Category Archives: CSH3 – Saturday

11th June – CSH3 – Big Top

And so to MaeJo. A lowering sky greeted a respectable hash turnout. This area is renowned for its great running trails and we were not to be disappointed. Big Top under the tutelage of BMY briefed us and before we could finish our stretching exercises we were off. 7K exactly we were promised. Along, round and up. Down, round and along. Our first False Trail. It took an eagle-eyed hasher to spot paper through the trees and across a ravine. And so on on.

There were V-Checks and there were Circle Checks. The trails today were to be very forgiving of these aging knees. Loamy soil or soily loam? Maybe silty clay. What do I know? Maybe the day to up my game at least so I tucked in behind those starry FRBs Pigshit and Chuck Wao and fired up the afterburners. Turkish Delight was thereabouts but funnily enough I did not see or hear him the entire run! Sex Pistol was speeding along and I caught up with her while she was facing off a pack of barking canines. The trail then took us up through woods to a ridge line, the peace and silence broken only by Pigshit’s excitement at the grand view of the city. On the downward slope I came across HRA gingerly negotiating the scree.

Shortly after I guessed right at a check and was ahead. Time to run like the clappers. But only for 20 yards. I took a tumble. From here I came to a couple of V-Checks in the company of ABB. He artfully suggested the trails I might like to explore. Both wrong. But I caught up. I overtook. I came to a V-Check. What did the poet say? “The roads diverged in a yellow wood/And sorry I could not travel both…” I picked wrong. Went a fair way down the trail and then saw Tiptoe in the distance. There must be the intrail but I could not find any paper. I pfaffed around unnecessarily and then turned back, taking a while to catch sight of the FRBs but catch sight I did. Not far now, maybe 1K. PIggy, Chuck Wao and I finished the hash closely together a little way behind ABB.

Thank you Hare. Great job of work. That was a great run. 63 minutes of hashing Nirvana. The checks kept me guessing to the very last. At the A bucket there was some tasty tucker and cold beers to be enjoyed followed by a fun circle with some, to me, unheard new songs courtesy of our German friend. Cheers and beers.

Write Up by Cuckold!

Somebody (who shall remain nameless) mentioned that these run write ups often end up being all about me, and my run – which probably reflects how difficult it is to write about someone else’s experiences – they are very welcome to volunteer to put pen to paper, or rather finger to keys! Eitherway it gives me a unique pleasure that people actually read this drivel! So, for once, who cares what I did today, lets focus on the other hashers.

Like a drone I floated above the harebrief, watching the reactions to the instructions. Being honest, if I was a drone I would probably be aiming for the perfect angle to look down KO’s top, but I couldn’t help but notice how good Cuckold was looking – a fit and frisky young man! Frozen, the sniff, didn’t bother listening, and set off after paper and fortunately the pack could just see him as he disappeared among the trees. It wasn’t long before Cuckold caught him, and today Cuckold was in fine form – whenever I run behind him, I can’t help but think of the Party Rock Anthem written especially for him – “Everyday I’m Shuffling”…

The shuffle has almost gone, and Cuckold is turning into a fully fledged FRB and when trail headed towards the mountain Cuckold was floating along nicely. The trails were great, but a few more checks would have been useful to keep the pack together. After a hill climb, and a loop at the bottom, we headed back for the mountains. Finally I nailed a check and got back to the front, but this isn’t about me, and it isn’t about how hot I was feeling. Nobody wants to read about that! Most aren’t interested in how HRA breezed past and lead the way back to the finish, but the notable mention is of course Cuckold! In fine form he took off after HRA, but pausing for a brief conversation as he past by.

I didn’t see Cuckold again, so I can only imagine how his run ended up. There was a long OnIn along the mud road, so I imagine a team of can-can girls with feather boas cheering him along, taking care to hide before anyone else got there. The run was really good – a really nice loop, I just wish there had been more checks, and more challenging checks – Piggy might disagree, but the challenge of the checks keeping us together is what makes hashing not just running. A good OnOnOn at Yummy Pizza too.

Sups & Superbitch teamed up for this run, and after a little bit of rain it promised to be slightly less hot… It was, but it was still uncomfortable. I was somewhat tardier than I would have liked, but had time to get ready before the off. Frozen thought screw the hare brief and set straight off, such a fast sniff that CW & I almost got lost finding the start of the trail. Breaking into a jog it wasn’t long before I got my first check wrong. Damnit! For me it was a 50/50 shot, but CW wanted to turn left. It seemed it took him a long time to call, and I was a long time chasing back and up the hill.

Well over a km, and only 1 check. Finally I got back in the game as Sloppy found trail off another circle, where Poo and I were following closely. Another check, and of course I was hopelessly wrong, this time following Turkey in the opposite direction, while the rest of the pack short cut over to the trail. The hares were tricking us nicely so far. The next time we came into an opening I think it was HRA I heard calling from up front. A nice turning over of the lead. And so we entered the slog – a big climb. I gambled – it had to go left, so I circled around climbing up and sure enough popped out just behind CW on trail. Behind CW, but alongside Sex Pistol, just ahead of Just Cumming. That hadn’t done me any favours – I’d still had to climb the bloody hill, and the On-calls were in the distance. I got into trudge mode, ignoring the heckles from Knock Out, and slowly chasing down Poo when the trail took an abrupt turn.

I could see hashers ahead, so we headed over to them, and when we got there I heard more hashers down to the right. Was I really that far off the pace today? I did feel weary, but didn’t expect to be struggling that much. So I cut down the side of the hill and popped back out on trail just ahead of Turkey. There was a circle check, and the frenchman was already checking straight, while CW was looking for something up the hill. I knew exactly where we were, so beelined for the A bucket. Sure enough, less than 20m from the circle was paper, and I was suddenly leading the way across the open flat area to the OnIn. Perfection!

The OnOnOn was great! No doubt Swallow had a big influence there, and it was of course a big success! Great food, good turn out, great to have a later beer with some good friends! Oh, I suppose I should talk about the run as well?

The hare brief missed the brief part, so much that even Frozen Dick gave up and just set off. The hash sniff and I walked off towards where he’d been directed with the rest of the pack following once they lost interest. The first section sucked, a scramble over uneven rice paddies where we congratulated each other when we found paper. A circle check, and we were all checking forwards, sure enough Poo found trail, but was about as unconvinced as a hasher ever has been. We pressed on and another check. This time we weren’t so lucky and when KO squealed ONON, we had to join a queue to scramble across a ditch. I thought that would be the last we saw of HRA, but then the hash world got a bit fishy…

A circle check, and I don’t think anyone did it as the hares intended… Some of us found trail ahead, and some ended up going backwards on trail. I was right – it was the last time I saw HRA, or Poo on trail as the pack dispersed. Everyone was calling confidently. Pretty sure my group missed a section, while the other group went backwards for a while. One more V check, and then 2.5km run back…. WTF???

Luckily CW got confused by some non-checks and Piggy & I were able to catch him. Nice trick to lay powder down the left of the road, and then an arrow on the right of the road. Perhaps the hash budget should support the hares more and give them some powder so the trail is easier to follow?

We were heading towards the aqueduct (spell check – correct), but thankfully the hares gave us mercy and trudged us back through the rice fields. Piggy, ever the gentlemen, sat on my shoulder so we could sing ONIN together. Either way, the ONONON was great. Hopefully we can find a way to get more successful ONONONs this year!

http://labs.strava.com/flyby/viewer/#575836496?c=w5q7en15&z=G&t=1NDlUK&a=UJFSIi8lTSKVQE0i

Piggy, Piggy, Piggy… With a new regime in power everyone was making big efforts in their new committee positions. All we needed was the perfect run for the start of the new year…! Ob Kham, the far end of the road to nowhere, what would we have in store? An early hare brief – cunningly designed so we could get out on trail before Gorf arrived late. It told us very little, except the wimp run was nice, and the rambo run not so nice.

It was hot, damn hot. Turkey short cut his way out of the A-bucket – impressive to short cut before we’d even started the trail! He promptly got the first check wrong and Shit House and I continued up the road. Straight away there was the Wimp Rambo split. Aaaargh!!! I was tempted to just do the wimp run, but it was a bit early so I gamefully went for the rambo option. Another circle check and the virgin visitor had no idea what to do, just following me to the trail. A bit further and trail seemed to stop. There was some paper, but it looked old, and then nothing. For some time we looked around and I climbed up the hill in case there had been a circle check that nobody saw. Finally someone called on, from a long, long way away! I went back down the hill to find an FT hidden on the back of a tree (we’d followed HRA’s old paper past the FT). No idea how somebody found the true trail, but it had cost us some time.

I made my way through the pack, perhaps putting too much effort in – damn it was hot. And the trail was just going back up the same bloody hill I’d just climbed. Turkey had just cut across, which would have been the sensible choice. Damnit! The trail continued up, up, up. I didn’t like the look of the peak, so idled my way around the side of the hill, and lucked out. There was a V-check on top, and I traversed to the correct trail avoiding the worst of the rambo climb, and nailing the check. Another V check nailed, and then arrows. Holy fook, we were rejoining the Wimps, but we’d done 2km of hill (20 mins), and they’d done a couple of hundred yards. Even the slowest walkers would be a long way ahead.

I was some way ahead of the rest of the FRBs though, so jogged along through the already kicked out checks. At least the walkers had had some fun, but would we ever catch them. Chuckie was some way behind, but I wasn’t sure how long I could hold him off. I passed Miss Piggy, going the wrong way, and a few other ladies who’d turned back with bags laden full of foraged food. As I past Anything, I saw up to my left Wooly Jumper on the top of a ridge. “Are you ON?” – “Yes” she told me. Great – I cut up, wondering why she was stood watching me. When I reached the top, that was the moment she decided to point out the False Trail. WTF Wooly? I thought you were my friend?

As I came back down the hill, CW had already past, but he slowed to let me join him… Or at least that was his plan until Gorf stormed through. Given the choice of idling along with me, or chasing it with Gorf, he decided to put the effort in and I didn’t see either of them again. I pressed on, and crossed the gorge, which had a well placed bamboo bar designed to take the head off almost every hasher. Finally I started to pick off the walkers. But by now we were already on our way back, and CW & Gorf were way ahead. I tried to keep pressing on, but it was hot…
Poo passed, HRA passed, Turkey passed…. At least Toe Sucker was kind enough to say hello as she breezed past me into the A-bucket.

So, the ??? turned out to be Chuck Wao – the new GM of CSH3! He kept people guessing right up until the end, even going out on the run to try to confuse the faithful. As well as it being the AGMU, it was also the 1300th CSH3 run, and due attention was paid with 13 circle checks, complete with prizes that could possibly be won. All in all it was a well thought out event…

But, there was a new kind of check… A circle check with a reward. We had to find the reward somewhere near the check, and if we found the reward we should then remove a coloured marker from the check to indicate that the reward had already been found. A technicality which proved too intellectually challenging for some half minded hashers, most notably HRA, who left the pack searching for a “tag” that was already in his pocket.

My least favourite part of the run was the tiny balance bridge, and thanks Turkey for coming up behind me and screaming, while I was trying to balance… My favourite part of the run was the beerstop. The thoughtful hares had even put on a yoga class for us to ogle while we supped ice cold beer. Normally I run through the beer stops, but today I was hot and relaxed. Piggy seemed to agree another glass of beer would be the civilised approach, so we let the pack run off and enjoyed the cold beer.

I already had a reward tag in my pocket, but some 15 mins or so later when we set off Piggy was able to snag the next tag that the FRBs had run off and left behind. Fortunately we had CW with us, the anonymous hare to tell us where to look (if only he could remember)! The next check was where HRA had already screwed things up, and here we had an eclectic group of myself, Piggy, ABB, Stumbling Dyke, Frozen Dick and Tip Toe. Fortunately CW was with us too and desperately trying not to give away that he knew what was going on he shepherded us towards the trail and stopped us looking for prizes! These checks were too intellectual for us!

Back at the resort, the brave jumped into the green slimy pool, for a break before the circle. Shagless’s final performance was in full flow when one of his RAs (Mr. Poo who was hiding away in Pattaya) sent in the storms. He’d barely had time to fire ABB when we were all running for shelter, the thoughts of an outdoor pool party dinner blown away. Inside the GM managed to fire everyone, including Poo (which seemed to appease the raingods), before handing the reigns over to Chuckie…

With the after party, that will be an AGMU that is hard to top! Great job guys, and thanks Shagless for a great hashing year! OnOn!

Credit where credit is due… this Horny Monkey was for once “not a disaster”! Congrats Horny! The hare brief was early, as the hare was worried about us getting through a gate before they closed it – of course, the gate was padlocked by the time we got there. Chuckie and Lumber Jackoff were off well at the start, but we got back together to find a hole to crawl through the fence to get away from the golf course.

Piggy & I did a bit of parallel running at one check and then I got lucky with a couple of checks as we headed across a bridge to ‘the island’. Horny has used these trails before, and it is an impressive bridge to an island that goes nowhere at all… We ran around the island until Turkey got a check right and promptly ran off to a false trail. I second guessed the hare and found the true trail luring Piggy to follow me and suddenly we were way ahead…

Way ahead, but it was freaking hot. At the next check Piggy gave me the choice, and while we both wanted to go left, he was correct going right. Finally I chose to parallel for a bit, and met up with him again a bit later. Across the rice field, and the only thing left was to find a way across the creek. Again I fucked up… Yup, Horny you completely screwed me on two big checks there… so as I say, it was “not a disaster”!

The run was short… like this write up!

Cumalot teamed up with her son for a run way down at the edge of earth… This time the signage was good, but my attempt to short cut on the way there led me to long traffic jams. I was tired before we set off! It is hot. The air is polluted. A rational man would not be off running in these conditions. I guess we are hashers!

I set off with every intention of walking, taking it steady, and not letting my breathing get too heavy. At the first check Brownie went right, while Obscene went left – he was a co-hare, so I followed him, and when we found paper I suggested he shouldn’t run ahead any more. Not that I wasn’t going to use the advantage of course! I pressed on and nailed a few more checks, with silence behind. I needed to pause and cough/vomit the pollution out of me. I trudged on, and finally heard Scoobydoo behind me.

Some good checks had us zigzagging, but as I got a few right, it was a while before the rest of the FRBs joined me. Then the lead circled as good checks had most guessing wrong. Taste My Buns took the lead for a while, and we spent time spotting the flying blue suit through the trees and cutting across towards her. Around half of the run involved ducking under trees, while the other half was leaping over small canals.

I found a comfortable position not far behind the front of the pack, until another circle that needed checking. I was wrong, but spied a nice road that should reconnect me. As I looped around, I ran into the middle of a huge swarm of bees. I wasn’t quite sure what was going on until I spotted the hives. This was a bad short cut! I could hear the FRBs the other side of the bees, but had to take a much longer detour to avoid them. I lost some ground and joined with Party Czar, who had apparently performed a miraculous short cut.

Back at the circle, we spent some time coughing up phlegm and talking about other hashes. This isn’t healthy folks!

KO teamed up with JC for todays run, having teased the rest of the male hashers that she may choose them to be her co-hare! Seriously though, thanks for stepping in and helping out when Foxy pulled a sicky (get well soon Foxy!).

On to the run. A couple of months back there was a hugely memorable run from the same runsite, by the same hare, where things went monumentally “not to plan”. Today was little different! We set off with some eager new virgins. I got the first check wrong, figuring we were heading to the temple – but a nice switcharoo for the first check had the trail headed for the narrow bamboo bridge. I don’t like that bridge at the best of times, much less at the back of a queue, so decided to head around and join the pack the other side. CW joined me.

As we jogged round we saw the OnIn, and followed trail backwards briefly until we met the pack checking a circle. Both CW & I thought, bloody hell this is close! So we tried to steer the checking away from the In-Trail. Across the quarry (the same quarry that had caused issues previously!). We spied paper up the hill through the gap in the quarry – it was too far, but a few of us headed up there. I was about 70m short when the OnOn call came from Turkey. From where I was I had a great view across the quarry, and could see they’d found the in-trail. Shit. Everyone with me turned back, but I knew the call was wrong, so after a short debate headed up to see the KO on the paper. I was right! I called, and waved my arms. Stood like a mad man on top of the quarry I could see the hashers unconvinced… They had Turkey called from one side, and me calling from the other… Who would you trust? Luckily, only Anal Vice followed Turkey, and the rest of the pack turned back to follow me!

Up over a small hill and down to the concrete wall. I got there with Brownie, and I was wrong heading straight on, while he got it correct to the left. THe problem was Anal Vice stood across the valley calling “ON ON – I’m On Paper HERE!”. I yelled back “You’re going the wrong way – it is over here!”. He called out “I’m On, You’re on Old Paper!”. This continued for sometime. He was sure of himself. I was correct. For everyone behind it sounded like a lot of OnOn calls in the wrong direction!

I didn’t hear Brownie call, but with a virgin we figured we were wrong and crossed down to rejoin the trail. It was heartbreaking going down a hill, knowing that I had to climb it again just around the corner… The likes of Graven chose a smarter route. I rejoined trail amongst the walkers, so cut a small corner to head up the hill and rejoin trail not far behind CW & BF. Ahead of them were some ferocious youngsters. This son of Robin Banks – who the hell is he? Where did he get his genes from? I can’t imagine RB ever moving like the boy wonder!

I figured I wouldn’t see the front of the pack again. I bumped into Turkey & AV – they were still thinking they were doing it right, while everyone else was wrong… wtf?! Bizarrely I got to a check with hashers scattered. NOYB was coming back up the hill from having checked down – it later transpired that he had found a circle kicked out up the hill – a circle kicked out by the backwards duo of AV & TD. It had confused the poor boy, and led to more confusion for everyone else. I finally found it the long way down the hill, and waited while the pack found their way down the right way. From there were jogged back in much the way I’d gone out. Utter, utter confusion! If only the GM had remembered to splash the hares…

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