Category Archives: CSH3 – Saturday

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash is a mixed hash which meets every Saturday.

17th November – CSH3 – Superbitch

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Rating: 7.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Superbitch teamed up with Wooly Jumper for the run, and they were looking suitably haggard when we showed up – they were busy picking the grass seeds out of their trousers. An ominous sign. They told me roughly where to start, but with the paper starting around a few corners, we were lucky to find the out trail!

At the first check we passed one of the world’s most mangy dogs, and I was attacked by a few more as I missed where the trail left the road up into the hills. It was a scramble up the shiggy bank to a trail and HRA hit the front. I jogged along with Horny Monkey, Humperdick and Unplugged until we met HRA coming back from a false trail at a cross check. I got lucky at the next check and hit a few checks spot on, going well until HRA caught me at a circle check on the top of a hill.

The trails looked familiar, we were close to where Square Rooter and I set about a month back. HRA sprinted off past me to check to the left, and I reluctantly went to the right – this time I was lucky though, and found the trail through a field and into some more shiggy. It was slow going and I heard Chuckie behind asking how far ahead I was.

Now we were on the trails I knew and getting another circle right I sped ahead rounded a corner and there was the “ON IN”. I was a little confused as I didn’t think we were that close to the A, but we had already done 4.5km or so. I kept plugging away, and then got off paper. Chuckie caught up as I started thinking I’d screwed up, but after 500m or so, we found some paper.

CW was begging me to let him overtake after the On-In, and eventually I let him go. Semen Soars also went past. How far was this??? My GPS said about 2.2km from the On-In back to the beers… It seems the hares hadn’t scouted and had grossly misjudged where they were, and neglected to go back and move the On-In. Shame as that was probably the only downside to a nice run on some great trails!

10th November – CSH3 – Square Rooter

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Rating: 9.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Is Square Rooter finally mellowing in his old age? He chose a run site with a great view out over some rolling hills, rather than at the bottom of a steep mountain. With positive comments about the run being passed around in advance, we set off with the returning Horny Monkey picking up the first check.

The 2nd circle had us foxed for a while, the trail continuing across the road and through a blocked gate across the field. Duly delayed the pack was together as we ambled up to the ridge line and along the top. There Square Rooter had invented a brand new check – a circle with trail leading in 2 directions, with one trail just stopping. It was Doesn’t Get It that led us nowhere and later Skiddy that found the true trail. By this time I was half a kilometer away at the bottom of the hill. I made attempts to get back, but in the end skirted up the road and intercepted Skiddy as he came down the trail.

With Poo in hot pursuit we hit some fantastic running trails that we could really open up on. With these trails Square Rooter was really spoiling us! From nowhere Skiddy appeared in front of me at a V check – he’d found some cunning short cut. The trail then took us off in a pointless loop back to a few yards from the check back I’d already seen. Beautiful Box, Unplugged, Sticky Wicket and Big Top were all seen passing through the check back and joining the front pack for a slog up the steep hill where the hare was grinning like a toothless fairy.

HRA took a turn at the front only to get the last check wrong, and it was Sloppy Rod that lead the way (IN FLIP FLOPS FFS) down the stony path back to the A. That was a really, really nice run.

3rd November – CSH3 – Bone Collector

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Rating: 7.0/10 (3 votes cast)

Along the canal road to the Bone Residence – having run here several times before, I guessed what to expect – visualising the run up “Bone Hur Hill” as usual. The first thing out of the ordinary was as we were sent out the back gate, rather than as usual along the drive and out the front gate. Interesting – Belly Dancer put in his usual charge, but I couldn’t let him have his moment of glory and charged away at the front with Crazy Crack and Nam Ron following behind.

After half a km or so we got to the first circle, and having the pick I chose right, with the idea of crossing the causeway just around the corner. After 50m I was surprised to see paper on the left as though it was coming around the corner. I was skeptical, but what the hell “ONON!”. Straight along the road, and another circle. Nobody wanted to check right as it would take you back to the house, but eventually Leon (later inappropriately named ‘Hand Some’???) called on on. And there was the On-In… Ooops, bit of a Fuck Up. Runners were tempted to go back in, but we managed to persuade enough people to go back only to find all the walkers heading in the right direction as directed by Bone Hur.

Confusion reigned as walkers were the FRBs, and they didn’t know how to deal with the checks. We hit the hill and it was Nutcracker that lead the way up. I got a check badly wrong and ended up trying to pass Burrito Butt on the narrow trail. The trail kept going up and up and up. Damn you hares!

I lost ground on Chuckie, Poo and Nam Ron as the hill took it’s toll on me. Finally we reached the top, and I could pass Big Top, Nutcracker and Joint Venture on the steep descent to the road. The road? We must be around 2km out at this point. Argh! Knowing where the OnIn was didn’t help and the few checks there were did nothing to bring the pack together. Oh well, it was a pleasant trail nonetheless.

OnOn

27th October – CSH3 – Slippery When Wet

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Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast)

A virgin hare – which means weeks of panicking in the desperate hope that everything works perfectly! Slippery was a nervous wreck for an hour or so before the run as he busily counted people as they arrived in the desperate hope they reached the magic #40 – which would trigger the reduced entrance fee to Ratchapreuk. He shouldn’t have worried, over 50 hashers showed up. Knowing we would be going inside Royal Flora, meant we knew it would be a flat run, no mountains and probably not the longest run/walk. The hare brief consisted of promises that we could short cut, along with some confusing new checks.

Then we were pointed across the car park in the direction of the park entrance. Cunningly the hares had extended the run by using the car park half a km from the entrance! Once inside the first circle was pivotal to know which way around the park we’d go – I got it right, left it was. Immediately I did a little loop around a garden just to get back to where the short cutters could see me.

At the next check there was a large lake, which surely we’d go around? Nope. After a few more loops around in circles we had Belly Dancer leading Big Top and others straight lining their way to keep up. The trail took us up some stairs, but at the bottom there were arrows pointing in all directions. What the hell, I’ll play the game and run up the stairs only to run around a big circular balcony while those below watched and laughed. Again Belly was at the front, and his competitive spirit pushed him to run through a check back to find inevitable trail further along, calling us to confusion as we doubled back on the trail in the wrong direction.

When Turkish Delight and I finally figured it out we found Skid Mark and Humperdick already ahead along with Angry Inch. How they managed that I have no idea! We doubled back past the temple, and again were completely confused searching for trail which had perhaps been washed away. All of a sudden it was Just Cumming as the FRB – wtf? How did he get there? Humperdick stood grumbling about the dutch windmill missing an arm as we ran through the international gardens. Finally heading back towards the entrance with Skid Mark and Turkish Delight, and with Unplugged, Plan and Big Top short cutting their way towards us.

From the looks of facebook this morning, while we were busy running, most of the ladies just went for a photo shoot in the park, posing in front of different flowers etc. Either way it was a very different hash. When hares try to do something different, it always takes some extra efforts, and is also prone to turning into a fuck up! This time, they’d thought it out, and it worked – lots of smiling faces for the circle. OnOn.

20th October – CSH3 – Throbbing Ninja

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Rating: 1.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Whoa! That was a run we won’t forget for a long while… What on earth was Throbbing Ninja thinking??? Even the Lanna run didn’t go that high up that bloody mountain…

I arrived to find a packed out runsite – a nice garden restaurant turned over to the hashers for the evening. We took over and with a strong contingent from Hong Kong it was going to be a busy one. The briefest of harebriefs set us off down the usual out trail, and I lead the string of HK’ers until Ice Dancer overtook and stopped calling – silent running cnut.

We got to the hill and climbed, and climbed and climbed… Every check was UP with nearly 300m of elevation gain. An epic which had us doubting whether Throbbing could have set it by bike or not. Eventually she must have got bored of climbing and randomly cut abruptly left to scramble through shiggy and descend back down to the waterfall. WTF?

The larger than usual circle was fun, and at the OnOnOn, TN made up for the crappy run with some most excellent food.

13th October – CSH3 – Mr. Poo

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Rating: 8.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Mr. Poo chose Frozen Dick to co-hare with him, and that explains why the run was way out past Doi Saket, and not at Wat Umong or the Boy Scout Camp..! Anyway, we made our way out to the outstation, with Superman and Chilly Pussy missing the run start. Sups was duly punished for not getting the beer there on time, and Humps protested the lack of water. Turkish had already confused most of the drivers by stopping at the wrong A site, while Big Top, Geisha Gash and Shagless cruised way past the A bucket, presumably scouting future runs?

After such a shambolic start, we set off and I immediately got the first check wrong, but I caught back up with the FRBs as we approached a lake that I have some less than fond memories of. Jogging down away from the lake, I kicked a snake by mistake – ugh!!! At the cross check, Chuck Wao correctly guessed uphill and after coming back from the check back a largish group proceeded up the hill. They hares had done a good job with the checks, and there were some more tough ones to come – Skiddy found the paper after a great check that brought everyone back together before sending us down a tiny ‘trail’? We scrambled across a hill and as we emerged to a small trail the other end, we were completely disoriented.

Turkish got the pick of the check and cruised off the way we all wanted to go. We suspected him of silent running and followed after him – meanwhile, Sloppy Rod was the silent running c*nt who wanted to win like a racist bastard and refused to call again for the rest of the run. As Chuck Wao, myself and HRA pursued him fortunately he got his just deserts and was later punished on the ice.

The circle was fun, and then it was in to town to be punished by the evil Big Top!

7th October – CSH3 – Redundant Semen

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Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

After Cool Ball’s epic outstation run, we struggled to assemble for a hangover run – hopefully Redundant Semen wouldn’t punish us too much… Heading out of the resort the legs were sore. We headed down the hill behind the resort, and I was dreading the fact we’d have to climb up again.

It was the ladies leading the way with Anything, Unplugged and Snail Trail. When they got to a V check, Anything took off on the more obvious trail to the right, while Snail Trail and Unplugged wanted me to do the dummy run left. Screw that, I took off after Anything, and was pleased to get the next 2 checks right – pleased because it led us speedily back to the resort, the beer, and a very brief circle.

6th October – CSH3 – Cool Balls

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Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

It’s outstation time! Cool Balls had been warming up to this epic for weeks! First up it’s at Khun Yuam – about 20km north of Mae Sariang… 20km MY FUCKING ASS!!! Close to 100km along steep winding roads more like it. Once everyone had signed up he offered us half a dozen different ways to get there – the quickest of which was about 5 hours – short of hiring a helicopter of course!

Hashers straggled into the resort throughout the afternoon, weary from their rides / drives etc. We drank our way through Friday evening, with a restful day on Saturday, UNTIL 3pm when we gathered for the hash. I’d noticed Cool Balls and Redundant Semen slip away for around 4 hours in the morning, which was ominous… It was more ominous when Cool Balls appeared to lose the start of his run – emphasized as it took us 700m to find the first bits of paper.

Shortly after Chuckie and I split at the first V check – he was right, I was wrong. Where I say ‘first’ V check, actually it was the ONLY V check. And it seemed there were only 2 more circle checks to go as well – in 9.5km… YES 9.5km with 3 checks!

The trail led us down to a river, with a nice concrete bridge over it – apparently the only bridge the hares could find! I caught up with CW as he was turning back from a water crossing – I persuaded him otherwise and he joined the rest of the crazy hashers for a dip – not much that can be done on an A->B run! If you go back to the start, there’ll be nobody there…

We gamboled our way through some rice fields, with HRA and Anything somewhere up front. Chuckie vocalised his displeasure in typical style as we jogged on to a snake and leach infested corn field. A circle check had us all confused and 30 odd hashers dispersed through the field following what appeared to be trail, but which then trickled out. Finally Skiddy found the trail, the other side of the river, and we all dutifully waded through it. Lucky Skiddy had his camera to capture the moment. We then waded along the river to where the cars were waiting at a “B” stop.

After a beer, it was HRA that rustled up some hashers to go out on a 2nd leg – Humperdick showing fine form, with Unplugged, Snail Trail, Anything, Big Top, Cumalot, HRA, BmY, Skiddy braving the inevitable hill. Sure enough, he sent us back over the river (over a bridge this time), and straight to the foot of mount doom. There were no more checks, it was just a straight up climb. Probably one of the steepest hills Thailand has to offer, and every step sapped my energy to the point of collapse near the top. Fortunately, what goes up, must come down, and the downhill was a great running trail. I opened up, tracking Humpers, but only catching him when he screwed up at an invisible check – the cunning hares had again found a way to bring us back together, without using checks.

Through the rice fields and we were surely on our way home… I was so weary, I’d forgotten we were the wrong side of the river. Here it was narrower, faster, the current strong on my weary legs. Humps nearly fell too, so I stalled with HRA to pluck the ladies out as they surely got swept away – or rather, I stayed to watch HRA pluck the ladies out as none of us really had any energy left. Unplugged and Anything would have found a shorter route back to Chiang Mai had HRA not rescued them.

An epic 9.5km run. It had everything – water, ricefields, trail, climbing, descending through some truly spectacular countryside. If it wasn’t for the hash we would never experience it, so as the pain subsided, we appreciated the efforts of the hares more.

29th September – CSH3 – Just Cumming

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Rating: 7.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Many thanks to the LBH3 – we had a lot of fun without them! In the skies there was a battle between Evil RA and Good RA with the Evil RA sending a storm which turned the planned A site into a muddy swamp and had some hashers making a break and heading home. Those that braved it out saw JC part the clouds and move the runsite to a much better location just up the hill – no more rain – JC had won.

We took off down the road along the paper we’d seen while driving in. Cutting left at the circle check, I led the hashers in a pointless little loop that took us back to the A within about a km, only for JC and Wooly Jumper to point us off down another trail… – Runs like today really make you appreciate it when the hare takes the time to scout their run properly! The rest of the trail could have been set by motorbike, but I got more than my share of checks right 😉

Sounds faded behind me – largely because we had 2 of Chiang Mai’s most notorious silent runners (Turkish and Sloppy) – actually I probably didn’t need to name them, you all knew that anyway. It turns out the pair of them also attempted a short cut in their “Win at All Costs” strategy and promptly got completely lost, leaving a bemused Mr. Poo.

While many circles start well and go downhill, this one started slowly, but rose to a crescendo where Anything topped it off with another performance where she loudly berated Turkey’s erection. Turkey fully deserves his personal block of ice, and had us completely entertained at the OnOnOn… – What does “neuw” mean? I’m buying eskimos…

22nd September – CSH3 – Hollow Legs

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Rating: 6.7/10 (3 votes cast)

Hollow Legs always gets in a panic when he’s the hare, desperate to make everything ‘perfect’, today’s addition was the carefully painted red sticks, and as the hare brief started, we discovered that if we see red sticks on the ground it could mean one of several things:-
* Skiddy Check
* Cross Check
* V Check
* Circle Check (indicated like a Cross Check)
* One of the above disguised due to someone kicking them
* A check that had already been kicked out, indicated “somehow”

This could be interesting. We were also told that it was tough, and the songthaew would pick up anyone unable to find their own way back…

OnOn and we were off on the usual trail towards the temple steps – but not today, after a km across the flat we hit the low hills and there was a fantastic skiddy check. It caught the whole pack out, even though we knew it was going to be a skiddy check. We eventually regrouped following Chuckie along a trail we’d hit before gently up the hill. Suddenly we veered to the right and were climbing steeply up a cliff face and from then it got worse. Straight Up Up Up with CW and HRA setting a pace the rest of us couldn’t match.

Along a ridge, up some more, and there were some spectacular views around. My son, Plan, overtook me – I couldn’t allow that and pushed on down to the beerstop. Phew. We had choices, we could go back the way we’d come (another 4km), we could take the Songthaew back, or we could find our own way back. So, we dispersed in several different directions, all the FRBs finding their own ways back with at least 4 different groups breaking up. We all got back (I think), but after an exhausting 7.7km, it took a while to recover. Certainly a different hash run.