Category Archives: CH3 – Write Ups

Around 5 years or so back, a young naive hasher named Byte My Yahoo, set a truly terrible run from Huay Tung Thao. The intention was good, but the outcome a disaster with hashers returning from all directions… Suckit summed it up in the circle pretty well with a “YOU SUCK!!!” splash that has meant the run hasn’t been forgotten. Why bring up a run from 5 years ago? Well, Stiff (along with Mr. Poo as co-hare) managed to pretty much copy that run. I offer that opening before being a hypocrite!

Huay Tung Thao appears to be a great place to set a run from – it’s convenient from town, well used, so there are trails around. From my experience it is quite a bit harder than it initially seems.

Mistake #1 – the run started with a circle check! Huh? The point of checks is to keep the pack together – a good check will slow the faster runners down and bring the pack back together. What does starting with a check do? It just scatters the pack from the beginning…

Mistake #2 – the call came from “the waterfall”. Yes… any run that heads up the waterfall is doomed to failure. There is no option apart from a hard slog up, or an ugly hack through the shiggy. I’ve spent a lot of time scouting to find an alternative, and so as I climbed the hill I was wondering what the fuck I was doing… It was the same climb I set 5 years back on a truly sucky run. And sure enough the turn back down the hill was at exactly the same point.

Mistake #3 – the Wimp trail – of course you don’t want to send the wimps up that hill, so a wimp option makes sense, but as we came down the hill we could hear the wimps calling more clearing than the rambos. Eitherway we knew we had to descend, so Graven and I came off the hill and randomly bumped into co-hare Poo stood on trail wondering why we were coming from a different direction, but as we found other hashers it was clear that was the least of the confusion. Everyone was confused. We were at the dam end of HTT reservoir.

Mistake #4 – Markings! So the rambo trail was on white paper, the wimp trail was on pink paper, both trails would be on white and pink paper, and they used powder in places that we would understand why they used powder…? We got down and guessed that we rejoined the wimp trail, so started looking for pink paper… no sign of that, so it was any kind of paper or powder or whatever, so sign of what to follow. We found something that might have been powder, but found a lot of pissed off wimp runners who had been searching for hours, or days there. Within moments we spotted some powder by the lake. Not easy to follow, but while the trail went along the shoreline, we went along the road spotting the odd bit here and there.

Mistake #5 – not enough trail! Partway down the lake we found clear evidence and Frozen Dick was FRB! A couple of pink strips hidden in the undergrowth. At this point it was still possible for the trail to do a figure of 8 and loop back along the aqueduct, but also possible to be just a boring loop around the lake. Some opted to head back, others opted to run around the lake. Graven and I did the latter, but meanwhile made some efforts towards trying to find trail. Evidence was scarce. One pink paper at the end of the lake had us confident enough that we had to go on around. We had different options for getting back, but chose to head over to the running track, and would you believe it, there was pink paper… Finally we were back on trail!!!

What can I say? I can’t say too much, as I’ve done pretty much the same… but that waterfall is cursed I tell ya, it’s cursed!!!

Jungle Run in the Heart of Bangkok. CH3 Outstation. 26th October 2015

“Bangkok, Oriental setting…
And the city don’t know what the city is getting.”

Does now. The Chiang Mai Male Hash Team is in The Big Mango. I joined up with a sorry looking and discombobulated crew of hashers on the morning of the hash. The meetup point for the run was changed several times during the day to keep everyone on their toes but by 3.30 we were off. Taxi first to the Chao Phraya and then longboat across to the A bucket where The Hare and Co-hare Drunken Donut were waiting for us. So far so smooth. With all of the spectacular views you expect of downtown BKK.

After a meet and greet and short hare brief and saunter to the first check the runners were away into the Jungle — known to the locals as Bang Kra Jao. This was dense tangled vegetation. And eerie. Keen alertness was needed to stay on. Many interesting obstacles lined the way. Log bridges both big and small a main feature. This hasher was too cavalier and fell at the first hurdle. Up to my neck in the primordial ooze I had to be sucked out by Mr Poo and Pigshit. Good job boys. On on. Further along the Hare took us through a small wooden house. And I do mean through. Here was man quietly enjoying his supper and catching up on a little TV when I blundered through. Question: why was this not a beer stop? Very friendly chap.

The circle was a lot of fun. Our hosts were Julian 1 and Julian 2 (Pickled Testicles?). Much beer was consumed. A novel feature was a large bucket filled with uncrushed ice to sit on. It was long time before we noticed two members of our party were missing: Sticky Wicket and Poo Senior. Our GM seemed unconcerned and said “Bangkok has them now…”

A great run. Well organized. Not quite as squelchy as I had anticipated. All to do with the tides and moon I think. And thank you Hare for not mentioning that Bang Kra Jao is the natural habitat for the deadly venomous Monocled Cobra until we were safely returned to Chiang Mai.

This writer is a stranger to hyperbole but I don’t thing any jungle anywhere has hosted such a magnificent sporting event since Ali beat Foreman in The Rumble in the Jungle back in ’74.

Great job GM and Hare ABB and our Big Mango friends.

Upon being asked to set 2 runs in 3 days, Sticky came up with a strategy… First up, set both runs at Huay Tung Thao. Second, why not just use the same run in reverse? The problem came when so many people bitched about him setting the run across the rice field, so I guess today he needed to find a way around.

I was slightly delayed leaving the office and got caught in the traffic leaving the university. Around 10 minutes late, I’d got changed in the car at traffic lights so was ready to spring out the car and set off after the pack. Could I catch them with a 10 minute headstart? The first circle was mutilated, so it took me a minute or so to find trail – not off to the best of starts! The trail basically followed the running track, but it seemed as though the hare couldn’t decide which track to use, so just cut randomly across the shiggy in between each lane.

Finally we crossed the road to the lane that avoids the rice field, and here I caught Tiptoe. Not too bad, perhaps I would see some other hashers. At the base of the mountain the check was kicked out to the right, so we were heading up and across the dam. Along the trail there are some good viewpoints, and I expected to see some hashers jogging across the dam, but nobody in sight. Was I that far behind? I caught and passed Kwazi with a brief conversation. As I came down the slope to the lake, Chuckie appeared in front of me! Wow! Was there nobody between Kwazi and Chuckie? He called onon as though he’d been checking so I slipped in behind him as we crossed the dam wall. Piggy suddenly appeared from behind me… Looks like I must have short cut somehow, and reports afterwards suggested there was a little loop that took the trail right back to itself, either side of the road.

Piggy took off after CW, and I settled into a comfortable, but slow, pace. The trail followed Saturdays in reverse, until we got back to the road and randomly hit the OnIn! About 1.5km still to go… Normally I like running on the HTT track, but this time it was monotonous. Somehow I had passed pretty much all the pack, but at least I got some exercise!

Another male hash and another Router run.  Was he going to try to kill us again?  He’d invited Liberace along, and we were on the side of the road up Doi Suthep on Huay Kaew road.  These didn’t seem like good signs.

Before the run the hare explained his marking system: vertical strips for the Rambo trail, little bows for the Wimps, and combining the two to form arrows when the trails came together.  We were so impressed with his ingenuity that we nearly forgot what was to come – though all assumed that the idea must have come from Toe Sucker.  Since the hare brief was over early we decided to take a moment to contemplate the glory of this system, and then left when Sloppy Rod arrived.

We set off down the trail and hashers fanned out to check.  The first thing we found was Sunspot, who was up on the road and laughing at us.  He wouldn’t tell us whether or not there was paper up there so eventually we gave up and carried on checking.  Trail turned out to be over the creek and up the hill.  Pigshit promptly took a nasty fall on the slippery rocks and I made my first, but no means last, use of four-wheel drive to get across.

We slogged uphill for a long way and then came to the road, again.  Taking our lives in our hands we crossed and were back on trail.   At some point Cuckold woke up some incredibly painful insects and wisely jogged off, leaving them to attack Cabbage Patch, who unwisely decided to dance around in place while getting bitten.  Crap Thai and I were scornful of getting so excited about being bitten by red ants, until we were bitten and set off down the hill howling with pain!  Piggy was either made of sterner stuff (or didn’t get bitten).

Things got serious after the Wimp/Rambo split:  slippery rocks, small trails, more climbing….  Then I came down a trail to find Cabbage Patch clinging to the side of a rock above the waterfall.  Adorable Blue Balls ahd already climbed over him and left him there and Piggy was eagerly watching to see if he was going to fall.  Thankfully he made it (we’re still hoping he’ll pay membership fees sometime) and we moved on.

A few more trails and Chack Wow and I found ourselves at the Boy Scout waterfall!  Suddenly I knew where I was, and when everybody else went down at the next circle check I sent Piggy up.  We were miles ahead of everyone until we discovered the coming together of the Wimp/Rambo trails and a circle check that all the wimps had apparently been too lazy to kick out.

Once we’d discovered the trail it was the end of Square Router’s Lanna run (again), we crossed the road (again) and then went back up by the side of the river (where we’d been before).  True lazy bastards just walked up the road in defeat to find a completely unrepentant Square Router

The park rangers decided that the circle should be short so after a few splashes we went into town to Euro Diner and then on

Frozen teamed up with Tiptoe to set a run from near his place in the Ob Kham area. Rumour had it Section 44 was waived for the night, so I went along for the exercise. Frozen began his harebrief with an apology, laying out what a shitty run he’d set for us. There would be 2 parts, but no beer in between the parts…. There would be parts that Belly Dancer would be proud of, and parts even he wouldn’t put his name to…. I was beginning to wonder why I was there…!

We set off and the legs complained a bit with a small gentle rise, but finally we got into rhythm, heading straight into the hills, and going pretty close to some nice trails. The nice trails run throughout the hills, but in the pursuit of setting a uniquely virgin run, the hares decided to avoid the trails, and bushwhack. We went up a hill, scrambling off trail, and then down a hill scrambling off trail as though the hares had done their best to avoid runnable trail. The checks did get us – most of the time we were searching for passable trails, while the paper was actually randomly placed through the undergrowth.

HRA seemed to have less hassle than anyone else. Like a bloodhound he seemed to be on the same page as the hares, and nailed check after check. When we weren’t scrambling through bushes, we were climbing through barbed wire. The hare later said he wanted to set a different, virgin trail – if only we could choose between virgin or good? (Although to be honest, give that choice to most of the CH3, we would choose virgin over good!!!) HRA was still on a roll, but finally he got one wrong, and it was a bad one to get wrong… When we finally hit a good running trail, he was busy checking in the shiggy far off trail. Fortunately I, and Poo finally got something right, and well, you are only as good as your last check… CW caught up as we jogged in together, nearly forgetting the hideous start to the run as the last km or so was great.

When Dirty Stinking Rotten Pervert got back we moved on to an excellent circle.

The start of a new era – Frozen has gone, in with ABB. All week we got emails advertising his run and I got there expecting something special. Meaejo – the low hills before the Tiger Head. I am somewhat familiar with the area – and it is always a good run.

I set off ok, getting the first check or 2 with Piggy not far behind. Then a circle that I just got plain wrong. Most people passed and I slowly caught people as we climbed up the hill towards the tiger camp. Inevitably we got to the 5 trail junction and Poo was leading Piggy there. Normally hares put a circle right at the junction, but Sloppy mixed it up and went 50m down a trail before putting a circle. Bluff? Double Bluff? Triple Bluff? Poo turned back and checked back from the junction (twice). Piggy was a long way off. Kwazi appeared short cutting from another direction, which left me to do the “obvious” trail past the circle. I was On and clean away as the trail turned sharply down the hill. I accelerated with dreams of grandeur.

Sadly I got some checks badly wrong as we got to the bottom of the hill, and while I had some gap ahead of the pack, they quickly caught up as I ran backwards and forwards. The whole pack swept past and I had nothing left to give.

Excellent set that had the FRBs repeatably confused. Pretty much all of the pack came in close together (and ahead of me!). Job done!

Square Rooter, the wily old fox, outfoxed this hasher today… I know the area fairly well – so I think, so I predicted the route and figured I had SR covered…

We set off as usual up towards the TV station, but then a surprise circle. I got it right but then called Rooter’s bluff at the 2nd circle – it was a double or triple bluff and I was headed up the wrong trail – I’d been right before that strange circle… So it was up the regular “Pilgrim’s Trail”. Ahead there was Lanky Yanky, Chuckie, Mr. Poo and Piggy. The trail headed off to the right and people were checking a circle. I know this area – even if the main trail was wrong, you HAVE to get back to the main trail, or there is no way back. I carried on figuring I’d intercept sooner or later. Rounded a corner and found Mr. Poo taking an opportune shit in the bushes. He encouraged me to go back, but I continued my plan.

I could hear calls off to my right, so continued my pilgrimage. Finally I got to the temple – there was no sound of anyone, and I knew completely that I’d fucked up – badly! I just uploaded my trek to strava though, and it has me as the 2nd fastest ever on the trail to Palad temple! WTF!!?? Just 21 seconds slower than the fastest! Enough about that – I wasn’t racing – I was trying to get back to trail… So when I hit the road, I headed back down the hill for a km or so. It was great – the first time in a long time that I’ve felt comfortable running – it was much cooler. Finally I found a trail and cut across and sure enough hit a circle check – sadly it was fairly early on the trail and I was a long way behind having done a 3km detour… Anyway, I was back to black ants biting on Rooter’s trail.

I kept moving along, and got to the W/R split. Decisions, decisions…. I went wimp – it was already 55 mins… The trail cut down and finally I saw Frozen Dick, Tip Toe, Cuckold and Belly Dancer down below. When Belly heard me running behind he figured I was the first of the FRBs on the Rambo trail, and decided to try to outrun me…. Hehehehee! Oh his disappointment when he found out the rest of the pack were already supping beers at the finish.

Nice set… bad screw up!

Hare Humperbert (sic) teamed up with Squrootley (sic) for a creative, scenic set from the circular reservoir above the orchard behind the hillside Buddha temple retreat. Getting there was a bit fraught as my wingman Yankoffallot goes 25 mph max on his bike…and I don’t. Despite being passed by the Songtaeo on Hang Dong Rd we beat them to site as they turned up the Night Safari link to Canal Rd.
Beer Monster TipToe was delayed and various lightweights depended on Chucky for 4 WD lifts to get up the dusty, rutted hill.
First check was a bastard. Stiffy and YoA checked up the hill with Alice confidently advising it was the only possible option. What do I know? Very little, as the trail was back 30m and off to the right heading down on a track strewn with macheted saplings.
C Wao, Graven, and Stiffy shared FRBS duties as the checks were pretty sneaky and had Rooter written all over them according to Sloppy Rod!
Baldrick made a surprise appearance and all was going well under leaden skies as we headed down a burnt path to a powder circle check and that’s when the world started to unravel.
I checked right up a long, steep path in on orchard and heard others shouting faintly from elsewhere. Figures scuttled around below me but progress was not being made. Suddenly a faint on on in the wind and everyone disappeared! I made my way down and the heavens opened and a gale set in. I found the almost washed out circle with central stone but no paper anywhere! Yikes. The pack had disappeared, swallowed by the tempest.
I tried to follow the path on the left side of a steep ravine and checked into the abyss for sign of life or paper when I could. Suddenly a green figure on the hillside above me and a washed out check on the burnt soil bank. YoA was also left behind but on paper. Together we bashed into the horizontal rain, desperately searching for paper at every cross path. The weather worsened, trees bent level, paths were under water, chalk washed away and hail rained down like bullets. It was not a good time to be out on a hillside with little idea of how to get back….
Somehow we managed to find trail and the forest offered a little protection. A familiar ish 5 way junction, must be a washed out check, but luckily small squares stuck to leaves leading up. Down over the grassy hummocks, well marked with paper, finally, and onto another flooded pathway. Nothing to the left, one half piece of paper right after quite a distance and a surviving splodge of powder. Relief. It was gloomy and still hammering down as we followed trail by luck and judgement until we hit a barb wire fence and went through onto another winding hillside trail under the trees but into more open ground. As we split again to trudge through the mud checking for signs, I suddenly saw the welcoming sight of Sloppy, Rooter and Humpers? on a rescue mission. Sloppy and Alice still managed to turn the wrong way back towards the W-R split before a 180 and a soggy trudge back to A.
Circle was fairly low key, Alice enjoyed catching up with Sups, Suckit with new bits, Kwazi with old bits, Baldrick etc. Good nosh at Yabba Dabba Do and an appearance by Frozen Dick. Lots of regular hashers notable by their absence, hopefully clearer air will entice you back! Not to mention Alice and YoA’s challenging trail this coming Saturday!
On On,
Alice

I headed out to the lake by Alpine Golf Course – familiar area, we’d been there with Taste My Buns not so long back – interestingly she’d had the same co-hare as Does Nothing – the Adorable Blue Balls!

The key new part to this run was special voucher envelopes hidden after checks – nice touch! With Brownfinger around I knew I’d have to get ahead early to stand a chance so jogged off with Brownie on my shoulder. Some visiting military guy blitzed past us, and that was all it took for Brownie to set off. The two of them were away. Finally the first check, and TACO, The American Cantering Officer, was already coming back from checking left, while Brownie was straight on. I gambled left, and sure enough found a nice envelope in the trees. OnOn and we were following TMB’s run through the gully.

TACO, Takes A**l Creampie Often, cruised past with Brownie in hot pursuit, but again at the next check they were lured in the wrong direction. Following the trail from a few weeks back, I snagged my 2nd envelope. Next check I got wrong, but it seemed there was no prize for that one, so as I got to the W/R split the pack was already ahead clambering up the steps. Bah, I can be a Wimp! It was the same as TMB’s run, over to the trail heading up the hill – a circle check. Up I went and there is the next envelope! Nice! And so it continued – I was on my own, but jogging around a familiar route, collecting prizes! Excellent Run – very well set, clearly marked etc.

When I got back the hares were waiting at the far end of the lake… A brief chat and a jog off for some beer. Back at the A, Brownie and Gravey are sat cooling down – where did they come from? It seemed that Pee Poo erroneously kicked a check and left the rest of the pack utterly confused so they came in from all directions leaving the hares stood forlornly at the other side of the lake. Well, I enjoyed it, even if the rest were confused!

Frozen and Humpers laid just the right trail for a hangover run, the only issue was getting people to the A site as the signage was well camouflaged….to be polite. One normal red n white at the turn on Sam Jct then these black signs with pale yellow letters were somewhat challenging to just about everybody who came by themselves and definitely the song tao!

The Dicks laid a 4 click jaunt which had plenty of checks and a dastardly false trail that caught everyone out. Once this had been surmounted, we were on again, cursing and sweating across low level undulating ridges to behind a smelly chicken farm. Or maybe it was just me with the f, c and b?

A check on a hillside with paths left and right near the end foxed us. Pigshit went left, with Alice and BrownFinger 50 yds behind. No flour. Suddenly a shout from above and we bashed thru the forest to the trail which had been right and then up and around the hill. The circle remained unkicked and foxed the later runners and walkers, of which there were many.

After another tricky check, On In was clear and Alice jogged back alone to find Piggie and Browny heading off again for another lap. Apparently some late, late arrivals started then too!

Virgin Peter from Manc and Does Nothing came in last of the first pack and then half the Cloggies in Siam followed in ribs and drabs. Welcome back to Wouldn’t Come after many years and hello to a load of other Dutchmen who also couldn’t locate the site.

Circle ebbed and flowed under Frozen’s icy grip, the Great Baldini slipped off the ice and everyone went home happy, more or less, which is the point.

On On and Keep Hashing Healthy in CNX!
Alice and xx from Fandango.