Category Archives: CSH3 – Write Ups

The run 1063 started as normal at the hash pub waiting for the songtow. As an abnormality Top
Gear was there early and a good thing too as we were over committed with visitors Hashers from
all over like Fornicator, BMX, Bobble Head, Piss Piles, Sutasinee and Fat Controller from
Okinawa, and Sabu in the Philippines. Key Mah the original dog shit from Pattaya with his wife.
There was also the senior Poo, Pee Poo in from Norwich to supplant all the fake poo dads. The
numbers were greater than a single songtow capacity so we got another. We piled into the
songtows after the second arrived and headed off to parts unknown. Maybe not known as BMY
had set trail here before but it was like a mini outstation it was SOOOO far out.

We get to the site right near the time of the start. It was past start time before Belly Dancer put
the money bag to rest. Then we had the hare briefing. Seems the hares thought everything was
up to CSH³ standards so little to be said. The fear of the tyrannical GM Hitler Monkey (I mean
Horny Monkey), has the hares scared so there was nothing new and not even a split. (Bummer
about that as it brings the girls and boys back together again. ) The pack was sent off so they
could achieve maximum entropy. They were forced down a very steep path through the shiggy
and a barbed wire fence to another trail. Frozen Dick thought there was a perfectly good road
going the same direction so why not take that for a while. This turned out to be a small mistake
when the pack turned away from the road but the distance lost compared to the wait time to get
through the hold was about the same. Miss Piggy and Wooly Jumper were out for a nice
Saturday stroll bringing up the rear and a good distance from the FRB’s. But with help from the
new comers and the strange trail setting the FRB’s decided to run back toward the DFL group. It
seems there as a X check and then no check back. The newcomers being world hashers saw
powder and called ONON. When there was no check back they scattered and were just up and
down all the hills looking. Something failed in the briefing as half minds are not so good and
new things. The confusion was more than just a missing check back. With a cross check any
Chiang Mai hasher should have known that running out of trail is the same as a check back. The
one trail that was supposed to be true trail had a false trail off it, (that is skidy sticks). That means
the only true trail was also false. This is way too complex for half minds. People were all over
the place. It did sort of bring the pack together but then scattered them worse than ever as they
went far and wide searching for trail. This was the last the FRB’s saw of the back of the pack.
UNCO was still insisting he saw powder and it was too much for Chuckie to explain and keep in
the lead. BTW did you all know that UNCO was an altar boy with Chuckie?

There was more distance in checks that trail if measured by the distance of 100 meters for check.
One might ask, can you have too many checks? Will have to leave this one to the smartest
hasher. Since Chak Waao got every one wrong it might have been OK. Skid Mark was running
well and finding trail even when he was off trail. Square Rooter was reading the hares too well
and was able to avoid any lost time at second set of Skiddy Sticks. The true trail was only about
3 meters from where everyone ran by but on the back of the tree. Rooter found it but about 100
meters past farther across a field. Chucky was able to cut across the field from the road he was checking and recapture the lead, but the clever hares had one more check. The obvious way had
to be wrong as the hares wanted the first person to go that way. Mr. Poo and beat CW to the
ONIN. Seems His Royal should have been in the mix at the front but a little off form lately.
The BBQ was fired up and food was for the taking. Not sure the likes of Tip Toe got any by the
time he came in. No mercy on this hash for SCB. Another of the SCB’s came in to take away
the HM crash. The hash nurse cleaned blood and dirt from the knees and hands of Dick Tracy.to
have some chicken and got myself a beer. It has been said you hydrate better with beer. But
wait, I had so much the night before I only paid the non-drinking fee. So glad I had not opened it
yet and to the coke 0. Had a bit more of the BBQ before it caught fire.

The circle was just the same even though the cruel overseer was out of the country. A visitor
was cruelly punished as the GM was finding people to give unusual punishment to. Seem Kii
Maa gets a long arm for walking around. Brown Finger was left to sleep as far as being song
man until near the end. He came out with a whopper but very rude and in line with this hashes
modus operandi cruel and rude. The wings were a new lever of questioning what the hares had
been drinking. I would have to say that wings are totally un-hash like as they promote
competitive activities which the wings do. So what is the criteria that BF and BMY use? They
find two people that were in competition for money over whom would finish first. That was
Anything and Frozen Dick with Anything coming in well in front of FD. Giving them the wings
is instead of some award is a puzzle even yet. Maybe this is long arm of the law offence but the
wings? Two wrongs do not make a right. The ONONON was Off as when you the run requires
your passport people like to be close back to town. Great effort put in by the hares and hope they
can get a permit so we can have another outstation in the area.

Courtesy: Brown Finger!

I woke up this morning feeling a little disturbed. Alas, this was not due to my girlfriend’s usual pre-breakfast foraging under the blanket. No, I had fallen asleep last night with the news that two of the most sneaky, sadistically cunning hares known to the Chiang Mai hashing community, BMY and Belly Dancer – good to see you back and looking well, man – had decided to combine their respective “talents” to set the Saturday trail, and I had been having nightmares about it.
My anxiety increased as the songthaew wound its way slowly through the 10k maze of narrow alleyways towards the A site, which was hard to navigate even in the full light of day . . . The convivial discussions in the back encroached upon the thorny issue of the wimp/rambo split. Would this pair of most irreverent hares dare to defy the edict of the GM and “the committee” and set one, or would they find another way to upset the Horny Arsehole and his loyal acolytes? Well, the hare brief suggested that the run might indeed be within the official guidelines as BMY quickly barked out his orders for the day: “V checks, cross checks, circle checks, skiddy sticks, any questions?!” Ah, no mention of a w/r. Round one to the Spunky Monkey!
Somewhat later than the allotted start time we were sent out on trail, but there was still plenty of daylight left in which to complete the 5-6k trail that Monkey Banger had insisted upon, wasn’t there? Now Shagless is not well known for his FRB exploits, but today he was on fire. The dude was burning up the trail like a twisted fire starter on amphetamines, but wait, wasn’t the trail already on fire – I mean literally. Whatever, the great galloping Canadian was magnificent as he tore through the early checks leaving the usual suspect FRBs trailing in his ashes. But then his moment of blazing glory suddenly faded to a flicker as the trail meandered up towards the great dam wall.
The view over the reservoir was quite spectacular, and was even more so as we came to a “5” stop circle half way up a stony mound that resembled the steep work face of a deserted quarry. After a few appreciative “oohs” and “aahs”, the requisite five were off again down through the shiggy trail to the low lands where I assumed we would find the on-in. This must be approaching Humping Monkey’s designated 5-6k distance, I thought. But although I knew where the A site was, the insolent hares insisted on taking us further and further away from it, setting checks that the FRBs were finding hard to read. Nice trails and rice fields took us way past the 6k mark until, finally, the last three checks turned us back in the direction of where I knew the A site to be.
Despite the “unauthorized” extra distance – in the region of 10k total? – the two DFLs, Frozen Dick and Tip Toe, arrived back safely after about an hour and five minutes, as the light was fast deserting the already commenced circle. Apparently, they had declined the offer of a short cut. Excellent hashers! The circle was appropriately short and seemed to me somewhat more amusing than usual, maybe because it dared to be more inventive, to stray from the normal tourist format – I do not recall a single “long arm of the law” splash for hash shirt infringements or other such routine matters, or a splash enacted upon an unfortunate “boy” for daring to across the Shagging Simian’s circle – but I might have been asleep at the time. After the closing ceremony, which, alas, did not include Toe Jam’s favorite “swing low, sweet chariot” anthem, most hashers departed for the on-on, leaving a few of us who had to be elsewhere in town. However, as I had foreseen, in the pitch black the songthaew driver got completely lost in the maze and we ended up on several occasions asking locals for directions. Needles to say, some of us missed our assignations, but what the hell . . .
So then, the fearsome combined intellects of the hares decided not to make use of a wimp/rambo split, which appears to be a common, internationally accepted tool for the hare to use where safe and appropriate to do so. But they did go far beyond the guidelines on distance. So, honors even – one to the royal Monkey Man and the committee and one to the disobedient hares. But wait, aren’t both hares also significant members of the committee? This makes no sense at all!
Fine trails, superb views, good short circle – great work lads.

Scout:-

Just back from scouting, and decided to give the hash a go – essentially 2 straight hashes, lets give it a go! Cool Balls had set up out in Maerim and my mind was on a long aquaduct run, but I couldn’t quite remember where it was – somewhere near there? The directions were somewhat ambiguous – somewhere past Maerim village – and it seemed many struggled to find their way – the returning Chuck Wao missed a sign, while the Songthaew decided to take a tour of the elephant camps before running.

We set off and shortly after lost trail as we ducked through someone’s yard. A lady in a shawl ushered us on and we refound trail heading up the hill. A split in the trail with circle check – nobody wanted to check downhill so we stalled while HRA ran on to the trail and fortunately found trail. We were heading left so surely away from the nasty hill I’l spotted on the drive in. Abruptly we turned right – a circle check tempted me to the left, but HRA quickly called right and we were heading back down the other side. I ducked out the way as Graven Image came storming through, while moments later we were chasing Brown Finger across a field.

I got stitch and fell in with jogging along with Horny Monkey and Crazy Crack. The FRBs screwed up the trail not far further and there was a group together again. A bit of a ravine and HM took a dive – a 720 somersault. The trail was swooping around and I figured the cunning hare was doing a “moon shape” although I didn’t really notice us crossing the road in. I spotted the hare stood with his kids across the field and through we must be just about home – a short run awesome! But he just waved us goodbye and we had another loop to do, over another hill and along a precipitous ridge. Finally we were home and back to a low key circle.

14th Jan – CSH3 – HRA

Being away for the last month had made be forget what a PITA being Hash Cash is and perhaps I should have stayed away another week to let Dr Btye have the added fun of 20+ visitors (mainly from Phuket) to contend with!

It’s much appreciated that Dr Byte and Frau Snail Trail stepping up to assist me and Anything for Hash Cash and Haberdasher duties – sorry JC (from Phuket) drank all the beer so could not reward you with a splash!

HRA looked fresh and pretty pleased with himself as he got to the A-site. Getting there a bit early I didn’t manage to find paper and wondered if he had some sadistic plan to use the precipitous cliffs around the lakeside larger – well that’s what I would have done! Anyway with the large throng – HRA gave his hare brief which I heard none of as was still grappling with collecting money.

With Hash Sniff Snail Trail leading the way and the racist BmY close behind – I sprinted to the front – felt pretty good – but not sustainable with Phuket triatheletes Na He Man, Houdini and Creature quick to run me down. The first check gave a Phuket/Chiang Mai split with Brownfinger, BmY, Mr Poo, Skid Mark getting lucky and that was pretty much the last I saw of the FRB action.

The run was as flat as a ladyboys chest – so meant for a fast pace run – all good preparation before Sunday’s CH3 Ball Breaker, but the Phuket visitor’s were wondering why we didn’t give them any hills! Snail Trail, Anything, Flip Flop and Bar Bin Doll found a good short cut and lopped off a km to rejoin the front of the walkers. Scooby Doo ran with me for a while – then decided he wanted a faster pace – only to trip at the final hurdle to earn the Crash for his bloody knee and hand.

Phuket having its own racist FRB’s struck lucky at the last check to give Na He Man and Houdini the first in honours on HRA’s pan cake 7km run.

Meanwhile Nutcracker, Miss Piggy, Chilly Pussy were somehow led astray by Blue Tit – eventually needing Just Coming to rescue them 5km off paper!

Guest of honour Ejackulator who has run with Chiang Mai before including the 1000th run a year ago – marries Creature (from the Blue Lagoon) today (Sunday) and it was good to see so many old friends up from Phuket to join our run and we wish Jack & Noi all the best for their marriage and life together.

Also getting married today are Chilly Pussy and Shot Gun and we wish them every happiness and best wishes in their soon to be completed new home in Nam Preah.

With the circle swollen by Phuket’s most prolific beer drinkers – even double the usual beer was not sufficient! With Phuket GM Jungle Balls entertaining us as well as the usual circle madness – good fun was hopefully had by all. Apologies to anyone who was missed due to lack of beer.

OnOnOn at the Hash Pub to further pre-lube Ejackulator & Creature’s wedding and those brave Hasher’s heading out on Humperdick, Frozen Dick and Skid Mark’s Ball Breaker run(s)!!

OnOn
Belly Dancer

Turkish chose a great spot for the A site… but then he chose Square Rooter as his Co-Hare… From the edge of a beautiful lake, everybody looked towards the mountain that ominously loomed above us. I remembered a great around the rice fields set nearby – I think by Snail Trail – and that was a great run, so there was clearly good running around there – it just depended how much TD listened to SR…

After a bit of gamesmanship Snail Trail pointed one way and then led us towards the mountain. Sure enough there was a Wimp Rambo split with the Rambo trail leading straight up the evil bastard hill. I got the impression that the Wimp trail was added as an after thought, but it seems they pushed King Kong through a tiny hole on their loop around the lake. Back to the Rambo route – a visitor from Guam hit the front looking athletic, but the steep climb got the better of him and it was Semen Soars that led us back down the other side with Brown Finger and me swinging from the trees behind him.

Graven Image appeared from nowhere – maybe he’d found a tunnel under the mountain as I can’t imagine how he’d found a short cut! Semen picked the wrong way up some steps while GI led us along the valley bottom. Most of the pack seemed to wait at the V, but I chased after GI and BF luckily getting it right. Just before the On-In GI stopped for a toilet break, but then raced in with BF as we went back In on the Out trail. After the mountain the trail was good, if somewhat predictable! Shame about the circle!

After the run the On-On-On was well attended with the promise of free beer being a big draw! It made up for the punch that Turkish had ruined in the back of his trunk.

An early run time – 3:30… As I drove to the runsite I couldn’t figure out why we were starting early on an evening where the sole objective would be to keep drinking late into the night – did I need an extra hour drinking? Turns out that Frozen Dick had a date to get to…

Anyway, the hare pointed at some crates and ropes taking us over a small wall, and we were off. Parkour style I lept over the wall and wrenched my shoulder as I landed – not a great start. Now I’m pondering whether I lept over the wall at all, perhaps I leapt over the wall or even leaped over the wall – it seems that this browser thinks I leaped over the wall, but that doesn’t seem to sum up what I actually did. Poo? What is wrong with having ‘lept’ over something? I digress – having traversed the wall we got out of the housing estate and we had a couple of checks before getting out close to the traffic at the Night Safari.

Shagless has organised a beer check, complete with block of ice, and we were forced to drink a beer before continuing. Unless you are HRA of course – then you just ignore it. The beer fizzed around in my stomach as I carried on and shortly we hit the boobie check. For a variety of reasons we messed the Booby check up – Brown Finger and I only saw one boob and thought it was a circle, the rest of the FRBs heard BF calling on and didn’t even see it – they had Crazy Crack’s boobies with them so it was fair enough.

The next 4+km was flat and lacking in checks, although there was a great Wimp/Rambo split just to annoy Horny Monkey. When we came running in it seems the other FRBs had screwed up somewhere along the way and they weren’t back yet.

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Twas the night before Christmas and time for the hash. Woolly finally got permission to use the site behind 700yr stadium – not sure why we need permission, but it is a great place to run from. There are lots of great trails making it hard to set a bad run from there – it’s strange how the hares managed it!

Hash cash is a shitty job. It starts late morning with trips to supermarkets and ends 1 minute before the circle when the late comers finally decide to give me money. Anyway, someone’s gotta do it, and hopefully BD will be back soon! The hare brief was given while I was getting money from Sups, and everyone set off before I’d locked my car – thanks for waiting! I started overtaking the walkers, and that seemed to be the MO for the day. I came up behind Square Rooter at the first V check – he confirmed that nobody had gone right as it didn’t look good – he wasn’t prepared to do the dirty work either and headed off after the FRBs. What the hell, I’m already DFL, I may as well check it out… I heard nothing from the other way, but either this was the world’s longest checkback or I was on trail!

At the reservoir we expect to go anti clockwise, leaving a v. long On-In across the dam wall, but the hares mixed it up by sending us the other way along the bottom of the reservoir. Ingenious – except that it means we cross the road in earlier in the run. The hares, fearful we might see the powder before the run started decided not to put any powder for a while – apart from some occasional powder leading down the road. I can understand the odd tricky business at a circle check, but that was just crap – powder leading away, with no checks and no ending. If I bothered giving awards, I would have probably given the hares everything, but it was only going to get worse.

Somebody finally found the trail heading up a narrow path up the mountain. Typically everyone was back together and we spent our time climbing a steep path single file behind the walkers. At the top there was a circle. Again the scumbag, asshole, fuckwit hares had placed some powder going straight on, although the real trail went back down to the right. Again we were stuck single file on a narrow trail going back down. As far as runs go, it was one of the least enjoyable for a long time.

At least the circle was ok! I was feeling slightly more festive by the time I headed home.

So we were to run ‘in’ Huay Tung Thao? The signs were sparse, but I trusted Jungle enough to pay my 20B and go into the reservoir – and finally we had signs to the back of the lake. I had troubles getting there early so hash cashing was a bit of a pain, but as the Songthaew was late, we got things organised and weren’t too late setting off. Jungle was clearly nervous about the run he and Junglicious had set – with a Wimp out option and cautions about using the aqueduct if it got dark. It was ominous and spurred Brown Finger to sprint up the hill.

Anyway, we set off and quickly ran into a spot where the powder had vanished or been sparingly placed – never mind we found the trail and Humperdick was the FRB. He rejoiced at the top of his voice and urged everyone on to follow him. A couple of Skiddy sticks and we had a group running along the aqueduct – Horny Monkey, Brownfinger, 2 virgins (Megan & Drew) and me – mostly being held up by Horny “A” Monkey.

We hit the Wimp Rambo split and HM the GM stood pleading us to join him on the wimp run – perhaps he was scared to do it alone? Perhaps he was worried about his virgins? Either way he was a wimp and left us to head up the hill. Brown Finger suggested we weren’t putting enough effort in and pranced away from us (fantastically he got the next V check wrong and it brought him back to earth.

JJ had told us about the V checks, and the circle checks, but he hadn’t told us about the invisible checks… Several times we ran to a junction, with no powder, but had to find powder further up or down the trail. That brought a group back together as we got to the waterfall and headed down. Once again Humperdick was the FRB, and he rejoiced letting us all know he was leading the way! Screw that – I skipped past him and we plunged down to the circle check that crossed the waterfall. Apparently I led the poor virgins across a treacherous section that had Mr. Poo hoping that male virgin would die so he could save female virgin. Yes – she was fit, more so when she took her top off in the circle! But I’m distracted… sunglasses…, trail…, top off…, mmmm…. where was I? Ah yes, we got to the weaving trails at the bottom and most people ran around in circles for a while. Square Rooter and Toe Sucker short cutted and eventually led the confused FRBs home. Others weren’t so lucky and spent a deal of time running around in circles.

I can only remember one thing about the circle, but I may have already mentioned it…

A moonlight run – sounds interesting! Belly Dancer sets these regularly, but without any warnings, and without any moonlight, so hopefully with the experience of Pamela it would be a good experience? Hash Cash duties in order, flashlight in hand, hare brief over, time to set off. Like a rocket BD flew past me – straight out of hospital and he’s back to his normal strategy of sprinting to get the first check wrong.

We headed into the hills, and leading the trail was a bit tricky – managing a torch to check where I was putting my feet AND look for powder was a challenge, but we still managed to keep a good pace. HRA & Graven were scampering along on my heels, but neither keen to take over the lead – happy to follow in my tracks, until a “V” check that I didn’t spot until too late, and they confidently scampered off to the right. I reluctantly chose left, but enjoyed a quiet smile to myself when I heard faint “Check-back” calls from behind me. The trail was good, wide enough to run on and lit well enough that I could keep jogging along. Nailed the next check and I was in the dark, alone, with no responses to my calls.

Finally I heard HRA coming along behind, and he passed me as I finally got a check wrong. We hit the fence at the Night Safari, and the hare had put a V check. Only a complete idiot would check left as that would take you all the way around the Night Safari… Especially if you had already set a run in the same location (and put a check in the same place) – 25th December 2010 for the record – a CSH3 run set by HRA and Mr. Poo… OK, lets pretend that HRA was disoriented in the dark – he sheepishly came back from his pointless checking!

We headed back down the trail and I was following a returnee who suddenly hit the floor – completely taken out by a barrier blocking the path – invisible in the dark, especially if you choose to go without a torch! I was torn between checking he was ok and laughing as it was one of the best crashes I’ve ever seen! If HRA was racing up front, Graven was equally competitive as he came back from a false trail trying to find out how far HRA was ahead and trying to chase him down. HRA had too much energy and “won” the wings.

The lunar eclipse dominated the circle with Good RA Superman battling with Evil RA Pamela as to whether we’d see it through the clouds. All in all a great – different – hash run! Good Work Pamela!

The directions to the run site were clear and well advertised, but nonetheless managed to confuse several hashers who autopiloted down the canal road rather than Sameong. Nonetheless a large crowd gathered with virgins and visitors ready for what Bone Hur had in store. My plan was to walk off and take it easy – I’d even warmed up with a couple of beers in the afternoon – but Bone Hur got fed up of everyone ignoring him and gave an abrupt, abridged hare brief and sent us on our way with Mr. Poo unusually setting the early pace.

At the first check I was drawn in the direction of the temple steps – Bone Hur isn’t the most inventive guy in the world, and from that runsite the obvious route is up the 969 steps to the temple and so it was. I hit the steps first, but was quickly overtaken by Mr. Poo who was on a mission today. Leah a young virgin came flying past all of us hardly breathing at all. A glance over my shoulder saw Brown Finger puffing and panting his way up cursing blasphemously as he saw the stairs continue towards the sky. If the hares had any intention of keeping the pack together, this wasn’t the way to do it – a good number of hashers simply rejected the stairs and short cut around while the rest were scattered over the steps.

After the summit we hit the trail that gradually descended around the hill. It was a great trail to run on, and Mr. Poo, Leah, Brown Finger, Graven Image and I broke away from the rest. There were a few checks that had BF diving into the woods in the hope of finding paper along unlikely trails – I just kept going down the trail and sure enough the trail was the obvious route along the road. At the bottom we ran into Semen Soars who’d shown up late, missed out on the hill, got lost and managed to get the wings for doing the run Bone Hur hadn’t intended – I’ll have to remember those criteria. There were walkers strewn across the rice fields and even then they chose to short cut while GI and I set the pace at the head of the runners.

The On-In was at the road and I was relieved that it was only 3.6km – less than half an hour. Fortunately the beer had just enough time to chill. Horny Monkey ran the circle again, and the usuals were punished for making funny comments that disrupted his train of thought.