Category Archives: CH4 – Write Ups

To Maejo! To the Tiger’s Head! And then a U turn and back to find the hidden sign along a trail that doesn’t see much in the way of motorised traffic to a runsite by a lake that I certainly hadn’t run at previously. As we drove in I spied a large white area across the lake, so Chuckie and I took a casual walk around to see that it did say “ON IN”. The truck arrived and it was time for one of the least enthusiastic hare briefs in history! “We got some checks – that way!”. But wait there’s a virgin – “well you tell her what to do then!”… On and by the way, I got lost and probably didn’t set half the trail…

So it could be a short one – that suited me today. The trail set off upwards and it seemed we were climbing for a while – but there were so many great trails! The checks were coming thick and fast and while I got the first right, I was quickly off pace. At one check I decided to parallel run, only to find that I was running perpendicular and had to cut across to hit the trail behind Hollow Legs and Kwazi. The trail continued upwards – more than once I thought we’d reached the top.

Finally we cut to the right along the ridge and Kwazi was delighted to catch and overtake me! We got to a check that hadn’t been kicked out – no sounds from ahead, so I followed Kwazi down to the right as he called “On On Left!”. Sure enough we intercepted trail and Humperdick who was coming back from where a circle had been kicked out wrong… From there the trail was great to run on, down to where we knew the On-In was. All in all, it was a great trail in a great area! Good Work HRA.

After the run HRA turned over duties to His Religious Advisor (HRA) and Poo led the circle. It started slowly, but genius inspiration brought us Sloppy Rod, and Chuckie couldn’t resist getting back on the wagon, before returning to retirement more than once. Frozen Dick’s splashes were arguably the best he’s ever delivered, largely due to audience participation! All in all it was a great evening!

When Graven Image teams up with Brown Finger it means one thing – they’ve spent the week getting wasted in some of the seediest bars Chiang Mai has to offer. That is their scouting, and the trail will take care of itself! I got a ride out with Belly with the intention of doing as little as possible to get back to the beers saving myself for tomorrow… With the briefest of hare briefs we were set off towards the tigers head. Belly charged off and did a weak little FRB loop through the jaws, and only Chuckie followed. We skirted around the cars and within minutes were back next to the A.

We followed Skiddy up towards the reservoir and this time it was Skiddy that did a little FRB loop, again followed by the dutiful Chuckie. Having avoided extra efforts twice I led the way across the dam wall to a circle where yet again the hares brought us back towards the A. It was Kwazi that found the trail, and I intercepted them a bit further. So far I had kind of followed the trail (ish) and at this point you might want to scroll down and laugh at the map of my trail…

I spent much of the rest of the run trying to find a way to get across to where I could hear voices calling. In the meantime I found the in trail, and had figured out the last few checks – that might come in useful later if I ever get back to the pack! I found a cross check – and despite knowing the true trail, I managed to identify both the false trails. Finally I saw signs of life as Itchy and Knockout came running towards me off a check. I let Chuckie go the wrong way a bit further, before I helped the beautiful ladies out and led them back to the newly marked ON-IN.

And here’s what I should have done…:-

Itchy Bitchy teamed up with Anything for the 400th run of the CH4 – yes for those who care about numbers it is absolutely, positively, likely to be the 400th run. And as such we recruited numerous visiting hashers including Superman. It was set to be a great evening, but after Bone Hur’s 8k yesterday, which was justifiably followed by a long, long night of drinking, so I really wasn’t feeling up for the hash… I collected my senses and drove to the A bucket to see what torments Itchy and Anything had in mind for us.

It was time to use every trick in the book – and I consulted with Belly Dancer who just happened to have a GPS which just happened to have been carried by the hare when setting the run, and the GPS just happened to have a map feature so I could take a look at the planned route. It seemed like a bit more effort than I had in mind, but it gave me some ideas. We set off and would you believe it, I got the first check right! 😉

Shortly, we started climbing a hill – nasty! I don’t like hills at the best of times and today it was particularly unpleasant! At the top there was a circle and everyone ahead of me started checking to the right. Hmmmm I figured I would check left, and what a surprise! There was the paper! Muahahaha! Graven caught me as we descended, but got off trail as I hit the circle first with Dead Virgin in hot pursuit. I checked for a good 1km from that circle before I came across some paper, but the mother of all short cuts was still out cut by a bunch of the field, including Sups, Chilly Pussy, Wooly Jumper, Toe Jam, Barbindoll…

Nonetheless I found the On-In, broke into a jog (to get a bit sweaty), and timed my arrival at 42:30 – a good time for a well run hash! Sadly the next FRB was 20 minutes behind me, so before too long nobody believed my story! The pack dribbled in and there were no negative comments about the trail – the parts I did were good – and the parts that I did off trail were also good! Time for a circle and with the RA Poo missing there was some confusion about protocol – who was running the thing?

Anything stepped in for most of it and she delivered one of the more entertaining circles we’ve had for a long time. So, yes it was a long circle, but it included some fantastic food (again courtesy of Anything), and it kept going with some entertaining splashes. Perhaps not every one enjoyed it as much as me, afterall I spent most of the night sat on ice with an array of beautiful ladies sitting on my knees.

Here’s the little bit of exercise that I did – if Graven sends me the true trail, I’ll add what we should have done for comparison!

And the true trail from Graven…

Belly Dancer was out of town, so surely he couldn’t influence Anything on her run? She’d teamed up with Cumalot, and promised us no more than 5km in the hare brief, but we know hares lie – check out the attached scouting report stolen from her GPS. Particularly pay attention to the 24km per hour speeds that she got up to – did you think Anything was that quick?

Anyway, I drove over to the run site (alone), and mentally prepared myself for what was in store – it was the same runsite of an ill-fated run where nobody got more than about 500m in as the trail got washed away… Who was the hare for that? Oh yeah – Belly Dancer! I anticipated a route up the temple steps but we were pointed back out the entrance. I set off at my usual pace hoping to get to the first check first. Sooner or later as I was ‘looking’ for paper Brown Finger breezed past me showing off to a young lad Caligula. After 1.5km we still hadn’t hit a check. I thought about Graven Image, who has a policy of never running before the first check – hah! Brown Finger had set a blistering 5min/km pace at the start, so GI must be a long way back!

The first check was a “V” check with the false trail heading straight into a hedge! wtf? Nobody was tempted as we continued on the main trail. Finally we cut off the trail – no check, no obvious paper, just some hunting around when the trail ran out. We headed to the hills, grumbling and moaning and the pace abruptly slowed as we scrambled along leaf covered trails trying not to trip on the rocks. I hit a couple of checks well and found myself with Chuckie at the front checking at a circle. We found the out trail within 100m instantly, but started checking up into the hills… CW gave up quickly and headed back to run in – I was more determined and killed some time scrambling around on the mountain in the hope of finding some paper. Brown Finger was even more determined, and claims he found some paper, but the most determined was Humperdick who found trail on his own and to his credit was the only hasher who came in from the right direction.

Time for a circle with Anything as GM. Interesting! I enjoyed it – for the most part she spoke slowly enough so we could understand her! Then it was on on to town and that lead to a Belly Dancer sized hangover this morning!

What we should have done:-

It’s not like I run a website that’s designed to let people know when and where the runs are… Yet somehow I managed to set off from home after the run had already started… With Matty fresh out of hospital I was released from parental obligations and for some reason thought I could still get to the run – Even as I arrived and threw my keys in the general direction of Lung La, I figured I was 6 minutes late and it wouldn’t take long to catch back up with everyone… It seems I made a massive misjudgment – fortunately I got the right day, but I was 36 minutes late setting off and I suspect I just missed the first running getting back in…

Still having not done any exercise for over a week, it was good to get the legs moving, and I was about 1.5km in before I realised my efforts were futile, beyond getting some exercise before the beers. And so I did! It was an interesting experience following the checks that had been “kicked out” and getting a feel for how confusing it must be for the DFLs trying to figure out what to do. I came across pristine circles, and at least one had a beautiful pile of small paper, lovingly cut into squares by our committed hares, and placed under a small stone for protection. Our hares had dreamed of a time when those pieces of paper would be released and allowed to spread their message through the nearby countryside to guide lost hashers. Sadly Mr Poo couldn’t be bothered, so even half an hour off the front of the pack I found myself searching for trail – which is a whole lot harder when alone!

Heading towards the hills, the earth was scorched – I sniffed and realised that Brown Finger had been through here, running so fast he’d literally set the trail on fire – not figuratively. The trail paper was burning as I leapt (lept / leaped) over smoldering ashes until I hit the remains of a circle on fire. The flames appeared to be pointing in a direction away from where I knew the beer would be sat waiting (and by now cold), so I bailed out and cut back towards the A bucket. More fires to navigate before I was safely back on the out trail, and back at the bucket.

We sat, we drank, we sat, we drank, and then someone pointed out that perhaps Humperdick should start the circle. Reluctantly we got going, with RA Mr. Poo drafted in to co-ordinate things and to my mind it was a good circle.

And here’s what Graven did…

Let me see – reasons NOT to go to the run – the fact my legs were screaming in agony after this morning’s run, the fact Kwazi Moto was the hare, the fact the run was freaking miles away, the fact that it was in a similar area that Kwazi had monumentally fucked up haring, oh and did I mention the minimarathon this morning that meant I spent much of the day lying on the sofa having kids scramble all over me…. Reasons to go to the run – Sleeps on It called and suggested we shared a ride. A few nanoseconds later I was changed and ready to set off.

We set off on the new Sankampaeng road until we saw a sign – it seems it was an original concept to look for signs and simply follow them to the run site (Humperdick). As it happened some way into the middle of nowhere we stumbled upon Chilly Pussy and Sweet Pea as they came back the other direction saying they’d ran out of signs. I called the hare and within moments the problem was resolved and we were safely at the runsite – admittedly the route out was a lot less arduous than the way in, but there must have been a reason even if Kwazi wasn’t letting on.

The hare brief was an elaborate explanation of what circle checks were, and we were set off with a noticeable reluctance amongst the usual FRBs. Frozen Dick took his chance and stormed to the front, only to be denied by Snail Trail and Anything. This was just the start of Anything’s surge to greatness – it seems she is back putting effort in and leading the way at the front again – it seems money is her motivator ever since a little bet with Frozen Dick!

We went up, we went down, we went through some fields, just following where Anything led us with her unique ability to spot the tiny pieces of paper that were hidden among the weeds. She came to an abrupt stop at the river crossing, but was still one of the willing few to get our feet wet with Kwazi’s deviousness. Finally my legs gave in, and I started short cutting the shortest route back to the beer. It might have been easier to follow the trail, but it was heading ominously towards the hills.

The circle was a protracted affair with everyone taking their turn to punish the hare for his evil actions. There was little uptake on the On-On-On so it was time to head home. I’m sure there was something more to this story… Anyway, I’m now watching a film adaptation of “Crime and Punishment” by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. In my opinion, that book was excellent and by a whisker then 2nd best piece of Russian literature I’ve ever read, but then it would be tough to beat “War and Peace” by Leo Tolstoy which I’d highly recommend to anyone who has time to kill while travelling around Europe on a train. Anyway, that is a slight digression as I feel the need to point out that this cinematisation is a crime in itself which should be punished as without reading the book it makes no sense at all. Indeed I would go as far as suggesting that Horny Monkey should be their executioner forcing them to kneel and sit in the ice soaked mud as punishment for simply following the trail – welcome to the Happy Hash! 😀

Wot I did:-

(Courtesy Brown Finger)

I woke up this morning feeling a strange sense of release: muscles like jelly, waves of nerve-end
tingles still surging up and down my body. Only a dream, perhaps, but one so powerful and so
ecstatic in its subconscious reality that I was still experiencing the exhilarating afterburn of my
physical connection to it, lying there on the bed, wide-eyed and nakedly awake. Yes, a dream, but
I was hoping that just maybe it was also a divine premonition and that my dream would become
reality at this afternoon’s hash. After all, Sleeps with Anything was the hare . . .

The songthaew arrived at the football field in good time, and as we waited I became increasingly
astonished as a rare assortment of Chiang Mai hashers assembled in their droves. And forming
gracefully apart from the gregarious male assembly, just as I had foreseen in my dream, was an oasis
of calm, quiet, and demurely beautiful hash girls shimmering in their skimpy, brightly coloured attire,
ready for the run, or just simply to laze about in the balmy afternoon sun to chat, or to gambol gaily
through the trees as they gathered in the abundant foods of the forest.

And so the ever-more-gorgeous hare called us to the brief and explained that the run would not be
a long one because of the exertions of the Saturday outstation. Quite what such exertions had been
I could only imagine . . . And then she said that she was a lazy hare and had set only circle checks,
but by then she could have said anything and it would have sounded to me like the most profoundly
exquisite poem that had ever been articulated throughout the entire history of womankind. Oh my
god . . .

Well, I can’t remember much about the run because I was daydreaming about my dream and its
striking similarities to the hash so far. Would it play out all the way to its gushing climax?

I do, however, recall Chuck Wao. Now he was definitely not in my dream and I hope he never will
be, for then it would no longer be a dream but a nightmare – one of Freddy Krueger proportions,
no doubt. As we headed in the direction of the lakes and hit the first check on the trail, I invited
the ever-fitter (not a euphemism) CW to chose his direction, and I was extremely satisfied (no, no!)
when he said “I’ll go this way – we always go this way!” which turned out to be completely the wrong
way, and when we next came upon each other (no! no! no!) he had received his just desserts for
being an arrogant asshole in the form of a sprained ankle, or so he claimed . . .

Now the other thing I recall about this run is the distance between the circle checks and the
continuing trail. It was getting longer and longer (no comment!), until we came upon one at the end
of the run that must have been close to 200 metres. This is not a criticism of the hare – she is way
beyond the realms of such an ugly word. No, it all worked out perfectly. Chuck Wao went the right
way, but didn’t go far enough. It took the dour determination of Dog Shit and his expert knowledge
of the local terrain to show us the way. But wait, there was to be another “twist” in the Elm Street
saga. From nowhere, and with his “sprained ankle” miraculously healed -no doubt through a soul-
selling pact with the devil – Chuck Wao sprinted into the lead only to be thwarted by the hare’s trail
that suddenly darted to the right, up a low embankment, and into the football arena where the hare
and the other non-running girls were waiting with open arms, and very little else, to greet us home –
well at least that is how my dream would have had it.

So, did my dream become a reality in the end? Well let me tell you, it came pretty damned close, but
the one major difference was that it was all happening to someone else and not to me! Yes, it was
supposed to be me sitting on the ice with all the girls standing around in a very tight circle hurling

abuse in my direction. But it wasn’t me; it was that lucky bastard Human Excrement. Needless to
say, I wasn’t about to hang around to find out whether what followed on from that point in my
dream became a reality for HE. I fled the scene before I broke down in tears of frustration, leaving
HE to his fate. So next time you see him, ask him what happened to his sorry ass in the infamous
circle of wild dreams and sordid expectations!

For me, apart from my obvious disappointment, the Sunday hash continues to provide memorable
hashing experiences. The hare done an amazing job of setting a trail – which turned out to be in
the region of 6k – that had the FRBs running in their own circles for about 55 minutes, which was
great fun and engaged the brain as well as the muscles. Watching Chuck Wao in a state of frustrated
bewilderment was a wonderful sight to behold. And it was encouraging to see such a large number
of hashers. Maybe it was because of who the hare was. After all, who could possibly resist the many
and varied delights of another Sleeps with Anything hash?

I say, long live the Sunday Hash and may it long survive the political differences of the Chiang Mai
hashing community.

I dragged my way out to the run feeling decidedly the worse for wear… I blame Horny Monkey for those Sambookas, evil, evil man! 😉 I nearly turned back a couple of times, as I wasn’t sure I’d be able to run and the thought of beer was unbearable! Fortunately it was Skiddy, so it would probably be quite flat and imaginative in terms of checks. As I passed the Songthaew on the way out, I realised I’d forgotten my GPS – I think I’d left it somewhere near my brain in a cupboard at home. This was not looking good.

Fortunately it seemed that everyone else was also working a bit slow as it took us 10 minutes to find the trail after the first check – a check that was placed right next to a very “Skid Mark” bridge that nobody wanted to cross. Sleeps on It was eventually the bravest and took off down the trail. A short while later we looped around and bumped into Belly Dancer as he made use of his inside knowledge and promptly led us astray.

Along a canal and suddenly there were check backs everywhere. Again we were running around like headless chickens until this time Snail Trail led us to the true trail – a day of being saved by the ladies? My body started responding and I hit the front only to immediately find some Skiddy sticks – although actually I just ran straight past them. Brown Finger tried to distract me by suggesting I vomited. Damn he’s the meanest…

We came across Belly Dancer and Frozen Dick again looking smug with their short cut, and I missed out on another Skiddy check. BD was thwarted by a “ladder” / “stairs”… Chuck Wao was thwarted when his little toe got a little wet… Human Excrement was thwarted by the thorny stickers… Nonetheless we all made it back within about 5 mins of each other and were ready for an excellent circle. CW spent the time doing his laundry until Snail Trail took his almost dry sock and dumped it in the mud – a brave woman! On-On-On at Elvis the Twin, and now time to sleep of whats left of my hangover! OnOn

Run Map courtesy of Graven Image:-

Dog Shit always does a good job of haring, so I happily drove down the canal road to the football field for the hash. While we’d been told the football field, following signs to a field near the football field seemed too much for the likes of Chuck Wao. Thankfully he’d cut off a couple of hundred metres from a normal run, by parking us a short way down the regular trail. After fears about the potential lack of beer we set off in the belief that Itchy would solve all our problems – which she did!

Along a familiar trail we set off and shortly after my Asthma kicked in – damn inhaler was empty, so I pulled up to get my lungs under control. Fortunately there were skiddy sticks the pulled the pack back to where I led them up a gorge and along a ridge. We cut through an orchard to the Wimp Rambo split – as Powered by Rice cut off on the Wimp trail, I was tempted to follow him, but trudged on hoping I could breathe properly again sooner or later.

Again the Skiddy Sticks thwarted most of the pack as Mr. Poo, Crazy Crack and I followed the true trail waiting for them to come back. Chuck Wao joined us while Brown Finger and Skiddy plotted about the best place to put the arrow and still be able to short cut across. Graven Image screwed up somewhere here and only he knows the true story of what he was doing. Mr. Poo hit the front and powered off with the adrenaline of leading the pack. I got to the next trail split with Chuckie, and wasn’t going to follow Poo to pick up sticks, instead we set off down the trail to the left. It’s a great running trail, I had Chuck Wao and Brown Finger on my heels and my body was starting to feel better – lets open up.

Sadly, the lack of drugs kicked in again, and asthma took control. As I struggled for air, one by one the pack passed me by. Skid Mark slowed and joined my pace to walk the last few kilometers of road with me – cheers Skiddy! I got back thinking I would be ages behind everyone else, but somehow Cumalot and Kwazi Moto found a way to go slower! Kwazi eventually showed up an hour behind everyone else having successfully screwed up what was a well marked trail. Dog Shit ran a good circle and then took us to a great On-On.