Category Archives: CH4 – Write Ups

Jungle Chim delegated to Junglicious to set today’s happy hash run and a fair sized group headed to the car park part way up Doi Suthep hill. I was tempted to continue my afternoon nap and give it a miss, but dragged myself out somewhat reluctantly as I knew what was in store – it’s pretty hard to do much from there apart from make us climb up, up and more up.

A couple of quick circle checks and I got lucky with the 2nd and we crawled our way up the shiggy next to the fence of the zoo. Somehow Graven and Chuck Wao had been led astray by the ladies and were following some of Mr. Poo’s terrible run from a few weeks back – they eventually got back with us. It was tough and it seemed to be uphill all the way, scrambling through makeshift trails until we hit the road – finally a little downhill before back into the hill the other side of the road.

Jungle Chim, the co-hare, must have had some influence as he took us into Gay Valley, over the Pedophile Stream and again we were climbing. How could so much of this run be uphill??? There were no ladies ahead to follow up the hill, but now at least we were on trail. The FRBs ran away from my tired legs and finally there was about 100m of downhill until we hit the road again. Finally the On-In, but it was pointing strangely back UP the road – how could the cars still be above us??? Sure enough after 700m of tarmac the cars materialised and a nice cold beer. Junglicious ran the circle, which was erm…. ‘interesting’.

That’s enough running for me this weekend, but probably some good preparation for next weekend’s 50km battle. I’m guessing the legs are going to rebel tomorrow, so hopefully they can recover for Belly Dancer’s run on Tuesday – is he going to try to kill us again?

We have high expectations of an Itchy Bitchy / Suckit combination and so I set off way down the canal road hoping for good things! There was a good crowd, supplemented by the addition of visitors from Denmark. We set off before Bend Over and Belly Dancer could get there – strange that BD was back at the circle before me… hmmm…

Anyway, Suckit set us off with the news he would be taking the dogs for a walk to follow us. OK, we’re off and shortly after we were divided. A circle check had a large group checking the wrong way and then following a visitor into a dead end when trying to parallel run our way back to the pack – barb wire, stickers, water, who cares, we’re back. But where the hell are we?

We hit a couple of checks and I had no idea where to go. No idea where I was, or where I was going, finally we saw Suckit calling us on out of a ravine. Like lemmings (again) we followed him up a hill, only to realise we’d already climbed that hill – afterall Suckit was sweeping so why would he be ahead? We found trail eventually, but where were we going?

Up another hill? Of course. It really seemed like Itchy had just strapped a powder dispenser to one of their dogs and let them go. At one point I was checking from a circle and heard “On-On” calls from all directions – who knows where to go? Mr Poo didn’t as he ran straight past the A, and had to be called back to the beer.

Suckit ran the circle in true Suckit style – no one has any idea whether it’s true or not, but it seems Itchy is trying to poison him. OnOn!

So, after 2 1/2 years of hashing in Chiang Mai, Hollow Legs has finally hared a run! Even if he did put the poor hash cash on the ice for his expenses… Anyway, a reasonable group of runners showed up at the A south on the canal road, and were ready for the hare brief. It seemed that today we would have cross checks (crossed sticks), which were actually circle checks as we know them. We’d also have skiddy sticks, oh and it would be 8km…

Brown Finger set off hard as usual and cruised through the first couple of checks, which concerned Chuck Wao who got into gear from the start. For most of the run we were then trying to keep up as the two of them battled it out. Fortunately for the first half of the run there were plenty of good checks that meant we rotated quickly with everyone taking their turn to get checks right – Semen Soars was on form, Suck It had home field advantage, returning Graven Image took it easy until his GPS keyed into the route and almost virgin Stan left his wife for dead and took it on with the FRBs.

Suck It also left Itchy behind, along with two overweight dogs that ran well for half the run and then collapsed in thirsty exhaustion! One of them had to lie down to take a drink at the end he was so dead. I was going ok for a while, but then lost my way due to the excessive early pace. So I casually sauntered on my own through the great trails. After Belly Dancer’s run last week, we’ve now had 2 great CH4 runs in a row – hopefully this is a trend that can continue?!

Suck It was back to run the circle before off to Humperdick’s Gf’s for the On-On-On… A good, but tough, challenge – at least there were no hills!

The 9/10/11 run… An auspicious date, and Belly Dancer had been preparing for this for months… This in itself should be enough to scare hashers away afterall BD has tried to kill us enough times already! However, hashers are a masochistic type and a larger than usual group showed up for this Happy Hash. How did Belly attract the runners? Bribes (where’s mine?)? Lies? Bribery? or just luck? Who knows. We set off with instructions that we may go round in circles if we didn’t follow the instructions – my plan was to go around in a circle anyway, so I hoped following the instructions would work out as well…

We set off down the road, and then diverted for a quick, random sortie into the sois on the right – cunningly suggesting we might be arcing to the right – we weren’t, and before long we were back on the road. Too much road, but we finally hit a circle check that deceived everyone as surely we couldn’t be going down the obvious trail to the left? Would a simple little gate thwart a hash run? We were back together as a team, cursing the hares and heading to our first little water crossing. Chuck Wao bailed out and detoured south to build a bridge.

Shortly after I clued in on what Belly Dancer had in store – the same paddle that Alice used a couple of months back – genius! I nailed a couple of checks and was back with Nam Rawn at the front and plunged straight into the lake. Naam Rawn and I got across the ‘paddle’ and hid just over the rise. You should have seen their faces when we went back to call “Check Back” with a crowd of hashers waist deep in the water! Great practical joke!

The next circle check got its own back on us – a great check and pretty much everyone who wasn’t short cutting (or Frozen Dick) was back together. Who found it? I don’t know, I was out of it – knackered and screwed, I lost the heart knowing how much further we had to go. Fortunately I jogged along with Bruce and then another couple of virgins. Taking it a bit slower, I enjoyed the great terrain and views. As hash runs go, it was probably one of the best runs I’ve ever been part of. I am still trying to find out who Belly Dancer and Anything paid to set if for them!!!

The circle started with a little song for Anything. Then there were a bunch of great splashes with Anything in particular being on fire! I have no idea what she was talking about, but it was freaking histerical! A diverse group of people taking the circle and things were going well, but perhaps BD had a couple too many celebratory beers and who knows what was going on. Finally things ended, only they didn’t end and we moved on to Greasy & Olive Oil’s place and it took some time before we could move on from there… Overall a great hash day – many thanks!

This had to be the best run of the year… <Cough>. I got up early, with a fuzzy head and drove out to the shelter I’d chosen in Doi Saket. 3 1/2 hours later I’d negotiated the trails, macheted my way through the jungle, dodged the spiders and I was back home for a shower, a quick nap and then back in time for the hare brief.

I warned them about my brush with the dogs, and set them off promptly at 5 and settled back to wait. After 45 minutes, I was starting to wonder where they were, and Cumming Slow was also starting to fret.  My last run had taken 1hr 20 minutes, but it was getting darker earlier now…

Finally the phone rang, and it was Belly saying he, Frozen Dick and Big Top were at a lake (around half way) and could they bail out somewhere? I sent them to the road and went to pick them up later – although Big Top sprinted off from the others and decided to complete the route.  I don’t blame her!

Just under an hour, HRA came running up the hill arms waving in the air like an olympic champion.  He’d WON! He started a play-by-play of the route and said what a great run it was, where he’d got a check right and got away from everyone, and how he recognised the ending from last time we’d scouted, but I shouldn’t tell anyone (oops!) While all this was happening, nobody else was getting back, and it was a good 8-9 minutes before Brown Finger, Poo & Chuck Wao jogged in leading the rest of the pack.

For Chuck Wao it was a hash in 2 halves – the first half he liked (while he was in front), but the 2nd half he didn’t (while he wasn’t in front). I sloped off to get Belly Dancer & Frozen Dick and spent some time until it got dark retracing the trail in search of Big Top – who was merrily back at the shelter tucking into a beer.

Chuckie set the run from the Fire Prevention Centre, and promised it would be different from the last run he set there – and different it was…

With a clashing Bunny Hash and the Male Pattaya Outstation, the field was again small, but we doubled last weeks runners. We set off and within moments Itchy Bitchy was trying to short cut across a river. I hit the first couple of checks and was going well until guessing wrong on an ‘international standards’ V check. Cutting across I came to Humper Dick and the ladies (Itchy and Sleeps with anything except me).

We hit the small reservoir and when there was a circle at the end, I was convinced it was the same run backwards as Chuck Wao set before. That makes things easier (I thought). A few moments later Sloppy Rod and his son Kevin jumped out from behind a tree – they’d short cut from somewhere and were lying in wait.  Conserving energy, it was sure to be up the hill any minute???  And then a sneaky circle check had me running around in circles on my own for a while as everyone else took the inconspicuous trail to the left. I was only rescued from the silent runners by Chuck Wao who was sweeping and calling me back.

As I came up through the runners, I sprung a leak in my shoe and as my sole ripped off, I was soon running barefoot on trails which weren’t meant to be run barefoot. Across a slippy waterfall in socks wasn’t much fun. And then over sharp rocks and later broken glass. I was forced to walk, and try to keep around 100m ahead of Humperdick to guide him through the checks (the rest of which I picked right).

Humperdick finally caught me as we got back towards the A, overtaking me as I hopped and limped along the gravel road. It was a great, well marked trail that I would have loved to have been able to run, but it turned into a small, cozy, friendly hash!

On-On!

Today’s turnout was heavily depleted with the inaugural Lanna Bush Hash attracting many men to Chiang Rai. Not sure what the ladies were up to! The distance out of town may have put some off, so the turnout was myself, Chuck Wao & Mr Poo. As Mr. Poo had set the male run from the same spot last week (scouted with Knock Out) we assumed he’d know the way.

The first V check had Poo and I chuckling as Chuckie set off in the wrong direction even though the check back was clearly visible. The second check Poo & Chuckie had second thoughts about bothering to check any other way and just followed me up the hill (passed the elephant). And then Chuck Wao started his economics lesson, which spurred me on to get away from him, while Mr Poo just nodded away.

We got caught out on a few checks, but it was a sociable affair with us all sticking together, until the closing stages, where I couldn’t help myself and had to be a racing bastard. On-In down the steep hill and for the first time ever FRB and DFL were split by less than 2 metres.

The hares had set up a picnic, munching away when we got back. Why wait? the circle started and a few splashes later we gave out the wings and shifted to sociable drinking.  A pleasant evening, and early home!

Kwazi Moto took us 25km out of town along the new San Kampaeng road.  We were curious to know what he had in store, and it was an impressive start with a palace as a shelter! Unfortunately things were already going wrong with the hash cash forgetting the beer, but Lung Laa thankfully remembered and stopped at Big C. Given how far out the run was, the bus just showed up in time at 5. That delayed the hare brief enough for Skid Mark to also straggle in.

We were off and within a hundred metres we had the first water crossing, which left Skidmark laughing, Chuck Wao looking for a detour and the girls jumping on backs. Then we were into our first rice field and with rice in full bloom we were scurrying along little walls trying not to cause too much damage until we crossed back across the water and found Chuck Wao waiting.

The trail then took us through a small village – through people’s gardens and kitchens and along the road some way – did we come all this way for this?  More water to cross as we got out to the edge of the hills and we were finally moving along some nicer trails until we hit the rice field.  I happened to be running along with Chuck Wao who treated me to a tirade “morally wrong”, “set back farang Thai relations a decade”…  It was a long way across the rice paddy and not at all pleasant.

Finally back at the road and a circle check that was at least 150yards to the paper and then to the On-In. Runners gradually appeared unanimously slating the run as a disaster…

Foxy teamed up with Itchy Bitchy for today’s run – again from the Ag Centre.  On the drive in I spotted a suspicious square of paper, and sure enough I had some advantage on the early checks.  Straight away a virgin / visitor “Whore Virus” was confused by a cross check – Square Rooter gave him some grief and On-On it was.

HRA and I pulled a sneaky re-route which peeved Chuckie, but we headed towards the hills and on familiar trails the checks were fairly predictable. Chuck Wao, myself and HRA took turns at the front with numerous ‘heinous’ or ‘anus’ tricks being pulled stretching a gap between us and the field.  Fun, fun, fun!

Everyone important got back, and were enjoying cold beers, when someone pointed out the circle hadn’t started…  There was much confusion until we realised that Mr. Poo wasn’t back, whereupon we continued drinking comfortably. When he did show up, he ran the circle and Kwazi was a star with some entertaining ad libing. Chuckie and Gasman kept talking throughout. A good run, good circle and good on-on!

So what had Alice learnt since last week? Well, importantly his co-hare was more attractive than Screwed Up, so no doubt they had much more fun out on the trail! He’d also found a run site with a shelter – not needed as we had great sunshine! It’s a great runsite I’d only been to once before offering a beautiful view across the Chiang Mai valley, even if the road is somewhat scary.

We set off into the mountains up a gentle hill through the jungle on a good jogging trail. A couple of checks in and everything was going smoothly as we sped past the view over the hill and down into the gully beyond. And then we hit THE circle check. At least 15 minutes of searching before we found trail around 140m away from the check – Dog Shit dutifully got the blame for the screw up – after all he’d set the run in reverse with Alice previously so knew which way we should go!

From there everyone was together, and then everyone was ahead of me after some foolishly reckless checking – so I trundled along with Hollow Legs. We jogged on through to the A, where I was shocked to find nobody but the hares! I hit the beer chest and waited while other walkers like Screwed Up, Belly Dancer and Knock Out cruised in – all praising what a great trail it was.  Alice was starting to wonder what the hell had happened to Chuck Wao, HRA, Mr. Poo etc. Who cares?! It was beer time!

Around 30 minutes later they found their way back having got completely lost somewhere along the way (from what I heard HRA and Chuck Wao were running confidently until Mr Poo came running back towards them at which point they conspired to try and confuse as many other hashers as possible) – And that left Skid Mark who waited until it was dark before jumping out from behind his car! We weren’t overly concerned as he had 2 GPSs – Yes Belly Dancer that’s 2! How many again? Was it 2? Thank-you BD, I guess he has 2 GPSs then. I knew those devices didn’t help at all.

Ignore the complaints, it was a really good run, one of the best we’ve had for a long time – if we screw it up, it’s because we are idiots (and that is surely a pre-requisite for hashing anyway!)

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