Category Archives: CH3 – Monday

By Alice
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Gripe out of the way first. Run directions said 1st turn after the U. No sign but took it anyway. Fail. Took 2nd turn. Fail. No pin to click on website just GPS that aren’t active and can’t copy into GMaps on my phone while on bike.
Pissed off, wasted journey, head home. 8th left turn after the U there’s a well camoflaged HHH with red Hs on orange background. Wtf! Game on!

Got there and downloaded on Suckit. Sorted ShSh’s on trial camelbak and set off after everyone else.

Beautiful trails well
marked and many options at the many checks. Pleased the frb’s had all the headaches!

Recognized trails from BF and TMB runs starting from behind Suckit’s; great and varied they are:sandy paths, forest tracks, stony creek beds.

After about 2km I reel in Frozen and Superman. A check hadn’t been connected and it takes Sup’s eagle eyes to spot paper ahead.

Next up were Tiptoe and Rooter, striding away like good ‘uns. Hardly Normal in his fab Nadi hash top came next before Softballs and his poor hearing. Softy was full of the joys of spring, gamboling like a young lamb and even running with joy. I know that feeling after months of Achilles pain.

The thing about the camelbak is handsfree and can carry keys, money and extra water if needed. You have to stop to take water on board and get your sucking and breathing
right. Overall the experiment was a success, albeit a sweaty one.

Just before the A site a large group of water buffalo eyed me suspiciously and turned to face me down, bristling and skittish. I know how Suckit felt as the hashers arrived just before 4:30 and vented in his direction!

The Abominable one and the Purple apprentice teamed up at shortish notice to set a very decent trot around Frozen Dick’s area.
ABB told me yesterday the run was 10.5km down Canal Rd and in. Well imagine my surprise when the HHH sign on the bridge was at 7! That’ll fcuk over a few I mused. Signs were clearly set but the third or fourth was white letters on dark red background and hard to notice. Lucky I slowed right down at that junction. That’ll fcuk over a few I mused.

Second hasher to arrive was Cartoon. And yes, he’d been fcuked over a couple of times getting there. Shagless on his bike and Frozen Dick showed up too fresh from jet lag and a convivial bonhomie ensued.

The run was about 7, I left my phone in my bag, but ran harder than normal and managed to follow ChuckWao home in just over 45 mins I believe. It was well marked in clear white strips and well placed circle checks. Looked like Purple had taught ABB some new tricks.

The weather was lovely all run and the thick vegetation helped the hares to make some checks tricky. Direction seemed to constantly change and we wove in and out and around properties, quarries, moobaans and orchards on flat, mostly hard dirt trails.

I knew the area well but couldn’t really predict where they’d go. We got twisted around a few times and after about 5km came to a check along a barbed wire fence. This really stumped the pack as the barbed wire wasn’t passable and all other options had been investigated. Eventually ChuckWao wriggles through the 5 strand fence and locates paper in the field. No way could Purple or ABB get through there we all seemed to think alike!

Advising Emma to go straight, I thought we’d find a gap. Wrong. I decided to head straight and turn left when I could as it had to intersect CW’s directional heading. Emma joined me and turning the next corner we saw CW way up ahead as he exited the field. Cartoon was calling us all the bastards in the world as he realised we were competitive but hadn’t messed with the barb wire.

Round to the right around a big quarry and through a gravelly stream bed to a familiar junction. Chucky had already done the last ditch FT and laid paper to indicate true trail. Bless. I pushed hard but he was 100 ahead at the OnOn.

Great to see Piggy on trail again and meet our two pantomime villain Australian visitors from Chiang Rai, Ladyboy aka Rainbow Pussy or something from Perth and Caddy from Northern Tasmania masquerading as rural Victoria. Good runners and keen smokers both. Thankfully they puffed their cancer sticks away from the circle.

Really enjoyed the run and the circle. Byte you missed a good ‘un.

Should have been named comedy of errors run. How tricky is take the bridge at the HHH sign 4.4 km down Canal Rd for male hashers? How tricky is meet at Canal Rd footy field for bunnies? Obviously very. Nice to see Burrito Butt and Geisha Gash anyway!

At least ALL the CH4 SELF drivers made it and good to see Tiptoe on trail again. Alice started them off at 5:10pm with the songthao still halfway to Burma allegedly following Pamela’s old signs 12km down Canal Rd and beyond.

Luckily the rain held off but the hash gods fcuk you up in other ways. Finally around 5:30pm, the songthao arrives from the wrong direction with Does Nothing in the navigator’s seat. Apparently this was an emergency replacement after ABB proved he doesn’t possess the Rooter smarts as front seat eyes and brains for LungLa. Back to being tail gunner for ABB, a position his skillset is more suited to.

The initial pack consisted of ChuckWao, Turkish, Cartoon and Shrek. They swore blood brothers and undying co-operation until one of ’em reverted to type and disappeared about 3.5km into the run as the trail went up the doi for runners and pink lead the walkers down to rejoin trail at a busy junction leading to the rear of Grand Canyon.

Sharing all the work by 3 FRBs is hard yakka and the lads did well to find their way up the doi, left and down. Alice spotted them coming out of the woods left side of Grand Canyon as Purple Fart and Does Nothing were seen high up behind the old quarries at the check behind the Grand Canyon letters.

ABB was the most fleet footed of the second batch and lead the way home for them. Shrek got the challenging check in the middle of the field correct and Alice kicked out the circle and laid paper so CW and Cartoon could catch the flying Dane.

Back at the A, Turkey decided the best form of defence is attack and berated the real FRBs for taking their time and losing him. Right! Short shrift I think describes their response.

Cabbage Patch was followed in on the out trail by the lady owner of the palatial mansion where the first check was set. Who were we, what were we doing? Her hubby even called Poo today. Hashers obviously made an impression. This check was actually unkicked, so Tiptoe turned round early doors as he didn’t fancy facing trail alone if that was going to be the pattern. It seems only two others weren’t dealt with so ten good uns and three left as is. Note to reader: the three False Trails were also pristine so Turkish is well and truly holed below the waterline and sinking fast.

Cartoon had 8.3kn when I was expecting FRBs to have 7 ish. Does Nothing got the wings for 200 runs as CH3 GM and ABB was first to identify the 3 spirit mixes on offer:Sang Som and Coke, GnT and Vodka and Orange Juice.

OnOn!
Alice😩👣🇬🇧🙏

Run #1234 was last week, this was now 1235. No doubt all will soon be forgotten. I’m only writing this because someone asked me to. The songthaew showed up in good time, and a team of 3 slumped out – Poo, Does Nothing and ABB. A historic turnout for an almost historic run number, with the ranks swelled by TipToe, Chuck Wao, Dick The Boy Wonder and a late arriving Sloppy Rod. A total of 7 runners set off on Byte’s farewell run, with the most creative excuses coming in from Dentists that only work on Monday’s to needing to take a nap! Don’t worry – I have a thick skin, I can take it!

Relive ‘Afternoon Run’

With so few FRBs I didn’t know what to say in the harebrief – good luck? I mentioned that Sloppy was coming and knew the route and then set them free. I drove around to the beer stop – there should be plenty of time for the beer to get cold – so much time I could have gone for a massage, with a happy ending – but instead I sat at the back of my car and contemplated life. A big thanks to my secret co-hare who motivated me into bothering to set a run. After an hour finally CW came in with Sloppy close behind. It seems that ABB had been getting most of the checks right, but Dick the Boy had also been leading for a while. Both decided they had had enough, grabbing a beer and booking a seat for a ride back to the A.

CW started checking, and Sloppy and Poo followed him for the trip back to the A. The beerstop was about 4km in, and the whole run was 7.1km, – that is if you don’t listen to Sloppy… So, 4 of the pack got beers and sensibly headed back for social drinking, leaving just 3 to continue onwards. I wasn’t concerned as Sloppy was with them, so relaxed back at Ban Pong resort. Until I got a phone call from Poo… With technology assistance, we shared our locations, and he was WAY WAY off trail!!! WTF???

It seems they got to a point where they decided between following paper, or following Sloppy’s memory. And they decided to follow Sloppy’s memory rather than the perfectly good white squares of paper. Sloppy led them astray and extended the run as they scouted some extra hills. When they went back to paper they quickly ran in just before it got dark. A concise circle and then most stayed for dinner at Baanpong.

By Emma Royde
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The start was at Frozen Dick’s “For Sale” place, the pack having run from there only three weeks ago.
The pack set off at its usual amble to the first check except for the two visitors who unknowingly ran and sucked Mr Poo along in their wake. Reaching the first junction there was no check in sight so the pack broke into a reluctant run. We soon arrived at a check on a hill where every possible route was searched in vain. Eventually Scooby went back down to the road and found trail well in excess of 100m from the check. And that’s in the notes so it must be true. By this time the pack were scattered all over the hill and took some time to get back on trail while Frozen Dick expressed a “Fuck this!” and headed north on a short-cut, ignoring the calls of “onon”.
The run then continued through the woods, along good running trails. And despite another back-check and some non-compliant markings the FRBs were back in under 40 minutes.
A good run and a sensible length. Not that this was repeated in the circle of course.

ER

By Alice
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Frozen Dick knows his area rather well, which usually means good runs when he sets and major fcuk ups when he’s a hound and decides to shortcut until ravines, barbed wire and other unexpected surprises detain him until nightfall. With Cumlord as paperboy, this was the chance for Frozen to educate the lad on the terrain and possibilities thereof, and boy did he do a decent job.

We started off from Frozen’s country dacha and went right to the main trail. One if the last things the hares said was that they’d cleared any old paper they’d found, so didn’t expect us to see any.

I decided to push myself a bit today and jogged off decisively left at check1. The pack mooched right or mostly hung around. Just as I got to 100m with no sign of paper, I heard OnOn called from the opposite direction. Blast! Just as I was about to turn, I saw paper 40m ahead. My eyes lit up. Maybe they done a clever loop around right, up over the property and back down to this trail. If so, I was quids in and a few hundred metres ahead. Aaaaaargh! Old paper! Drat and double drat! I was now a few hundred behind. Taking my chances, I ducked up a connecting trail with a 50% chance of reconnecting if trail turned left off the valley. Hearing shouts coming closer I was in luck. Shrek lead the pack and Chucky was close behind. “How the bloody hell did you get here?” Inquired the lanky Sandgroper. It wouldn’t be the last time he was nonplussed on this run.

Another check and given the twists so far, I chose the path less travelled up towards the farm next door. Wrong. Back and along the main higher level path with so many options. Turkey, Emma and others passed me and the next check was right, up the second valley as I call it. Here Frozen pulled a surprise left up into the forest, a totally new path for me and we dragged ourselves up through the bush to a tricky check that took us at least 5 minutes. There were two other pearlers to come!

Emma went left, Chucky straight, I hit the forest off trail when these two found nothing. Turkey and Shrek scoured the bush either side of me while Does Nothing called anxiously ‘Are you?!’ The tone suggesting he meant, ‘Have you found trail and run off silently Turkish?’

Eventually trail was located on a small path left front towards the edge of the forest and followed familiarish route along the fence line, we inside and Chucky outside. Here another check confused Chucky as the paper to the circle went left but paper from the circle went right back into the wet,greenery. Even more confusing, the path snaked through the forest to a check on the top of a rise which was called a False Trail by Turkish. Everyone turned and started searching. Eventually paper was found beyond this False Trail and we were off again.

Turkish was going well and thankfully well visible in his blue top. A check was faintly called right and paper dropped along a narrow path to the right of a gulley. The FRBs weren’t sure and TD was back in SRB mode. I recalled a left hand tiny track here that FD and Chucky had used on a set a year ago
and pushed through until I found it and paper. Turkish was ahead and checking silent until he was aware of me and started pathetically quiet ‘Checking!’ calls. So drole, so predictable.

The hares lead us a merry dance through the woods until a killer check that had ABB yelling OnOn and retracing his steps back into the forest on our out paper! Despite Does Nothing yelling for him to come back, ABB was convinced he’d found trail and took off. Presumably half a km of paper on the wrong side of trees finally awoke him to the terrible truth.

Trail went left back up the valley and AWAY from home. Frozen had stumped me here but found a totally unknown to me cut through path through the hills to the next main valley. It had to be right here but the first checker found nothing. More confusion. It can’t be left I cried exasperated, not left or front through the bush either. I wondered if Frozen had found the little path that snakes behind the first range of hills to the left of the main valley trail, heading all the way back towards the first main trail we’d hit at the start. As the pack circled and spread, confused and chuntering, I bashed bush for a bit until I saw the telltale FD CML paper strips as the homeward trail took shape. I yelled and put my foot down. I was really pushing myself for the first time in ages and Chucky’s calls behind spurred me. It was leafy and rocky and narrow, I hurt my toe and nearly tripped half a dozen times but I aced the check by the fence knowing the next runners would flail about in the property and find impassable wire and gate.

I hit the main path for home and saw On In. Yes! Victor cum laude! Frantic calls behind suggested I was heard but not seen and I nearly blacked out with effort. There were torn paper strips on the deck and my eye suddenly caught hanging paper some way ahead. Bad hares. This was sadly out trail paper and I ran past the turn and had to come back. Turkish saw me and even accused me of short cutting. Oh the irony!

Near circle’s end Frozen finally fished a very disconsolate lost Snowballs back on his bike. He’d gone missing at check 1 and kept missing. Strangely this has been his MO for 3 out of 4 times I’ve seen him this past year. Maybe the wacky baccy is winning the battle. Frozen gave Rooter the wings for best comment, when Alice said he’d found a Lyons St in Port Melbourne honouring former resident Superman. ‘Was it a dead end?’ quipped Rooter to steal the show.

Top trail, well marked, just need rather more joining paper at checks if trail goes bush. What did Cumlord learn? We’ll see when he takes on his first set. Looking forward!

We all know Square Rooter has two sides – sometimes he sets the most evil runs imaginable scrambling hands and knees up steep muddy banks, and sometimes he sets great runs…. We all know that his unmentionable partner in crime helps him out and has some influence over him… I can remember scouting with them before, and so I suspect it depends largely on whether she walks on his right or left side as to whether he hears her positive inputs! Thankfully today we had “Good” Rooter and a great trail.

Today was the founders run, so Rooter treated us to an undulating set past the canal road football field. We grouped at the shelter just below the concrete water circle and the smile on SR’s face was ominously wide! The hare brief had Chuckie taking a nap in the shelter, and finally we were set off to find trail at the first barbed wire crawl. I squeezed through first, and given how long it took each person to get through, I figured I may as well run a bit and see what happens. A circle and a tempting trail to the right. I went down, all the time thinking it was just a bit too tempting, and thinking about the last time Rooter set here… I wasn’t confident and after 140m or so, I turned back. Sadly I had been in a gully, and couldn’t hear anything from behind me, and it seems the check was long cleared when I got back – and despite SR’s in depth harebrief about how to kick out circles, it wasn’t at all clear where everyone had gone! Luckily I caught them up after another check or so.

We were going backwards on a set SR had done a couple of years back and I passed the point that I lost a lot of time searching for trail. So as CW and I eased our way back towards the front, I suggested it would be right at the next check – CW does listen to me and sure enough we were back in amongst it. Another check by the big gate, and I commented that nobody wanted to check back to the right, and CW and I followed Bendover and Shrek around the estate to the left and we were on. Another check and I was again on form heading up the hill along the edge of the property. With CW wrong at the last check, I was leading Cartoon and Poo behind as we got to a V-check.

This V check had paper all over the barbed wire to the left – that was a lot of effort to do if the trail didn’t go left, but if it did go left, that meant climbing over a hill. I suspected it was left, but to the right is a great trail that runs around the side of the hill. I went right. I went far enough to find the check back (150m), and then went back far enough to make sure everyone knew it was a checkback… and then turned around and enjoyed the great trail running around the hill. I looped around and expected 100% to find a check where several trails come together, but there was nothing. Damnit – I must have gone 500+m off trail and did the hare manage to outwit me? I knew I had to keep going left, and fortunately there is the hidden trail that most wouldn’t spot, so I headed down towards it and within 10m I had found some beautiful Rooter paper, heard hashers coming towards me, and when I turned around found a nice little circle check hidden behind a tree – nice work SR, you nearly outsmarted me! 😛

I checked correctly, but clearly I didn’t quite go far enough, which unfortunately added to some confusion for a while, and it was Turkish who led me along the correct trail. An interested V-check, but Turkish had paused moments before to let me pass, and so I got true trail leaving him exploring amongst the trees. We were descending from the hill again, and I passed the nice trail down looking at some bright pink about 50m ahead. I was so tempted to just turn left, but continued to the circle. As I got to the circle, CW got to the previous junction, so I gifted him the true trail.

From here CW hit some magic and took off. There was check after check after check after check. CW nailed a bunch in a row, and behind we were confused between the calls of checking and ONON. It was hot, and now the pace had picked up I was starting to overheat. CW was way ahead steaming away… I made another tactical decision, and headed back – the hill climb was already tough enough, and if I can take any pride from it, my shortcut was better than Turkish’s short cut as he joined me with the hare just above the cars. Good set Rooter – cheers!

Today was “Royal Ploughing Day” – I have no idea what that means except that I don’t have to go to work! 😀

Greasy is back in town, and normally sets some good runs, so I was definitely headed to the hash. A reasonably turnout and the hare set us off a little early following leaf coloured paper into the forest. The first loop was just to add a bit of distance before we got to the usual runsite at the temple not far behind Sups house (strange he wasn’t there). From there the hare took us up the road at the back of the night safari – once upon a time this was a great running trail – today it is tarmac. I walked up the hill with Chuckie.

The next circle, I was sure we would get off the road so I headed left. CW also thought we would get off the road, so found another way to go… I’d gone probably 200m, looping back to the left before it was called from the road. Damnit – you could see the paper just 30m further up the road! I jogged back and carried on up the road after the pack.

Another couple of checks and I was back in the mix as Chuckie got a 90% check right, while Cartoon picked wrong. Another check and I was right, but overheated… I need to find a way to cool down on the run. Cartoon took over the lead as we headed up a great trail into the hills. I was running with Jungle Chim, as we slipped past CW and co at a check, jogging gently back down the hill. Cartoon was way ahead, until he got a V check wrong, and we caught him as he came back from the false trail and cut in front of us on true trail. Jungle obliterated the check so we could get ahead of the rest of the pack!

The checks were good enough so the pack came back together, and I again got a circle completely wrong – now Jungle was running for his life with the pack chasing towards the onin. It was a short run, 3.5km but fun and definitely enough given the heat. A good circle that managed to finish in daylight!

A last minute change of runsite had some confused. As I meandered down the river bank I missed a sign and kept going until I bumped into the hare stood looking confused in a kids park. He told me to backtrack, and it turns out I was just the wrong side of the river.

A decent turn out for this time of year. The harebrief informed us of obstakles ahead, and I could immediately think of one that was nearby. We were set off to cross the iron bridge over the river, which suggested we would have to come back across the road bridge a bit to the north – or swim.

My legs were screaming at me, and I settled into a steady pace a bit off the front. Cartoon leading for a while, and then Angry Inch. Chuckie finally got into the mix after arriving late. There was a little bit on trail, but it was mostly road running. Sure enough we were back on the main road at a bridge and back across the river.

Plenty more road to come, and I gradually slipped further off the pace. It was hot and humid. I reached the beer stop with Jungle Chim and ABB. We were some way off the front, but kept going, and opted for the rambo option. Still mostly on roads, but a bit in an orchard. Finally we hit the largish canal, and I knew what the obstakle was going to be. New markings with an “RO”, but at this point, I opted for a third choice and headed in for a beer.

By Alice

—
Superman and Capt Hook were on the hareline. Mmm, would we be playing family fcuk ups or family fortunes?

I hove to just after Poo, which is unremarkable apart from the fact that he was hash cash and tardy. ABB had stepped up to the plate. Literally. Poo wondered what % of fees he was in receipt of from the Merchant Banker.

Sups harebrief was spoiled by an irritating drone in the background. But that’s enough about Sloppy Rod.

And they were off. Sups collared me and promised I’d learn something from his set. That sounded well ominous.

By the second check I was up there with the pack despite walking slowly and starting 2 mins adrift. Promising, I’ll say! Most FRBs headed straight into the forest or bore to the right where I know there is a gulley and trails up. I ducked thru a barbed wire fence despite Cartoon telling me it was a no go and someone had already gone through. I went anyway as there’s been no calling and checked left thru the orchard. Expecting to hear OnOn at any moment, I retraced my steps after a tight 100m. Still R U shouts from Does Nothing, doing nothing standing around the check.

I went back and checked a bit closer to the forest and there was shredded. Onon I called as best I could in my ailing state.

Turkey caught me and asked if there was anyone ahead? A minute later in a wooded gulley, Sloppy caught me and asked the same question.

We traversed the lower extremity of the Doi and came out to a familiar spot. So far so good. I was walking and 4th after ten mins plus!

As we headed into the forest, shredded went left with no check at the obvious place. Turkish came walking back with a big, satisfied smile. I think it’s a False Trail he beamed. Think? How do you THINK it’s a Falsie? Sloppy was pounding on ahead and Turkey stood there without checking up the other way. Poo thought it may go right, but no paper, no FT or call and all Turkey achieved was lose two minutes on Slops-classic TD!

We followed the path for a few 100m and there was a broken circle left as we hit the main path. It could have gone right if the hare was sneaky and adventurous, but it didn’t.

Grease Gorilla and Cartoon past me here as we got to the split. As Sups doesn’t like the terms Rambo and Wimp, he has rebadged them. The wimp is now the normal run or NR and the Rambo which was the normal run is the Long Run or LR. Are you still with me? With all that smoke and mirrors, I turned right to climb up to the ridge thinking I was on the walker’s or the shorter run. At the top I was surprised to meet Turkey, Sloppy and the SRB Snowballs running around sorting out a tricky check. They were coming back against me and going further down the ridge towards the new road. I realized I’d taken the LR option not the NR option so decided to continue past the circle check and make my own way clockwise back down the route Gorf set a few weeks ago.

Snowballs hesitated but then set off in pursuit of the Turk and the Sloppy one, and also GG and Cartoon who were now ahead of him. Maybe he didn’t trust me or maybe he did and figured he had higher chances of getting lost the other way.

I lost contact and no one followed me. Fine. I even jogged a bit and made my way down to the edge of Doi and property. I traced my return over familiar trails close to Gorf’s route but a bit simpler, arriving back at the A just before Grease Gorilla came in first from the anti clockwise direction.

4km, still breathing, did a few 100m jogging and enjoyed the whole shebang. Decent effort Sups and Capt Hook. Good to see Greasy, Rooter and Libbers back, although Frozen Dick better increase his life insurance cover after their slanging match in the forest and in the circle.