Category Archives: CSH3 – Saturday

By Alice
—

Frozen Dick was kvetching that he isn’t able to solve checks with the FRBs. Well Frozen you missed your big chance. This was a ZINGER with FRBs, mid pack, DFLs all milling about checking here and there TOGETHER for about 30 minutes at the second check. Which turned out to be the last check on the wimp trail. It wasn’t much fun. Walkers mostly standing in the shade as every avenue was explored and re-explored further and further to no avail.

Shagless appeared and yelled:The hare said it was to the right. But we were at the WRONG 2nd/last check not the first. Total fcuk up. We checked every which right, front, back and even the other right.
Eventually saw bodies in the woods: Snail trail, Chatterbox, ABB, Shagless. They’d found the 2nd LAST check going the wrong way and dropped paper going further into the woods. There was only a couple of strips to be found. Then nothing. Total fcuk up.

I jogged back to the resort. 3.9km of total fuck up in 35 minutes. Cartoon and Blows tried to follow paper into the woods. Wrong move. They were back shortly afterwards.
I plopped in the pool.

Recommendations:
1. Newly returning hares to be paired with experienced local hares on their first run back.
2. Social services to be alerted if Skidmarks takes virgin hare Potato Head again to ‘teach’ him how to set trail.
3. Cuckold to be informed his Mae Jo endless run has possibly lost its place on the roll of honour.
4. 3 strips per 100m of trail minimum to become legal requirement. Punishable with water down downs or ice time equivalent to time wasted looking while on trail.
5. Prayer.

The pollution dipped a little, so I decided to head out to the CSH3 under the new GMship of Just Cuming. Fucking Hell it is hot out there! Ban Pong resort – a nice spot to run from, and it was Skiddy’s return haring – what would he bring back from his experiences in Canada?

The hare brief was nearly longer than the run! The hare explained a new Hook check – not sure that will be popular, but hey! Finally we were off, and KO and I strolled along the lane discussing the “new” check – I’d seen it before in UK, and didn’t really have fond memories of it. Anyway, we got to a circle, and I loped off to the left while KO went to the right. It was hot, and I was reluctant to put too much effort in. TMB, Sloppy and some others scattered in the same general direction as me, and then we all spotted paper a bit to the left. There wasn’t much paper, but it did have today’s run number on it, and with a little bit of effort we found another circle.

Here TMB went to the right – which kinda made sense. I went left and just around the corner found paper! Not much paper, but that seemed to be the MO today. 50m further and then “ONIN”! WTF? Paper leading back down the road to the resort, and another couple of large ONINs to bring us in the back entrance!

7 minutes after setting off, I ran down the carpark to an incredulous Skiddy! I assured him I hadn’t done the Wimp Trail – I hadn’t even seen a Wimp Trail! A short diagnosis showed we had gone wrong at the first check, as the Wimp Trail was too close.

Sloppy and Tasty joined me as we headed out again – it was just like Saturdays for the past year with just the 3 of us out there! It seems the rest of the pack mostly aborted and went to look at the lake instead. Meanwhile we went back to the first check, and after a concerted effort we found the trail off it – past some cows, that was probably a lot trickier than the hare expected.

Eitherway we were off, and the three of us headed into the valley. A V-check – but no trail marked off it – the bizarre marking kept holding Tasty up, and Sloppy and I plodded along behind her admiring our beerguts. Tasty came running back when she saw the confusing “Hook” check – it looked like a U-turn, so that’s what she did! When we got closer there was the number 4…. Hmmmmz… there were only 3 of us. One option would be to wait for someone else to show up? Or run all the way back to the resort to drag someone out to join us? Or to simply ignore it and carry on – ultimately when you see the U-turn, you don’t U-turn, you just keep going?!

Another circle, and when Tasty had gone 120m, she turned back and saw paper next to me at around 100m – it was another check – (circle to circle?). Previously we’ve been up the hill straight on, but that path looked overgrown, while a newer trail appeared to lead off to the left. Once again we found a little bit of paper, and it dropped us down into the creek bed, and gave us a good 500-700m of rough shitty scramble to get out. Knowing the area, Tasty and I climbed up to the marginally nicer trail above the creek bed, and made out way down again. In the past year we’ve regularly met out in this area, and have networked the trails exhaustively, so there were few surprises left.

Tasty got a bit of a lead, and sat waiting for us at a nice picnic table as the two fat blokes were suffering in the heat. It was enough – time to head in for a beer. As fuckups go, it was memorably monumental!

The biggest problem for Shrek seemed to be the A site with a ditch being dug which made entry to the property difficult. However, adversity being the muddafucka of invention, he worked out you could enter thru the trees just off the road and so it came to pass.
Shrek laid a very fair 5.5km route on super well known trails for me, but perhaps 30% known to him. Always interesting what hares do in an area you know well. Only HRA has set here and repeatedly surprised me with his cut throughs, hidden paths and sneaky joins unknown to man and most beasts.
Well I knew every step of this run but definitely not the order Shrek put it together!
Due to the shite air, i was never going to run in 200 AQI but walking meant I was able to get close to FRBs Blows and Obscene when Shrek’s best checks came into play.
It was overcast, smoggy and dusty all run, but much of it was in burnt forest which will be really nice after the rains. Up we went towards the doi and right at the first corner. Into the forest valley with no check made me suspicious we might return down the almost parallel track. Suddenly FT was called and I ducked up a small ravine I’d found scouting with Yankoffalot in 2016. It was steep and slippery as the stones rolled but I knew we’d get to the ridge path so I followed a path more direct but off paper. As I rejoined trail, Pussy complimented me on great long cutting!
Up the ridge we went to the three way check. Fresh Meat went straight for 50m and just stopped listening and hoping. Lazy Cloggy bastard poorly trained by Cartoon.
Blows found trail left and down we went to the valley. Here was Shrek’s best check with not right as expected, not left as I checked despite reservations, but thru the orchard and down into the gates of hell ravine and up the other side! That bunched the pack back up a bit!
On the other side we turned left for home then jackknifed back up Piggy trail up a forested spur. At the check at the top I expected a sharp left and back down, and so did Capt Hook. When OnOn was called right, he just kept going down and short cut home!
At the next junction higher up we did go left and down out of the doi onto the familiar looping path back towards Canyon View. At the V I reckoned left, but I was wrong again as Shrek took us not thru HRA alley but down to the road past the tip quarry and through the open field.
Tiptoe came in last and alone after 1:20 maybe, Cartoon and Fresh Meat left pre-circle as did Cumalot and son. A short circle is a good circle, and so it proved with Superman closing proceedings after 29 minutes. Let’s hope that catches on!
Alice

I was planning to go for a run out in San Kampaeng anyway, so when KO promised a longer run, I figured I would give it a go. I even took along a virgin who’s comment after was that she expected more running, and less standing around at checks! Erm…… ok!

Today seemed hot, so we debated just jumping in the pool at Ban Pong instead, but dutifully set off for the run. After getting the first check wrong I was following the hare on her trail, and pondered why she suddenly stopped while the trail crossed the canal. Moments later a circle check was called ahead, so obviously we were back this side of the canal, and it wasn’t long before I ducked down a trail and was back on paper. Another check had Sloppy following me, as there really wasn’t any other way to go. We hit the road, and again Sloppy followed me to the right… – I confess, having driven to Ban Pong before the run, I did have some inside information here, so I was off and going well. So well, that I didn’t bother going to the next check, I just continued on trail.

Poo caught up, overtook and then slowed as we both ran into a false trail. Damnit! There was a decent pack back together, and after a couple of twists, somehow Poo got back to the front and led HRA for a while as every check went straight into the guts of the mountain. Finally it wasn’t straight on, and it didn’t surprise me to see Sloppy heading up to the right (go left here and it would be a very long run into Ban Pong valley). Sloppy took over the lead and I followed him along one of my favourite “hidden” trails. There was a check that forced me back a little, but soon enough we emerged at the shelter on the ridge. Sloppy was playing games with the pack – he knew as well as I did where the trail was going to go, but he let them catch up to force someone to go up the hill. As soon as he called circle check, I peeled off to the right and chased after him as he sprinted towards the stairs. I passed HRA on the stairs, and found Sloppy waiting for me at the bottom – I told him I was going straight whatever he did, and so we jogged out through usual way out. I did follow him at another check, but then past him at another Wimp Rambo split.

Set off down the hill, I ran into another FT. Damnit! There was such an obvious trail back to the right, but that just goes down to where the Wimps had already gone. I set off back along the trail, and when people saw me with the FT, they took off down the wrong side. I lucked out and managed to stay ahead with only a couple more checks to nail before getting to the Beer! A great first half!

Setting off on the 2nd part, we were near the regular lake by the entrance to Alpine golf course – a circle check and perhaps my virgin didn’t call loudly enough when she found trail – meanwhile HRA & Brownie found some powder from one of Cartoon’s runs and added a lap of the lake to their experience! Meanwhile Cartoon who lives around the corner found a nice shortcut for himself. Suckit & I followed Heather up past the temple, onto an area that had no trails and once Sloppy had finished his beer he caught up. It was a messy scramble, until we got down to trails again. From here we had to navigate past some cows, along the tarmac and then through some rough freshly harvested rice fields. The first half was much better, but a great effort overall!

By Alice.

It’s been about 8-10 years since I hashed in this area out past the X Centre and probably 13 since I met Gibberish. Was it worth the wait? You betcha!

Emma Royde (and mystery wtf are you co-hare Silla Chow) set a blinding 7 km undulating trail on wide runnable paths through the farms, orchards and fields of Mae Ram that is up there with the best Saturday runs of the year.

I started gingerly, feeling the 7km hike from Friday and no stretches. KO and the kids scampered happily and Purple Fart was happy to have a similarly shaped but smaller athlete alongside.
Gibberish was back, and like Shrek, no one ever asks the derivation of his name. Little brother Hash Broon was keen but equally unintelligible. The look on peoples’ faces when they tried to understand our Glaswegian brothers in hash was priceless.

Hash Brown didn’t call when checking and confused Deep Throat by waving like a demented Max Bygraves on acid. Angry Inch perfected his go 2 metres short of the On On paper and turn round shtick. It’s very effective.

The pack spread out as the trail wound its way round the beautiful area. Clear white strips and well positioned checks made for clear marking. FRBs and your humble scribe were given extra strips to help with joining the circle check to true trail. Think I still had most of them by the end.

Deep Throat asked after 35 minutes u were we on the Runners or Walkers trails? He’d missed the early split sign, as did Purple apparently, far too joyous at having a mini me for company with cuddly lurv handles alongside.

One sharp turn at a check and we were down a path with a marked but easily missable left turn into the trees. I missed it and got suspicious seeing no paper ahead. Deepthroat too but he found the turn and we cut down to a lower level and out into more open grasslands then wide tracks between houses with big gardens back to the A bucket.

If you missed it, you missed a cracker!

By Alice
—

So who was the mystery underage hare? Well after Alice left his phone at home and messed up the pick up, no-one will ever
know but he was underemployed for sure as Alice set alone in the hot sun from 1:30-4pm.
A half decent sized pack with some visitors, yay! So nice to welcome visitors and returnees, although there are some exceptions.

Trails was marked in striking pink and walkers cut out in the white backs of same. Alice trialled Turkey Trails. Basically you can ignore them or when you see white strips with Turkey heads follow ’em and they may lead you into the wild green yonder and a FT bar or they may connect to trail and be the right way!

The pack set off down the lane to the lakes area. I heard Check! and was happy it took a bit of time to hear OnOn! Through the west side of the property and after another circle there was a FT alongside the fence when it looked like you could go through. Here Major General Turkish Delight apparently barked orders like Edogan on speed and KO was commanded to slither down a steep bank and check out an unpromising route. Lucky for her she was on!
Around the lanes and up into the Doi and a V in the forest where the wrong fork deep into the trees was taken by man in tights Emma Royde. True trail was up to the ridge and a FT right that caught Mr Poo. Back down the ridge and into think bush. Here Alice saw paper from ER’s wrong fork while setting so looped around right. Thankfully no one saw it on the run. Down through shiggy and out into the sunlight and an open grassy area. A circle had most pushing forwards towards a building on the other side of a lake. KO took the steep hill and shouted OnOn gleefully after about her 6th piece of paper!
Meanwhile the walkers had continued straight up and over the hill missing the Doi but scaring the shit out of the herd of cows who according to Superman destroyed their corral and ran amok. Apparently Superman and his group, Capt Hook and his lad etc took the left path avoiding the crazed bovines.

Back across the road the FRBs finally came upon the Beer Stop, after Alice had heard minutes of Onon and Circle check calls. Emma messed them all up but HRA found paper and was first in, Anywan and Emma plus Poo in the leading group. James, soon to be named Whiney the Poo, was doing his usual effective powerwalk and just behind the leaders. Cartoon and Kelvin puffed up and visitor In Denial and Mai were running well. Various paths thru the forest took runners home, some were even on trail, Poo’s Strava revealing his excellent hash behaviour. Chilly Pussy was last man past the Beer Stop but those who took the road and missed the amber will be shamed and not named.
Onon!
Poo had 7 and Emma Royde had 7+km. Superb itch had 4.5 on the shorter route. Bit difficult to judge when you set without benefit of a phone!

Anonymous
Mae Jo 13 th April
Admonished Blue Beard
& Purple Pink Pipe Player
A fine attempt to set a trail in
this well hacked and hackneyed area.
The master of many a Bangkok run had used
The exercise to initiate the Purple Player into
All things hash. First, you lay shredded paper all
Over the trail. Then, you pick it all up again and put
It back in the bag. There is nothing like Proper
Planning is there Admonished? Poor Purple had
No idea if he was coming or going. “D'ya know
what I mean”? The Hare brief was delivered in ABB ’s unique and delightful
style. “There are Only circle checks. 360 possible directions for the trail to
continue. No V checks. No powder. No wait, the Onion is in powder”.
No one listened.
However the trail, set around, In and through the Mae Jo maze
was a joy to run. For the runners anyway.
It seemed there was one circle check at the beginning and one at the end.
That was true but there were several more on route if the Half-wits took the
Trouble to open their eyes and look. The Admonished Master seems to have
a predilection for back checks. Tasty, Brownie, Chuckie and Strangely took it in
turns to be caught out time and time again. The Brown man, marginally ahead
on correct trail. Graven however had taken off, so far off trail “ looking”, that
he decided to use the run as a scouting mission.
Meanwhile the frbees consisted of a reasonably close group including;
Chuckie, Brownie, Tasty, Anyone, Carton & Strangely. All seemed to be
enjoying the freedom of lengthy stretches of open running.

The direction didn’t seem to matter. They were happy.
Most of us had 6K on the nose. Which was probably sufficient on a very hot and humid afternoon.
The trail had been set to keep the pack together.
It mostly succeeded. Pussy Whisperer bringing up
the rear mumbled something about circles not being kicked out.
Frbees? Not kicking out circles? I wouldn’t have thought that possible.
Surely he was mistaken ?
Once in, the proceedings continued at a fair gallop. The circle was held together by the usual prowess
of ABB and Graven. Most of the pack were brain dead. Exhausted by the stifling heat.
The highlight was Lunglau, our devoted and hard working driver come dogsbody,
being put on the ice for taking us down Loikroh road, only to be half drowned in the stationary traffic
by the Songkran water squad. A turkey shoot just about sums it up.
We were delivered back into the city to yet another watery reception and scurried down the back
passages behind the Imm hotel, in an attempt to avoid the madness. Snowballs had other ideas.
As we passed a blow up swimming pool housing a couple of toddlers, Snowballs decided,
in full Hash attire, to climb in ! He proceeded to try and sit on the edge of the pool, which then
collapsed. The pool emptied in a tidal wave of disaster carrying the toddlers, who by now
were looking quite puzzled, away into the side street. Errr nice one Snowballs.
On Ono to rock me burger where the unflustered, and mostly dry, Alice was eagerly awaiting our arrival.
A good run. The Boys done good.

Alice and Shrek, but it seemed Shrek had disowned it and didn’t want to show up… I had to collect the money, so headed out early, only to get halfway to the runsite and realise I’d forgotten shoes again… – I couldn’t deal with the forthcoming shame, so turned back to get them. The weather was great – clear skies, but a stormy cool to it. We didn’t get any rain, but it was great conditions to run in.

I missed most of the harebrief, but we set off and immediately were expected to scramble along the side of the small canal near the Chinese Cemetery. I gambled and went along the road the other side – I knew I would pay for it later, but it was much easier going, so I got to the first check first and spotted something white off to the right. Sure enough it was paper and I was on. Along one side of the cemetery and there was another check – I went forward, just enough to give me a view back to the left, and there was paper. Brownie and Chuckie read my actions and followed me. A fast start to the run. Brownie and Chuckie caught me and overtook – I was content to keep a steady pace trying to avoid doing much work. For a while I managed to hang off the front getting to the checks as they were solved.

We got to the other road by the mainer canal and a false trail had a big group together crossing the road to the otherside. This was a wimp rambo circle split? Interesting… I headed left with the rambos, and shortly after there was a trail to the right with no check – I was suspicious! I dillied, I dallied, and then they seemed to be checking up front, so I ducked into the trail further, knowing that it would join trail pretty soon. Sure enough it did, just as Chuckie was on a false trail to my left. I kept going until I hit a false trail – back tracking I joined Chuckie and Brownie as we crossed the creek. A junction, but no check – ah – there it is, off to the left. I turned sharply right, as did Brownie and Chuckie – us all headed in the same direction, but certainly Chuckie was running with more intent than usual.

Another check, but this had to be right so Chuckie and I set off. He got tripped up by yet another false trail, and I led the way towards the weir crossing with Graven showing up on the scene to take the lead. The air was getting heady with masculinity! I started dropping back as we looped out to the highway, around and back straight past the stinky pig farms. Strangely Anal jogging past telling me about his broken foot as I slowed down. Hopefully we get weather like this more in coming weeks!

The Shorcutter Special

So here we were back at the start of the last Ballbreaker. The hare not content to put us through the wringer once, decided, with m-alice aforethought to make us re-visit our fears by running
most parts of it back to front a second time. In an upside downy sort of way. Is there any other, you ask. The Brown man took off as usual in his “It’s not a race” guise pounding the trail followed by a band of semi enthusiastic runners up. I passed Shagless in a futile attempt to stay in touch with the pack, only to find him shift a gear and pass me effortlessly on one of his impulsive sprints. But like a sparkler, his fizz of energy was short lived and the proper order of things returned.

We were soon in the canyon-ish area and here the beastliness began. The trail was abandoned by all and sundry, everyone had a different idea where the trail should go. Who needs paper anyway? The melee was brought to an end when a lone frb called the On. From all points of the compass our Motely gang took various routes to by-pass, shortcut, overtake any and everyone they could. Eventually some sense, though not much, of order returned. Graven who had been lurking at the back of the pack, in that dream-like state he occasionally lapses into, now leapt into life. Approaching the head of the pack from a 90 degree direction he took off in pursuit of Chuckie and the Brown man. This would be a hard group to catch. The next circle check seemed to suggest that we bear left away from the little shack with its narrow path across a small stream. I clocked it and remembered it from the ballbreaker. TMB confirmed it and we took off to check. Tasty went left and I went up the hill. There Is a god. I was on. Yes, I did call it and followed trail which initially lead left to a False trail. Bastard ! 180 degrees behind us the trail continued. Up the hill we trudged only to find the bulk of the pack had found a shortcut and were now ahead. Isn’t that a great feeling to think you put All that effort in. From there it was a bit of a blur of dastardly V checks and circle checks most of which Sloppy checked, manfully, confidently, and Yes, of course wrongly.

We were met by the stranest leprechaun of a hare at an ad hoc beer stop. Well more of a beer halt really. It wasn’t actually beer, more a gloopy green syrup concoction that was best avoided suspiciously. Yet another first class opportunity for the SH brigade to do their thang and whizz promptly on by. Onwards. Once more into the…..dustbowl of eternity as fine powdery dust did to our lungs that which hitherto, the polluted air had failed. Choked us, filled our eyes with fine granules of sand. But we Hashers are made of better stuff and would not be defeated. Well, we would If we had a choice. We didn’t.

The onslaught continued with the front group being split up for short distances only to regroup soon after. Unexpectedly Sex Pistol and I found trail, Sloppy soon joined us and together we 3, we dumb 3 followed trail, descending into St Patrick's very own Irish bog of a cowfield. We were in deep sh*t and Piss. A watery Piss which filled up our shoes. Devine. To impress us in our misery the smart shortcutting b’stards simply sloped past us, along an off trail track. We arrived at the A site like the carriages of a train pulled in too fast and ram shackled bodies littered the area. Nice one Alice. Aided and abetted by Blows Herself & Cartoon..

Well, that was an adventure! The runsite is rarely used, because while it isn’t far from town, navigating to it isn’t straight forward. The hare wasn’t sure what the best way of directing people was, and I among others ignored the hash signs, and just made my way to the lake – one of the ones between Maejo and Doi Saket. It took just 20 minutes to get there (closer than Mae Hia!) It took others much longer to get there, and Chuckie was notably late, arriving as we set off.

Thankfully the runstart will move back next week, as it is getting a tad warm when we set off. Brownie virtually sprinted out of the blocks, only to remember he was carrying his bike key and turn back. I had jogged off after him, so I kept jogging from the start. A nice trail looping around the mountain, with the lake on our left. After some way we got our first circle – placed down a drop off in a quarry area to the left. Having scouted around here before, it was a split – either we’d turn left and head up the hill or head out to the lower ground… I’ve been around the lake and up the hill before, and it isn’t a great run, so I headed out the gully. Sure enough I spotted powder beneath me, so carried on parallel as Tasty made the call.

Another check, and this time I got it wrong, thinking the hare wouldn’t turn straight back towards the A. I wasn’t far behind a pack lead by Strangely Anal, but it soon became clear the hare intended to let the runners run, and not let them be distracted by things like checks! Geez! Overall it was a great running route, but it needed more checks to keep the pack together!

We got to a Cross Check, but with Brownie coming back from straight, and Strangely Anal off to the right, nobody bothered with left. I kicked it out and set off after the FRB pack. The pace was fast for the hash (5km in 34mins!). We past so many good check opportunities, with trail just carrying on. There would be no way of bringing this pack back together.

I caught up at a check by a canal, and nobody had checked the option back to the left. That seemed most likely to me, as right took us back towards the A. I was looking for powder on the right of the road and nearly gave up, until I spotted something on the left. I may have missed the first blobs, but suddenly I was ahead. Chuckie, Brownie and Graven were all in pursuit, so I just kept pressing on – we were on a trail I set around 7-8 years back (one of my first ever solo haring sets), but I was guessing most of the pack would have been disoriented by now. Again, we were lacking checks – it was just a runners run.

Chuckie was keeping close watch behind me, but another cross check slowed Brownie and Graven. Suddenly Graven appeared on the road to our left – very intrigued to know how he suddenly appeared there – Strava doesn’t lie! I don’t think he could have short cut, as he was very close to the trail at the end of the run. The pace was too much for me, but I was pushed on by the steps behind me. Finally a check, but it was put just after a junction, so when we turned back, GI and CW were slight ahead, and both charged off down the most obvious trail (well, GI did, and CW loitered). I picked a smaller trail that looked to head more in the direction I was expecting, and sure enough there was paper again.

I was leading again, but very soon CW and Brownie closed me down. I was overheating, struggling to focus on keeping moving forwards, while CW and Brownie were just having a chat behind me about who was who’s hero. I can barely breathe, but these guys are acting as though we were sat around a table. I made it to the check ahead of them and turned hard right. CW headed up the hill, while Brownie followed me. Nothing… Nada… And then a call from CW up to my left. I had a choice, and I made it. Brownie turned back, I carried on, paralleling as I could see CW up to my left. Sure enough I soon ran into a Check Back.

I hiked my way up the side of the dam – knowing it was the wrong dam, and we still had someways to go. I suspect quite a few thought they might have been home when they saw that dam! I nearly collapsed before reaching the top, and paused for a while wretching. When I got to the road along the dam wall, with the sun beating down, I staggered along walking. As Chuckie and Brownie caught me they commented on my honour for waiting for them – I wasn’t waiting, I was close to passing out…

When I got the next check wrong, it was game over. I was out of water and on my own, paying the price for the early pace. When I finally crawled my way into the A bucket, I wasn’t feeling good… It took some time before I could face a beer. It isn’t even hot season yet!

A shortish circle full of braindeadedness, before the attempt to escape the runsite. I lead a convoy of vehicles out by the most direct, but difficult to navigate route. I stuck at around 40-50kmph, with hazard lights flashing, and constantly a stream of headlights behind. It didn’t work, and somewhere along the way we lost half the convoy, with Burritto Butt leading them first towards Maejo, then back to the runsite, and finally out to Doi Saket!!!

Somehow they still managed to get their food before I did, so that is another restaurant that I will not go back to!