participative manner that has become his wlcome trademark style – good job GM!
So what lessons did I learn from Pro Byte’s run, appart from the excellent way in which to engage those who may not otherwise wish to partake in a tough, long hash that I have already referred to. Well, it is clear that handled correctly you can get away with just about anything. Us old guys might moan a bit but when the chips are down we can still cope with and thoroughly enjoy a traditional, long, tough male run and still be physically able to eat like pigs and drink beer like thirsty camels. You can almost maim a male hasher (Angry Inch), get someone to fuck it all up (Turkey), wear hashers down to the bone physically (9+k – excleent job Frozen/Tippy), and use all forms of dangerous terraine (death slides – waiste-high shiggy) and still we will come back to the A ready for some beers and fun in the circle. Thanks for the lessons hare, I’ll be sure to use them well on my next male hash trail :-)
Great job all round, Pro Byte, or does Dr Moriarty now hold permanent sway over the mind of the most intelligent Chiang Mai hasher . . . mooo-ha-ha-ha!
Long live the male hash! We don’t need no stinking incontence pants – well not quite yet, anyhow!

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog, CH3 - Monday, CH3 - Write Ups

Tagged , , , , , , , ,

10th Dec – CSH3 – Superman & Superbitch

Posted on December 10, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 0.0/10 (0 votes cast)

The Sups family teamed up for an adventure behind the Night Safari. With more than 2,000 runs between them, and in their own backyard – we could surely expect a hashing treasure?!

The hare brief didn’t sound overly confident – something about being chased by the police or army or something? Hmmm… We set off and Just Cuming & Sheep Shagger ran off up the hill… WTF? Up the hill? Even Brownie felt he had to run to stay ahead, while Poo and I trudged up with Jingly Titties wondering what had happened to the world. A KM or so without checks, and a gruelling KM up up UP! Finally we broke left and had a fun, fast run back down the hill. Brownie leading until he got a check wrong and finally we got to the bottom just behind Tasty, and another circle check. This circle would fox us for a LONG, long time… There was simply no trail off it. We searched left, we searched right, we hacked around in shiggy, and nothing…. I had pretty much given up and decided to head around the road, and poked around here or there, while the rest of the pack also hunted for paper. A group of us got together, and finally we found another circle check – around 500m along the road from the previous circle. It was clear the trail had been tampered with…


All the hashers seemed happy to have found trail again, while I was thinking a beer might be nice. Sure enough I got that check wrong, and Graven was the first to lead us up a scramble where Brownie was really struggling to get his footing. We followed paper into the jungle and then no more paper. No check… No paper… Nothing… Nada… We all spread out, and again, we were foxed for some time. This time it was as though the hare had forgotten to put the check there, or somehow hidden it so cleverly that nobody found it. Poo called from the right, but by then I was on the next hill, poking around. I continued, and ended up in a overgrown mess, with calls coming from all around. I hacked my way through shitty shiggy, and finally came to somekind of a trail, and immediately a circle. Perfect, pristine, untouched! I just didn’t know where the circle fitted into the run, and certainly wasn’t in any place to call… I checked to the left a bit, nothing, back and up the hill, and I heard Brownie and Graven approaching from the right just before I found the paper… OnOn! That worked out nicely!

At the next check Brownie and Graven were closing me down – I didn’t dare look back, but it did sound like they were skipping and holding hands, and when I checked straight they were definitely following me. It was a narrow trail, so I pondered how they were holding hands AND moving so quickly! Another circle and I took off to the right while they went straight on the main trail… Come on boys, I’d just heard you talking about how you would get off the main trail if you were the hare, but then again, I guess you needed the wider trail to check together? 😛

I found paper, and headed on some serious zigzag chicanes down to the ‘cut through’ with Tasty not far behind. We zigged left, we zagged right, we zigged left again, and at the cut through I was running along hoping to stay ahead of Tasty, when BAM! no more paper… Again… A feeble voice from up ahead and pretty randomly there was Sloppy Rod! Where had he appeared from? Was he doing the run, or just jogging around randomly… He wasn’t on paper, and nor were we. I decided I was thirsty enough to give up on this and headed back, drawing a few of the hashers with me to the safe route up the road to the beer. It would have been a great trail with a few more checks, and without someone sabotaging it!

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog, CSH3 - Saturday, CSH3 - Write Ups

Tagged , , , , , , , , ,

1st December – CH4 – Dodgy Cock

Posted on December 2, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Seriously? Two weeks running and we ran out of beer mid-circle? No matter what happened on the run, or in the first half of the circle, for me I just remember leaving early and thirstily… The formula has worked for years, strange that we ran out so quickly last night.

Not much else really matters… We gathered at the canal road football field at the prearranged time, had a harebrief and we were off. Across the road and we followed paper into the little lane, until it just stopped. I assume a check was missing, or perhaps we couldn’t spot some leaf coloured paper amongst the leaf coloured leaves. I checked to the right and finally got called back down.

I caught up again after a false trail when ABB spotted trail heading up the hill. This was a familiar start, and without any checks on the way up, Brownie took off with Piggy to get a false trail to the right at the right angle turn. Along a bit and a V-check. Last time it was left, and I was wrong – I went right again, and was wrong… again… It wasn’t much of a loop around to get back on trail and I popped up just ahead of the pack. I could hear them just behind, but after I nailed a couple of checks, they weren’t getting any closer. On the mud road I waited for TMB so she didn’t have to waste energy on the false trail to the right and we ran down to the road.

Across the road, and not many checks as we carried on running. Brownie caught me after one check, and then promptly had to check the wrong way on a couple of checks – he needs the exercise. I lead the way down the hill, and I suspect another false trail to the left, but no chance of me turning left and sure enough there was trail to the right. Brownie and Piggy chasing me with 3 1/2 inch floppy in amongst it. A final V check, and then nothing? False trail one way, no paper the other… I limped in scratched up from the shiggy…

Got back, and yup… not enough beer.

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog, CH4 - Sunday, CH4 - Write Ups

Tagged , , , ,

26th November – CSH3 – Cuckold

Posted on November 26, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
VN:F [1.9.11_1134]
Were you there? - Rate the Run!
Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Cuckold teamed with Dodgy Cock for a run out in Maejo. Last week I went backwards, so why not go backwards again today? The OnOnOn was at Baxtah’s in Souf Chiang Mai, and quite a few of the out of towners made the effort to head in, myself included. I had a damn fine burger, and extra fries, with excellent service – if only Cuckold had spent a little less time with the karaoke mic in his hand! Ubered my way home for 95B (-75B discount) = total 20B – not bad, not at all bad! Let me know if you want a discount code 😉

Anyway, hours before the drunken mayhem happened at the ononon, we were in Maejo, and I was carefully driven by my None of Your Business. Finally he was back on the hash, and fit enough to run the first part at least. In the harebrief we were told that we were running on leafsized paper, which the hares called “orange”, but a more accurate shade was “autumnal”. It was as though the haree had selected some dried leaves, headed to a paper mill and asked them to make a batch of leaf coloured paper. Inspired…. or not….

We set off and finally distinguished some paper from the leaves, and then promptly a circle check in the water run off. Mhmmm… Nobody bought it, except me, as I was first there, and obligated to check across the other side. I did, and turned right, to rejoin the pack at the next check. Brownie struggled to follow paper through a bit of shiggy, so I took over at the front, and luckily got first choice at the next check down the main trail… I was running well, and promptly got the next one wrong. I joined Sloppy, and as we passed a junction he stopped, chuckled, and turned back laughing as he had seen an autumnal leaf down the trail to the right… Sadly for him, it was an autumnal leaf, and not the indication of a false trail ahead.

We had got to the square lake, and headed right towards the hills. Another check, and while checking it was called to my left – Sloppy went back, Graven and I went the other way around and rejoined trail. Brownie had the lead and was off sucking up orange squares like pacman. As the rest of us reached a mainish junction we were more sceptical. Why no check? Knowing the trails, there was only one reason for there not to be a check there – we would be back to another trail that wasn’t far away… Note to hares- you could have put a V-check there…

Further down a circle, and Brownie was way off paper, and I led the pack into a field, with a sneaky circle in the middle of the field… Nicely played hares, nicely played. Sloppy called that one when the rest of us were way out of the picture, and then came the epic FRB game play from the Slopster. NO surprise he ran away before the circle started… Up ahead we could see him dart off to the right, and then come back and say he found a circle, but thought he saw some paper to the right. MOFO! All he saw was a complete deadend, but he played it to his advantage… and advantage that didn’t last long. I’m sure he wasn’t disoriented, but checking left at the next check made no sense to me.

The trail was starting to piece together for me, and at 5km in, I didn’t like the prospect of the hill that was still ahead, but it was there, and no way of avoiding it… Why oh why were the hares going to punish us like that??? In some ways it is an advantage to know the area, and in some ways I wish I didn’t know what was coming… Another check, and the rest of the pack checked straight (durrrh), and I was the only one to go right. I was on… sadly on… heading back to close to where there had been no checks before, and as trails were very close, of course there were still no checks. I pressed on alone, calling, and hearing faint calls from behind. Uphill.. I ran for a while, walked for a while, tried to keep pushing, knowing there was no avoiding the ridge at the top… Yes, this late into the run, the hares were going to take us all the way to the ridge.

Very few checks… Not many options on the way up, and had I been behind I would probably have cracked, but I pressed on, knowing that somewhere behind Brownfinger was chasing… What checks there were I got right, until I didn’t. I thought the hares would head towards the 5 way split, but perhaps they weren’t sure where they were and took the mainer looking trail? I went left, and nothing. I went the long way around – there were no calls from the other direction and I had a bit of a lead, so I just managed to pop up back on trail just ahead of Turkish and Brownie.

From there, holy fuck… seriously holy fucking fuckity fuck fuck… There were no more checks, it was a straight on fuckity run run… Every step I took had Brownie right behind me, pushing me, and with him was Cotton Buds? I forget the visitors name… He was coughing like Poo. It was only the narrow trails that stopped them from passing me… while I was close to collapsing, somehow Brownie was able to maintain a steady commentary of the run behind… “You can do it… Byte, it’s just another 10 metres… These are the ones that count… You’re going to do it… Good job!” How can he speak??? How is that human? Finally there was the road, and the onin… I was ready to collapse… I let Brownie overtake if he brought me a beer back – he didn’t….

8.66km… A tough run for a Saturday hash. It worked for me, but for the hash there should have been a lot more checks in the second half as the pack stretched out a lot. It was a really great run for the runners, with great checks in the first half, but probably a little long for a regular Saturday run?

→ Leave a comment

Posted in Blog, CSH3 - Saturday, CSH3 - Write Ups

Tagged , , , ,