Category Archives: CSH3 – Saturday

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash is a mixed hash which meets every Saturday.

14th Jan – CSH3 – Foxy & TMB

Posted on January 14, 2017 by admin| Leave a comment
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It seems like every week is a ‘special’ run, with hares putting extra efforts in as the hash goes from strength to strength! We had the Xmas Eve run, the New Years Eve run, the Ball Breaker, and now a barbecue run at Foxy’s new place, with special contributions from 3 1/2 Inch, Anti Virus and Turkish Delight. The event drew out from the wordwork the likes of Bone Hur (& Bone Idol) amongst the throng of regulars and visitors! Numbers seemed reasonable when we set off on the run, but clearly quite a few extras didn’t realise just how (ffing) far down Hang Dong road it was, and just how many traffic lights we had to get through – the likes of Super family, Cool Balls & family, and the Shagless wedding party arriving late.

Those that were ready set off immediately to a circle check in the middle of Foxy’s compound. Finally Turkish found the trail after we had broken through a fence and escaped – he found trail, but waited a while before letting anyone else know, and it took the rest of us a while longer to figure out how to get to where he was calling from. We followed after Turkish and got to another circle. Turkish had gone 100m or so to the right, Brownie was reluctantly checking ahead, and while another couple milled around the check, I begrudgingly checked to the left – towards the Hang Dong road… It was a 0%’er, but someone had to do it. I got a full 100 paces, slowly, before that Tvrkish fvcking cvnt called. Tw@t c0ck tvrd d!ck cvnt. We saw him in the distance as we ran across a field to another circle. Again I got it wrong and checked right. I suspect Turkish had had time to check that way already, but others caught him as the call came – I didn’t see him again until he was sat back at the runsite. SCB.

Obscene led for a while, and suddenly we hit a very familiar trail – yes, Shagless had set here. A false trail to the right brought the pack together and then it was HRA and I checking forwards on the road. It was quite a way, but finally we found powder. The next circle was tucked around the corner. Brownie and Scooby carried along the road, and then pointed left and cut across. I went around the corner and saw them on a parallel road pointing at a tree. They said they had paper, but seemed confused about what to do. Apparently the BB screw up has given them mental scars and they were fearful of calling. Coming from the correct direction it made pretty good sense, the paper hidden on the back of the tree, and I set off. Brownie followed while Scooby continued confusing the pack behind us – arriving at the next check with only Brownie and Bob was a bit weird, but we all managed to check in completely the wrong places, twice, and now I was way behind again. Damn, I was getting everything wrong.

The trails were familiar, and I spent some time slowly moving towards the front, at one point the trail suddenly turned right, and I called Poo & Scooby back after they’d carried on forwards – well I called Poo back, and then spent a minute trying to remember what to call Scooby. Whatever, it worked, and we rejoined the front as they came back from a false trail. There was an obvious alternative, but I wasn’t placed in the right place to check it, so rather than just milling around I went left, and again was left behind. I was getting tired, and seemed to be constantly playing catch up, only to get it wrong when I did catch up.

Lizard Gizzard was ahead, but his advantage was negated by the pack recognising where we were and most not bothering to run around an extra loop. The pace had been quick – sub 7min per km, and I was starting to feel the pain. I dropped back a bit and watched the FRBs play the game. We could see Big C and I knew we weren’t far from home. We turned into a Moobaan, and there was a check that caught out most of the FRBs, and suddenly I was near the front with Graven and the Lizard. The Lizard missed trail for a moment and I was chasing Graven down – surely we would be home v. soon?? Trail turned abruptly left and suddenly the ground was spongy, moist and uneven. I walked taking care of my footing, while the rest of the pack charged past me. Half of them promptly sank waist deep into a nasty trap set my the hares! I remembered another run by Shagless when the same thing happened at the same point, but I can’t quite remember who it was that sank. We emerged back to the rice paddies, and Angry and I checked to the left along the edge of the fields, trying to avoid damaging them. Around 100m from the check, at the edge of the field, I spied Superman and Superbitch scuttling along the other side of a small creek – they were ON, so AI & I hopped over the creek and trudged in. Mostly a good running trail, but it really shows how long it takes to recover from a Ball Breaker like last week…

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7th January – CH3 / CSH3 – Frozen Dick, Sheep Shagger & Graven Image (BALL BREAKER)

Posted on January 7, 2017 by admin| Leave a comment
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Once a year the hashers of Chiang Mai come together for the annual Ball Breaker – a special run where bodies are pushed to breaking points, mental willpower is tested, resolve is broken, and only the toughest survive – oh and yes… BALLS are BROKEN! Let me get straight to the point, before wallowing in the details – a huge thanks to the haring trio – it is a huge undertaking, a lot of work, and the result was well worth it – a great run, a great challenge, one that truly lived up to the remit of breaking our balls. I survived it, I am a happy man tonight!

The build up to the ball breaker wasn’t so inspiring… There were many voicing concerns about it, and very little information forthcoming from the hares. Every time I spoke to Graven or Sheep Shagger they seemed to want to disown it, claiming they knew nothing about it, and they had no idea if there was any trail. When I spoke to Frozen, he seemed confident things would come together, but not in a way that inspired any confidence. With less than a week to go, logistics were up in the air (neither GM in town), who would bring beer? how about food? what time? I zoned out and assumed it would come together… The hares had talked a lot about struggling to find connects, but largely they had succeeded, or spent a lot of time and effort re-establishing trails.

I arrived ready for a 1:30 runstart, but the songthaew was late, and then runfees had to be collected, and then there was a photo op, and then there was an extended harebrief, where perhaps we might have to sign indemnity forms before we set off. Finally we were released, and set off over the dam wall. I was promising myself I would take it steady, and it seems everyone else also wanted to take it steady, which was good. Gone were those crazy 6 min km runs of recent weeks and we settled into the 8-10 minute range. Being somewhat familiar with the start of the trail, I figured we had to head over to the trail, and turn left, but the hares put in a bit of a loop around the field. Good for them – but Brownie and I headed across to the paper, and most of the pack followed. I hit the road, and the only benefit it gave me was getting to see Graven hiding behind a tree at a False Trail. Damnit!

We started up the hill, for the first time. Nobody really putting much effort in – I think Angry Inch was leading for a while here, but eager to step out of the way to let Brownie take over. It wasn’t much of a hill before a circle check and mass confusion. Trail started again very quickly, but we were all scrambling across shitty shiggy. The kind of shitty shiggy that hares hope we will have forgotten about before the end of the run. The only funny part of that was when Angry Inch cut across and came running down the hill to where I found another circle and suggested he turned around and went back up. The trail went down and Taste My Buns led us for a while as we found a nice trail that came back down the hill (presumably that is why the hares forced us through the shitty bit?) We were all together and the trail was clogged up. I was itching to run, but it was probably good for me that I couldn’t. At the bottom, of course we turned right, and then right again to go back up the god damn hill. This time the trail was better, and Brownfinger lead the way, but he led it gingerly – he was in no mood to break away this early.

We climbed and climbed and finally got to a ridgeline. Inevitably there was a check there, but I was already breaking left, and on trail. Nice trails along the top, from time to time overgrown with shiggy. Scooby and I took turns at the front as we tried to spot the paper. The small pieces in places weren’t as easy as they could have been, but it was perfectly followable. The trail abruptly broke left down the hill, and I immediately called for a false trail. I reluctantly followed Scooby to the inevitable, and we climbed back up to where the rest of the pack were heading off after Poo who had slipped through to the front. A large pack, all closely together. Another check, and order was switched up again. I somehow got to the front, in time to see yet another FUCKING false trail! Turning back, I also managed to find the true trail before the rest and led the way back off down the hill.

That was until a circle check. I got there first and looked left and right where there were precipices both sides. There was a nice enough trail going straight on, but why a circle here? You couldn’t go left or right without a risk of death. I suspected it was back up a bit and there was another way down, but as I was first there, I had the duty to check down the hill. I did so, over 100, before finally HRA called from somewhere – I had no idea where. I just didn’t really want to have to climb back up the sodding hill. I tried to get a clue which way to go and Poo helpfully suggested I cut around the hill – which way? to my right? I tried, but it was a cliff… I tried carrying back down the trail I was on, hoping I could cut across, and then came to the realisation that I had made a very grave error. I had no choice but to go back up and follow trail (as we should always do). I was way behind, but there was a long way to go, so I told myself to take it steady and I would get back sooner or later.

When I got back to trail I found Knock Out, and she was the first to be surprised to see me behind her. Next I caught Foxy Cleopatra, and then ABB – each time a surprised reaction. Next I caught the hares as they were busy putting in a short cut. WTF? Now I had to run further in the wrong direction and go back again?! I told them there were hashers following me, so they waited at the junction. I continued, and it was really pleasant, setting my own pace, running on really nice trails – really nice trails. There was a bit of a hill, and I was already hating hills, but finally I met with Pussy Whisperer, and rather than being surprised, he tried to talk me out of running, reminding me how much further there was to go! Down the hill I joined Toe Sucker and then ran along with Blows Herself for a while. Blows Herself is unimaginably positive, what an awesome life attitude!!!

Back down the hill and a mainish trail and suddenly Brownfinger, Sloppy and “Just” Bob appeared in front of me.. It took a few minutes for me to realise what had happened, a false trail, some confusion, again, and somehow I was back with the pack. Around the corner, up a short hill and there was Graven, there was “Beer Near” and the first beer stop. I had 9KM. I went to grab a beer, but somehow found soda manao, and my hand seemed to overrule my brain. Soda manao it was. Frozen pranced around fishing for information – who did what? who deserved the wings? who loved my run? Quickly the pack regrouped and set off again and there was a km or so of hardtop before another check. I walked over the two dams, trying to process the fizzy drink and by the time I got to the checks, I was a bit behind. I was quite happy with this, and set off with the goal of staying around 100m or so off the front of the pack, so I could avoid the work…

There was a hack up the hill, but all perfectly serviceable, and when we hit a flat trail, I had a good idea where we were again. I jogged gently, and caught Sloppy who seemed to be starting to feel the pain. Suddenly the pack came running back towards me calling false trail. To the right it was a steep cliff up, to the left a steep cliff down. Nothing obvious either way. I’d been going steady and looking around at the terrain and hadn’t seen anything promising. So while the rest of the pack went back on trail, I carried on, and spotted evidence that humans had passed to the right. I started climbing and found the paper. ONON. I was exactly where I didn’t really want to be… Climbing the hill, but at the front! I remembered there were some trails up there, but didn’t really want to be doing this climb. It was steep, and when I got to another circle I was really lazy checking off to the right. Brownie found it, and led us down to a trail. He went right, and was right, so Greasy and I were slow getting to the next check. I stepped off trail and took a moment to enjoy again the taste of that soda manao, in reverse…

And then was “the hill”. This was steeper than the previous hill. OK so the top wasn’t as high as the previous ridgeline, but we started the climb from lower down and it was a 150m elevation climb, steep. Brownie lead the way, and as I scrambled my way up I passed hashers on the verge of quitting. Sloppy and Angry were discussing whether there was a viable short cut. Sex Pistol looked in terrible shape begging for the next peak to be the final one. Finally I broke the top and set off back down the other side. Those ahead were gone, I was alone again, just pushing on following nice trails downhill. I caught Blows Herself again, and she muttered words of encouragement. At the bottom we were back on roads and I could see a sea of hashers ahead of me. Comfortable running, so I jogged along blanking out the pain. Somehow we turned into a field and somehow I got to a circle that wasn’t yet solved, and miraculously there was Graven, who showed me the way to a hidden trail that lead us down and out to the road. Brownie and I jogged down it together and we had survived to beer stop #2. I didn’t even have the energy or mental capacity to open up the back of Frozen’s pickup. While we weren’t finished, there was a plethora of hashers that had taken a ride from B->C, itching to go on. Whoa! Holdit peeps!?

It was hardly a beerstop… I didn’t even finish my manao soda. I barely dared to. But they were off again… AAAAARGH! My legs were starting to rebel, they didn’t want me to keep going. It wasn’t physical anymore, now it was mental. You will keep going. I walked, and lost ground. Even Tiptoe and his harem of ladies were gaining meters on me. But I am a stubborn fuck. Turning into the kings project I gifted the guards my empty can, and trudged on. The trail turned right, and a nice trail. Again a good km before a check, so everyone had dispersed in front of me. I heard the odd ONON, but couldn’t place them.

Then I got to “THE V” check. The hares had done so well so far, and then to fuck up monumentally at this point?! When I got there it was of course already kicked out. But it was kicked out wrong. Torn from the right, meaning go to the left, but when I followed the trail to the left, I found a check back, (very clear) and a confused Bob. We cut across to what we presumed was the other trail, but with the check being kicked out wrong I then had to climb back up to correct it. I made a clear arrow and headed back down the trail, only to find an even more confused Bob coming back saying there was no more trail. We looked to the right and found a circle. No trail leading to it, but it was kicked out in straight towards where trail started immediately. Hmmm… It didn’t seem right, but we could head On calls from various directions. We went on for a bit, but it just felt wrong, really wrong. The paper was stapled the wrong way, and now it didn’t have BB written on it anymore. I finally determined it was the CSH3 run of the day rather than the BB, and turned back up the hill and persuaded Bob we had to go back to the V check. On the way back we recruited Sex Pistol and had a new pack of FRBs.

Back at the V check we finally found the OTHER trail and reset the paper yet again. This time our new FRB pack gained Poo and Knock Out. I was feeling good again… Energised… We found unbroken checks, and we were the new kings! We were the FRBs! The others had screwed up, and we would be heroes! The adrenaline rushed through my body and my mind went numb. Nothing would stop me completing the trail now, because I had to do it! I bumped into the hares and gave them an update while the drove a merry HRA, daughter, Foxy and Pussy back to the A drinking happily. I got to another circle, looked around a bit, and found the trail, going back to get the paper from the circle. A malevolent Sloppy caught up asking why I was calling, but his attitude changed in a moment when he realised we were the FRBs. Suddenly he turned into a racist and was up for a fuck – yes, he wanted to fuck with me…???!!!??? We compromised on working together, and carried on.

Another couple of checks and then suddenly behind me there was Brownfinger. I had just called “Checking” off a circle check and he appeared saying “I’m checking tooooo…” in the creepiest scariest voice! Excellent work for that group that after going so wrong at the V check still made the effort to come all the way back and do the true trail. That took some balls that clearly hadn’t been broken quite yet, as if I was that close to home and beer, I would probably have made a different decision! We were into the last throws of the challenge. The hills were now gentle. The trails were good, and while they were running trails, our weary bodies were doing our best to move through them. While there were fantastic checks all through the run, the hares left some great ones till the end, and the lead turned over again and again. We were all delivered the highs and lows of changing emotions – I’m on (high), I’m off (low), he’s off (maybe high), my legs hurt (low)… We went over a dam, and I just thought it was the wrong lake, My car is by a lake, why isn’t it this lake??? Another circle, and Brownfinger’s final demise as he headed left with several following. Who would emerge as the leader? Greasy Gorilla solved the riddle and called us on through the last couple of checks and somehow I came jogging in with 3 1/2 inch floppy and Bob… When I say I came jogging in, in reality I was just happy it was downhill for the last 100m or so – I wasn’t jogging, I was just doing my best to control gravity…

Strava Fly By

An excellent set, my balls are truly broken and I’m sure many more are across Chiang Mai. The logistics worked, and everyone was safely able to complete as much as they were able – great job hares!

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31st December – CSH3 – Mr. Poo & KO

Posted on December 31, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Happy New Year Hashers – with electricity in place we were invited to the Poo mansion to bring in the new year. The run was a run… A full on run, chase my buns style, and I’m a bit weary now so I’ll leave you with “Happy New Year”.


Strava

None of Your Business was breathalised on the way home with the hash beer – good boy!

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24th December – CSH3 – HRA & Brownfinger

Posted on December 24, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Twas the night before Xmas, and all of the hash gathered for beer and running, but mostly just beer. We were an hour premature, and just as well as the runsite was at the far edge of eternity. From here we would surely head deeper into unknown lands and find new trails? Nope. But we were all filled with Xmas cheer and were looking forward to whatever might happen. The songthaews were late, given the distance and condition of the roads it wasn’t a surprise! Finally we were released and sent back down the road we’d driven in on.


Turkish sprinted off without listening to the instructions, and promptly ran in the wrong direction. I picked up trail and behind me Angry Inch was attacked by a giant snake. A check – a V check and I confidently went to the right. God damn it! After scrambling up the fooking hill, I hit a check back. Mother Fuckers! And No present? My Christmas was ruined already! Back down the hill, I was grumbling, and already well back and trying to catch up. And then there were the hares with some kind of reindeer pussy juice, and I started feeling better about the whole thing.

But the pace was on and people were already off. There seems to be an added racism involved in hashing these days :( Another check and I was back in the mix when Scooby started running back past us. I’m not 100% sure, but I think he got a message sending him all the way back to the beer stop – nice and sporting of him to put in the extra legwork. I think if I had had to go back to the beer stop, I would probably have stayed there! Meanwhile Sloppy took great delight in me getting fucked over at the circle check, double bluffing myself while they just laughed at me. MOFOs.

I settled into mid FRB pack, trudging along familiar trails, aware there were people checking ahead, but not really seeing any action. The walkers had been let loose ahead of the FRBs, which is generally a disaster, and sure enough lead to several KM of just running. By chance I joined the front of the pack as we descended on a pile of presents! Woot woot! What would I get? Dmanit, a Santa dress! Sportingly I wore it for the rest of the run, and the temperature immediately rose – damn that was hot, and the dress didn’t stretch enough for me to run properly… I was slowing down…

We got to another check, and I later found out it was the mistletoe kissing check, but the calls were so confusing that I had no idea what was going on. I spent some time checking off back and to the right while I guess the rest of the hash were busy kissing each other. I called “RU?” several times, but got nothing back in return. When I finally went back to trail and discovered the mistletoe check there was some male visitor looking at me in a disturbing way! I cut across to rejoin the trail and sure enough found paper. The paper was interesting, and I immediately suspected the hares had done something interesting… – I went back on trail a short way to see how paper was laid towards what had to be a false trail. As I figured that out, Turkish sprinted past – “winning”! Ha… Graven wasn’t far behind, so I showed him the true trail and we jogged off towards the 2nd beer stop while Sloppy followed and Turkish embarrassed himself.

Another beer stop, and we were just around the corner from the A-site. Trail lead down the hill, and I was sure it must be a sneaky false trail! The hares assured me it was true trail, and reluctantly I attempted to jog in the dress down the hill. I was spent, but walked around the last loop the hares had forced us through and back to an entertaining circle. Nice job guys! Hashy Christmas everyone!

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17th December – CSH3 – Cumalot

Posted on December 17, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Cumalot cast her eye over the men of the hash and selected Brown Finger to be her paper carrying bitch for the day, between them setting a run at the far south of canal road. I know Suckit knows this area like his own backyard – because it is… And I know Brownie stayed at Suckit’s when he first got back – did he learn the secrets?

The runsite was just off the canal road, which meant the first km was weaving its way through the little mud sois before we got to the hill trails. I jogged off and promptly got the first circle wrong. We circled Suckit’s place, but each time I got close to the front, there was another check, and I was forced to check the wrong way. I’m not sure if I really got to the front of the pack again, but I did a lot of checking the wrong way.

There was a little cut through that went past a Cruella D’Ville’s place, with a billion yappy dogs having some fucked up orgy. I was distracted and when we headed into the woods, I didn’t quite pick up on which trail we went in on, and so was a bit disoriented, and god these trails all look so similar. The checks were well set, slowing the FRBs down, keeping the pack together and cycling the lead, you can’t really ask for much more. I did get back to the front when Mr. Poo ran past a circle check without seeing it, Angry, Turkish & Graven followed me and sure enough I got the next V-check wrong, and was back in the middle of the pack.

The pace was good, the trails being flat and gently undulating, but I confess I was completely disoriented, and when I thought I recognised a feature, I could never be sure. I did know we were heading around to the right, and finally found myself again following Poo at the front. Another circle, and a complete gamble. Finally I knew where we were! Turn right and we hit old trail, turn left and it is a boring km of road to get home. Poo went right, I went left. After an eternity, Poo finally called, and I was at the back of the runners. On the positive side we didn’t have the km of road to do, instead, we ducked and weaved back on the opening trail, but the hare had diligently been out and cleared everything up, relaying the end of the run in powder.

Nice effort hares – a good run, a good circle from the acting, acting GM.

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10th Dec – CSH3 – Superman & Superbitch

Posted on December 10, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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The Sups family teamed up for an adventure behind the Night Safari. With more than 2,000 runs between them, and in their own backyard – we could surely expect a hashing treasure?!

The hare brief didn’t sound overly confident – something about being chased by the police or army or something? Hmmm… We set off and Just Cuming & Sheep Shagger ran off up the hill… WTF? Up the hill? Even Brownie felt he had to run to stay ahead, while Poo and I trudged up with Jingly Titties wondering what had happened to the world. A KM or so without checks, and a gruelling KM up up UP! Finally we broke left and had a fun, fast run back down the hill. Brownie leading until he got a check wrong and finally we got to the bottom just behind Tasty, and another circle check. This circle would fox us for a LONG, long time… There was simply no trail off it. We searched left, we searched right, we hacked around in shiggy, and nothing…. I had pretty much given up and decided to head around the road, and poked around here or there, while the rest of the pack also hunted for paper. A group of us got together, and finally we found another circle check – around 500m along the road from the previous circle. It was clear the trail had been tampered with…


All the hashers seemed happy to have found trail again, while I was thinking a beer might be nice. Sure enough I got that check wrong, and Graven was the first to lead us up a scramble where Brownie was really struggling to get his footing. We followed paper into the jungle and then no more paper. No check… No paper… Nothing… Nada… We all spread out, and again, we were foxed for some time. This time it was as though the hare had forgotten to put the check there, or somehow hidden it so cleverly that nobody found it. Poo called from the right, but by then I was on the next hill, poking around. I continued, and ended up in a overgrown mess, with calls coming from all around. I hacked my way through shitty shiggy, and finally came to somekind of a trail, and immediately a circle. Perfect, pristine, untouched! I just didn’t know where the circle fitted into the run, and certainly wasn’t in any place to call… I checked to the left a bit, nothing, back and up the hill, and I heard Brownie and Graven approaching from the right just before I found the paper… OnOn! That worked out nicely!

At the next check Brownie and Graven were closing me down – I didn’t dare look back, but it did sound like they were skipping and holding hands, and when I checked straight they were definitely following me. It was a narrow trail, so I pondered how they were holding hands AND moving so quickly! Another circle and I took off to the right while they went straight on the main trail… Come on boys, I’d just heard you talking about how you would get off the main trail if you were the hare, but then again, I guess you needed the wider trail to check together? 😛

I found paper, and headed on some serious zigzag chicanes down to the ‘cut through’ with Tasty not far behind. We zigged left, we zagged right, we zigged left again, and at the cut through I was running along hoping to stay ahead of Tasty, when BAM! no more paper… Again… A feeble voice from up ahead and pretty randomly there was Sloppy Rod! Where had he appeared from? Was he doing the run, or just jogging around randomly… He wasn’t on paper, and nor were we. I decided I was thirsty enough to give up on this and headed back, drawing a few of the hashers with me to the safe route up the road to the beer. It would have been a great trail with a few more checks, and without someone sabotaging it!

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3rd December – CSH3 – Mr. Poo

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The Poos teamed up for another run near the football field – this time the A site was to the left near Tintin’s restaurant. A large crowd had already gathered when I arrived, but as the harebrief came, I felt sick – so sick that I ducked out of sight to deposit my lunch. I walked off following the pack – a pack kept tightly together by some excellent early checks. There was a point where everyone was following Superman and Tiptoe through a challenging little scramble. Finally the FRBs were set free and had a longish run stretch. First Brownie leading, and then Tasty, and then Piggy got a check right as we headed into the hills crossing paper that we had followed on Thursday. I couldn’t quite catch a break as next it was Graven’s turn for a go at the front. I seemed to be just off the pace and it was NOYB that nailed the check when we started heading down. All of a sudden he had a lot of energy and I chased after him, only to get 2nd choice at the next check and be wrong.

A circle check by barbed wire fence, and the leaders went left on the obvious trail, while the next group milled around. I got there with Turkish, and went down the bank to where I remember a little trail was hidden away. Sure enough Turkish called ONON, and Mr. 300 was surely on his way to victory? Only to hit a false trail. We turned back and spread out onto the hillside looking for tiny blobs of powder that could be anywhere. Turkish and I emerged to a bit of a clearing, and sure enough the cars were in view just along a little trail. NOYB followed us, and it was a few minutes before the rest of the pack appeared with Crap Thai leading them in on true trail. Nice set – a more sensible distance after the collection of 8km runs we’ve had recently.

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26th November – CSH3 – Cuckold

Posted on November 26, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Cuckold teamed with Dodgy Cock for a run out in Maejo. Last week I went backwards, so why not go backwards again today? The OnOnOn was at Baxtah’s in Souf Chiang Mai, and quite a few of the out of towners made the effort to head in, myself included. I had a damn fine burger, and extra fries, with excellent service – if only Cuckold had spent a little less time with the karaoke mic in his hand! Ubered my way home for 95B (-75B discount) = total 20B – not bad, not at all bad! Let me know if you want a discount code 😉

Anyway, hours before the drunken mayhem happened at the ononon, we were in Maejo, and I was carefully driven by my None of Your Business. Finally he was back on the hash, and fit enough to run the first part at least. In the harebrief we were told that we were running on leafsized paper, which the hares called “orange”, but a more accurate shade was “autumnal”. It was as though the haree had selected some dried leaves, headed to a paper mill and asked them to make a batch of leaf coloured paper. Inspired…. or not….

We set off and finally distinguished some paper from the leaves, and then promptly a circle check in the water run off. Mhmmm… Nobody bought it, except me, as I was first there, and obligated to check across the other side. I did, and turned right, to rejoin the pack at the next check. Brownie struggled to follow paper through a bit of shiggy, so I took over at the front, and luckily got first choice at the next check down the main trail… I was running well, and promptly got the next one wrong. I joined Sloppy, and as we passed a junction he stopped, chuckled, and turned back laughing as he had seen an autumnal leaf down the trail to the right… Sadly for him, it was an autumnal leaf, and not the indication of a false trail ahead.

We had got to the square lake, and headed right towards the hills. Another check, and while checking it was called to my left – Sloppy went back, Graven and I went the other way around and rejoined trail. Brownie had the lead and was off sucking up orange squares like pacman. As the rest of us reached a mainish junction we were more sceptical. Why no check? Knowing the trails, there was only one reason for there not to be a check there – we would be back to another trail that wasn’t far away… Note to hares- you could have put a V-check there…

Further down a circle, and Brownie was way off paper, and I led the pack into a field, with a sneaky circle in the middle of the field… Nicely played hares, nicely played. Sloppy called that one when the rest of us were way out of the picture, and then came the epic FRB game play from the Slopster. NO surprise he ran away before the circle started… Up ahead we could see him dart off to the right, and then come back and say he found a circle, but thought he saw some paper to the right. MOFO! All he saw was a complete deadend, but he played it to his advantage… and advantage that didn’t last long. I’m sure he wasn’t disoriented, but checking left at the next check made no sense to me.

The trail was starting to piece together for me, and at 5km in, I didn’t like the prospect of the hill that was still ahead, but it was there, and no way of avoiding it… Why oh why were the hares going to punish us like that??? In some ways it is an advantage to know the area, and in some ways I wish I didn’t know what was coming… Another check, and the rest of the pack checked straight (durrrh), and I was the only one to go right. I was on… sadly on… heading back to close to where there had been no checks before, and as trails were very close, of course there were still no checks. I pressed on alone, calling, and hearing faint calls from behind. Uphill.. I ran for a while, walked for a while, tried to keep pushing, knowing there was no avoiding the ridge at the top… Yes, this late into the run, the hares were going to take us all the way to the ridge.

Very few checks… Not many options on the way up, and had I been behind I would probably have cracked, but I pressed on, knowing that somewhere behind Brownfinger was chasing… What checks there were I got right, until I didn’t. I thought the hares would head towards the 5 way split, but perhaps they weren’t sure where they were and took the mainer looking trail? I went left, and nothing. I went the long way around – there were no calls from the other direction and I had a bit of a lead, so I just managed to pop up back on trail just ahead of Turkish and Brownie.

From there, holy fuck… seriously holy fucking fuckity fuck fuck… There were no more checks, it was a straight on fuckity run run… Every step I took had Brownie right behind me, pushing me, and with him was Cotton Buds? I forget the visitors name… He was coughing like Poo. It was only the narrow trails that stopped them from passing me… while I was close to collapsing, somehow Brownie was able to maintain a steady commentary of the run behind… “You can do it… Byte, it’s just another 10 metres… These are the ones that count… You’re going to do it… Good job!” How can he speak??? How is that human? Finally there was the road, and the onin… I was ready to collapse… I let Brownie overtake if he brought me a beer back – he didn’t….

8.66km… A tough run for a Saturday hash. It worked for me, but for the hash there should have been a lot more checks in the second half as the pack stretched out a lot. It was a really great run for the runners, with great checks in the first half, but probably a little long for a regular Saturday run?

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19th November – CSH3 – Frozen Dick

Posted on November 19, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rating: 3.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Lets go backwards… The ONONON… I will never set foot in that establishment again – completely and utterly the most disgusting experience I have ever had, anywhere, ever. I have gained a reputation for getting bad service, getting my food last, or not at all…. I am trying to be composed and relaxed about it, and ordered a burger, reconfirming the order with the owner a while later. I have NEVER been shouted at by the (farang) owner of a restaurant after I didn’t get my dish. She didn’t care at all, initially blaming me for confusing her staff (by ordering a burger), and then blaming my friends for eating my burger!!!!! After 10-15 minutes of being shouted at by the owner of the restaurant, I went to say goodbye to my friends, whereupon she followed me and continued to shout at both me and the rest of the hashers. I trust that nobody will ever visit that restaurant ever again.

Backwards… The circle was good – the hare was heard to remark that often the better circles come after a fucked up run… Yes, Frozen, you know what is coming….

I arrived at the runsite and Frozen initially suggested I parked 100m or so away from the circle, which isn’t a great idea as beer monster. After a very long hare brief, we were finally set off with ambiguous instructions. We hadn’t even found trail when we were off paper with Obscene calling us on on old paper. Finally we were underway and I nailed the first couple of checks and then promptly got it wrong. Chasing back I was running up a bit of a hill, and we got to a couple of V checks before all hell broke loose. A circle check….

A circle check… a harmless circle check? We scattered… And we found paper…. Boy did we find paper… We found paper all over the fucking place!! And the hare had be kind enough to autograph ever piece of paper with “FDSS” (frozen dick and Sheep Shagger – note Sheep Shagger wanted nothing to do with it – he wasn’t even there). Sadly 90% of the paper we found had FDSS on it… And it was leading in all different directions! Several times we confidently set off following trail, only to run out of paper. Other groups of hashers were following other sections of trail, sometimes forwards, sometimes backwards… The only thing that was absolutely clear was… we had no fucking idea what we were supposed to be doing!

I ran back to the previous V check to check if it really was a check back on the other trail. HRA was running around talking about rubber tire bridges, and we shouldn’t cross them, the hare said so… Finally there was a huge “ONON” call, and all headed towards it, only to find Chuckie, calling us back to the circle and saying he was giving up and heading home… (except he didn’t know which way home was!) I pointed out where home was and told him how to get there back down the road, but also that it wasn’t the point of the hashing – I wanted to solve the mystery! We found another circle check and Angry Inch failed to find paper down the obvious road – at this point, just about everyone gave up and headed home, leaving only Brown Finger and I trying to figure it out. We followed a trail backwards, we knew the paper was backwards, and then when trail ended we were very close to “the circle” after doing a bit of a loop around. Things were making sense now, and back to the circle where everyone gave up. This time we approached from the correct direction, and with almost all other directions thoroughly checked, everything became clear like a flash of light – we turned left and headed into shiggy.

From there it was nice running trail, and Brownie kindly jogged along at my pace so we could run in together, overtaking HRA & Cumalot holding hands after the OnIn. Fun times!

http://labs.strava.com/flyby/viewer/#779862116?c=w5q61w6j&z=G&t=1OC2d4&a=ZMB7LlFYdi4

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12th November – CSH3 – Sloppy Rod

Posted on November 12, 2016 by admin| Leave a comment
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Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Mini Ball Breaker time. Sloppy and CW had scouted the shit out of this run, I had high expectations heading out to the runsite, this would be engineered to the highest level! The signs led us well past Baan Pong resort, which confused Sheep Shagger & Big Top, but finally we all got there ready for a slightly late start. The hare brief was thorough.

We set off, and although we were deep into the hills, the trails were immediately familiar – I felt like I was on a Belly Dancer run… Yikes! Familiar trails, so some familiar checks – I nailed the first few, even though the checks were cleverly placed, so the out trails weren’t obvious – memories help! We headed over to the rocket launcher lake and trail went the long way around a field before a circle check. My first instinct was to follow the main trails towards where the BB had gone, but after a quick survey, I picked across the dam. The trail had arced nicely around so that the route across the dam wasn’t obviously visible. Nice work hares – I thought I had them and headed to the dam… Nothing up on the dam, and nothing to be seen in the distance. Surely I was over 100m from the check? Damnit, I went back and headed down the obvious trail and TMB called out from the bushes that there was nothing there. I was flummoxed. Finally HRA called from over near the dam – the MOFO bastard hares had gone over the dam, but disguised their approach, and I must have been within inches of finding their paper on my first guess.

Over the dam we went, and then a Wimp Rambo split. From here the checks were less frequent – less opportunities to put checks as we entered a valley. I tried to keep pace, but also tried to save energy for the anticipated 13km. 3km in and I was feeling shaky. I was dripping with sweat. So much that anyone behind me on trail would have been slipping on the wet trails like a thunderstorm had been through. The trail turned upwards, and I hated it. I thought I was mentally ready for a 13km ball breaker, but at the first real challenge, I was broken. Climbing hills I try to keep the philosophy of keeping going, but today I am disappointed in myself. I broke. I paused and leaned on a tree, with sweat pouring off me like a thunderstorm. The pack passed. Some cursing, some screaming (ONON), most cursing to be honest… I stopped several times on the climb. It was steep – I think I have been there just once before – 20th May 2013 (does anyone have the GPS of Belly’s AGFU run???).

Finally we summited and Knock Out was there waiting for me, or probably Poo who was just behind me. We descended the other side, and I could hear people ahead, but the trail down (for me) was treacherous… I certainly didn’t feel comfortable at more than a walk, and mostly I was picking my footing to avoid falling over, or falling off. I was shaky, and hopefully wasn’t holding up the group of Poo, KO and ABB. The was a check ahead, and as I descended slowly towards it, it seemed there was a huge group of hashers just stood there, until eventually Cumalot called from further down the hill – why hadn’t the FRBs found it already? Was I back in it? Meh, the trail was still the kind of trail that I inched along and before long there was silence ahead.

Finally we levelled out and I started striding forwards, only to immediately turn my left ankle in a hidden hole. DAMNIT!!!!! I should just resign to this not being my weekend. As we came out into an orchard, KO said that it looked like where we set the run a few months back. Impossible, but my mind raced, and suddenly I knew where we were again. And as we turned left I was happy to know we were heading towards a really nice cut through back to the main big lake. Poo took off, leaving us behind, and I mixed walking and jogging to get through to the beer stop. Water stop? No water? WTF? No hares? From Strava the FRBs had set off just ahead of us, but when we got there, there was just an ice bucket of beers… It took less than a nanosecond for me to make a decision, and I made the true hashers decision to grab a beer. And a while later, Poo and I walked back to the A… Not what I had planned, and from looking at the maps, the end parts of the run look really interesting… Thanks hares!

The final moments of the run was Taste My Buns running in a couple of hundred metres ahead of Graven and Brownie – who weren’t holding hands, at least they weren’t when they saw us watching…

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