Category Archives: CSH3 – Write Ups

After the Bunny’s blow out 10th Anniversary Run & AGFU the previous day – everybody (except Superman) was hoping for a nice short gentle hang over run. So off out I set encircling the city and ending up in Miss Piggy’s favourite terrian – fortunately it looked very flat. As the hashers began to arrive – it was clear there was going to be a big turnout with Anything’s Iron Pussy’s up from Phuket, Running Bare’s extended family as well as visiting hashers from the US, Japan and Pattaya.

Miss Piggy and Wooly Jumper gave a hare breif whcih as usual I didnt hear as those late arriving bastards money had to be collected but I headed out just as Sups was making his stately arrival. It seemed that Miss Piggy was economical with the paper … then powder and the first couple of checks had us all over the place with the FRB visitors calling from every direction – except the trail! As we got into our stride Toe Sucker’s insight proved helpful as we headed off hardtop onto dirt and farmland. With Knockout and Twice Nightly taking turns inspiring me the pack began to spread out with Poo leading the way … well leading the calling anyway!

Someone said this was a 5km run but my GPS was telling be 4.6km already with no sign of On-In – was Miss Piggy giving us another one of her special ball breakers? The trails were easy on the feet and passing Snail Trail I ran in with Hot Seman Saver from Humpin H3, San Diego dead on 7km.

Horny Monkey led a whopping great circle – with the Iron Pussy’s even rousing from their famous food circle to come in and entertain us with their down down shimmy. HM liberally used the arm to punish the shirtless ones (Running Bare’s daughters) and Superman was dobed in for telling Miss Piggy to make the run longer. Sups annointed Dizzy – Crazy Crack and with much beer consumption and yarn telling the circle came to a close with Skid Mark being awarded the male wings for not making Miss Piggy cry this time and Paper from Phuket being awarded the female wings which just goes to show that drinking and running are a great combination – she’s been at this for > 25 years!

OnOn – Belly Dancer

AWARDS:

Yacker: Square Rooter & Mr Poo
ARM: Sarah/Caitlin/Lauren/Horny Monkey
Flying Dick: Swallow
Tits: Crazy Crack
Turd: Miss Piggy

Male Wings: Skid Mark
Female Wings: Paper

With the GM back, he was determined to set his mark with the worst run of the year – the lazy hare chose a terrible location wedged between the zoo and CMU – convenient for him, but unpleasant to drive to with the extra Bangkok traffic. Nonetheless with moments to spare the songthaew arrived and he started a somewhat convoluted hare brief – we’d have circles, Vs, skiddy sticks, a booby check and a ‘4’ check.

Finally we could get started, with most expecting the usual climb up the waterfall. Mr. Poo had set a run here a couple of weeks back – and that was a tough climb that started off with a strange loop through the fitness park. It felt like deja vu as we set off, but I had spotted some powder as I drove in, so was fairly confident we weren’t going to be climbing too much. Through the fitness park we got to the booby check at the far end. Begrudgingly we waited for Anything to jog up with Knock Out and S&M Girl following behind – on the plus side we didn’t have to wait long, on the downside we didn’t actually get to check any boobies.

Off down the road past the entrance to CMU and HRA was keen to get racing. He spotted some skiddy sticks, but we didn’t stop continuing looking for powder down past some shops. Everyone was back together as we trudged back to the entrance to CMU and Stumbling Dyke was historically leading the way, for a few milliseconds until order was restored. As we ran through the university in search of the women’s dorms, pretty much everyone stayed together trying to spot powder.

We arced to the right and soon hit the wall from the zoo. HRA didn’t want to wait at the ‘4’ stop, so there was a quick breakaway there with Mr. Poo and a virgin joining HRA with a sprint up a steep little mound. Graven Image and I reached the peak as the FRBs spotted the evil skiddy sticks and turned back. It wasn’t far from here, but still everyone was in a big group – Square Rooter following Graven along a short jungle trail (we were briefly off tarmac). Total distance about 3.5km and we were back at the truck for the circle.

My suspicion was that Horny Monkey had been drinking while setting the run, and it seemed I was right as he struggled to get the circle moving. Forgetting to splash the hares, forgetting to drink his splash beer… He must be out of practice! On-On!

I woke up this morning feeling like I’d done another 50k run yesterday – and it was supposed to be a Loi Kateoy Bar Crawl! When I finally crawled my way through the traffic and found somewhere to park somewhat near to the Hash Pub, there was already a reasonably sized group getting into the spirit of it with even Chuck Wao posing for the cameras in his bright red wig – it seems it’s ok for him to have his photo taken as a woman, but not as a man – interesting! Something we don’t know?

With a little delay we were ushered outside and told it would be a live hare run with checks etc. I hadn’t done one of these before so had no idea what to expect, but I thought we’d just be doing a bit of a bar crawl? But I’ve learnt with Belly Dancer you have to expect the unexpected and prepare for the worst. And so it was – a strange crowd of cross dressers swarmed out of the hash pub chasing a strange man in pink down to the river whooping and squealing. The first check – outside Pantip Plaza immediately scattered us, but the psychotic hare was taking us towards the river and the crowds of Loi Kratong celebrators.

Over the iron bridge we went like a scene from Monty Python with bemused onlookers taking photos. Bone Hur was the leader eagerly chatting up policemen – asking them where he could find more Katoeys. Brown Finger found some powder and we headed along the river to the Nawarat Bridge. The bridge was crowded and we ran out of trail. Apparently there was a check there somewhere, but nobody saw it. Finally we found the hare supping a beer in his pink Bunny T-shirt in Riverside. Riverside? Seriously? One of the most crowded, upmarket, sophisticated(?) and expensive bars in Chiang Mai! And here we were the center of attention dressed as women. The night could only get better – or could it???

The hare was off again and we gave him his 5 minutes before inside information took us straight through the crowds over Nawarat Bridge. I don’t like crowds at the best of times – perhaps that’s why hashing appeals normally – but dressed in drag it was awkward squeezing through the throng. Straight up Thapae Road things started to clear up and soon we turned right onto the backward street and ducked into back alleys working our way back to the moat and Riva bar. I thought this was going to be a short bar crawl, but this was turning into a real run – no time to get drunk we were too busy running (in sandals).

The third leg was the best – 300m or so straight up to EuroDiner with the 4th leg a loop back around to Next Place. Of course we had to head to Loi Kroh road and there was a quick extra stop at Fish Bar before ending up back at the Hash Pub. Finally I could get out of my dress! A circle? It was nearly midnight, so thankfully it was a brief affair – no idea what anything was about, but I got a T-shirt!

I should have headed home at that point, but Belly had promised us a taster for Saturday’s Lanna Run 00:11, 11/11/11. An all male run, so I figured we’d be heading around the corner to the closest male oriented bar. I never imagined a 3km+ hash run, complete with checks, through the darkness in the early hours of the morning. Local residents must have really appreciated random drunks shouting “On-On” outside their bedroom windows in the small hours! Graven Image was still in his dress trailing behind us moaning, grumbling and groaning. Finally we crawled our way into Greasy’s restaurant. We’d had plenty of time to sober up, so the beer was welcome, but it was cold and late and I had work the next day. No logistics.
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The kids woke me up early with a heavy head and after some food we killed time kicking a ball around the car park waiting for the off. Cool Balls set off with a bag of paper and seemed to be gone for a long time considering we were expecting a short hangover jog.

Finally we got it started and the two little ones decided they wanted to actually run out on their first hash run – no racing for me this morning! The kids were doing well for the first half of the run and we actually did some checking, but gradually lost ground as the FRBs figured out which way we were looping around. All of a sudden I looked back and found that it was just me and Shagless – where the hell had the rest of the ladies gone? It’s a 2km run and they’d found a short cut??? Not for the little Bytes – we trundled our way around. A nice start to the morning, but I think I need a nap now before considering the Happy Hash run, with Junglicious setting on Huay Kaew, that just means one thing – Doi Suthep…

So we were 50+ km down the Hang Dong road to a resort for the outstation – Chuckie had teamed up with the Super family to set a trail and organise the outstation. Chucks had been concerned for weeks about the numbers, but it took 3 packed trucks to deliver all the runners to the start some 5km or so away from the hotel. An A->B – where the hell were we and where were we going – it was going to come down to luck on the checks, and I didn’t get any.

Off we set across the bridge and immediately I screwed up on the first check – not sure what Turkish Delight was doing – he certainly wasn’t checking properly as I met him as I headed back from my first bad choice. Nevermind, Shagless found the trail – so shocked from being the FRB he forgot to call and just waved paper at us and let us call. On to the next check and the uninviting uphill trail seduced me, damn – wrong again, and we set off into the rice fields. Normally Chuck Wao is adamant about the inappropriateness of running through rice fields, but he’d found good trails through and soon we hit the hills.

I hit a couple of checks, but then took the wrong way on the only V check – damn, a big group together again. These hares were good – I was with Belly Dancer late into the run and picked the wrong trail at every chance I could. Some army dude called Aey was the FRB picking everything right – nice hashing! As it was A to B we had no idea where we were heading or how much further we had to go – finally we emerged from the hills and appeared at a great waterfall with the hares smiling. A great set, and a good run…

After a coke and a beer, Skiddy suggested running back to the hotel – it was only another 5km and we had no idea how much longer we’d be waiting for the DFLs so the two of us set off to rescue the kids from their housekeeper. We nearly made it back when the trucks picked us up. A good preparation for next weekend.

The circle was back at the hotel and Horny Monkey was duly abused for his absence, welcome back – hash style. On to the food, and then the karaoke – good times!

I was one of the first to get to the run site, but it quickly filled up with a large crowd of eager hashers. Big Top & Foxy were stood proudly atop their markings ready to give the hare brief. Superman called everyone to order and gave us all the terrible news. Yes it was a disaster and we stood in shocked silence for a while trying to come to terms with what had just happened. It wasn’t the floods in Bangkok, the death of Gaddafi or the state of the world banking system – much worse, it was revealed that we were at the last resort, the bottom of the barrel and Dick Tracy would be stepping in to be the acting GM. My car was blocked in, we were all trapped, forced to come to terms with the impending disaster.

The hare brief was called, and then delayed by Belly Dancer who had a queue of hashers demanding refunds. Apparently there was something said about Green Fairies, but I had an urge to visit the bathroom and missed the hare brief. My gut savagely rejecting the situation, we set off along the road, and almost immediately headed up. It’s Huay Tung Thao, where else could we go from here?

Skiddy took a slide as we crossed the waterfall – taking with him the bamboo fencing to make sure anyone who followed would have nothing to grab hold of. I was off the pace and the FRBs must have been cruising, and forgetting to kick circles out – over the ridge and the paper ran out until Square Rooter told us where to go – he knows every inch of the hills and had no real need for paper, being tuned in to the hare’s consciousness at a completely different level.

We plunged back down the hill towards the canal and finally regrouped at the circle check there. Not sure why, the trail continued in the most obvious direction and Mr. Poo was ahead trying to escape the pack with Junglicious. For some reason she was hot on his heels and didn’t see a need to check anywhere else. On-In and we were back on concrete around the lake. Some clown tried to out run me at the finish, but the beer was calling me home.

Time for Dick Tracy! To be fair running such a large circle can’t be easy, so he did a good job (did I just say that?). Not sure what went on, but I didn’t fall asleep! On-On!

With many hashers off in Luang Prabang for some reason, there was a smaller turn out than usual. We were carted out to a reservoir way out of town. It wasn’t quite an outstation, but it was a long drive. The hare brief was a bizarre re-enactment of S&M’s jungle survival guide – Bear Grylls has nothing on S&M. As well as her usual basket full of mushrooms, she had some how managed to catch a fish!

We set off on the run, with Miss Piggy leading the way and the traditional FRBs following up from behind. We were immediately clambering through the spiders webs on a narrow trail heading up a small hill. On the other side of the rise, there were some lovely trails and we stretched out, until a circle check thwarted everyone for 10 minutes or so – it turned out the trail continued the obvious way – out into the rice paddies. Chuck Wao wasn’t going to be happy as even he couldn’t avoid wet feet. Suck It hit the ground several times across the narrow mud walls.

Once we got through, we hit the road we’d driven in on with the hares waiting on bike to make sure we’d made it. The Wimp Rambo trails rejoined, and then immediately split again. At the next circle, I found the paper on the Wimp, and joined Chuck Wao who had already bailed out in protest. The Rambos must have had an extra arc and shortly everyone was coming in. A well set trail which kept everyone working together. Only Chuckles didn’t enjoy it!

At the pavilion in the fitness park between CMU and the zoo? Huh? Can we run from there? Do we get to run around the university dorms, or is there a way of cutting through the zoo? This could be interesting! Or not….

There was a big pack, with some quick runners on show – The usuals, Chuck Wao, HRA, BMY, Jungle Chim, the returning Brown Finger and then Nam Rawn, Suck It and Turkish Delight joined in. The hare brief started by giving the FRBs chalk – ‘to mark the course in places where it isn’t very well marked?’ Darn, this was going to be interesting… We set off across the park, and did a pointless loop through the park and back to the cars before heading up towards the mountain – random. Along the road past the entrance to the zoo and then the incline started.

It was up, up, up… No way I could keep up with the pace of the front runners, so I fell in with Jungle Chim and let the runners go. We were following the path next to the waterfall, and I finally hooked up with the leaders at a circle check where some confusing markings had them running around in circles – as it happened, Poo had had enough, and we were heading straight back down again – this time following along the road. At a deviation we plummeted down a steep decline with spiky trees to grab hold of.

We finally hit the road and from there we could open up and sprint downhill to the finish. The hills had mixed everything up, Skid Mark had appeared from nowhere while other short cutters had stepped over the water to rejoin the pack coming down the hill. I was thankful to see Miss Piggy missing the evil descent. One person who didn’t short cut was Frozen Dick – as he was acting GM, we had to wait for the circle to start – great more beer time!

Geisha Gash teamed up with Cool Balls for todays run out in the Maesa Valley past the X center. There was a big crowd turned up with high expectations – how soon would those expectations be dashed?  Belly Dancer & I set off in the direction we were sent only to be called back after 400m or so by Superman’s whistle – WTF? This was a bad start…

Dodging through the rest of the pack, including Chilly Pussy dragging her dog over a small bamboo bridge, I was way behind, when I finally caught Chuck Wao, who was muttering and mumbling about the need to catch the returning Brown Finger – the bastard had been away training for 5 months!

Hit the Wimp Rambo split with BF, mr Poo and HRA, with Chuck Wao not far ahead, and then we went straight up a bastard hill. Steep, and slippy from the rain and it went up, up, up and then a bit more up. Was there a check? NO! Just a random split off to the right to hit another trail to come down – only this trail was more slippy and more dangerous… Any checks? NO!

We slid down the hill with Poo calling “Wooooh!” rather than “OnOn” and at the bottom there was a great place for a check – but no check.  Ass! Then we went into the rice fields –  could the run get any worse???  Surely (as Chuckie would say) it is morally wrong to go through rice fields at this time of year, and it sets back Thai Farang relations by decades….  I won’t go that far, but it isn’t possible to run as we try to not damage the paddy walls…

Could it get any worse? Well, finally we hit the On-In…  and were faced with 3km of tarmac back to the beer… OK – I exaggerate, it was 2.9km. Ass! WTF? Ass! WTF? I heard the comment “I was going to be nice to the hares, but….. fuck it”. I remember Dick Tracy setting arguably the worst run of the year, but to be honest, I think this topped it.