Category Archives: CH4 – Write Ups

A mini ballbreaker, when I am in no shape to do a normal run… But, Sloppy suggested going along and I randomly agreed after a few beers last night. When I woke up this morning, I regretted it, but felt compelled to drive to the end of the world in Mae Wang. Note to self – don’t reply to emails after drinking!

Anyway, it was nice to see some old faces, and I ought to get some exercise in. We set off and there was immediate confusion for the next half hour or so. Suited me, I was able to keep up! First check was back to the road, so Frozen was leading the way. After we turned off the road the trail stopped and we spread out. A random guy on a motorbike came to find out what these strange people were doing on his land. I asked if he had seen pink paper, and he pointed out where it was (or rather where he had taken it down from).

The pack caught me up as we came out onto another road where a check had people squeezing through holes in ?temple? fence, only to not have any idea which way the trail was going. Confusion reigned for a while longer until the FRBs got their act together and started to extend a lead. I carried on walking, but gradually slower and slower as various people passed me expressing surprise at how far back I was. My feet didn’t feel comfortable over a few bits of the terrain, and when I lost touch with those in front it was tricky following the pink paper.

I finally got to the beer stop, grabbed a beer and with not far to go headed for the wimp trail. Robin Banks joined me and when we got to the W/R split he said he was 50/50 – I said I was 100% wimp, so he decided to follow me. When he realised how short the wimp was he turned back and found the rambos again, while I took a seat in the shade for a bit. Should I bother trying to get fit enough for this shit, or just take an early retirement?

It’s been a while for various reasons, but the stars aligned and I decided to take Terrorbyte to the hash. Maejo is a hash playground that should be the default choice for hares, although this week had some history with Kwazi getting lost on Monday. I did go looking for him first thing Tuesday morning, so perhaps that triggered me to rejoining the hash?

I guess this post will form 2 parts – a review of the run, and a reflection of why I was there! Reviewing the run is easier, so lets start there… It was Maejo, a runsite I know very well, so we traversed over to the main trail and headed up to the 5star junction – ergo I got the first few checks right. Now then… there is a junction with 5 different trails – Who the F**K puts a V check there???? I saw there was a check and assumed it was a circle check, so WTF I ended up checking a direction that was impossible. That V check earnt more than it deserved, but I was actually thankful to be following the leaders as I am not in shape.

A few checks later we got to a W/R check, which was easy to not spot – I chose not to spot it and take the wimp trail – I know my form at the moment. Sadly I had to then do the checks alone until ABB caught me up. I was coming back from a check when he appeared and for some reason I listened to him – shit I know this area better than most, the way I checked was foolish, but the way he suggested was just impossible! Tired, weary, we got back to the circle as Scooby jogged by. At least now we were in the last phases as a few of the Rambos passed me and as each passed it was a jab in the heart that I need to get my life together.

Overall it was a great set – really good use of the trails – so good job Tequila Slammer (or perhaps Pussy Whisperer?) – my only question is why the F**K did you put a V check at an obvious circle chance?

So, the second part – why was I there? I haven’t hashed for years. Previously, I wasn’t enjoying the hash – I was just going along out of habit, not because I was enjoying it, so I stopped… It’s taken a long time for me to get my head in the right space. I didn’t want to join the group when my head was in a negative dark cloud as that wouldn’t contribute any positivity to the group. I didn’t want people to be ‘walking on eggshells’ when talking to me, or splashing me and I didn’t want to join the group when I had such a negative outlook.

I think I am through my malaise and am ready to rejoin the community (assuming you accept me back). I doubt anyone has read this far, but if you have give me some positive energy as I really need the exercise!

Dear Reader,

It’s been a while since I’ve penned some words here… For so many reasons I haven’t been hashing for years, but for some reason I showed up today. I’m not sure if anyone reads this anyway, or whether to dwell on why I haven’t seen so many friends for so long. As I drove back today, I did feel the friendships, connections, and all in all good vibes – ultimately I felt regret that I didn’t stay for the circle. I felt very welcomed back into a great community, but somehow I am still not 100% comfortable – but I think that is my problem to deal with and I’ll appologise to anyone I didn’t engage with enough.

I am out of shape, lazy and demotivated. I’ve hardly done any exercise for months, except a stupidly unprepared half marathon in the middle. Maybe not in the best frame of mind, but as it is between semesters and Graven was setting in Maejo, I figured I’d force myself to get some exercise.

A good turn out, the hares briefed us and we set off in the opposite direction to where you’d expect – away from the hills – this I like! (I’ve done hardly any elevation this year so flat would be nice…) Kwazi took up the early pace, and blimey he must be in great shape as he was still up with the pack well into the run – great to see! There was a gentle downhill so I started running, knowing I was running comfortably, but knowing it wouldn’t last long – hopefully I could use checks and local knowledge to my advantage. I also know that Graven doesn’t like early checks, but seriously over 1km before the first check?!?! Scooby and Emmaroyde caught and overtook me commenting on there being something missing on the run so far…

As Scooby passed I stalled into the 100m tactic – let them get 100m (or so) ahead, and try to keep up around 100m behind the FRBs. Let them do the work and you reap the reward. Sure enough I got to the first check just as Scooby called it… The 2nd was a FT where Scooby hit the FT just as I hit the true trail junction. Keep it steady – while it was a tight narrow trail block them from overtaking, but then let them go ahead for the 100m lead. Sure enough I snagged another FT that way – but the impressive Kwazi was right behind – while his running seems good his hearing perhaps isn’t – we yelled “OnOn” and for some reason he still seemed confused.

At this point the whole trail was mapped. No offense hares – I’m sure many might be tricked by your checks, but I could have sat down and drawn the map – particularly as you’d said 8k in the hare brief. If I was in shape I would have loved it, but I’m not. We clearly couldn’t be turning right, so the only option was to go up to the main trail and head left – to get 8k out of it, it means going up to the top. I dragged my sorry ass up the hill with Titty Smoker slowly gaining and then passing, followed by Alice – it was single file with Scooby and Emma ahead. Semen Soars was there, but I didn’t take the chance to talk to him, but it was Able Semen (I think) that was next to pass.

I knew I was spent and I knew where I was. I had no intention of going up that last incline, so at the circle I turned left, and would you believe it? I found the yellow paper they’d set on Tuesday! Apparently they’d set a run on Tuesday, it then rained so they went to set a different run today. In the hare brief Graven waved around white and yellow paper, so without listening to him, I was legit following paper the hares had laid! This seemed like a much more preferable way to get back to the car, so I took it. I probably needed to hide in the forest another 10 minutes or so to convince Graven I hadn’t short cut, but he seemed happy enough that I was there.

I won’t be joining the CH4 for the next 4 months or so – I have work commitments. It is a great club though, and probably my favourite in Chiang Mai, but sadly it is focused now on retirees and vacationers – the decision last year to move the run start even earlier still leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Will I join other hashes? I’m not sure… The Saturday hash would be ideal, but it is polluted by the Sups family. I think I may try to join the CGH3 for the exercise…

Hashing in Chiang Mai is resuming, and the Happy Hash met out in Maejo and the small mosquito infested shelter on the way to the Tiger’s Head. Softballs was the hare, but he had taken ABB out the week before to have a look around – ABB happened to use his GPS, and was a little slow hiding his track – slow enough that one hasher may just have had a peek at what was in store… 😉

I took Terrabyte along for the exercise, but went home before the circle. On the way, the lad clearly had racist tendencies – chip off the old block? Anyway, we set off and it was over the weir, but on the other side there was no check… Huh? Surely we would be turning left like ABB did last week? Along to the right and a circle – damnit – typical ABB… But I was committed now, I had to keep going and head up the hill a little, until eventually the inevitable call from way back in the opposite direction. I think Emma Royde got it right, so CW and I took off in pursuit debating whether we would see Emma again after such a long check.

The next check was already solved and we were chasing down Emma, until he appeared behind us having been fooled by “not a check”. Somehow I was leading, with CW close behind asking me why his smart TV wasn’t very smart any more… My brain can continue conversations while I’m running, but I struggle to answer, so concentrated on keeping plugging away. As I passed a small trail to the left, I pointed and told CW it was probably that way, and sure enough another 50m or so I hit another check. Despite telling people that it was probably back again, EVERYBODY followed me like sheep… I couldn’t just go back to the previous junction, so I looped around to the main trail and of course found paper where I expected heading towards the Tiger’s Head.

The pace was pretty decent, but I’d stolen a yard or two and managed to extend a little lead after going past the buildings and up the hill. Another “not a check”, with a check some way past it, and surely another back check – but once again as leader I had no choice but to continue and once again looped around to join Emma back at the front. Another check, and Emma was wrong, and I once again gained an advantage, but promptly misjudged where I was and got a check badly wrong. As I came back there was a long stream of hashers passing by, including Terrabyte who wasn’t going to get it that easily. It was a pleasant descent and once again the pace kept ticking over. A couple of confusing checks that ended up being just straight on had me back in pole, but with CW and Piggy right behind along with HRA and the boy. We past several trails off to the left, and it had to be one of them. A bad time to be leading as it was for sure another back check. Damnit! You are only as good as your last check, and I was thwarted at the death – great trail though and good to be back!

The hash was on my way home from work, so I thought I may as well stop off for some exercise. For sure the supreme cunt ringleader wouldn’t be there to sour the mood. So, the CSH3 is not worth attending for the forseeable future while the puppet master dictates how attendees can have fun. I can only hope that he gets the message that he isn’t really welcome on Mondays and fucks off again. At least the Happy Hash is free, and by far the best hash in CM these days – even here there is a sombre tone – at least in my mind. Nothing lasts forever!

I got out the car with moments to spare before the harebrief. I only had enough time to pay up, but still I was immediately pounced on by the hare raiser – even the hash cash commented he was looking for hares… WTF??? The last runs I’ve been to for both the CH3 and CH4 – I was the fucking hare! I haven’t run a trail since before Covid hit! I politely told the hare raiser to fuck off.

We were set off heading towards the hills, at the back of the lake behind 700 year stadium – a familiar spot that I had paper carried for CW a year or so back. Years ago there were great trails around here, but since the Moobaan was built and destroyed the side of the mountain, the trails that are left are largely overgrown.

A “V” check, and I went right – which was right, but moments later I was following single strands of paper to nowhere. Clearly the hare had tried to pick up trail, but missed bits as he rerouted over to the mainer trail. Another circle, and it was Bushy Tail that headed in the right direction – and it was sometime before anyone saw or heard from her again. Meanwhile the rest of us hunted around for paper for a while before finally heading in the right direction.

Long stretches without checks, and a long(ish) ascent up the waterfall. I regained the lead and as paper continued up the hill, I spied an odd looking piece off to the left. I was expecting a left turn, so investigated and sure enough trail cut across – I say trail, but it was an ugly scramble. We crossed a perfectly reasonable trail, but no check and the hares chose not to use it, prefering a treacherous rainy season descent into a waterfall and down the slippery rocks. Finally I could get running a little, but with no checks and no sounds behind, I was on my own. Across the waterfall, and trail up to the right… I wasn’t convinced but followed it up to an also unconvincing checkback.

Cartoon and HRA joined me as we dropped down to the lakeside and followed the trail along the side of it. A few more confusing checks that I don’t think any of the 3 of us kicked out… We were working in unison, taking turns to skip ahead missing the odd check here and there. Through the army village, along the side of the creek, and HRA started to stretch ahead, passing some walkers. One final check up at the corner of the dam, and I guess you are only as good as your last check.

Waited around for 15-20 mins for the next runners to come in and the set off home.

Best run of the year… so far…

Well, certainly an interesting experience! It was from the crematorium next to the Disco shelter, and I arrived in just enough time after work. Harebrief fumbled through and we were set off up the trail towards the hills. Poo and a visitor got the running going, only to get the first check wrong, and I found myself ahead until the 2nd check when I was back to the back. We dropped into a creek bed and then started climbing for real. It was a scramble for a while and then trail up, up, up…

At the top we turned left and headed down, down, down. On the way down the checks were all straight on, and whoever was up front kept nailing them, but the pack was all running hard down the hill. At the bottom, I got a check wrong – badly wrong as I went through the temple, headed towards the road. When it was called in the complete opposite direction, I was tempted to bail out – apparently Graven did, and was expecting to see me going back on the road. But no, reluctantly I turned left again and headed back into the mountains – how many times could we turn left?

The pack charged on ahead, while I slowed and was past by Anal Boring and Piggy. Piggy encouraged me to stick to paper, and reluctantly I did, but heading back up that hill wasn’t enjoyable! Finally we turned right, hacked steeply back down to the gully and then it was a gradual descent to the road. Piggy was walking not far ahead, but it took me a long time to close him down. As I got to him, he waved me past, but I was barely going quicker than him, when I slowed to a walk he started breaking away from me again, but at last we were back to the cold beer!

I recovered a bit… I got a beer… I took a shower… Changed… and was just about ready for a circle, when an ambulance showed up. I noticed HRA wasn’t about, and then started hearing stories about a hasher in trouble. On my phone I had an email from Alice with a pindrop, but no message, and no missed call. Nobody seemed to know what was going on, until FD appeared – it seems the stranded hashers had picked Frozen, our slowest hasher, to go to get help!

He told me to get in his truck and for the ambulance to follow us. In the car I got a little bit of information – Randy, a virgin brought by Anywan, had collapsed at the top of the hill – FD wasn’t sure if he would make it. We drove as close as we could, but then had to climb the mountain (again) – me in my work shoes by now. HRA grabbed a stretcher from the back of the ambulance, while the 2 paramedics chased him up the trail. Poo, Alice, HRA, myself and FD following along headed up.

As we got close to the pindrop, the group of hashers appeared out of the fading light – Randy had recovered, and he was ready to frogmarch down the hill to get out! They were waiting for us to show them a short cut? I have no idea, but for some reason I got to climb the bloody mountain an extra time tonight, while there was perfectly drinkable cold beer at the A site. All is well that ends well I guess…

By Alice

——

Tasty and Browny combined to set a real runners’ run out in the wilds of Mae Wang waaaay down south.
Well it wasn’t that far – but it was a bit further than it could have been as April Fools met Boxing Day and no HHH sign on Canal Rd obviously guaranteed confusion/loss/misery/argument and delivered in spades! LungLa will NOT turn where there’s no HHH or listen to female navigators like Pussy Galore who advise him to!

Apart from Suckit’s ancient non standard HH signs in blue and black and paper seemingly hidden under grass and rocks the first few hundred metres, this trail in two parts did exactly what it said on the tin.

First section
was more broken and farm trails, shiggy and dusty roads with lorry drivers handsomely paid to raise dust and choke us to death. Checks were basically impossible to predict and the pack was well exercised finding the damn things and carrying on. The straight ones were the killers!

One of the features this area is cross paths and paths off paths so you really needed half a dozen active checkers and callers. We sometimes got the numbers, but checkers who don’t shout Checking! make it harder than it needs to be for keen mid packers.

I was feeling pretty good after getting an early check right and feeling I was in the hares’ head. That lasted ‘til approximately the next check. I was forest 120m thataway and OnOn was called 100m t’otherway! Back to back marker quick sharp!

Early doors I was checking down a gully and heard Banksie calling checking. I heard the sound of rain drops and looked up to see our Dutch mannequin emptying his bladder above me. Drip, drip, drip. Shame I forgot about that by circle time.

We dipped into a dry creek bed and up the other side under the golden wat on the hill. Beer stop location last year I remembered.

Last section was more forest and suddenly we came out to this year’s beer stop and TmB very happy at our grouping.

Banks with his haemerroid and enlarged prostate set off without further ado. Someone called after him:Wtf are you going solo, you’ll have to do the checks alone!
Cartoon, Skiddy, Trash Bin Boy and Pussy Whisperer also set off briskly as I filled my face with banana, choc and a tiny, tasty orange.

Second leg was forest trail heaven. Browny admitted to a narcotic effect as he set. It wasn’t quite as happy, feely for me, especially as I ran into the False Trails and Belly, suddenly the demon headmaster, was barking:Who is ahead of us!?

Shortly I found out. Skiddy yomping at speed and Whisperer checking who I was before answering my RU? call.

The FRBs had broken circles and it was just perfect forest running for km here with one fcuk up. A check had been broken into an orchard but trail was back right in the forest. Luckily I saw shirts thru the trees and followed but worried for the runners behind.

Strangely Anal, Suckit, new dad Piggy, Blows, Knockout and Anally Boring were in the van and we made good time pushing each other along. Even Banks managed to stay relevant building up his fag appetite for later.

Graven overtook me in a gully after checking the wrong way and helpfully pointed to paper I’d missed up the opposite bank. That’s the Grinch’s good deed of the year!

Out into more open country and Piggy said: I can see the cars! This didn’t assist in solving the last check but soon enough we were at the most welcome clear OnIn printed sign.

Great run and looking forward to the BB on Sunday 5th January and not the date Helpful Harry aka Frozen Dick told everyone in the circle!

Silly Cow’s lovely visitors Olive Oil and potentially Reach Around experienced ice and down downs, while Hash lush Snowball’s UK mate from Seattle let on that his sponsor filmed for years in the NW only to finally release his film on their 1000th run. Maybe CH4 have to wait for that? Visitor Fast Crash from
Portugal but based in Mozambique also put ample cheek to ice. Sadly we missed Dogshit, Principal’s Bitch, Comes Over Her Back and her wife possibly because of the early pick up or maybe babysitter issues. Great visitors are great fun and well done hares for providing an excellent set for the H3 high season.

Today there was a Malaysian invasion! We’ve had quite a few visitors recently, and today randomly an extra 96 (ish) showed up. Our regular 20-25 or so group is easy to handle – today we suddenly had to make sure there was enough transport and beer for a HUGE turnout – we also had a bunch of extra CM folks show up – very welcome to Bushy Tail, the returning Dogshit, and Liberace!

Alice had picked a runsite outside a school for a run starting at 4:30 – it was utter chaos! Songthaews arriving full of hashers, songthaews leaving with school kids. While the hare might have been frustrated in trying to get his harebrief done, it wasn’t anyone else’s fault!

We set off, and Brownie was clearly itching to test himself with the visitors! There were a couple of young trackstars that were clearly running well, but had no idea what happened at the check. I jogged along, getting the first few checks right – as I quickly figured it was a reverse of the last run Alice had set there. Of course he would go up to let everyone enjoy the views at the dam – it would be rude not to! The inside information left me well placed as we climbed the stairs and at the top where Alice was waiting, I was only going to head over the dam. For most of the visitors, this must have seemed like a low chance – good visibility and no sign of paper – but to me it was about 100%.

I was moving along nicely near the front – proud there was a group of 4 CM people (me, Tasty, Brownie and Cartoon), and only 1 visitor as we got to the other side of the dam. Then I got one check wrong and could never get back into it! Man the pace speeds up when you have a large group of FRBs! The rest of the run was familiar – heading inevitably towards the weir crossing.

The circle was good – considering the challenge of entertaining that many people.

By Alice
—

Prison Bitch & Discharge were schooled in the fine art of haring by Knockout aka Jean d’Arc patron saintess and savior of those afflicted by dodgy bamboo bridges.

Well it was flat and lots of orchards and an area I’m not too familiar with. 3 pluses there. Some sharp turns that TmB didn’t see, much to Angry Inch’s enjoyment, also curries favour in the scribe’s eyes.

Two songthaos plus some visitors and a virgin, CH4 livin’ the high life nowadays…let’s enjoy it while we can (before the smog).

So off we went down the road and the FRBs almost missed check #1. Smallish beige flour circle on grass at the roadside. Didn’t bode well. Not did Square Rooter’s arse, which trumped out a call something between an earthquake and a bamboo bridge splintering. Purple Fart rather aptly caught the blast and he was not impressed.

Soon we were curving right along the side of an orchard and a bamboo bridge of fairly challenging nature presented. TmB and Strangely fcuked off to locate the next crossing. The rest followed Browny and Angry across to a circle. Slowly, wobbling and afraid of an early bath. KO jumped in the raging torrent to steady poor hashers as they crossed. Prison Bitch allegedly broke the 4th pole while crossing earlier but thankfully the remaining 3 supported Shrek, so I felt the rest of the pack was going to be fine.

The trail went basically anti clockwise but was hard to predict at checks. Brownfinger had an almost perfect record at checks – of fcuking up. I’ll follow him next run because even he can’t keep that stupendous level up.

Purple Fart was going really well although I’m suspicious it was just to keep upwind of Rooter’s rotten rectum.
Good to see Always on Top on trail and some guys I didn’t know, Young & Rich, Scratch, Braindead (HK H3er from 1972) and just someone else.

We crossed and re-crossed little irrigation streams and ducked low under branches. Suddenly we were back on tracks and there was Pussy Galore having followed trial in reverse after refusing the bridge. 4 points for refusal for PG!

The OnIn was big and clear but then trail disappeared and we stumbled back through the trees and rubbish to the footy field.

I had around 5.7km. A very pleasant return run back in CM. Nice one hares.

I cruised out of work with enough time to get to the end of canal road to drop some beer off and go for a run. They are digging up part of the canal road that they only laid a year or so back, so I just managed to get to the circle site before 4:30, only to find the hares had said fuck it, and let the pack leave early… WTF? Only the songthaew matters now? Screw anyone who still has a job? The run was listed for 4:30, why the hell are they setting everyone off early? These thoughts coursed through my mind for pretty much all of the run. Especially as I unloaded beer and water from my car before setting off, while the hares just watched me. A quick change, and I finally set off at 4:34pm – now maybe 7-8 mins, call it a KM behind the pack.

After 20 mins or so, I caught up with Katastrophe and Square Rooter – Rooter didn’t want to let me pass virtually throwing me into a ravine so I could keep going. I was trying to set an ok pace that didn’t put me into the red. A while later I passed Robin Banks, and then caught a collection of walkers including Pussy Galore, Cumalot, Always on Top and some others. I passed one young looking Thai guy, and initially thought it was Always On Top’s nephew, but put my head down and got into running along. The young Thai guy left the walkers and started running along with me, and only then I looked over my shoulder to see it was Bus Bitch keeping me company.

One of the great things about this area is it is generally flat – except Pussy Whisperer had managed to find the only hill there was – without a trail and launched us up it. I heard nothing from ahead, just BB and I plugging away. Most of the checks had been kicked out with Teutonic efficiency – I suspect someone being extra caring with Dad following behind.

Finally as we approached the OnIn, I saw Angry Inch up ahead – he turned and asked who was following, and when he found out it was me, he stopped, and pulled out his cock.