Category Archives: CH4 – Sunday

9th March – CH4 – Taste My Buns (Miniballbreaker)

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Rating: 8.7/10 (3 votes cast)

(By the delirious Brown Finger!)

I love a good hashing challenge, the opportunity to test one’s mental and physical strength, the pitting of one’s wits against the hare. I had been looking forward to this ‘mini ball breaker’ for some while, that is until I came down with the dreaded lurgy that has been sweeping through the hashing community like fire through a forest. Sitting on the songthaew leaving town I must admit I felt like jumping out the back and going straight back to bed. Although the lurgy had moved on, no doubt to infect some other poor bastard, fatigue was mushing my mind and muscles to a torpid pulp. Why was I here? There was no way that I was going to finish a 15k run in the heat of the day. I had visions of my sun-bleached, dog-chewed bones being found 10 years later at the bottom of a crevasse. What! Are you a man or a mouse? I told myself sternly. ‘Squeak, pass the cheese’, I heard a high-pitched murine voice reply in the depths of my macerated brain. Gulp!

TMB was clearly in charge when we arrived at the B for the A to B run. Where the f— was Alice?With Germanic efficiency she barked orders and marched around poking and prodding when we were too slow to follow them. Hare brief: pink paper, False Trails, Circles and V’s with ‘MBB’ written on them. What? My Buns are Burning? I collapsed in fevered hysterics, and only just recovered in time to learn that FRB’s were to look on the back of trees for paper off of Circles, and apparently poor old HRA was no longer fit to be considered an FRB. The dismayed look on his face almost set me to tears. In fact, it seemed that I was the only one the hare was talking too. Holy shit, the pressure was mounting, and I was feeling more fatigued by the minute.

A quick transport to the B site about 5 clicks further out of town and we were off, and much to my surprise I was able to jog along with the others without falling over. Cool, I was already feeling much better, and to make things even cooler, heavy clouds rolled in to cover the sun, and a cooling breeze miraculously materialised; in fact it threatened to rain. It was almost the perfect running climate. Yippeeeee, squealed my little mousey brain friend.

The first part of the run took is through dusty orchards, with clever checks to keep us all together. And then we hit the hills, a stony ridge trail with checks that offered almost no alternative other than to check straight along the ridge. However, there was a very good check which had true trail leading across a gully to a trail running parallel to the one gravy and I were checking. We could see trail paper on the other trail but couldn’t call on-on for obvious reasons. We could also see that our trail would converge with the true trail a short way ahead, so we carried on, leaving others to turn back and across the gully. Sweet!

A group of front runners had by now naturally formed with Graven, HRA (still a true blue FRB indeed :-) Suckit, a Virgin from America (Calvin?), that wily weasel guy from Columbia, Knockout and I working together on a number of false trails that the hares had artfully chosen to use here, pulling down paper and resetting trail for those who followed. The False Trail checks were very effective but were peculiarly sited on the back of trees, which caught some of us out on quite a few occasions when trail paper appeared to simply run out. Have the hares f—– up here? asked the inquisitive mouse. No and yes, I replied in my most professorial voice. Apparently, the hares had done this so we wouldn’t see the signs from a distance. Fair enough. But in my experience, Mr Mouse, there is always a way to site a False Trail facing the right direction without it being seen from a distance, but hey, what the hell did I know . . .? The mouse declined to respond to my learned question and instead asked for a particularly smelly lump of Gorgonzola.

And then we came out of the hills and Graven manfully led us along some dirt trails to the beer stop. I took stock of my mental and physical health. Oddly I was feeling good on both accounts, and the mouse agreed with me, which made me feel even better. But I declined to take a beer and watched Suckit down his and Graven take one to the songthaew. Old age juice had once again begun to seep from his ears and run in tobacco-brown streaks down his neck, and it was in the songthaew that he gracefully decided to retire from the run and to seek solace in more beer which always seems to relieve his ever-creeping old age pains and grumpy refrain. Goodbye old friend, no longer would we wander hand in hand along the heavenly trails this day. I felt sad and sought comfort in the company of the mouse, but that two-faced little rat had deserted me in my time of grief – bastard! And to think I gave him all that damned cheese. It’s not cheap in Thailand, you know!

So, with the promise of only good, flat running trails for the next 8k or so, we set off on the second and last section of the trail, on home to the B site. But instead of good running trails, up another hill and along stony trails we went once more, with the same pack of FRB’s still together, minus gravy of course – sob! But the hills were only minor affairs, certainly not in the Square dude’s league, and soon we were on the promised running trails out the back of Suckit’s place. Suckit sensed a home victory and stormed away in the lead, with the rest of the FRB’s struggling to keep up with his ever-increasing pace. I began to wonder how fast he used to be before he too got old (over sixty now – tee-hee-heee :-) and before his knee turned from solid bone and gristle to rusty tin and rivets. Wow he must have been even faster than Frozen Dick and Tiptoe (tee-heee-hee :-) But home knowledge can often be a negative attribute and sadly it proved so to be for Suckit and his faithful sidekick, good old Huckleberry HRA; they both took the direct leg to the B site from a V check, which proved to be the wrong one. It was then that they both lost heart and ran through the check-back, using Suckit’s trail knowledge to short cut to the B. And it was a rejuvenated me who went the right way at that V check, along with that wanking weasel bastard, the virgin American boy and the delightful Knockout who continued to call and scream at the top of her lungs as she had done so for the entire run. Nice!

And then there were four, and we arrived at the place where the monk’s hangout, right at the back of the back of Suckits place. Weasely-bastard-arsehole-thingy found true trail out to the left and I found him at the next check crouching down, seeking directional guidance from the GPS app on his smart phone. The poor little dick-head was getting tired, was in need of his mummy and didn’t want to play any more, but he still wanted to get home first and he was going to cheat as usual to get there. The remaining three of us followed and we soon came upon a line of fire running over a four-way junction at a circle check. GPS had the smack-head Columbian going straight, but it was Knockout who found true trail heading left, and that was the last that we were to see of the weasel, who short cut the rest of the way home to see his mother, or his girlfriend/wife, whomever the f. . .

And then there were three, and as good a hashing triumvirate as you could hope to find in Chiang Mai, checking and calling together, waiting for each other, holding hands, kissing . . . setting trail from checks for those behind who might indeed need all the help they could get as darkness quickly approached. And it was together that we jogged into the B enclosure – the honourable virgin, the venerable town cryer, Knockout, and fever-free me. And to top it all, I was feeling absolutely marvellous. Yippeeeeee! I had survived and even prospered, I yelled at the mouse, but he still was not there; gone for good, I certainly hoped so. And there sat Graven with the other short cutters, beer in hand, with no sign of any further old age juice discharge. Good to see you in your most natural state of drunkenness once more, buddy.

And then Frozen, Tiptoe and the other hashers who had bailed out at the beer stop arrived by pick-up truck. More than two hours to do 5k or so? Wow! We sat around talking turkey, drinking and munching, waiting for the rest of the pack to arrive, and it was completely dark by the time the Square dude and Shagging Sheep finally arrived home, thankfully none the worse for wear.

A shortish circle that was appreciated by one and all who were in dire need of a substantial meal after a hard day’s hashing. All in all it was a very well executed set, a B to A run that had us guessing all the way. It was well set and the pretty pink paper was, contrary to expectations, easy to follow. Some nice changes of terrain which kept the run interesting and fun for the entire 15k. Great job hares, the TMB / Alice hareing partnership grows from strength to strength. What comes next? Who knows and frankly who really cares, but it would be interesting to know what Alice got from TMB when they found that the restaurant for lunch was closed ????????

As for me? Well why don’t you ask the mouse, he is back on my couch, sitting right next to me as a write this complete heap of shit. Another lump of stinking Gorgonzola, Mr Mouse . . . . . .?

2nd March – CH4 – Foxy Cleopatra

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Rating: 5.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Finally I got to run on a CH4! First time in >2 months, but I wasn’t even recognised as a long time returner! Never mind, I know nobody misses me! Seemed we were light on FRBs, but having just come out of 3 hours exam invigilation, I was up for some exercise. The A was by the small lake by the temple, near the large quarry just along Sameong Road. The hare tried to tell me how she couldn’t remember the area at all, but I was pretty sure we’d been everywhere there was to go here!

Hare brief done and we slunk off towards the temple. Great, a circle check in the middle of a meditation temple. The monks were peacefully sweeping the leaves from around the powder and then a storm of hasher come through. That circle took >10 minutes. I checked everywhere I could think of checking. We scattered all through the temple grounds, more effective than the military at Dhammakhaya, if Phra Dhammajayo was there, we would have found him, but instead I felt bad for the disturbance, as we were only looking for powder. The main problem was that the hares had switched to paper, so even when I found some paper I wasn’t that confident about calling it. Finally we were off, and soon back on to powder, and general mix of hash markings – to be honest we could have been running several trails, who knows?!

The first few checks got us all, but Robin Banks seemed to be nailing a few, which meant I generally got to run further in the wrong direction than I normally would. I was pushing hard, trying to gain some fitness before the inevitable heat kicks in, but was getting everything wrong. Finally we cut out to the large quarry, and a V check. It could not be right – that was just taking us home to the cars, and I’d pretty much checked that far off the first circle anyway. I headed left following Tasty & Graven. We were right, and another circle had TMB going right to nowhere, and Graven not keen to go left. After I encouraged him, he scampered up the hill and I followed. Surely a false trail? We both knew it, but he sportingly took it on, while I slunk off to the right and found paper.

From there it was one way home, and I settled into a gear. No more slowing down at checks… No more following paper to inevitable false trails… This was time to head home, and behind I heard Suckit, and then Graven, and 3.5 was there somewhere too. Somehow I held them off and jogged in. Good exercise, nice run, thanks hares!

23rd Feb – CH4 – Kwazi

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Rating: 8.3/10 (4 votes cast)

Courtesy Brown Finger:-

Well I must admit I very nearly didn’t go to this run. The A site was way out in the wilds of Mae Wang, 15k or so past the usual outer hashing region along the Canal Road, with no special arrangements made for the songthaew leaving early or staying for the special on-on meal afterwards.

What I really didn’t fancy was the appalling possibility of spending around three hours stuck in pollution-spewing traffic, crammed into the back of a little red bus with a bunch of hot and smelly hashers, followed by a very late meal back in town. But I am a curious animal nonetheless, and although this does, like the proverbial cat, often get me into trouble, I decided to see what Kwazi meant by “probably the best (or maybe most?) Chiang Mai trails we have ever run on”, and also what Kwazi would do differently in charge of the Circle to make it more entertaining and less of a dormitory for narcoleptic hashers such as he. Would my feline inquisitiveness get the better of me this time, or would my lucky hashing codpiece come to my aid once again?

So let’s start at McDonald’s and the little red bus. Luckily, Robin Banks turned up in his car, so that I was able to ride in air-conditioned, relative luxury. Strike lucky-one for the curious cat. And then, Kwazi must have made a devilish pact with the traffic gods because I have never in recent times seen the Chiang Mai roads so clear on the way to a hash. In fact the songthaew arrived at the A site before Banksy’s car and almost on-time for the hare brief. A most remarkable occurrence. Strike lucky-two!

And then the handbags began to fly, TMB tearing into a sheepish looking Kwazi for daring to set a trail in her territory, the same place as she had told everyone that she would be setting an outstation sometime in the future. But the cat fight was short lived and Kwazi apologised so hard and so pathetically that TMB finally agreed to be friends again so that Kwazi could begin his very unusual hare brief.

Mother Hash circle checks – bunches of paper haphazardly thrown down by the side of the trail – interspersed with the usual Chiang Mai powder circle checks. The powder checks would be in dwelling areas so as not to spoil them with paper. Hmmm, so it was OK to ‘spoil’ the pristine forest trails with Mother Hash paper? And then there was the introduction of new hash call: ‘Checking. Help!’ WTF? Apparently, FRB’s would definitely not have an advantage on these trails; there were so many trails – “one turning into nine” – that everyone would be needed to do the checking. When a hasher checks a trail that leads into nine other trails, then said hasher should call Checking. Help! and all the other little hashers should then go trotting off to help with the checking. Cool, baby! A mass happy hash checking party! This cool cat was looking forward to enjoying Kwazi’s own particular brand of furry fun and frolics!

But alas there were no trail-checking parties, it was the usual frontrunners who got to do most, if not all of the checking, and I never did hear Kwazi’s new hash call shouted out in anger. Shame, I was so looking forward to hearing innocent Knockout’s squeal for help and to seeing what would happened next :-). But it was true what Kwazi had said about the trails: they were everywhere, loads of the lovely little buggers, single track, unspoiled (well, except for Kwazi’s many bits of Mother Hash paper), slightly sandy trails, reminiscent of those out the back of Suckit’s place.

Because of the quality of the trails, it was a fast paced run, and I witnessed a ranging Suckit, a shrieking Knockout, and a persistent Strangely Anal exchanging the lead with me on several occasions. I also ran into TMB and Sex Pistol (ankle recovering well it seems) a few times, with TMB doing a lot of checking but, oh dear, mostly in the wrong direction.

Some of the checks were very tricky and had us zigzagging around the course in an anti-clockwise direction, others we seemed to work out rather quickly and moved along at a pace that was sorely testing lungs and legs. It also turned out to be a longish run, around the 8k mark with checking. So it was with a grateful sigh that Suckit lead the way in and we could sit around enjoying a cold one or two before the Circle. Nice trails, good checks, a fine run for which the hare should be rightly proud. Nice one Kwazi :-)

It is odd, I somehow don’t remember anything about the Circle, because for some unknown reason I took a cat nap . . . . and when I finally awoke, there was Kwazi handing out 100 bht notes for everyone who agreed to stay for the meal at the resort from where we had just run and circled. And so, with a 100 bht on offer, there was no question whatsoever of anyone wishing to return to town on the songtaew before the meal. Strike lucky-three, although my ‘hot’ meal was served stone cold but tasty, and there was a long wait for some poor, starving hashers. Nice one Kwazi, you should have been a politician.

So, this curious cat and his lucky codpiece survived the mighty Kwazi’s unusual offering and thoroughly enjoyed the experience, what I remember of it, although luck did have something to do with it: Banksy’s comfortable car ride, a remarkable lack of traffic to contend with, and by all accounts falling asleep in the circle.

I would say that there is still plenty of scope for TMB to do a great outstation at this resort, and if, perhaps occasionally, the hash was to wander back in this direction for a normal run with special and more specific songtheaw arrangements, then I can’t see many hashers complaining.

16th Feb – CH4 – Brown Finger

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Rating: 8.3/10 (3 votes cast)

Brownfinger, M aka Suckit and Ms Moneypenny aka Itchy Bitchy co-ordinated a real 007 of a run and social down the far end of Canal Rd at Suckit’s des res.
It really was a superb trail, twisting and turning through shaded forest paths and dry stream beds, a runner’s delight. The signage on Graven Arsecrack paper thankfully didn’t make the pack too nauseous and the FRBs were back in around 75 mins, TMB, Gizzard Wizard, Sherman, Mike from Didcot UK and old stager Chucky I believe.


I shared trail with Krapthai, Analvice, Pussy Whipper and Blows Herself in the early stages. Great to see AV back hashing but sadly he’s got to fly back to Oz tonight for medical reasons.
The checks were all well placed with tricky choices and BF obviously had to control the FRBs as I guess the trails snaked through the woods quite close to each other at times.
No circles were actually torn out which makes things easier to see, so I did the necessary for the runners behind. Some checks still had paper hanging and unused, one was papered the wrong way and messed us up for 5 mins. Another had one piece on the wrong path which I followed and laid my own until I realised there was no more. Shit. Back to pick up all the bits and find true trail. 20m down it there was a few ripped squares. I sent Pussy Washer back to tear the circle and he couldn’t even find it!
Finally the last circle, right down a track to a big metal set of gates. True trail? Really? Climb the gate? Thankfully it was unlocked and one could just push it open. Phew.
Finally back in just under 2 hrs, tired but happy.
Fun circle, great to meet Virgin hashers and visitors from China, UK and Canada/Malaysia.
Team winners of the run/walk/drink event were TMB’s mob who probably had Charlie boy more to thank for than they knew!
On on,
Alice

2nd Feb – CH4 – HRA

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Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Courtesy Alice:-

HRA on his lonesome, an uber hashed area, what could possibly go right? Everything!

The wee Caledonian Channel Islander pulled out all the stops for CH4 and set an excellent trail from the red gravel area just up from Baan Suan Himdoi opposite the Ob Kham footy field.
Using small strips marked with X, HRA took us up into the forested hills along beautiful trails and then down into a familiar valley. Checks were tricky enough to allow walkers to keep infront of runners who chose incorrectly at checks.

At one point there was a steep, stony and uneven descent. The pack here were perhaps ten strong going down more or less together. Angry Inch appears like a bat out of hell and races down the treacherous and congested slope. There could only be one winner and it wasn’t the Nanaimo Cannonball. Gravity is not just a concept, opined ABB later, it’s a law. Well, Angry fought the law, and the law of course won. Luckily no one else was injured and Angry escaped with minor wounds compared to what could have transpired.


Down into the valley and confusion reigned. Suckit and self started checking back up and around the hill. Finally trail was found across a small creek bed and heading back down the valley. Familiar ground thinks I.

At a check, the pack veer right into a dingy dell and up the other side to a wide looping path. I emptied my shoe and jogged straight on, confident of joining up with the FRBs. After 300m I hit paper coming back towards me. Strange. Blow me, HRA found the sneakiest of cut-throughs into an adjacent orchard and from then on it was HRA v Alice v chasing pack who didn’t know I was in pole.

A few times I heard them call, ChuckWao I think, although that might have been his normal talking voice. Definitely Browny once, but they never saw nor caught me.

Check after check, a beaut of a FT, I ran them half right and wrong as HRA kept surprising me with his cunning and devious lateral deviations. At the FT I dropped yellow paper to mark true trail and enjoyed the thought of the shock and surprise the FRBs would soon be experiencing. Yellow paper! Wtf is ahead of us?!

Forest trails, stream beds, open paths and tricky checks lead back to the A and I made it in a lather, without the dogs of war tearing my seat.

Uber competitive TMB was convinced I’d shortcutted and looked bemused when HRA informed her that I’d appeared from the right direction. The circle was relaxing without massively amusing highlights, we were ten chairs short so there was a running gag to save or take your seat with you. Dodgy Cock serenaded ABB and Piggy separately, while Pays By The Inch finally had her splash which was worth waiting for. Two semi understandable Hashing Yanks from Syracuse joined us, plus DC’s slow mate in sandals and some ‘big, ugly fcuker’ (Piggee’s words) called Steve. I feel a hash handle coming on.

Great set HRA, see the heights you attain when Cumalot isn’t there to limit your potential! And tasty on on on at BaanSuanHimdoi, fast service and a super ostrich steak, chips and salad for self and Blows Herself.
Alice

Miss Piggy RIP

26th January – CH4 – Suckit & Itchy (Outstation)

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Rating: 8.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Courtesy Alice:-

A chest infection isn’t best prep for an outstation or losing wallet and housekeys. I hopped on my bike and made it to the ‘rustic’ accommodation in time for the run.
Suckit and Itchy Bitchy had laid trail and the one in the duct tape old trainers promised a flattish trail with limited elevation, while waving his hand in the general direction of the hills and ridges around us. Mmm. He also told us we’d see where we slid down on his ass for 100 yards straight. Didn’t sound very flat!
From my posi in back of pack I enjoyed Leaky Fawcet’s interactions with friendly lodge puppy Bamboo, although the mutt enjoyed both my legs later that evening, repeatedly.
The trail went down thru forest to a dam and then up into the ridges. And up. And up. Nice and easy does it, small steps, but coughing fits won out. Creature’s missus inspired me to continue, or her cute arse did, then she waved me past sadly. At odd moments I could see Blows Herself and ABB, yes, very odd and hear shouting ahead of me higher up in the forested hillsides.
I jogged flat sections and wheezed like a defunct traction engine.
Cumalot was behind me and started jogging herself to up the pressure, thanks Matchuda!
Suddenly the downhill dirt track to end all downhill dirt tracks. Two or three hundred metres of almost straight down steep horror faced us and I reckoned Cumalot landing on me was better than the other way around. I skipped diagonally praying for roots not to trip me, and descended in sections with every expectation of disaster. Salomans I salute thee.
At the base we jogged around a shoulder and down a gently sloping wide trail. I realised I’d been off markings for 150m and stopped, Cumalot came jogging along happily checking me not flour!
I retraced and found dots of flour going into a banana field leading to a steep gulley. Here Chucky, Piggee and some others came jogging towards me whinging about Vs and FTs and out trails. I followed flour up the hillside after the gulley and there was a neat On In on a clear path.
The other Aussie visitor with Suckit, Ali, was just ahead as I exhaustedly made my way along the last few hundred metres back to the Lodge and I could hear the voices of Chucky’s group.
Browny appeared heading out again – lap 2 or sweep for damsels in distress I wasn’t sure.
Shower then beer, before a longish but good fun circle.
Good effort hares, well marked and a challenging set in steep terrain. I knew I’d sleep despite the brick slab masquerading as a mattress and ABB’s English radio wafting through the partition wall.

19th January – CH4 – Cumalot

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Courtesy of Brownfinger:-

Cumalot’s run from the usual Thai village behind Doi Kham. A huge turnout with Itchy and Suckit bringing a truck load of visitors from their guest house with them. Apparently, Suckit had instructing the Beer Monster, Knockout, to bring more beer whilst she was already on her way to the run. Luckily, having learned from previous alcohol droughts, Knockout already had a reserve stash of the amber nectar with her, so all was well – there would be plenty of beer for all.

So, with a large cast of experienced, virgin and returning hashers, we headed off to the inevitable hills. And up and up we went, up a very nice and very steep trail. Sex Pistol was having a storming run, finding true trail from the checks and then kindly stepping aside for others to set the pace. She has become a great runner and such a good addition to the FRB pack.

When we couldn’t possibly go any higher without causing a hazard to low flying aircraft, we finally hit the down trail, which was an ankle-twisting, knee-grinding, stone-strewn, generally hazardous trail, that tested the skills and joints of us all to the very limit. Surprisingly perhaps, there were no serious injuries, and personally I loved the challenge, but the run would probably have been better set the other way around, using this difficult trail going up and the good trail coming down. However, we were to learn in the circle that it was all HRA’s fault because he had insisted on helping Cumalot to set the run despite her wish to set it alone.

There were not many opportunities for good checks on this run, but the hares did there best with what they had, and a couple of them caught me out, especially at the top of the hill when I checked too far along the top and found it almost impossible to pass those who had found the narrow and hazardous downhill trail. Coming onto the wide dirt trail towards the end, Graven and co hit a false trail and for some reason they didn’t see it (?) or kept on running down the hill for some other reason. However, when I got there, there was no paper at the FT sign and we could not find any paper on the ground that joined the true trail. Anyway, we eventually found true trail and I managed to nail the last couple of checks and headed on home. And there sat a smirking Alice, claiming to have run the full rambo trail without disturbing the checks, coming home a full ten minutes ahead of everyone else. Do we believe him? Well sure we do, if ‘rambo’ is replaced with ‘wimp’, and if he was a monk instead of your usual truth-devoid hasher – good job Alice :-)

Cumalot is always good for a laugh in the circle, and she did a great job of working her circle to the best effect :-) Beer flowed and laughter echoed around the village much to the amusement of the gathered local inhabitants – humans as well as dogs. Suckit pleaded so hard for the male wings that TMB finally succumbed to his beer-fuelled charms – that’s three in a row, isn’t it Suckit. Don’t know how you are going to get the wings at the outstation next week, but ………

Good job Cumalot and HRA, but nobody was quite sure what we had done to deserve such bone-crunching punishment on the trail. Maybe it was all HRA’s fault???

Courtesy of Alice:-
Cumalot teamed up with some arbitrary geezer she repeatedly called ‘Colin’ to pay homage to a Pigshit run in exactly the same area and using exactly the same trails. Not that I’m complaining, it was really great. Especially as jet lag and 14 hours sleep in the preceding 72 allowed me to take the W option when faced with the choice.
Good to see Pigshit and Bone Hur back, good to just be back. Suckit press ganged his residents and filled the back of his flatbed with approximately 4 Bristolians and 2 Indians. These virgins got a special tete a tete hare brief from ‘Colin’ before the real deal.
And we were off. A FT or just the FRBs messing up meant I was infront of Poo and TMB after 5 mins even though I was walking and that didn’t change too much. I chatted with Piggie and Cheap Shagger before my attention was caught by one of the Indian dudes, Mohito?, in Suckit’s old trainers taped up with silver duct tape. Class.
Up and up thru the forest, gently winding ever upwards. Well marked with C’c on paper strips. The significance of the C I missed.
At the W-R split it was obvious the trail just went up but not so clear what they’d done with the W so I jogged off on that on my tod and kept going til the end, checking all the circles by myself and leaving them intact for the FRBs who’d come hurtling down the hill after me and hopefully never catch me.
The W went down into the gully and up the spur and around until it rejoined the R. I was ahead of everyone and my only concern was not being caught by the FRBs. On probably 5 of the 9 circles I guessed correctly and on the others I went back after 120 and guessed right second time. Not one double fcuk up, how unAlice like.
Trail led to a wider gully and stream and a well marked route down on quartzite rock. Gleefully I scampered downhill thinking of the tribulations behind me. A Juicy FT brought me up short and my only consolation was the thought that the pack would doubtless do likewise, as I trudged back up. Across the stream and three paths. Down to the left, up to the right but I chose middle and up…surely that would reward me? Wrong. However I saw a wider path up ahead and joining that turned down the hillside to meet the true trail after 200m.
From then on it was mostly down, steady jogging, supping water
And vague memories of Piggie and Does Nothing’s sets here.
Eventually I saw ON IN in powder and turned onto the tarmac to see Bone Hur walking in.
The look on Suda, Cumalot and HRA’s face when I steamed in after about 45 mins.
Got lost and came back? queried HRA looking nervously at his timepiece. As if.
Good job hares, thanks for a lovely W trail inbetween the true trails in and out.

29th December – CH4 – Byte My Yahoo

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Shhhhhhhh! Something is stirring in the weird and wonderful world of Chiang Mai hashing. Something totally unexpected and totally marvellous to behold. No, I am not talking about the ‘second coming’ of Turkish delight to the Happy Hash, I am referring to the growing but yet unsubstantiated belief that we are now beginning to set much longer hash runs, and we are somehow able to run them faster, much faster, despite our advancing age profile.

Now I recall the time, not so long ago, when hares on one particular hash were advised/instructed by one particular GM, perhaps on the advice/instructions of a former GM or two of the same hash, to set hash runs at around 5k, suitable for runners and walkers alike, no need for a Wimp/Rambo split. But now it seems that this learned, insightful advice is being rapidly chipped away from that particular tablet of stone.

But is it in fact true? Are we running longer and faster? Well, according to my own data since returning to Chiang Mai at the end of October this year, yes, indeed it appears to be so. Runs of 5-6k have increased generally to 7-8k, and during November and December, before this Happy Hash, I have recorded runs at 7.59, 8.09, 8.69 and 8.89k at average speeds of up to 10.3k.

So then, it was with curiosity and post Christmas cheer that I joined the merry throng of many hashers for Prof Byte and Human X’s seasonal offering. Could it be that they too would continue the trend of longer runs? Would we hashers be able to keep up the increased tempo? Well it all started very seasonably, if not a little disturbingly, with a seasonably merry (drunk?????) Byte giving a hare brief about a run he couldn’t remember setting. Excellent example for Human X on his long-awaited co-hare debut! Suddenly, Byte somehow remembered that he had forgotten to put out paper for the false trails – if indeed there were any false trails – and with the inebriated bum still handing out strips of paper to the FRB’s just in case there were false trails out there, we all headed out on trail.


Now I am going to say here that Byte always, well almost always, manages to set a very good trail, particularly for the FRB’s who like the challenge of a well placed check or two. And this trail was no exception. I have to say also that although we were running from a well-used A site area, most of the trails were new to me and I very quickly became disorientated by the hares’ clever tricks of the trade – three successive false trails, WTF?

The trails were for the most part great for running, wide dirt trails and single forest trails interspersed with some unwelcome but probably unavoidable hard-top. I must admit, I got most of the checks completely, ashamedly wrong! Nice job hares, you bastards! And now to the speed of hashers on trail. We seem to have attracted some very good runners lately so that the FRB pack is growing. Lizard Gizzard is always out at the front and is of an age where running at our old-age pace is a breeze for his youthful physique. And we had new blood, James, and a returning visitor who called himself ‘No Name’. With some coaching, virgin James helped out with the checks from the off, as did No Name, until James got frightened by a couple of yappy dogs and jumped screaming into the open arms of Knockout for protection. So even without the likes of Piggy and Chucky, we still had the likes of Buns, Gravy, Sloppy, Scooby, Poo, Gizzard, James and No Name helping up front and definitely pushing the pace, which for me came in at a 9.1k average. Not quite the 10.3k average achieved on a previous run, but certainly pretty fast for this run and for hashing in general, I would say. Lets hope that James and No Name hang around for a while, sure would be welcome additions to our little hashing community.

Oh yes, nearly forgot Turkish Delight’s frantic efforts to drag himself through a whole heap of shiggy-shit that was blocking his way on one of his infamous short-cutting expeditions. It was a thing of beauty to behold and to hear his yells and screams of pain as we passed him bye almost without a single word of encouragement. “Die, you bastard.” was all Gravy could offer in that regard, or words to that effect.

As for the distance, well it was even longer than longer. For me, a full 10k hash run, set without a Wimp / Rambo split, although some form of short cut option was offered at some point, or so it was said. And nobody complained, smiles all round, especially from James who had his head up Knockout’s shirt when they eventually arrived back at the A, apparently still hiding from those pesky yapping dogs. Yeah, right! Great hasher in the making! And Lizard Gizzard wasn’t at all worried by his girl’s late arrival because he has her followed by a tracking app so he knows exactly where she is every single second of every single day. Creepy, man. Mr Poo is going to get one to keep track of Knockout, or so he says.

Funny circle conducted by prof Byte was washed down by free hash beer. In fact the entire event was free to one and all, courtesy of our always happy, Happy Hash Hash Cash. Nice one, Gravy, and nice one Prof Byte and particularly Human X who’s hair continues to impress us all.

Ball Breaker next week? If our normal runs are reaching 10k, god knows how long the BB will be. Let’s hope its a good one whatever the distance :-)

22nd December – CH4 – Suckit

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Suckit & Itchy teamed up, but this time from along Sameong road – I guess they were fed up of everyone else setting runs through their house 11km south? There were 2 songthaews and a large Happy hash group – the club is growing strong, we might need to buy more chairs!

We set off with Poo, Angry and I mixing up the start like a cycling peloton. Until the first check, when I was wrong. Finally it was called from the right, and I turned back only to see KO stood behind me with a look of distress. At first I thought she was just really disappointed to get the check wrong, but then I discovered she just wanted me to get out the way so she could take a pee! After another check I caught up, and sure enough promptly got the next check wrong – damnit! We ran over to the edge of the large quarry. A 50/50 chance, left or right. I didn’t think they would go around the quarry, so picked right. I didn’t get far before I was called to the left. I decided to take it easy for a bit, expecting the hill in the near future. The hill didn’t appear, instead, the pack just sprinted away…


Seriously, this was a fast paced hash – wtf was going on? My splits were reasonable, but I was back behind Kwazi! I decided to put some effort in, and tried to push for a couple of km. Sub 6 minute kms, and I didn’t seem to be making any ground. When I past Sex Pistol, she was equally flummoxed. The pace was very fast for a hash run. I wasn’t even close enough to hear any calls, I just plodded on through neatly kicked out checks. I wasn’t plodding though, I was pushing it, but seemed to be making no progress – amazing pace from the FRBs today!

I finally caught up by the small quarry lake beneath the temple, but a couple that checked the wrong way breezed past me and I gave in, steadying off to a jog walk. Only really running again when trying to explain to Blows Herself that we don’t overtake after the OnIn..!

Cheers Suckit – a deceptive trail that clearly fooled me more than anyone else, and was definitely a fast running trail.

8th December – CH4 – Square Rooter

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Rooter’s birthday adventure, and boy did he put some effort into it! We’ve run from that runsite a bunch of times, and I was fairly confident I knew all the trails around – Rooter proved me wrong several times! He was a generous hare, today offering us multiple wimp trails and a hare brief that was long enough that I could arrive late, get changed and still get out with the pack.

We set off, with Kwazi running ahead, but not even getting to a check before refusing to move another inch until someone found trail. We did, and Brownie was off… Do we need to run? Already? Damnit! A circle, and I didn’t want to check left, but it was my obligation, so I idled along, and when I did find the powder, just ahead was Brownie and 3.5inch, cutting onto trail. We were back to the road we’d driven in on, and most wanted to go right. I went left, and around the corner found powder, another circle and then up the hill a bit, more powder and Dyke Converter blaring music while he lugged around bags of mud. Random!

An excellent check followed. We were all over the place searching! Music to entertain us! I went up the hill, and back… I could see Taste My Buns being very thorough down the hill to the right. Finally I headed through the shiggy to the left, and ahead Blows Herself was discussing how she had found powder… She wasn’t calling “ONON” as is tradition, but hey we were on to another circle. Suckit and I checked down to the left, and I found pink paper on the trail to the left, while Suckit found a circle to the right. We figured the pack would appear sooner or later and started checking the circle – the pack didn’t appear, and we didn’t find trail off the circle. Finally we followed pink paper backwards and saw the pack in the distance. Seems we had followed one of the wimp trails backwards and finally rejoined the main group – not a short cut, just parallel to the main trail, and trust me, that wimp trail was shitty shiggy! Rooter went to a lot of effort to hack out a trail, that wasn’t used by many…


Back on trail and a V check by a temple. Oh inspired my dear Rooter. How about a V check, where somewhere (perhaps) to the left there was a hidden back check, while to the right solid powder for 200m or so, and then nothing. Finally we found a pile of pink paper under a stone tucked neatly in a freshly watered flower bed by the temple wall. Did you pay someone to wash away the powder? We assumed it was a circle, and the FRBs charged forwards. Sometime later, closer inspection revealed a FT. So now, having wasted a bunch of time, we had a V check with a checkback (maybe) one way, and a FT the other. My head was reeling, but finally someone picked out some powder we hadn’t seen before and we set off, while most of the FRBs were still down the bottom of a hill wondering what the Fuck was going on.

I somehow got into the mix, with Cumalot and HRA and we hit a bit of a scramble with “QUIET” written at the bottom clearly by our hare. What did that mean? What were we doing? WTF? This was all new for me, I had a suspicion we were creeping through private property, and a shortwhile later when a pack of 20 vicious dogs were set on us, I think we were right. I had a stick to waft at them as I edged backwards. Crap Thai was escorting the rest of the hashers through a gate, while I held of the dogs like a hollywood action hero. Crap Thai and I ducked through the gate and slammed it shut in the face of the evil canine hoard, like Indiana Jones escaping with his hat.

Onwards, and there was a 2nd Wimp Rambo split. By chance I got there with HRA, and well, we talked each other into the Wimpier option. A wimpier option that promptly hit some devilishly difficult checks. The rambo runners were nearly upon us before we solved them. Finally we found trail and HRA led the way to the ONIN. HUH? ONIN? Where the fuck are we? I know this area, and I can’t figure out where my car is! A bit further and another ONIN… Huh? This was a road, so we were closer to home! A final ONIN to encourage us up the hill to the beers. Very nice set Rooter – very confusing, good use of regular stuff, and some clever mixes of stuff that was new to me. A well engineered run, a great circle, and fun ONONON.