Tag Archives: Big Top

10th November – CSH3 – Square Rooter

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Rating: 9.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Is Square Rooter finally mellowing in his old age? He chose a run site with a great view out over some rolling hills, rather than at the bottom of a steep mountain. With positive comments about the run being passed around in advance, we set off with the returning Horny Monkey picking up the first check.

The 2nd circle had us foxed for a while, the trail continuing across the road and through a blocked gate across the field. Duly delayed the pack was together as we ambled up to the ridge line and along the top. There Square Rooter had invented a brand new check – a circle with trail leading in 2 directions, with one trail just stopping. It was Doesn’t Get It that led us nowhere and later Skiddy that found the true trail. By this time I was half a kilometer away at the bottom of the hill. I made attempts to get back, but in the end skirted up the road and intercepted Skiddy as he came down the trail.

With Poo in hot pursuit we hit some fantastic running trails that we could really open up on. With these trails Square Rooter was really spoiling us! From nowhere Skiddy appeared in front of me at a V check – he’d found some cunning short cut. The trail then took us off in a pointless loop back to a few yards from the check back I’d already seen. Beautiful Box, Unplugged, Sticky Wicket and Big Top were all seen passing through the check back and joining the front pack for a slog up the steep hill where the hare was grinning like a toothless fairy.

HRA took a turn at the front only to get the last check wrong, and it was Sloppy Rod that lead the way (IN FLIP FLOPS FFS) down the stony path back to the A. That was a really, really nice run.

4th November – CH4 – Angry Inch

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Rating: 9.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Angry Inch was the hare, but it seemed he did a fantastic job of delegation – delegating Poo to set the trail and run the circle! Poo decided to live hare it and asked for a 10 minute head start. Angry Inch really didn’t want us to leave, but after 5 minutes we set off in pursuit.

It appears that Poo had already broken live haring etiquette, by pre-laying trail – the first False Trail which bought him an extra few minutes. In the confusion it was Frozen Dick that ended up as FRB, and for the 2nd day running inexperienced FRBs caused confusion to reign, and Poo was surely off into the distance by then.

We all know the Ag centre well, and hares essentially have a choice – running along the flat trails at the bottom of the hill, OR going up the hill. NOT BOTH! Given that it was a live haring, the flat trails seemed the obvious choice – Belly Dancer cut across and claimed he caught the hare… Anyway, it was through the orchard (de ja vu) and along the reservoir – the trails much more overgrown than previously. Poo even managed to build a blockade to suggest he hadn’t been through.

My legs started feeling the effects of Bone Hur hill yesterday, my head was feeling the effects of an evening with Evil Big Top, so I was unsettled that we set off to do the loop around the big field which would add a couple of km to the run. Abruptly there was a circle check and the trail cut left UP THE HILL! Huh? Is Poo some kind of superman? A live hare, after 5km decides to go up the hill? Nobody wanted to check that way, but sure enough the trail went up… I’m guessing that the beer stop was up there somewhere – Square Rooter and I thought better of it – afterall what goes up must come down!

When we got back, having crawled under a barbwire fence, there were already quite an assembly at the A bucket. Conspicuously no hares, but plenty of short cutters! The hares strolled in after about an hour, and Humperdick lead the FRBs in a while after that with them appearing from all directions. I think only Humperdick actually came from the same direction as Poo. Skid Mark was DFL clocking up 9.5km! Nice run, I do like the live hare scenario, but not sure my legs will recover in time for a return to male hashing tomorrow…

3rd November – CSH3 – Bone Collector

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Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast)

Along the canal road to the Bone Residence – having run here several times before, I guessed what to expect – visualising the run up “Bone Hur Hill” as usual. The first thing out of the ordinary was as we were sent out the back gate, rather than as usual along the drive and out the front gate. Interesting – Belly Dancer put in his usual charge, but I couldn’t let him have his moment of glory and charged away at the front with Crazy Crack and Nam Ron following behind.

After half a km or so we got to the first circle, and having the pick I chose right, with the idea of crossing the causeway just around the corner. After 50m I was surprised to see paper on the left as though it was coming around the corner. I was skeptical, but what the hell “ONON!”. Straight along the road, and another circle. Nobody wanted to check right as it would take you back to the house, but eventually Leon (later inappropriately named ‘Hand Some’???) called on on. And there was the On-In… Ooops, bit of a Fuck Up. Runners were tempted to go back in, but we managed to persuade enough people to go back only to find all the walkers heading in the right direction as directed by Bone Hur.

Confusion reigned as walkers were the FRBs, and they didn’t know how to deal with the checks. We hit the hill and it was Nutcracker that lead the way up. I got a check badly wrong and ended up trying to pass Burrito Butt on the narrow trail. The trail kept going up and up and up. Damn you hares!

I lost ground on Chuckie, Poo and Nam Ron as the hill took it’s toll on me. Finally we reached the top, and I could pass Big Top, Nutcracker and Joint Venture on the steep descent to the road. The road? We must be around 2km out at this point. Argh! Knowing where the OnIn was didn’t help and the few checks there were did nothing to bring the pack together. Oh well, it was a pleasant trail nonetheless.

OnOn

27th October – CSH3 – Slippery When Wet

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Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast)

A virgin hare – which means weeks of panicking in the desperate hope that everything works perfectly! Slippery was a nervous wreck for an hour or so before the run as he busily counted people as they arrived in the desperate hope they reached the magic #40 – which would trigger the reduced entrance fee to Ratchapreuk. He shouldn’t have worried, over 50 hashers showed up. Knowing we would be going inside Royal Flora, meant we knew it would be a flat run, no mountains and probably not the longest run/walk. The hare brief consisted of promises that we could short cut, along with some confusing new checks.

Then we were pointed across the car park in the direction of the park entrance. Cunningly the hares had extended the run by using the car park half a km from the entrance! Once inside the first circle was pivotal to know which way around the park we’d go – I got it right, left it was. Immediately I did a little loop around a garden just to get back to where the short cutters could see me.

At the next check there was a large lake, which surely we’d go around? Nope. After a few more loops around in circles we had Belly Dancer leading Big Top and others straight lining their way to keep up. The trail took us up some stairs, but at the bottom there were arrows pointing in all directions. What the hell, I’ll play the game and run up the stairs only to run around a big circular balcony while those below watched and laughed. Again Belly was at the front, and his competitive spirit pushed him to run through a check back to find inevitable trail further along, calling us to confusion as we doubled back on the trail in the wrong direction.

When Turkish Delight and I finally figured it out we found Skid Mark and Humperdick already ahead along with Angry Inch. How they managed that I have no idea! We doubled back past the temple, and again were completely confused searching for trail which had perhaps been washed away. All of a sudden it was Just Cumming as the FRB – wtf? How did he get there? Humperdick stood grumbling about the dutch windmill missing an arm as we ran through the international gardens. Finally heading back towards the entrance with Skid Mark and Turkish Delight, and with Unplugged, Plan and Big Top short cutting their way towards us.

From the looks of facebook this morning, while we were busy running, most of the ladies just went for a photo shoot in the park, posing in front of different flowers etc. Either way it was a very different hash. When hares try to do something different, it always takes some extra efforts, and is also prone to turning into a fuck up! This time, they’d thought it out, and it worked – lots of smiling faces for the circle. OnOn.

14th October – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

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Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast)

A BmY live hared always gets the blood pumping a bit faster and after reading Frozen Dick’s Facebook post about how a trail is a ‘work of art’ – I fully expected BmY to apply his vast intelligence into setting something pretty special.

However …. Evil Big Top conspired with Chuck Wao and Mr Poo to thwart his endeavours the night before by plying him with beer. Grease Gorilla too had been enlisted to further fill him with sambuca …. Fortunately I decided that a peaceful night before Anything came back from Phuket was a more sensible option than heading into town (no one saw me did they? 5555).

I got a bleary phone call at 12:35 Sunday lunchtime from BmY asking be to bring along a powder bottle – rats had devoured his bottles – and I asked if his co-hare was ready? There was earlier promise of Fish and Tits co-haring with BmY, but he forlornly said since she learnt of her role in the run – she had gone A.W.O.L.

So I headed off (yet again) to Doi Suckit and BmY’s favourite running territory and there was a nervous panic stricken BmY waiting – hummm – whats to become of this? BmY then proceeded to tell me about the dump trucks carrying away his run!! This did not look promising at all – I was even more perturbed when he told me where he had hidden the beer – did he seriously think I would get there first to find it!?

A good crowd of 28 turned up and a shaking BmY got on with the hare brief (well … a rather long brief) and after Skid Mark had been selected for precision time keeping – BmY was given a 5 minute head start.

Grease Gorilla had brought KY and was eager to run BmY down – Chuck Wao and Mr Poo looked like they’d just fallen out of bed. Humperdick along with Cant Stop Cumming, Cock Climber and her sexy sister (Clit Climber?) led the early charge.

On Out and as usual I got to the first check and proceeded to get it wrong … just … as Cant Stop Cumming just found the paper ahead of me … BmY had won the day at this check as all the FRB’s were totally off course and must have taken 2 or 3 minutes for them to regain the lead.

Through some modest shaggy and then round BmY’s scenic lakes – this was some great hashing – the checks kept the pack nicely together with me alternating between which was the better view – the trail, Knockout or Seman Soars daughter Lauren (Pussy Sores?).

On the look out for the BN (beer near) marking and BmY’s cryptic description of where to find it – after 2.3km there was the FRB huddle were supping into it. It turns out that 6 can’s was enough for everybody – more smart thinking BmY! I (stupidly) thought that this was half way and would help BmY out by bringing his mini-eske back – humm – not a smart move on my part!!

A little before we got to the main canal – a V-check totally screwed the FRB’s – it had been kicked out wrong as I arrived, perhaps it was Cant Stop Cumming who went the right way and called on – but by now BmY was no doubt back at the ‘B’(?) supping his 2nd beer.

At the canal the obligatory check left the temptation to head back down the road a tempting option – surely BmY would not have much more left in him? Wrong – the run became a bit more challenging – with a circle check hidden by a stream crossing catching us all out and bringing the pack together – Skid Mark or Dog Shit I think found the innocuous little trail off this.

Through some shiggy and then some road (hummm) … then into a buffalo field that forced us to slow down and finally the pack was dispersing. Glancing at the GPS as we finally reached the canal again – 6.66km!!

BmY claimed an 11 minute gap on FRB Chuck Wao – well done Sir – a great RUN despite the attempts to thwart you!!

An exhausted BmY handed the circle over to RA Mr Poo – who did a fine job entertaining the circle. (Lovely) Dog Shit’s new girlfriend (Nam Tarn) was awarded the female wings and Humperdick unjustly got the male wings for admiring Knockout’s butt!!

OnOnOn to the restaurant opposite the Airport in anticipation of picking up the Bunnies returning from Phuket. More inspired planning from BmY – Thanks for a fun day – (and I want my bottle back before your rats eat it!).

OnOn
BD

Scout:-
Set:-

13th October – CSH3 – Mr. Poo

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Rating: 8.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Mr. Poo chose Frozen Dick to co-hare with him, and that explains why the run was way out past Doi Saket, and not at Wat Umong or the Boy Scout Camp..! Anyway, we made our way out to the outstation, with Superman and Chilly Pussy missing the run start. Sups was duly punished for not getting the beer there on time, and Humps protested the lack of water. Turkish had already confused most of the drivers by stopping at the wrong A site, while Big Top, Geisha Gash and Shagless cruised way past the A bucket, presumably scouting future runs?

After such a shambolic start, we set off and I immediately got the first check wrong, but I caught back up with the FRBs as we approached a lake that I have some less than fond memories of. Jogging down away from the lake, I kicked a snake by mistake – ugh!!! At the cross check, Chuck Wao correctly guessed uphill and after coming back from the check back a largish group proceeded up the hill. They hares had done a good job with the checks, and there were some more tough ones to come – Skiddy found the paper after a great check that brought everyone back together before sending us down a tiny ‘trail’? We scrambled across a hill and as we emerged to a small trail the other end, we were completely disoriented.

Turkish got the pick of the check and cruised off the way we all wanted to go. We suspected him of silent running and followed after him – meanwhile, Sloppy Rod was the silent running c*nt who wanted to win like a racist bastard and refused to call again for the rest of the run. As Chuck Wao, myself and HRA pursued him fortunately he got his just deserts and was later punished on the ice.

The circle was fun, and then it was in to town to be punished by the evil Big Top!

6th October – CSH3 – Cool Balls

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Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

It’s outstation time! Cool Balls had been warming up to this epic for weeks! First up it’s at Khun Yuam – about 20km north of Mae Sariang… 20km MY FUCKING ASS!!! Close to 100km along steep winding roads more like it. Once everyone had signed up he offered us half a dozen different ways to get there – the quickest of which was about 5 hours – short of hiring a helicopter of course!

Hashers straggled into the resort throughout the afternoon, weary from their rides / drives etc. We drank our way through Friday evening, with a restful day on Saturday, UNTIL 3pm when we gathered for the hash. I’d noticed Cool Balls and Redundant Semen slip away for around 4 hours in the morning, which was ominous… It was more ominous when Cool Balls appeared to lose the start of his run – emphasized as it took us 700m to find the first bits of paper.

Shortly after Chuckie and I split at the first V check – he was right, I was wrong. Where I say ‘first’ V check, actually it was the ONLY V check. And it seemed there were only 2 more circle checks to go as well – in 9.5km… YES 9.5km with 3 checks!

The trail led us down to a river, with a nice concrete bridge over it – apparently the only bridge the hares could find! I caught up with CW as he was turning back from a water crossing – I persuaded him otherwise and he joined the rest of the crazy hashers for a dip – not much that can be done on an A->B run! If you go back to the start, there’ll be nobody there…

We gamboled our way through some rice fields, with HRA and Anything somewhere up front. Chuckie vocalised his displeasure in typical style as we jogged on to a snake and leach infested corn field. A circle check had us all confused and 30 odd hashers dispersed through the field following what appeared to be trail, but which then trickled out. Finally Skiddy found the trail, the other side of the river, and we all dutifully waded through it. Lucky Skiddy had his camera to capture the moment. We then waded along the river to where the cars were waiting at a “B” stop.

After a beer, it was HRA that rustled up some hashers to go out on a 2nd leg – Humperdick showing fine form, with Unplugged, Snail Trail, Anything, Big Top, Cumalot, HRA, BmY, Skiddy braving the inevitable hill. Sure enough, he sent us back over the river (over a bridge this time), and straight to the foot of mount doom. There were no more checks, it was just a straight up climb. Probably one of the steepest hills Thailand has to offer, and every step sapped my energy to the point of collapse near the top. Fortunately, what goes up, must come down, and the downhill was a great running trail. I opened up, tracking Humpers, but only catching him when he screwed up at an invisible check – the cunning hares had again found a way to bring us back together, without using checks.

Through the rice fields and we were surely on our way home… I was so weary, I’d forgotten we were the wrong side of the river. Here it was narrower, faster, the current strong on my weary legs. Humps nearly fell too, so I stalled with HRA to pluck the ladies out as they surely got swept away – or rather, I stayed to watch HRA pluck the ladies out as none of us really had any energy left. Unplugged and Anything would have found a shorter route back to Chiang Mai had HRA not rescued them.

An epic 9.5km run. It had everything – water, ricefields, trail, climbing, descending through some truly spectacular countryside. If it wasn’t for the hash we would never experience it, so as the pain subsided, we appreciated the efforts of the hares more.

11th August – CSH3 – Humperdick

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Rating: 8.5/10 (2 votes cast)

We set off towards the football field along the canal road, only to drive past it and weave our way along bumpy roads to a novel run site – so novel that HRA was desperate to plot the co-ordinates so he could return and steal the route again, while many of the female driving hashers were already worried about a dark exit… The perfectionist hare was already busy assisting Turkish with his erection.

Right on cue Sups arrived so we could unload and set off in good time. I careered off, sprinting down the hill, only to get the first check completely wrong and have to pick my way through hashers as we doubled back straight up the hill to where the hare was waiting. Bastard.

We jogged along, and then scrambled through some shiggy and finally intercepted some familiar trails. The pace was ok, with Chuckie, HRA, myself, Unplugged, Horny Monkey and occasionally Turkish taking turns at the front. We climbed up a gentle trail, before plunging down a road – time to open up the legs, only to find a sharp corner at the bottom as the sadistic hare turned and took us back up the hill again. Argh – Chuckie, loving the hills, hit the front and nobody could keep pace with him. We arced back down and surely this would be it? No – there was more pain to come with another climb to get over to the next valley – from the top of this final ascent Turkey’s Erection had the ladies gasping and all charged towards it. As I finally dropped to a walk on the road at the On-In, I was suddenly passed by a pack including Roger D and Big Top! WTF? Where did they come from? Clearly they came straight along the road missing the final climbs. Short Cutting and Sprint Finishing – excellent hash behaviour.

28th July – CSH3 – Turkish Delight

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Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast)

As time passes, there is a tendency to forget past haring mistakes, but as I traveled to the run site my mind was awash with fear. I encouraged fellow hashers to come along, lets hope they would and I was encouraged that Big Top had stepped up as co-hare – surely she could control him?

Turkish made his latest erection, and gradually the parking area filled with hashers – each discussing bad experiences they’d had on TD’s runs in the past – and each talking about different runs. Big Top was delegated to give the hare brief – where she explained about the Wimp / Rambo split, and without saying it directly, she encouraged us to take the Wimp option – turns out she meant to say “Don’t do the Rambo, it’s shit!”.

Nonetheless, we set off charging through fields (without permission), towards the base of the inevitable ascent. I screwed up the first circle and rejoined the FRBs at the 2nd circle, and started checking up the hill – sure enough a bit over 100m, I spotted some paper, and gave the customary “On! On!” – just at the same time the rest of the pack were directed by Turkish in the opposite direction – the hare himself being an FRB on his own run. What to do? I was joined by Alice, Frozen Dick and Unplugged for a discussion on the side of a rocky mountain. We divided with Unplugged and I scrambling up the trail in reverse. It wasn’t much fun – rocks, trees, wasps, boulders, stones, bees, spiders, shiggy, certainly no opportunity to run.

Eventually we ran into Chuck Wao and HRA, who suggested the other half of the rambo trail was probably even worse, and persuaded us to turn back and face the rocks, spiders, bees etc. again. Finally we emerged into a field and the last 500m or so was great. The beers started flowing. The wimps returned lauding what a nice run they’d had, while none of the FRBs had anything pleasant to say. The circle started, and finally Dog Shit returned, and then later Frozen Dick.

At least the food was good! 😀