Category Archives: CUMH3 – Write Ups

My legs were like lead weights, but nonetheless I dragged my ass out to the run site south on 106 towards Lamphun. The first sign was a little hard to spot, but within moments I was at the run site – Belly Dancer already prancing around eagerly, Dogshit midway through another story about the Philippines and Skid Mark with his schadenfreudic (?) glee knowing what he had in store. Superman stumbled around the corner from his factory and Humpaday showed up on the back of someone’s bike. It seems we had no problems finding it, but where was the songthaew?

Screw them! At least we could kick the checks out and help them to catch us up if and when they arrived – so we set off with Belly Dancer in his usual early sprint. With only 5 of us the checks were tough and too often we had to wait for Superman’s experience to lead us on. I’ve not run along with Sups much before, but he’s shrewd and demonstrated that I was getting no benefit from running around like an idiot as I could just follow him instead!

Skiddy had set his usual fare of stickers, balance beams, narrow trails and water crossings. I danced my way over one branch 4 times as I took on the brunt of the checking each circle. For some reason when we were finally rescued by Skiddy my GPS recorded twice as far as Belly’s did! So much for checking huh? Or maybe that’s why his runs are twice as long as anyone else!

Dogshit and I ignored Skiddy’s fearful words and we carried on along the trail, choosing the unmarked wimp trail to take us back (powered by Frozen Dick’s GPS). As we got back it was starting to get dark and the Songthaew boys were darting around looking for the On-In. Full of energy they were also full of stories! I’m shocked how anyone could make up so many different versions of the same story about simply sitting in a Songthaew for 2 hours!! Nonetheless that was the way the circle headed, and eventually we escaped to a fine German restaurant for meat (and salad). What we did of the run was fun, it was frustrating not to get further into it, but that is all Mr. Poo’s fault!

Belly Dancer’s runs should come with a warning label… Actually they do, and this one had warning labels pasted on trees! I was sat in my office pondering whether to subject my weary body to another near death experience – hoping that more students would come to meet me, but I escaped the office and set off along the Old San Kampaeng road towards the run site where BD nearly killed us earlier in the year. The route to the run site was enough to turn Chuck Wao and Square Rooter back and Semen Soars had to be escorted in by the bus. Needless to say, the start was delayed as BD kept warning us not to take the Rambo option… – Not after 5:15…

We set off and I lucked out on a couple of checks through some rice fields before we trudged along a road heading closer to where BD had tried to kill us. The checks were good (tough) and kept the pack together. At one point Suck It and I contemplated swimming across the canal to save running 200m or so back to the bridge after hitting a long, long check back. Early on Frozen Dick was marshalling the troops from each check, but it wasn’t long before we lost him and 11 strong we finally entered the hills.

Mr. Poo kept everyone’s spirits low by giving us a countdown to missing the Rambo trail – “T minus 5 minutes…”, “T plus 2 minutes….” Yep 5:15 went past and we’d not seen any sign of a split. Suck It suggested we did the Rambo anyway – he didn’t want to pussy out on a Wimp trail with the 50k coming up next weekend, but slowly all hope faded. As we scrambled up shiggy to another difficult circle check everyone was losing hope. Graven Image finally called a meeting – he was missing his Mum and scared to go on in case we were already on the rambo trail which seemed to keep moving away from the A site. With GPS data to back up his argument the pack stalled – almost a mutiny until Skid Mark roared us on, and I plunged down the hill and finally got to the fabled split.

We spent some more time reading the notices on the trees, but Brown Finger wasn’t interested in a Rambo option, and we all set off down the hill with light beginning to fade. So much for Suck It’s bravado! Horny Monkey could be heard screaming for help and begging everyone to stick together – screw that, it’s every man for himself – I’ve been lost in the dark on BD’s runs before and I had a good idea where we were – at least we could find the trail for those following us and Graven Image urged myself and BF down the hill.

With GI in the lead we entered the tunnel of death, carved out of the 8 foot high stickers by the sadistic hare and we could hear the screams of those behind us. GI had enough of being ripped to pieces by the brambles and urged me on ahead. At least there were more of us this time, but I didn’t want to get stuck out again, so I didn’t even take a nap – it was on to the trails – I had an idea where we were from the last experience and plunged ahead.

We hit some decent running trails (finally) and there were a few circle checks as we charged back through the trees towards the end of the valley. These circle checks were easy, and I ran straight on through them. As I called “On-On”, Graven called “Following” and Brown Finger yelped “Me too” with no one prepared to check either side. Finally we hit the canal and certain safety – I wasn’t going to sleep on the hills tonight. I made a bad call at the V check and lost some ground, but came up to the last of BD’s sick jokes alongside Jungle Chim. The bastard took us through the canal anyway. Mr. Poo energetically ran back to tell everyone else to take the bridge, but the canal seemed the easier option and there were a few of us that paddled through. Including Suck It who had vehemently opposed the idea earlier.

As the night closed in we continued on the trail – another 2km – to the A bucket and the safety of our beers. 11 of the 12 made it out of the jungle with enough light to stagger home. The circle started with intermittent news from the lone straggler Frozen Dick. Humperdick’s shower was interrupted and he took the ice naked. We ate, we drank and still there was no FD. A few people were concerned and went on rescue missions, but after 10k I was happy enough with a beer. Finally FD returned and the circle continued.

The verdict from the runners? Well, it was much better than last time he tried to kill us out in the jungles there! There were some great trails – the checks were evil enough to keep us guessing and keep us together. Nobody died, which is a good thing! BD clearly spends a long, long time putting a run together and I appreciated the work out – although I’m not sure my legs will think the same tomorrow, and I’m not doing anything until Suck It’s psycho run – Suck It of course suggests we set off at 7am…. – food for thought BD?

Mr. Poo hadn’t been feeling well, so surely he wouldn’t be well enough to set too long a run? I anticipated an easy challenge on the familiar grounds of the Ag. Centre – I didn’t expect a 7km run!

When the bus arrived, and Brown Finger didn’t step off, I celebrated! At least the early pace could be controlled and I wouldn’t be destroyed from the start. I jogged off, along the road, and around the lake – a circle check – but I saw something white at the trees in the distance – hehe I’m off! OnOn! Through the usual trees and we hit the road – paper on the right and a sudden circle on the left… Does he want us to try the trail on the left? I’ll second guess and stay on the road… muahahaha! OnOn! As I got to the corner there was a faint glimpse of a visitor from Denmark behind me – turn left, another circle and woohoo! There it is on the road – OnOn!

Immediately we hit the shit, paddling through muck weaving between trees… No way Chuck Wao is going fast on this – screw the shoes, I’ll press on and voices are getting fainter behind me – OnOn! (Can they hear me?) Finally a V check – toss a coin time – is he taking us up the hill or along the bottom? I guessed the hill and darted left – Check Back! Plenty of time to kick the check out and keep going right. OnOn – there is someone behind me, so I can hear Mr. Poo in my head “Byte My Yahoo… he’s about to fail!” Not today asshole! OnOn – familiar ground, I know where this is – circle check left, circle check right, circle check up a bit and around the house – he’s being sneaky, but I felt like I could read him like a book!

He put a circle check where in the past there has been a pile of festering waste – tricky one, but I’m second guessing it’s back to the road here? Blimey! There is the paper – this is unbelievable! Keep going – something will go wrong soon, or Chuck Wao will come running up behind me moaning and grumbling about something – OnOn! Back on the road, surely he’ll just take us in? NO! More to go – all the way around the field… Now for visitors, this could be a trick, but knowing exactly where I was, I knew where I had to go… Poo had set some dodgy circle checks just off the trail to the left – but they were no-brainers! It was all the way around the field and back down to the road. Before I hit the road, Skid Mark and Nicolas strolled across as if it was a Sunday afternoon ramble – Short Cutting bastards – no way they are taking me today – time to accelerate! Another circle check – perfect record so far, and can I spot a white spot straight on the trail? YES! OnOn! No more tricks it is on in to the beer!

WTF??? I’ve been pushing it all along to stay ahead of Chuck Wao, and who is waiting for me by the truck? CW! The bastard didn’t even tackle the first water, he just wimped out back to the bus! Everything was hollow, but screw it – the beer tasted good and I had certainly got a great work out. The perfect hash? Today for me – almost! Cheers Poo!

I’m generally impressed with Dog Shit’s runs – he always puts in good efforts and today was no exception.  It was back out down the canal road to where he (and Humperdick) have set before, so he clearly knows the area well.  The hare brief informed me that he wanted to f*ck me in the forest, which was a concern, but we set off anyway!

For some reason I couldn’t get into the run mode, and followed along behind Chuck Wao, Brown Finger and visitor 50m Peter as we covered familiar grounds.  At some point I lost contact and chugged along with Bone Hur just behind for a while. I later figured out why I was so far behind – Brown Finger was following Chuck Wao at every check, while Peter guarded the check.  I even found the hare come back to kick out a check for us!

I finally got back to the front runners when they all (3) checked to the left at a circle check, and I found the paper to the right. Boo! Brown Finger soon ran past with Chuck Wao in pursuit and I didn’t chase too far as I was choked by the smell of testosterone! Sure enough we hit another circle check and Brown Finger followed Chuckie into the jungle only for me and the short cutting Humperdick to hit the trail and moments later the On-In. Serves you right!

With many nursing sore muscles from Sunday’s Lanna Bush exploits in Mae Sai it was a decent turn out for Sunday’s FRB Wing earning hare!

With brooding clouds and faint rumbles of thunder I had déjà vu of Greasy’s run here (Disco Shelter) about this time last year and even with GPS I was not about to make the same mistake twice. After much needless rambling about the trail – eventually HRA headed us off in the familiar clockwise direction (road then right).

Gently setting off – no-one was keen on hitting the front, but Chucky, Sloppy and Square Rooter got to the first check and off to the left and hills they headed – I pondered and wondered about the perfectly good dirt road in front – so I decided to check there for a tad over 102m and indeed I found paper – shortly there after I found the hare on his trusty motor cycle putting his finishing artistic touches to On-In and I have to say how relieved I was!

Back into the A bucket I hear deep rumbling as Coming Slowly and I watch the rim of the lake collapse causing a tsunami across the lake – however good the missing bit of HRA’s run was – witnessing a landslide of these proportions was pretty spectacular! After further lesser tsunami induced slides the hills settled down but darkness began to fall. HRA was becoming concerned as an hour had past and still no sign of FRB’s – so off he went to seek them. Then the heavens opened – (did I mention déjà vu?) – and the GPS assisted Humpadick, Dirty P and Frozen Dick ambled in. Shortly after Bone Hur and Kwazi wandered in and then eventually a very soggy band of DFL’s – Chucky, Poo, Sloppy and Sq Rooter limped in 90 mins!

A relived HRA was called back – it transpires that he hid a circle check in a hole at the top of a hill and everyone was out-foxed (and lost!).

Food maestro Humpadick’s food was enjoyed pre-circle and then on with circle jollities. HRA was rewarded for giving those who missed out on Sunday’s terror’s a taster of what they missed and Poo was spuriously given the Wings for being DLF!

Not sure it was the recovery run most were hoping for – but good effort HRA!

OnOn – BD

I got out of teaching early and dashed towards the run site – only to hit a big traffic jam and ended up being 15 minutes late. Arriving at the A site, there were of course no hasher’s left, and no hare either, so I had to sniff for an out trail. Lung Laa gave me a clue – not quite right, but having gone a good 500m in the wrong direction I found it on my way back.

Great I was off, about 30 mins back there was no way I could catch up, but at least I could get some exercise – until another 200m later I found out why the hare wasn’t at the A – he was too busy re-laying the On-In and removing a section of trail to avoid confusion. Instead it caused me great confusion and delayed me further before I could get going again. It was getting dark as the trail headed into the hills, so I opted out and cut back along the road until I intercepted the trail – with a bit more exploring I intercepted the hare and jogged back.

It seems the other hashers had similar experiences, with lots of confusion at several checks and all aborting the run after a while. At least the beer was cold and the company good – On-On to the next circle.

So today’s run was a team effort!  Byte My Yahoo was down to set the run, but due to work commitments, the various CUMH3 roles were divided…  Square Rooter laid the trail, Byte My Yahoo bought the beer, Chuck Wao delivered the beer and Humperdick brought the food.  Despite the logistics, everything seemed to work out nicely in the end!

I was late (due to my work commitments), but as I set off across the fields I could see the other hashers as they set off from the first circle check, and after another couple of checks I was back amongst everyone. And ‘amongst’ is the right word as pretty much everyone was together for a very long way. Square Rooter has a lot of experience, and he seems to will every FRB in the wrong direction at every check. Finally we came across a genius circle check, where the trail continued from within about 20m behind a pump house. Sadly nobody thought to check thoroughly there for sometime instead we scattered in every other direction.

HRA finally picked up the scent and ran through the next 4-5 checks squealing away in joy as he guessed right and right – until a nasty little check on a hillside. Rather than continuing on the lovely (if steep) trail, the hare had chosen a animal path concealed through the trees – again around 30m from the  circle check. With HRA amiss finally I could have some fun, but so late in the run Square Rooter had returned to old form and found an evil incline – Up-Up-Up! That hill was a killer!

Finally we hit the top and there was the circle check. Even so late in the run we had no idea whether we were looping to the left or looping to the right – I picked left and Chuck Wao reluctantly picked right. As I headed back down praying for paper, I nearly gave up when finally I hit the right trail and we had a lovely running track down the hill. From then on I took turns with Chuck Wao getting checks wrong with HRA picking up all the worst choices – getting lucky at the last check I past a beaming hare as we trundled into the A bucket.

Dick Tracy had somehow managed to avoid the hill and nearly beat everyone to the beer. Dog Shit and Kwazi Moto found the hill a bit steep and finally lost ground on the way up – they cruised back in much to the hare’s disconcern. Humperdick had a stellar run, keeping with the FRBs all the way round – that’s what happens when you run three times in a row! Bone Hur was as usual in the mix at the end – the mountain mad man who sets off slow, but comes home hard. Shame about the circle!

Upon getting directions for the ‘Tiger’s Mouth’ in Mae Jo – I wasnt sure what to expect from the pairing of Frozen Dick and HRA – the rule about not having a run more than 1 hour for the songtheow is indeed a good one and after driving nearly 40km from my house to the run – I’m looking forward to the CSH3 outstation ~15km from my house! Fortunately I found myself driving behind Skid Mark – as with out his familiarity with the location – and the hares economical use of signage – would have meant me getting very lost!
So with a pack of 8 (including hares) – we were given a hare brief about running on shredded paper (not powder) – we were told the run was ~6km and sent on our way – all six of us. I decided to try a bit of FRB with Suckit and Honey Monkey on my tail – but the first circle check led me to a double (powder and paper) bar – hummm – not such a  good start. Suckit got lucky and I never saw him again, so Dead Virgin who had just got off the plane and I attempted to keep up with a very luminescent Skid Mark and Horny Monkey. Between Dead Virgin’s worshiping the natural flora and fuana – we lost sight of the FRB’s and somehow Kwazi too – who was trailing us, so we were left to enjoy what was in fact a remarkably good run – with nice trails and some enormous checks.

The scenary and trails were very good and its a pity its so far out of town as would be a good location for runs – even some evil looking hills which I did get a little excited about. One circle check near the end of the run in powder did fox Dead Virgin and Belly Dancer – obeying the instructions to ignore powder – and the FRB’s not kicking it out – did give Dead Virgin another chance to commune with nature – but was close enough to the laager to not fool us too long. The run turned out to be ~ 4.5km but enjoyable enough.

Being a modest pack – there was piles of beer – Tiger beer (Pamala) – no choice but at huge expense and efforts of the hares – the circle went on … and on  … so much so that Kwazi gave an epic performance and hope to see more of this … the move from big bike to big truck has worked wonders! After 2 hours of beer consuption – we headed into town to hunt down Chuck Wao just returned from a spiritual trip to Pattaya. Needless to say Dead Virgin got into his religeous grove again and some point even Hole Plugger appeared!

Thanks hares – more of the same please – but hopefully not quite so close to Myanmar!!

Suckit is generally known as a good hare, and today was no exception. His reputation drew a reasonable crowd to the Chiangmai Underground Male Hash (CUMH3) for their memorable 400th run. For a change Suckit had us drive around the back of the mountain to attack his usual area from the other side.  He did warn us that we may run into old paper from the last run he set there, but as always it just seemed like a complete maze to me!

As we set off it seemed like Suckit had set the dogs loose and followed them  with orange postits and powder – and before setting off he’d fed them some weird drug to make them explore the area in completely random tangents. I couldn’t figure out where we were heading, so a couple of checks completely confused us. Bizarrely (or maybe not) towards the end of the run we came running up behind Screwed Up who appeared to be guarding a circle while Frozen Dick, Belly Dancer and Superman set off to look for paper…????  We all know Superman is the master short cutter, but had he really led the rest astray?

The rest of the FRBs also charged off looking for paper in completely the wrong direction – afterall we were all completely disoriented! Had Graven Image been there, his GPS would have kicked in, but instead it was Greasy Gorilla who spotted a trail in a ‘Dykie’ check – back the way we’d come. Many hashers were caught the wrong side of a ravine, which left HRA and Chuck Wao some running to catch up. Both HRA and Chuck Wao (along with Horny Monkey) were spotted short cutting a little loop – the racist basturds! As it happened they ran the wrong way at the On-In and rightly came in behind Greasy.

The circle was concise and fun rounding off a good weekend of hashing – time to let these legs rest up until Saturday!