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Piggy, Piggy, Piggy… With a new regime in power everyone was making big efforts in their new committee positions. All we needed was the perfect run for the start of the new year…! Ob Kham, the far end of the road to nowhere, what would we have in store? An early hare brief – cunningly designed so we could get out on trail before Gorf arrived late. It told us very little, except the wimp run was nice, and the rambo run not so nice.

It was hot, damn hot. Turkey short cut his way out of the A-bucket – impressive to short cut before we’d even started the trail! He promptly got the first check wrong and Shit House and I continued up the road. Straight away there was the Wimp Rambo split. Aaaargh!!! I was tempted to just do the wimp run, but it was a bit early so I gamefully went for the rambo option. Another circle check and the virgin visitor had no idea what to do, just following me to the trail. A bit further and trail seemed to stop. There was some paper, but it looked old, and then nothing. For some time we looked around and I climbed up the hill in case there had been a circle check that nobody saw. Finally someone called on, from a long, long way away! I went back down the hill to find an FT hidden on the back of a tree (we’d followed HRA’s old paper past the FT). No idea how somebody found the true trail, but it had cost us some time.

I made my way through the pack, perhaps putting too much effort in – damn it was hot. And the trail was just going back up the same bloody hill I’d just climbed. Turkey had just cut across, which would have been the sensible choice. Damnit! The trail continued up, up, up. I didn’t like the look of the peak, so idled my way around the side of the hill, and lucked out. There was a V-check on top, and I traversed to the correct trail avoiding the worst of the rambo climb, and nailing the check. Another V check nailed, and then arrows. Holy fook, we were rejoining the Wimps, but we’d done 2km of hill (20 mins), and they’d done a couple of hundred yards. Even the slowest walkers would be a long way ahead.

I was some way ahead of the rest of the FRBs though, so jogged along through the already kicked out checks. At least the walkers had had some fun, but would we ever catch them. Chuckie was some way behind, but I wasn’t sure how long I could hold him off. I passed Miss Piggy, going the wrong way, and a few other ladies who’d turned back with bags laden full of foraged food. As I past Anything, I saw up to my left Wooly Jumper on the top of a ridge. “Are you ON?” – “Yes” she told me. Great – I cut up, wondering why she was stood watching me. When I reached the top, that was the moment she decided to point out the False Trail. WTF Wooly? I thought you were my friend?

As I came back down the hill, CW had already past, but he slowed to let me join him… Or at least that was his plan until Gorf stormed through. Given the choice of idling along with me, or chasing it with Gorf, he decided to put the effort in and I didn’t see either of them again. I pressed on, and crossed the gorge, which had a well placed bamboo bar designed to take the head off almost every hasher. Finally I started to pick off the walkers. But by now we were already on our way back, and CW & Gorf were way ahead. I tried to keep pressing on, but it was hot…
Poo passed, HRA passed, Turkey passed…. At least Toe Sucker was kind enough to say hello as she breezed past me into the A-bucket.

So, the ??? turned out to be Chuck Wao – the new GM of CSH3! He kept people guessing right up until the end, even going out on the run to try to confuse the faithful. As well as it being the AGMU, it was also the 1300th CSH3 run, and due attention was paid with 13 circle checks, complete with prizes that could possibly be won. All in all it was a well thought out event…

But, there was a new kind of check… A circle check with a reward. We had to find the reward somewhere near the check, and if we found the reward we should then remove a coloured marker from the check to indicate that the reward had already been found. A technicality which proved too intellectually challenging for some half minded hashers, most notably HRA, who left the pack searching for a “tag” that was already in his pocket.

My least favourite part of the run was the tiny balance bridge, and thanks Turkey for coming up behind me and screaming, while I was trying to balance… My favourite part of the run was the beerstop. The thoughtful hares had even put on a yoga class for us to ogle while we supped ice cold beer. Normally I run through the beer stops, but today I was hot and relaxed. Piggy seemed to agree another glass of beer would be the civilised approach, so we let the pack run off and enjoyed the cold beer.

I already had a reward tag in my pocket, but some 15 mins or so later when we set off Piggy was able to snag the next tag that the FRBs had run off and left behind. Fortunately we had CW with us, the anonymous hare to tell us where to look (if only he could remember)! The next check was where HRA had already screwed things up, and here we had an eclectic group of myself, Piggy, ABB, Stumbling Dyke, Frozen Dick and Tip Toe. Fortunately CW was with us too and desperately trying not to give away that he knew what was going on he shepherded us towards the trail and stopped us looking for prizes! These checks were too intellectual for us!

Back at the resort, the brave jumped into the green slimy pool, for a break before the circle. Shagless’s final performance was in full flow when one of his RAs (Mr. Poo who was hiding away in Pattaya) sent in the storms. He’d barely had time to fire ABB when we were all running for shelter, the thoughts of an outdoor pool party dinner blown away. Inside the GM managed to fire everyone, including Poo (which seemed to appease the raingods), before handing the reigns over to Chuckie…

With the after party, that will be an AGMU that is hard to top! Great job guys, and thanks Shagless for a great hashing year! OnOn!

Credit where credit is due… this Horny Monkey was for once “not a disaster”! Congrats Horny! The hare brief was early, as the hare was worried about us getting through a gate before they closed it – of course, the gate was padlocked by the time we got there. Chuckie and Lumber Jackoff were off well at the start, but we got back together to find a hole to crawl through the fence to get away from the golf course.

Piggy & I did a bit of parallel running at one check and then I got lucky with a couple of checks as we headed across a bridge to ‘the island’. Horny has used these trails before, and it is an impressive bridge to an island that goes nowhere at all… We ran around the island until Turkey got a check right and promptly ran off to a false trail. I second guessed the hare and found the true trail luring Piggy to follow me and suddenly we were way ahead…

Way ahead, but it was freaking hot. At the next check Piggy gave me the choice, and while we both wanted to go left, he was correct going right. Finally I chose to parallel for a bit, and met up with him again a bit later. Across the rice field, and the only thing left was to find a way across the creek. Again I fucked up… Yup, Horny you completely screwed me on two big checks there… so as I say, it was “not a disaster”!

The run was short… like this write up!

Cumalot teamed up with her son for a run way down at the edge of earth… This time the signage was good, but my attempt to short cut on the way there led me to long traffic jams. I was tired before we set off! It is hot. The air is polluted. A rational man would not be off running in these conditions. I guess we are hashers!

I set off with every intention of walking, taking it steady, and not letting my breathing get too heavy. At the first check Brownie went right, while Obscene went left – he was a co-hare, so I followed him, and when we found paper I suggested he shouldn’t run ahead any more. Not that I wasn’t going to use the advantage of course! I pressed on and nailed a few more checks, with silence behind. I needed to pause and cough/vomit the pollution out of me. I trudged on, and finally heard Scoobydoo behind me.

Some good checks had us zigzagging, but as I got a few right, it was a while before the rest of the FRBs joined me. Then the lead circled as good checks had most guessing wrong. Taste My Buns took the lead for a while, and we spent time spotting the flying blue suit through the trees and cutting across towards her. Around half of the run involved ducking under trees, while the other half was leaping over small canals.

I found a comfortable position not far behind the front of the pack, until another circle that needed checking. I was wrong, but spied a nice road that should reconnect me. As I looped around, I ran into the middle of a huge swarm of bees. I wasn’t quite sure what was going on until I spotted the hives. This was a bad short cut! I could hear the FRBs the other side of the bees, but had to take a much longer detour to avoid them. I lost some ground and joined with Party Czar, who had apparently performed a miraculous short cut.

Back at the circle, we spent some time coughing up phlegm and talking about other hashes. This isn’t healthy folks!

KO teamed up with JC for todays run, having teased the rest of the male hashers that she may choose them to be her co-hare! Seriously though, thanks for stepping in and helping out when Foxy pulled a sicky (get well soon Foxy!).

On to the run. A couple of months back there was a hugely memorable run from the same runsite, by the same hare, where things went monumentally “not to plan”. Today was little different! We set off with some eager new virgins. I got the first check wrong, figuring we were heading to the temple – but a nice switcharoo for the first check had the trail headed for the narrow bamboo bridge. I don’t like that bridge at the best of times, much less at the back of a queue, so decided to head around and join the pack the other side. CW joined me.

As we jogged round we saw the OnIn, and followed trail backwards briefly until we met the pack checking a circle. Both CW & I thought, bloody hell this is close! So we tried to steer the checking away from the In-Trail. Across the quarry (the same quarry that had caused issues previously!). We spied paper up the hill through the gap in the quarry – it was too far, but a few of us headed up there. I was about 70m short when the OnOn call came from Turkey. From where I was I had a great view across the quarry, and could see they’d found the in-trail. Shit. Everyone with me turned back, but I knew the call was wrong, so after a short debate headed up to see the KO on the paper. I was right! I called, and waved my arms. Stood like a mad man on top of the quarry I could see the hashers unconvinced… They had Turkey called from one side, and me calling from the other… Who would you trust? Luckily, only Anal Vice followed Turkey, and the rest of the pack turned back to follow me!

Up over a small hill and down to the concrete wall. I got there with Brownie, and I was wrong heading straight on, while he got it correct to the left. THe problem was Anal Vice stood across the valley calling “ON ON – I’m On Paper HERE!”. I yelled back “You’re going the wrong way – it is over here!”. He called out “I’m On, You’re on Old Paper!”. This continued for sometime. He was sure of himself. I was correct. For everyone behind it sounded like a lot of OnOn calls in the wrong direction!

I didn’t hear Brownie call, but with a virgin we figured we were wrong and crossed down to rejoin the trail. It was heartbreaking going down a hill, knowing that I had to climb it again just around the corner… The likes of Graven chose a smarter route. I rejoined trail amongst the walkers, so cut a small corner to head up the hill and rejoin trail not far behind CW & BF. Ahead of them were some ferocious youngsters. This son of Robin Banks – who the hell is he? Where did he get his genes from? I can’t imagine RB ever moving like the boy wonder!

I figured I wouldn’t see the front of the pack again. I bumped into Turkey & AV – they were still thinking they were doing it right, while everyone else was wrong… wtf?! Bizarrely I got to a check with hashers scattered. NOYB was coming back up the hill from having checked down – it later transpired that he had found a circle kicked out up the hill – a circle kicked out by the backwards duo of AV & TD. It had confused the poor boy, and led to more confusion for everyone else. I finally found it the long way down the hill, and waited while the pack found their way down the right way. From there were jogged back in much the way I’d gone out. Utter, utter confusion! If only the GM had remembered to splash the hares…

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