Category Archives: CH4 – Write Ups

1st December – CH4 – Dodgy Cock

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Seriously? Two weeks running and we ran out of beer mid-circle? No matter what happened on the run, or in the first half of the circle, for me I just remember leaving early and thirstily… The formula has worked for years, strange that we ran out so quickly last night.

Not much else really matters… We gathered at the canal road football field at the prearranged time, had a harebrief and we were off. Across the road and we followed paper into the little lane, until it just stopped. I assume a check was missing, or perhaps we couldn’t spot some leaf coloured paper amongst the leaf coloured leaves. I checked to the right and finally got called back down.

I caught up again after a false trail when ABB spotted trail heading up the hill. This was a familiar start, and without any checks on the way up, Brownie took off with Piggy to get a false trail to the right at the right angle turn. Along a bit and a V-check. Last time it was left, and I was wrong – I went right again, and was wrong… again… It wasn’t much of a loop around to get back on trail and I popped up just ahead of the pack. I could hear them just behind, but after I nailed a couple of checks, they weren’t getting any closer. On the mud road I waited for TMB so she didn’t have to waste energy on the false trail to the right and we ran down to the road.

Across the road, and not many checks as we carried on running. Brownie caught me after one check, and then promptly had to check the wrong way on a couple of checks – he needs the exercise. I lead the way down the hill, and I suspect another false trail to the left, but no chance of me turning left and sure enough there was trail to the right. Brownie and Piggy chasing me with 3 1/2 inch floppy in amongst it. A final V check, and then nothing? False trail one way, no paper the other… I limped in scratched up from the shiggy…

Got back, and yup… not enough beer.

24th November – CH4 – Taste My Buns

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TMB teamed up with Foxy at the arse end of the universe 11+km south on canal road. Ack… even driving from the university was tedious. Finally I got there, and got ready for whatever was in store. After the harebrief we ran around 50m to the first check… and while I say ran, really I mean walk. There wasn’t much effort going on… and at the check there wasn’t much effort either. Brownie went left, and then right… I went through the barbed wire but didn’t put much effort in. KO picked the correct trail, but hadn’t worked out what pink paper looked like, so it was a long time before Brownie found it and we were finally off.

Second check, another circle, and Brownie immediately thought it was back to the left – he’s scouted the shit out of the area, so I’ll take the hint. I went down the trail 100m or so, and it looked promising, but no sign of pink paper. I stopped and started scanning the forest to my right, trying to see anything pink, but nothing, and no call from anywhere else… Where could it be? I stood there 2-3 minutes, before turning around and realising I was stood next to the paper. ONON and we were off again, and I promptly got the next V check wrong, so the pack was back together. Onto the decent running trails, gently undulating, and the pace was reasonable. I pushed along until I hit a False Trail…. Huh? No word about them in the harebrief??? This was a tough one… Around 150m or so back to the main trail, and then 100m along the trail before anyone found it. I was already back at the false trail double checking I hadn’t made a mistake when the call was made.

Another false trail, and the pack was being kept together on tight trails. Graven and I hopped over a ridge while the pack checked a circle check 100m to our left. The gamble paid off and we joined ABB who found the paper heading straight on. Another check, and trails all over the place, with Angry picking a nice looking trail up to the right. Graven called it quickly and we had taken a left turn. I was convinced this trail was turning right…. And I couldn’t be more wrong. There was no check as the trail headed into a gully to the right. But then a circle in the gully. We had to be turning right somewhere, but it was kinda steep to the right. Graven, Angry and I carried on, none of us willing to look at the trail up to the left. In the end I went back to the circle and tried going back on trail to find a way to penetrate the hill on the right. I couldn’t believe it when the OnCall came from up to the left… WTF? Am I seriously this disoriented?


I had heard the hares say how they could avoid the hill, and this was clearly “the” hill, so I figured going straight down the gully, led you to an easier way around to the right, and I very nearly took it, and had I done so would never have been seen again! Instead I pushed up the hill, and was shocked when people were checking to the left. The devious hares had taken us into a gully, up a steep hill, only to come back down it just metres from where the trail had gone into the gully. Seriously? Was there ever a good reason to climb a fooking hill??? Do we look like we need the extra exercise on hill repeats? From here there were no checks for a LONG long way… Somehow I was chasing Angry Inch with Brownie and Graven on my ass, which meant a solid sprint until I had to let them pass. So we could get to utter confusion. Trail ran out, was there a check? What was going on? Even after seeing the maps and talking about it to everyone I have no idea. I didn’t see a check, and it took a while to get back on paper.

Finally I recognised the trails again, and had an idea where we were going, but by now Brownie had a nose for home, and he was taking everyone with him. I got to a circle check about 8th, but everyone ahead had gone the same way. This descended into a farce where I was just about the only one bothering to check another direction. Piggy gave up his “no running” philosophy and charged off with Brownie. Graven did his best to keep up, but had to check the wrong way at a V, and then I got the last circle wrong at the end – a circle that surely would have already been kicked out given the calibre of the athletes ahead of me?

A long circle, and not enough beer – the hares went to a great effort to set a really good run – a long run, >8km including checking, with some really clever, tough checks…. and then we run out of beer?

17th November – CH4 – Pigshit

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Piggy teamed with Sheep Shagger for the HAPPY hash! So happy to get out of work, I must be more thankful for the joys that life bestows upon me! A familiar runsite at the back of Doi Kham – for some reason BigTop thought it would be sensible to run to the runsite from town… huh? Don’t we do the running bit of the hash while we are, well doing the running part of the hash?!? The harebrief gave away a few clues – first we would be going up a different hill to last time, and second, we should probably only do the wimp trail… Piggy, piggy piggy…? Oink, oink, oink.

By now the reader should be feeling the positive cheerfulness in the tone of my writing, as I skipped off towards the start of the trail like a easter bunny about to get that inner peace only fulfilled by giving chocolate eggs away, or the rapturous jollyness of a random drunken handjob. Who am I trying to kid? The chocolate eggs just feed an industry designed to make our kids bloated and fat with brown stains around our mouths, while the initial climax is later climaxed by shame, guilt and regret. The regret kicked in as the trail headed up the first hill! I love trail running, and we have awesome trails around Chiang Mai, but there is a certain amount of masochism that goes into pushing oneself out on the run, only to be rewarded with beer later.

We set off, and at the first opportunity the trail turned up, but having got the check wrong, Sex Pistol and I continued along the creek bed a little further before climbing up the hill to rejoin the trail. The next check went back down the hill back to the creek bed we’d just left. Excellent job hares – that check had me cursing at the time, but later in admiration. The young virgin scooted past and I had a feeling I wouldn’t see him again until the circle. Another check, and I felt the call of nature, ducking off trail behind a tree. I heard some calls from up above, and not long after found some trail. I followed for a while until it was clear it was old trail, so I headed back to the circle and the wimp rambo split. I recalled clearly Piggy’s harebrief advice and how he locked eyes with me when he said we would be better off just doing the wimp… I obliged and headed off on the wimp.

After a while I caught Belly Dancer, but was too winded from the climb to say howdy. Thankfully we turned right and I jogged back down the hill picking off walkers one by one, until finally catching ABB at the last check. Yes, he was already checking left, but I wasn’t about to go back up the hill I’d already been up sometime before, so jogged on to the OnIn…

Nice run Piggy – just about spot on for a Happy Hash!

10th November – CH4 – Alice

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Alice teamed up with Blows Herself again for a Doi Saket run. I nearly went to the hospital to get my bursitis sorted, but opted to go running and drinking instead.

We set off and Brownie behind me was keen to get running, pushing me into a jog so we got to the first check together. We split, but I called him over when I spotted paper up ahead (not the only time we could see paper ahead on trail). Another check and I think I found old paper before we found the right paper, carrying on towards the canal. Would we cross the canal? Alice has been double and treble bluffing me, so I decided not to cross the canal and checked up the road instead. Fortunately I got back to the circle before Brownie called it from 180 degrees the other side of the canal. Alice was sat smugly on a small bridge claiming a 1-0 lead…. Perhaps I’ll give you that, but you sitting there gave me a bit of info too – I had an idea we might be going back to that bridge sooner or later!


We headed parallel to the canal, and after a couple of checks it was clear we were headed for the nice trail that runs through the forest. Lucky for me a false trail tripped up Brownie and Sheep Shagger, leaving Graven and I heading into the forest. From here I was on auto pilot. Great running trails, but the pace was intense with Brownie and Graven pushing us on. I tagged a few checks in a row, but had to keep pressing on, damnit! The key check was when we turned back to the left – he had 2 choices, cross back over the canal and head back, or turn left. I dithered, while Brownie found trail and called on. It was left.

From here I was confident I wouldn’t get another check wrong. The pace was quick though, around 6 mins per km. Sure enough I tried to hang on to Brownie, but he was getting all the checks right as well, while Graven was stranded 100m behind trying to kick out the checks. Running along confidently, I was caught by surprise when Brownie suddenly hit a False Trail. WTF? I knew we would be back on the trail just around the corner, but I went back and sure enough we found the extra loop. Nice touch hare… But at this point, Graven and Brownie ran away from me. I fell over scrambling down a slope and TMB passed by. I knew what was left, but felt like walking in.

Back on the mainer trail, and I saw Brownie up ahead checking. But coming back from checking. TMB went left, while Graven had gone right (why???) I asked Brownie if he had gone far enough, and he said “I went 70m, didn’t see anything…” Suddenly the game was alive again, and somehow I found new energy reserves, and ran through the last few checks with Brownie chasing me down before gentlemanly joining me at the OnIn and jogging in together.

Nice set hares! They managed to find a couple of bits I haven’t used before. It was definitely a runners run – dead flat and a fast average pace <7mins per km. You can tell the seasonals are back!

20th October – CH4 – Alice

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Alice is always the hare these days! But at least he is liking “my area” in Doi Saket… Except, his focus is on the other side of the canal to where I normally go. And despite teasing us today, he stuck with the area he has been scouting. A big turnout today, with 2 songthaews! With visitors and the returning Graven, we were a big pack to set off.

The first check was a no brainer – I’d seen the paper on the drive in, so I told CW not to bother with the alternative and ran off to confirm the On call. Then to the canal, and I was right again, convinced we were heading to the bridge. I didn’t spot it straight away as I was the wrong side of the road, but locked in and headed to the bridge I often use. A circle check on the exact same tree that I have stapled circle checks before. I was at home, and guessed through the abandoned moobaan. I know exactly where to place the 100m paper, and today there was no paper there. I checked a bit further, but nothing. I headed back to the circle and was even pondering going back over the canal when there was a call… We all stormed off only to find a confused Sex Pistol and Blows Herself… Apparently SP had called over to BH “was that an ONON?”

Poo found it from a goat trail back across the canal, and nicely regrouped we trudged down narrow shiggy trails for a bit. It was actually a neat connection – one that I should have used a few months ago, but last time I set there it was pissing it down, and I simply couldn’t be arsed to explore enough. Alice found a much nicer little trail, and there were plenty more options here – saved for the future! I got stuck in the pack for a bit, making little progress until we turned left, and the shape of the trail was coming clearer. Back to trails that I knew, and Angry Inch was charging along ahead, shortcutting to get there, but ahead… for now….

We ran past a soi, and my attention was alerted, not just because it went in the right direction, but also I thought I could see something white in the distance… Sure enough there was a circle check around the corner. I turned back and ambled up the soi, checking idly, while CW also clued in and joined me. Once we were duly convinced, we took off and found a V. I went left, he went right, and after a while I heard a muffled check back. The last few checks were going home checks and I managed to stay clear of the chasers and got to the hares final treat! A sick, filthy infested water crossing. I pondered for a nanosecond and then took the plunge. I hope I am still alive tomorrow as there was some filth festering at the bottom of that. When I saw the OnIn I couldn’t help but wait to see CW’s reaction as he arrived with Piggy.

Nice run – particularly liked Angry Inch finding the wrong canal and taking the long way home!

13th October – CH4 – Blows Herself & Sex Pistol

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Courtesy Alice:-

The virgin hares put their best foot forward, colour co-ordinated of course, in laying a challenging 6.3km trail around the hills about 5 km down the Samoeng Rd.
There was way too much concrete and asphalt first up according to Kwaz, but he was in spikes so understandable. I was just walking and chatting with Piggie in the main, Chuck Wao nattering away just in front, his recent hammy restricting movement of leg but not tongue. Piggie opined that we were missing so many tempting off trails but correctly surmised they went nowhere fast.
TMB, HRA, Angry Grinch and Obscene got the fcuk outa Dodge real quick. I could only hear them calling for some of the rest of the run.
Eventually there was a W/R split, W on pink, R on yellow. Despite mutterings it was visible all the way through. Rambo went up thru stickers and overgrown Shiggy. And up. It didn’t take long for the asphalt whingers to be asphalt dreamers.
Knockout, sans sick Poo, was just infront and did not like the stickers. Aaaiiieeee, I must take care of my bum, she said to no-one in particular. I mentally volunteered for the task, and reminded her so in the circle.
Once out of the messy stuff we climbed a forested ridge and had some nice views. Hare on trail Blows Herself was with our group and I reckoned I couldn’t go too far wrong. BH, KO and I helped each other through a tricky barbed wire fence, the lower strand caught Piggie.
Suddenly we seemed to be going down the other side of the ridge, it was muddier, steeper and the path narrower. The drop off to the left was sphincter wrenching. Dogshit would have had kittens. And then shat all over them. Don’t look down, advised BH. And shortly afterwards advised that she would prefer snow on the route. Mad as a hatter!
At the bottom of the long descent I caught up with ABB and we went thru a lovely secret overgrown creek bed, gravel floored, wet, roof of bamboo and sharp nastiness. My snood got spiked and I was happy it wasn’t mine eyes.
Out the other end we rejoined the W trail for the in route. A flattish path turned into a stumpy,rough field and then a hop over a creek and a muddy path back to the A. I couldn’t quite catch Toe Sucker who kept speeding up when I came up behind her. Not surprising! I was told by all and sundry in the circle. Thankfully Rooter finally arrived, from the right direction and we could relax, sit, chat and rehydrate.
A tough 6 plus, 3.6 for W Piggie! Circle was fairly relaxed and low tempo. Best bit was Sex Pistol whacking Piggie’s ear while icing him for not listening and being a fucktard at the hare brief. Don’t forget SP, ‘Bash, cash and gash’ are the three downfalls of coppers according to Krapthai, and now you’ve only got two left to achieve.
On on on at Fajitas Tex Mex was mellow and discussion ranged from the King’s demise RIP to Aussie consulate junkets being postponed, much to Chuckie’s consternation.
Good job girls, tough trail, well signed, you are in the club.

29th September – CH4 – Alice

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Rating: 8.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Finally a run in Doi Saket! There are some great trails out here, and I’ve been looking forward to running someone else’s trail for so long. Alice like a master magician threw some misdirection at me last week, which worked – last time I trust him! 😉

Finding the runsite wasn’t straightforward, but we eventually grouped up and got ready for the run – would it start at 4:30? 5? or 5:30? Fortunately the hare seemed to know, and we were sent off at 5. Obscene skipping eagerly ahead at the beginning. I got a couple of checks right, particularly a hidden V check and a clear false trail, so I was way ahead, only to get royally screwed over when the hare decided not to cross the canal and head towards the Chinese Cemetery. Wow! My dream of the perfect hash was blown up, and I was playing catch up.

Today’s checks were clearly the work of a masterful hare, with pretty much all of them working to rotate the lead, and keep the pack together. There are better trails, but in terms of haring, and devious checks, it was spot on. I got back to the front a the smaller canal, when HRA spotted paper from the wrong side and had to come back. Another check at another bridge and then some confusing OnOn calls. I could have been right, but ended up so wrong after Toe Sucker confidently called on following HRA. I was wrong, badly wrong and met up with Angry Inch, who was also very wrong – we heard no On-Call, so Angry announced he would set off in a rough general direction. I was tempted, and chose another direction for a bit, before deciding to go back and be honest – amazing the “Strava effect”.


Back on trail, frustrating!!! I was so close to getting it first time, and now I was a long way back. Sometimes this scenario is game over, but even though we were heading towards home, the checks gave more opportunities to get back into the action. Back past the Chinese Cemetery, and everyone’s compass was pointing towards home. A nicer trail to the right lured several hashers and I caught up Piggy as he checked along the road to the left. A bit of shiggy, with a lazy water buffalo – makes you wonder – we do all this exercise, he wallows in mud, I was almost tempted to join him. Piggy got caught up on a nasty sticker scramble, to a circle. And a group formed again.

I smiled to myself! Everyone was going to the right, which was surely towards home, but surely now my home field advantage would finally pay off?! I went left, around the corner and sure enough there was paper! I was home free surely – not far to go now! The nice trail went off the road to the right, but there was no paper on it… Paper at the corner, but I was filled with a sense of doom as I headed towards it. I didn’t want to follow the road to the left, and when I found the FT there was no surprise. Damnit, damnit, damnit! Good job hare, you gotta love it when half the pack passes you so close to home. Chuckie got ahead, but he also got foiled by a V check almost at the death. In a scandalous break of tradition TMB gave Piggy the male wings and he gave himself the female wings too…. Ohohhh.. Really?!

22nd Sept – CH4 – Blows Herself (& Cumalot)

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Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Virgin hare, teaming with Cumalot, from down the canal road. I had faith in Cumalot, so after a truly shitty day at work, I decided to fuck off to the hash. I could write an entire blog about how pissed off I was when I set off from work, and how my rage intensified each time I was cut up, and the difference between 8km or 11km, but finally I got close and parked fairly near the runsite. I changed, paid, carried beer, got my inhaler, and the pack had already set off.


I was behind the walkers and spent a while trying to get near the front. Finally I got near the front and managed to do a check. When I got there, TMB was checking to the right, and HRA, Alice, Toe Sucker and Angry Inch were stood at the check waiting, chatting, doing their nails. A perfectly possible trail to the left had nobody interested, so I climbed up to the left. Finally a call, and the circle guards charged off, while I spent some time trying to navigate a way around without going back. I lost a lot of ground and was back behind Does Nothing and Knock Out when I rejoined.

The rest of the run for me was just slowly catching people… The route was great – a good challenge, a nice distance, almost all on nice trails… But… the checks could have been a lot more challenging! There was no possibility to get back into the run, no chance for me to catch TMB etc. as after each circle the bright pink paper started again after 50m, and was often visible from the checks. Checks are there to slow the runners down, but nothing slowed TMB down today!

15th Sept – CH4 – Sweet Pea & Chilly Pussy

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Rating: 6.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Alice –
CH4 was shortish but scenic, much like your correspondent, set from Tin Tin restaurant mid way between Baan Suan Himdoi and Grand Canyon. Hares Sweat Pea and ToeJam stand in Chilly Pussy did the bizo in their usual area, which sadly for me invoked 30% and 4 checks from my proposed next run. Chchchchchchanges…as David Bowie once warbled.

We started off on a straight path to the doi and once in the forest they trail was difficult, narrow and steep thru the forest for over ten mins until we came to a wider ridge trail. The pack was already spread out and I was wishing my rectum was wider then it is as I was breathing thru it by then.

At one check, I got there as ToeSucker called on on following the FRBs paper, but FRBs Chucky et al who’d checked to the left and down, never heard so kept checking… He soon left me for dead and I caught up with Omsin, Dodgy Cocky and Toe Sucker as we came out of the forest to the red dirt road and the up and over another little hill. The descent was tricky, Omsin fell and a few heart jarring slips and slides did my groins no end of evil. I caught up with No Show Bro from Guam who was recuperating after illness and felt good about leaving him in my dust trail until I learnt he’d been sick and couldn’t breathe properly!

Once down in the valley it was brain dead straight back,no checks, no Vs, no false trails, but a lovely route all the same. Toe Sucker got ahead and kept going while I walked inbetween spurts.

The circle had already started when the DFLs TipToe and FDick arrived, drenched in lover’s sweat. Nice to meet the young guns from Guam, hear their songs and sense of humour. Your humble scribe was awarded the Male Wings by Cumalot and Sleazy Rider from Guam(steady Chuckles!) the female. Tin Tin was a pleasant spot for circle and on on meal, altogether a pleasant Happy hash with a happy ending. Can’t say fairer than that.

8th September – CH4 – Cumalot

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Rating: 8.5/10 (2 votes cast)

Alice –

Despite, or perhaps because of Square Rooter riding shotgun, the songtao missed a sign at the turn to the A bucket, necessitating a bit of kvetching from Kwazi in the back and nervous looks at watches. We did a u turn, Long La/ Squrooter found the place and soon we were listening to Cumalot’s hare brief and staring at her super neat signage.
The run was flat, tricky in places but creative and well shaded. That’s polite for mostly running thru orchards with head clearance of 3 feet much of the way. I’m not the only hasher who dashed a portion of few remaining braincells on low branches. There were also lots of irrigation ditches, narrow, water filled, to cross. Mostly by jumping but some by dodgy looking planks and bamboo poles. The pack experienced a 100% success rate here, despite limited talent.
TMB, HRA, Pigee, Cuckold, Chucky and Poo mostly shared FRB duties but the devious checks meant a whole range of hashers enjoyed their moment in the sun. There was even a false trail sign and bar so neat and colourful in pink and yellow that all the FRB ran past. I was just enjoying gentle jogging, chatting with Dodgy Cock and being up there at the checks. I chose wrong every time, didn’t have a Scooby.
Sex Pistol, Blows Herself, ABB and Knockout took turns up front I think and the calling ahead suggested a well bunched main pack.
I was jogging for stretches, walking over rougher areas and feeling like I was pushing myself after 6 mo inaction.
The rain started to threaten as we jogged through a more open area and turned for home. Suddenly Poo ahead gave a spurt and a feeble On In. Neat flour letters and a rather longer On In than I was hoping for…
Kwazi, Sleeps on It, Snail Trail came in after the downpour started and Sticky brought up the rear. Might have missed TipToe out, not sure how/when he returned and a few others.
The circle moved under some broken down asbestos death trap and Cumalot’s expertise was not confined to haring. Knockout too provided some good splashes. Many contributed to a friendly, well humoured conclusion to events, Toesucker on the step of the red songtao and Chuck in his behind the pole spot in the second row.
TMB tasked Sex P to give the male wings and Cuckold gave the female, Poo and Happy Ending the lucky couple of laureates. SheepShagger thought he was clever gabbing away in Cymraeg but got the surprise of his little life when this Saisneg hasher translated every word perfectly!
Iechydd da CH4!