Category Archives: CH3 – Monday

This is why I hash!

I slipped away from work, with my body feeling sore from yesterday’s mountain hike, but decided to give it a go – first up it was Skiddy’s birthday run, second from the run site it would be absolutely flat – about 30k+ to the nearest mountain, I would be safe! As it happens the good old GPS told me I had a 0m elevation gain (just about perfect) and a 3m elevation loss… (I can’t quite work that out, but the important bit was – it was flat!)

Also important was the “RLD’s” were not at all confusing, and a large turnout made it, including our visitors from Phuket. We could expect the usual kind of Skiddy trickery, and we were off. I tried to have a chat with Semen Soars as we jogged off, but he wanted to stretch his legs and tried to race me to the first check. Fortunately I got it right and went on a lucky spree for the next 6 or 7 checks! There were a couple that I got a glimpse of paper in the distance – Brown Finger wanted to accuse me of “excellent hash behaviour”, because you have to get close enough to the paper to read the hare’s message before calling On-On – even if you can spot a white strip in the distance!

We grouped up and Turkish Delight led us to the skiddy sticks. We heard the On-On call from across the paddy fields – Turkish the wannabe FRB pointed an arrow straight into a river before leading us on a shortcut through the check back and on to the next circle. From there is was mostly straight back to the A, but there were still some tricksy circle checks – the last being probably the best as it had Brown Finger running all over the place.

Back at the A, for once, Kwazi Moto was itching to get the circle started. When it did, it was one of the best circles in a long time! Perhaps Phuket added some extra refreshment, whatever, it topped off a fun run and the On-On was of course an excellent array of German food. The Boot was an additional game of screw the Phuket people! I’m sure the On-On-On-On was also fantastic, but some of us have to work…

Graven teamed up with Robin Banks to set what was arguably the best run of the holiday season. Admittedly last Tuesday there was a pretty damn good CUMH3 run, but today is what hashing is about. Excellent trail running and some challenging checks – the only problem was… my legs were too dead from the last weeks efforts and I only managed to keep up for about half the run before slacking off.

We met up at the runsite short of the Tiger’s Head and were treated to the return of the GM – although it seemed Kwazi had forgotten what his job was… The hare gave an unusual harebrief – we have everything – every kind of check there is, whether or not Sloppy Rod could figure out what to do or not. Yes! Hopefully there would be a BMY check! (When I ended up walking towards the end, I daren’t short cut in case I left everyone else out there at a BMY check!)

We looped around and back to the road, and it seemed quite a while without a check, so Poo started looking for trails from the inevitable skiddy sticks. The hares did a good enough job of messing him up, but Dogshit and I stayed on the trail as Sloppy came charging back down babbling about something or other. We hit some shiggy and my legs are ripped up to shreds as I ended up checking the wrong way. Darn my legs weren’t feeling good and I barely caught up again. Fortunately there was a lady showering to keep Square Rooter and I company as we walked through her back yard. 😀

Then I was on my own – great trails, but no energy left to run them. We got back and munched on a bit of fried rice, waiting for Kwazi to stop sweating and eventually got the circle started. It was a light hearted tag team affair that passed control between the GMs. When one GM drinks, all GMs drink, so Horny Monkey got in on the action too.

Some confusion over the run directions – largely due to my inability to read my own website. Anyway, with a bit of help from Sups I found my way to the same A site that Bend Over used a few weeks back. It was ominous as I was generally hoping for a short flat run after the weekend’s efforts. I set off slowly following Brown Finger through some kind of corn field – may as well let him and Skiddy do some early checking.

HRA had let it slip in the hare brief that we may see some old paper – which had to mean we were going to follow at least some of Bend Over’s run, the question was how much. When Brown Finger & Poo ran through a circle check without noticing, I headed down the trail BO had used and sure enough found powder. I chanced my luck and followed the last trail and sure enough hit trail through several checks. Looking over my shoulder hasher’s took it in turn to take the wrong trail – Mr. Poo, Semen Soars. Only Brown Finger kept following me ignoring the other options and leaving the checking effort to the others. At the top of the hill he caught me and plunged down running freely back to the cars the rest of us in his wake!

I slowed down and jogged in with Jungle Chim and Turkish Delight – knackered. It turned out that most of the run was the same as Bend Over, with a few variations and I remember Bend Over’s run being great. Today was good too.

Sloppy stepped up to the plate after the On-Sec didn’t let Humperdick know he was supposed to be the hare, and with 2 days notice, he managed to find and set a great little trail! It was a B to B, which was original for me, although the concept kind of makes sense – apart from the plethora of usable A sites much closer to the “B”! Nonetheless Lung Laa set us free on the run and Brown Finger and I jogged off straight out of the truck. It was a good start, made better by the first check where I lucked out choosing straight at the cross check – only to be thwarted moments later at the circle check.

Nonetheless things were going ok until the genius circle check which had everyone searching until ‘cohare in disguise’ Square Rooter called us back to the trail. Mr. Poo could be heard getting fainter and fainter as he tried to get to Huay Tung Thao, while Brown Finger started checking the same direction more than once using his infinite energy source. I was beat, my legs were feeling the effects of 3 straight hashes, and I had to ease off and walk up the gentle incline – at least I got to enjoy the great trails we were running on – why can’t all hashes be like this?

Brown Finger was unstoppable – literally as he cruised away from everyone and sprinted off to back to the “A” site not caring if anyone could hear him behind. I found myself with Mr. Poo and Square Rooter, and we figured we were at the back, but there was only Graven Image waiting when we got back to the truck. It seemed we had some racist bar stewards in Turkish Delight and Skid Mark as they got lost after the On-In and attempted to do the run twice!

Back at the A, we tucked into some splendid Kaow Soi tucker, courtesy of Skid Mark, before the circle started. Everything was going smoothly – Brown Finger was being duly punished for his numerous misdeeds – and then Sloppy Rod was given the circle to give out the wings… Sloppy doesn’t seem to give many splashes normally, but he had splashes for everyone, and willy’s for most too. The strategy was to put us on ice and then wait for us to commit a faux pas. Order was restored and everyone went home for an early night on the King’s birthday – or did we?

Square Rooter setting the run? Perhaps I could arrange a late afternoon meeting… No? Well, I guess I could give him another chance – Huay Tung Thao? There are some worrying hills around there, surely this would be different! We turned right at the entrance – promising, the East of the lake gives us at least 500m/1km of flat before we can hit the hills – oh how wrong I was as the A site loomed right at the base of the mountain. Ominous.

Well, too late to turn back now, lets see what he’s got in store. The hare brief wasn’t really a hare brief, it was more of a hare warning, with SR doing his best to talk us out of setting off. He suggested that everyone should turn back at the first available moment, and if you had a flashlight you should take it. He would even set off backwards to make sure we all made it – if the hare knows it’s deadly, perhaps we should just start drinking instead?

I set off conservatively, feeling the run from yesterday in my legs, and watched Belly Dancer head straight up the closest steep hill at the first check. Nope, the hare was more devious than that and we set off on a pleasant trail that seemed more down than up… I remarked to Brown Finger that perhaps SR was double crossing us – I’d not seen him that frantic about how bad the run was before, and you never know, maybe he’d set a good run! Foot in mouth, spoke too soon… – the trail headed up, and up, and up, and up…. The FRBs took off chasing Brown Finger who was getting every check right and sprinting up the hill, I cruised along with Turkish Delight (who was suffering from Turret’s syndrome). Near the top of one of the many hills we met Sloppy Rod who was trying to persuade us to turn back – when we didn’t he spent the next half hour or so telling us how we should be preparing to spend the night out in the jungle. “I scouted this with SR, we spent 4 hours with water, no way we will finish, he’s insane, we aren’t even half way up yet, do you have a flash light, we should go back, do you have a phone, this is a bad idea…”

I pushed on, trying to get away from SR’s negativity and TD’s abuse, unfortunately taking a fall that means my ribs are still hurting. We emerged from the jungle and found the beaming hare who’d dragged Superman back up the trail. It turned out there was a 2.5km On-In straight down a long trail, which would have been wonderfully runable had my ribs not been jarring every step. It seems like the FRBs enjoyed the run, so I guess I just need to get fitter! At least the circle was good, although Chang Beer should be banned, especially for use as Splash Beer – surely Leo is cheaper and at least drinkable!

(p.s. Sometimes SR refers to Square Rooter, and sometimes to Sloppy Rod, the reader can figure it out)

I often get a twinge of anticipation with BmY runs – perhaps the near Outstations he likes to set – miles from any kind of humanity and that disarming boyish innocence he projects as he gleefully does his Hare briefs.

Considering how far out of town (Doi Sucket +++) this was a very good turnout and perfect weather – thank f**k the rain has finally stopped – albeit a bit on the hot side. The CH3 Committee had called a meeting a hour before the run – what the hell is wrong with getting pissed at Next Place/Hash Pub for meetings? Anyway – seems Chucky is doing a great job building the coffers back up, Sups tenaciously marketing the sparce quantity of t-shirts and Sir Poo – despite me destroying his throne – doing a very efficient job of running the show. Anyway with meeting done – and us eagerly waiting to be let loose on BmY’s trail – Hare brief commenced.

As usual no-one listened – were we supposed to find fairy’s? – someone mentioned brothels but I was certain BmY would have never entertained such vile thoughts.

Off out he set the pack to his favourite ‘lets try and fuck up Chucky check’ – as ever he didn’t fall for it – poor Humperdick was the victim this time and off they headed with Brown Finger leading the charge.

BmY kindly gave us slow/lazy/old ba$tards a slightly shortened option – yep! I’ll have some of that since spending 10+ hours scouting for next weeks CUM (Oppps probably shouldn’t have said that) – so together with Sups, Back Door and Dirty P we headed out. Dirty P got the first 2 checks right and was on fire! It took all of 15 mins for Brown Finger, Suckit and Chucky to run him down.

I have to say BmY does find some great trails – I have to wonder how – without GPS or Junglisious! – must be the world’s most intelligent hasher instinct that gives him such incredible prowess in finding obscure but great hash trails!

Being a little weary I did not push the pace much – and there were so many rocks, stickers and logs to hop over but also some nice open running sections. The usual FRB mob ran me down – with Humpadick passing me at the ‘B’ road stop.

Up cleverly disguised trails which fortunately Humperdick seemed tuned into – a quick glance at the GPS told me to forget the considerate hare’s bus option and to finish the run. A good in trail was capped with the sun setting behind the distant mountains – what more could you ask from a Hare!

The circle was preceded by burnt offerings to the Forest Gods and Mr Poo – with so many Aussie hashers – why BmY didn’t enlist their legend skills is a mystery – just maybe he wanted us to increase our charcoal intake – fortunately Dutch BBQ expertise in the guise of Humperdick saved the day and what a good job he did – even while the rest of us enjoyed the circle and tried to finish the last Tiger beers left in Chiang Mai.

Very good run and circle and what male hashing is all about – Thanks BmY!

OnOn – BD.

Setting off an hour before the run was due to start given the directions – for a second day in a row a run on the Outer (Mae) Rim! The Hare(s) or HRA – who never showed up – somewhat understated the distance to the A bucket and after a scenic tour through the Mae Sa valley – finally 2 HHH signs were spotted with all of 2 minutes to spare before the run started. Being a male (traditional) hash our co-GM leaves job #1 (beer) to a woman – Knockout who fails to put any on the bus. En route Poo realises – so the bus has to stop for beer leaving Coming Slowly the task of driving at light speed to make the run – which he does – just!

With no visitors or virgins Poo dispenses with wasted paper and tells us On Out is ‘there’ pointing at some vast mountains which only Square Rooter and me gleefully charge off. A decent turnout for a run so far far away – off we start climbing gently and I nailed the first check and would have nailed the 2nd too if it wasnt for the rabid dogs 10m from the paper – perhaps I should take Kwazi’s advice and terrorise them!

The pack regrouping then started to climb in earnest – for 1.6km! – en route was an elephant and that was about the only living fauna we saw the whole run. Up in the stratosphere Rooter, Skid, Chucky, Humperdick and Sloppy forged ahead on the downhill section and naturally as it was wet and slippery I was even overtaken by Dirty P, Frozen and Hole Plugger. At times like this – I just relax and enjoy the scenary which was for me new and pristine. After the slippery hill descent the trails were good and runable and I caught up with the strollers and Mr Poo was waiting at the final collapsed concrete bridge so he he could enjoy us taking a refreshing foot wash before On In after 3.8km of arduous running/climbing/slipping.

The circle started in rain but we managed to squeeze into a shelter with a huge truck which kept thing intimate – Sups turned up a tad late and decided to skip the running bit. It took a few beers for the circle to come to life and after the dubious ‘food’ and yet more beer things did liven up for an enjoyable circle highlighted by Hole Pugger and Chuck Wow recieveing their 100 run mugs. Well done Knockout … erm, sorry Mr Poo for a good evening out!

OnOn
BD

It was a night out at the Fire Station, and Chuck Wao set the run. Amongst the runners was Square Rooter and he was flying throughout the run – it wasn’t revealed until the circle that he had actually co-hared the run! No wonder he knew where to go! Given that he knew how bad a run it was, I’m shocked he chose to go out and run it again!!!

We set off and were quickly heading up hill – there didn’t seem to be many choices, so it had to be uphill, skirting along a narrow edge that was sure to freak Belly Dancer out – but it was Dog Shit who was the first to turn back. At a waterfall Sloppy Rod scrambled across to start the climb up the steep steep hill to nowhere.

Someway up we hit a trail and Sloppy Rod was first there. In a devious (Scum Bag) way he picked his direction and then leant on a tree to catch his breath – “resting”. Of course he chose the trail back down – which he’d run many times before – forcing me to check the trail even further up hill. Once I’d got around 100m straight up he called On-On and ran away from us. We were doing a good job of chasing him down the hill until he took a short cut to come in clear.

Meanwhile I was just one of the runners to completely screw up, ending up in some kind lady’s back garden. She was kind, but her dogs weren’t quite so kind. I did make it back, but from completely the wrong direction.

After a long pause and a quick bite to eat the circle started with a Kwazi Monologue – At least now he knows what a fortnight is. The rain finally arrived and cut the circle short. Those of us without 4 wheel drive got our cars out of the A site before we got stuck on the muddy hill.

Horny Monkey had a plan in mind when he set today’s run – and it worked out nicely for everyone! Clearly he’d let it slip to Skid Mark & Frozen Dick as he tried to persuade them to come along and it was clear that Horny Monkey was going to try something novel – but it’s Huay Tung Thao, what could he really do that hasn’t already been done?

Square Rooter commented at the end that a good rule of thumb for a hare is to make sure the last 500m or so was a good run, and people would forget about how bad the rest was. The last 500m of this run was a zipline across the reservoir after some other treetop exploration! Memorable? For sure and for all the right reasons!  Belly Dancer probably won the award for surviving it given his fear of heights, but I think everyone was a bit scared – more scared of the rope bridges than the actual zip line!

What about the rest of the run? Well, it wasn’t as exciting as the zip line! A trundle along the edge of the reservoir dipping into the mountain occasionally. Horny Monkey left himself post it notes explaining where to set a circle check etc. but one particular circle check had everyone confused. Having heard the On-On call echoing from somewhere the pack dispersed into the mountain 180 degrees from the trail. The pack that is apart from Sloppy Rod who danced along in front of everyone else – but interestingly found the B site from a different direction (short cutting bastard!)

The marking of the run left a lot to be desired with small yellow squares being occasionally used and hashers regularly getting off paper – except for Superman who seemed locked in on the route – I think its the first time I and Chuck Wao have broken away from the pack with Superman leading the way! Superman wisely ducked out of the zip lining with the first group being Byte My Yahoo, Sloppy Rod, Chuck Wao and Bone Hur. Following behind Kwazi Moto, Humperdick, Belly Dancer, Square Rooter and Frozen Dick seemed to take an age – mostly due to them needing to coax Belly Dancer across the rope bridges!

A very memorable hash – great work Horny Monkey for a truly original idea.