Category Archives: CSH3 – Saturday

It was time for an outstation, and rather than taking us away for the weekend, Horny Monkey took us around the corner to the Wangtarn resort, near where I set runs from. It was so close to home that I popped by for a beer on Friday night to say hi to the 2-nighters!

Saturday came around and Horny had insisted on a long tradition of Saturday runs starting at 3pm – just to make sure we sweat a bit more and get to run in the heat. To ensure the full effect, he avoided the tree-shaded jungle areas and chose a route in the open along bitumen. Rather than letting us enjoy the stunning views from the reservoir, he dragged us through flooded fields and yet more hardtop.

I picked up 2 sets of skiddy sticks and Chuckie urged me to launch them into the canal. HRA got another set, and CW found yet more. While the hare did a good job of keeping us under control and kept us together, he promptly told Semen Soars and a visitor which way to go – asshole! Big Top and Unplugged were in sensational form, and every time I took a wrong turn they were right up with the FRBs.

Back at the resort, we had a protracted circle, and headed on to the food. Great food, before we set off to the pool for bikini contests, underwater races and sprints. Next up the fire was lit and we endured Toe Jam singing for us. The last of us hit the sack before midnight – very civilised! CW and Turkish Delight were up drinking coffee around 7 – was this really a hash?

Dick Tracy and Dirty Pervert set off to set the hangover run – which took them over 2 hours to set. Eeek… They’d set 2 options, a ball breaker and a short run?! WTF? Fortunately the Hangover Ball Breaker was only 2.7km, and a good group of us set off to search for paper. Most of the paper was still in DT’s car! I’ve heard about being conservative, but this was insane and we spent most of the time trying to second guess the hare. Turkish popped up for a sprint finish – racist bastard!

A familiar venue at the Ag Center drew the crowds to experience what Stumbling Dyke had put together with the assistance of Pamela! My legs were feeling good and I was ready to run for once… With no sniff, the hare pointed us off down the road, and I jogged off to find the first cross check. We were heading straight towards the mountain, and it rose ominously above us. I got the 2nd check right as well, with Semen Soars making little effort to check the ‘wrong’ option.

Finally I got one wrong, turning back only to see Chuckie and SS following me – is anyone planning to do some checking today? The trail turned right along the bottom of the hills – perhaps the hares were going to be kind afterall? We got to another check, and having run there before we knew that the straight option was a deadend, so CW, SS and me turned left only to hit a checkback. It turns out the hares had taken a machete to the jungle and hacked a way through. We fell in behind Horny Monkey, HRA and Stephanie.

The next check was unexplicable – with most choosing to check left – along a trail that just took us back to where we’d just come from. No chance! I put my foot down and upped the pace along a beautiful running trail – looking over my shoulder, CW was following me. Even more motivation to speed up! It was another 2.5km to get back, but I was pretty sure which way we’d go – particularly since there are some new barbed wire fences, around the football field for example.

The last few checks then were pretty obvious – looking over my shoulder CW was following, but he didn’t want to do any checking. Apparently while I was checking on the right side of the road, he checked on the left, just in case I didn’t see the paper. Hah! He just didn’t want me to get too far ahead, and sure enough as we headed back he reeled me in, and overtook me shortly before the On-In. Nice running CW!

Seriously Sticky Mango? Was that really your idea? Or perhaps did the evil Cool Balls have some influence on it? I love a nice flat hash run, which was not today… I enjoyed the flat parts, which were a 100m jog to the mountain and a 100m crawl back.

We set off running, following Semen Soars and his fantastically fit son Able Seamen. I got the first check wrong and was never to see our visitors from Saipan who swooshed past and destroyed the trail to the finish. (Only Able Seamen looked more energetic at the end).

I remember a Cool Balls run that was quite pleasant! We ran 700m across an aqueduct – and aqueducts by nature are generally pretty flat! I like aqueducts – they perform a good job and they can be spectacular engineering feats and as such can become landmarks in their own right. The thing that pisses me off about aqueducts is how it’s spelt… It is a crime against humanity… Fortunately today’s run didn’t involve any aqueducts which makes me wonder what I’m talking about – perhaps it is time for a new paragraph…

We hit the bottom of the hill after a brief jog, and then the hares did a commendable job of finding every possible peak in the vicinity. Every time I thought it was the final top, there was an extra little incline waiting. He even took us off the nice little trail to enjoy the ‘lack of view’ from the top.

Finally the hares were thwarted and we were as high as possible, at which point they fortunately hit a road…. And after the scramble up the mountain we were left with a descent down the tarmac. At the bottom, the hare had managed to find another little ridge for us to climb. WTF? From there I was walking goddammnit!

The circle was fun – Anything was the highlight for me!

Bone Hur’s 69th run took us out to the Bone Residence, with the opportunity for swimming as well as a trademark Bone Hur run up Bone Hur Hill. With the customary ignoring of the sniff, Bone Hur pointed us out the front gate and I jogged off with Grumbledick whinging about this and that… Fortunately someone had stolen his horn, and it was just like running along with Chuckie moaning away!

The first check was a V check. I’ve hit that check first probably around half a dozen times now, and every time I pick left, every time choosing to head towards the inevitable mountain… Every time I find the check back about the same time I realise it is a dead end. So much for being the most intelligent hasher!

Sloppy of course got it right, and was off on a streak of checks that took us through a shanty town across some rice fields and through a street party. Bone Hur had it all on offer! But the run was heading inevitably towards the hill. As we started UP, I glanced along the road to the left, and contemplated the obvious short cut (which a lot of the walkers took). After taking a foolishly long detour around the street party, I fell in alongside Skiddy & Humpers on the way up. We passed numerous opportune check points, with no checks and fading ON ON calls ahead.

Rather than taking any of the earlier down hills, we went right to the top before we had the release of the descent. At the bottom some barbed wire pushed the trail to the right and an extra loop around before getting back to the A. Man I was tired, and the pool called many of the hashers… Getting them out for a circle was a struggle, but we succeeded and muddled through. Excellent food for Boney’s party, bikini clad Barbindoll and Cumalot, who could ask for more? Shame I had to head off early!

What a weekend of hashing – it started the night before with a bar crawl – in honour of Superman’s 999th CSH3 run – a warm up for his 1,000th on Saturday. What a feat?! The bar crawl, set by Poo, took in the favourite hash bars – the hash pub, the eurodiner and next place. The circle was in a random carpark off Loi Kroh – which happened to be outside of Poo’s apartment. A good turn out!

Saturday took us about 7km down the canal road where Pamela had been out with Stumbling Dyke. It was Pamela’s intention to destroy Superman in his 1000th run (and potentially his last run!). We set off along the trail with Semen Soars and Able Seaman setting the pace. For a long time Semen Soars was just a faint cry ahead of us and Sloppy Rod settled into Chuckie mode – CW was away for the weekend, but Sloppy does a good impression of the constant grumbles.

Pamela had found an evil mountain for us to scramble up, only the cut back down to the left – no trail, just scrambling through the trees. Near the top I found a plastic bag with a bit of paper in it, and a powder bottle – bad hares! Made worse when Poo found yet another bag someway later. It was then that the rains came and I bailed out, trotting along back to the cars while the rest of the pack started climbing yet another hill.

In the circle, I passed the reins over to Superman to run the circle, which was enjoyed by the mass gathered. OnOn to the Hash Pub, for free food / beer.

FD is known to prefix his runs with superlatives like ‘the best’, while today he pointed out the good bits were his, while the crappy bits were due to Human Excrement. With moments to go, the hare brief was delivered and again the hare pointed the direction leaving the hash sniff, Humperdick, feeling unloved and as if he has a pointless position… Hmmm… We set off running and at the first opportunity I went the wrong way.

Another circle check and I was back doing the FRB duty, until the next check where I ended up pretty close to where we started and nowhere near the trail. Hell Superman was in front of me and Dick Tracy staring at his ass. We hadn’t even reached the check that FD was so proud about! A set of skiddy sticks thwarted the lesser minded, and from what I hear the painted sticks will never be found again from where Sloppy launched them to. Poo and I were meanwhile on the real trail only to hit THE circle check. Ugh!

What a mess, for some reason we all thought he was going to loop to the left – that’s what we do here… We don’t go back down to the right, the trail must be somewhere further on to the left… Damnit – Superman was in front of me again, with Dick Tracy staring at his ass! Down the hill it was single file down a narrow gully and I was feeling more nimble footed than the pack in front. Oh well, I had to creveate along – (I know that isn’t a word, but there isn’t a word to describe following a slower runner down a narrow trail).

At the bottom I was frustrated – was he really going to run us back along the road? or just parallel to the road? We’d set off in this area, so surely there was some trick… I was with Skiddy when Skiddy said “hmmm I was here before, and there was no paper then….” Clearly the dastardly hares were planning a figure of 8? Or were they just complete fuck ups? We ran past blocked off trails that we’d previously travelled to a circle close to where we’d previously circled.

It was the second check that took longer than it could have – largely due to Poo not spotting the white paper dangling from the trees. Sadly – that gave Sloppy Rod the opportunity to run back to the old paper on the out trail, and call the pack ONON, with Big Top in quick pursuit. I know this as I had a great view from the crappy trail I was climbing my way through, that also turned out to not be the right way to go.

Fortunately I’d heard the sound of Humperdick’s horn to lead me to the left. Hang on – did I just say something positive about the bloody horn? That irritating squeak that destroys the pleasant peacefulness of the countryside? – let me digress….

Since Chuckie is Hash Cash and Humpers is sniff, things have changed on the hash. Humpers is fitter than when he first started, which means outrunning the horn isn’t quite as straightforward. So I’m running along, minding my own business, when all of a sudden the bloody horn sounds from right behind me. WTF? Further up the trail, I’m jogging along, completely on edge, fearing another horn blast, when Chuckie suddenly says “Am I near the front yet?”. Geez! I’m supposed to be at peace, in nature, but I’m running along fearing acoustic molestation!

…and I’m back. Where was I? Ah yes… Poo (the wings), Humpers (the winner) and I (the GM) did the right way back, while the rest of the pack followed the cheating, short cutting Sloppy, and sure enough they were into the beer before us. A cunning trail with plenty of twists… – I have to say this was another great run by Frozen Dick – hang on I take that back – it was a great run by Frozen Dick. The right length, with plenty of challenging checks that kept everyone together throughout the trail. Just what we wanted – good job!

(From the hareline, it appears we might be having 52 more Frozen Dick runs this year! Delegation is the key!)

I checked the webby, and it was Chilly Pussy – setting a run out towards Ob Khan. Fantastic – I remember about a year ago we had a 20(ish) minute run that HRA did twice by mistake from the same place. I complained bitterly at the time, but secretly was looking forward to something similar today! But then… it turned out Anything was the Co-Hare…. AAAARGH! Lets hope Belly Dancer didn’t have anything to do with this, would we all make it back alive?

Skiddy thought better of it and did his best to destroy the bridge off the canal, and in turn attempted to thwart the hash by blocking access to the rest of the hashers! With due respects to all injured in the incident, and with the bridge cleared, we made it to the run site where Chilly Pussy said nothing in the hare brief. Anything did say something – not sure what – it confused our visitors, while the rest of us looked to Humperdick to lead us off.

The sniff did a good job as the trail started off confusingly, but before long we were running along and hit a V check. By tradition, after a V check you may get a check back. The benefit of Check Backs are that you know for sure you are going the wrong way. Without a checkback it isn’t certain – you could still be on trail! Perhaps you missed a branch in the trail, perhaps someone had picked some of the paper up and the trail was still there a bit further on. I, for one, vote in favour of check backs – they make life easy. IF there is a hugely compelling reason to avoid checkbacks (and I can’t think of one), then I am in favour of the hare brief informing us before we set off. Sadly I spend a good deal of time dancing around in circles trying to figure out what was going on – after all nobody could call “OnOn” from the other branch anyway.

When I was completely convinced I was on the false trail I did what I could to rejoin the pack and relay the message that V checks weren’t quite as we expected. As it happened I found Superman and Frozen Dick first and realised I was well off the pace. When I saw a line of hashers clambering up a steep incline off the main path, I remembered going that way before – was it Alice? or Throbbing Ninja? – Anyway, last time Kwazi went straight on and that seemed the more sensible option to me. Sure enough I rejoined HRA, Horny Monkey and Morning Woodn’t as we set off on familiar trails.

So far I had spent more time “near” the trail than on the trail, and that wasn’t about to change! We slipped off trail into ‘looking’ mode a couple of times, and each time I seemed to take the longer route to catch up with the calls. When the trail headed 90 degrees to the left steep up into the wild jungle off the road, I decided to take the potentially longer, but flatter route around the mountain. Amazingly I hit trail again and after a quick detour through a bees nest, I was back on my own on the road to the On-In.

Fortunately when I got back the short cutting DFLs were already there and we only had to send a few bikes and trucks out to find the lost hashers. Wow – I didn’t expect that from Chilly Pussy!!!

I figured that getting a ride with the hare and her husband would give me some advantage! No matter what I asked, I was given nothing – no help at all. Apparently we might see some trees that had been blown over in the storm, and that was as far as it went! To the X centre and we set off along some well used bike tracks.

We came out at the crocodile farm, and that was our first confusion – should we go left or right along the road. I was wrong, but we figured it out and carried on. We passed through a resort and someone had cleared a bit of paper away leaving us to guess a bit to get back on track. The pack was pretty much together as we passed the Tiger camp (with crocodiles, tigers and snakes, this was a hash to remember)!

Jungle Chim and I were told off for checking up towards some little huts off a circle check, but as we regrouped I started feeling the effects of my previous nights drinking with Belly Dancer and associated dehydration. I walked for a bit off paper over a hill only to meet Junglicious and Lester coming towards me as I lucked out on intercepting the trail further on.

Towards the end we hit a circle that had us all foxed. Clearly someone had taken a fancy to Sleeps On It’s pieces of paper and taken them home and it was a good 300m before Skiddy and I found paper again. From then it was pretty much straight back, and soon the beer was in hand. A nice run – at around 7km it made up for the 3km yesterday.

OnOn!

I’ve had lunch on Suthep Road a couple of times this week and each time I’ve looked UP at the TV mast ominously defining the skyline and the mountains. Bugger – there would be little choice involved, we were going to be climbing the hill at some point – why would Chuckie do such an evil thing?

The floor was turned over to the sniff to lead us off, only for Belly to have done his own sniffing and lead the charge in his familiar fashion. Unsurprisingly we set off UP the road so I made sure I overtook BD before the road split and we had the inevitable first circle check – sure enough I got it right as we cut along the discretely concealed path that takes you UP the hill. I was already on a roll and nailed the second circle as well.

The hare had let us know there would be False Trails – (some kind of International Skiddy Sticks) – so when the paper suddenly, abruptly takes you off the main path I’ve started getting suspicious. I had some distance on Horny coming up from behind, so I tried to second guess the hare’s FT, carrying straight on up the trail – 100m on and no paper, bugger! Had Chuckie really managed the triple guess me? Is this a new kind of FT set to catch out the sneaky likes of me and Poo? In short – No! I went back found the FT, and the trail continued sure enough from about 110m. Arse fecker dildos.

I suppressed my displeasure and continued on the trail nailing all the circle checks until we made our way back down the hill and saw the hare with his sidekick Square Rooter spying on us. We couldn’t be heading back already could we? I messed up the last circle and the pack regrouped only for a bunch of us to pointlessly climb a good 100m straight up a steep cliff to the final set of Skiddy Sticks, sorry false trail. Damn that Chuckie! I remember being told such behaviour was a “c*nt act” when I did it to CW and here he was pulling it on me.

We got back to the A in about 32 minutes – much quicker than intended, and while there were comments about it being a bit on the short side, most of the FRBs were lying around close to passing out from exhaustion. It might have been short on the time side, but had plenty in it in terms of a work out. Cheers CW!

This should have been Toe Jam’s run, but Big Top stepped up as Toe Jam was too busy with his new job – only for him to arrive pretty laid back. Interesting start!

It was a run for sicknotes, and as Belly Dancer did his trade mark sprint off at the start, the usual FRBs didn’t chase him down. We were down Brown Finger and Graven Image already, and Mr Poo had begged off for work. Chuckie bailed out, due to an adverse reaction to hair regrowth potion (now that is a damn good excuse!). Myself, I was off work all week with sinusitis and chest infection. I guess we’d have to leave it to HRA, Horny Monkey, ?Turkish & Humperdick?

After they set off I took a stroll down the path to see where it went and quickly overtook the DFLs, spotting HRA stood guarding a check and waiting for the call to be made – so much for working as a FRB! I did a quick loop around the houses and got back to find the hare placing the On-In. After 10 minutes of the “run” I called “ON ON!”, and gave Big Top a shock. I wasn’t the only one to take such a short route.

The runners came in after around 40 minutes and Sups was happy that all the walkers were back in around 50 minutes. There weren’t many criticisms around, so it sounded like it was a good run. Shame I wasn’t on form for the circle, but hopefully it all went well!