Category Archives: Blog

6th June – CH3 – Cuckold

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The hash is a social club – billed as a drinking club with a running problem, but essentially a social club that does a bit of running and drinking. “The loneliness of the long distance runner” (a book & a film from the 50s and 60s), does highlight the possibility of an oxymoron there between running and being social. We all run at our own paces, and apart from a brief chat as a faster runner flies by us, there is little camaraderie to liven the grueling slog of going for a run. Many of us don’t really enjoy running. How could it be possible for faster runners to run with slower runners? Perhaps the faster runner could slow down? Or the slower runner speed up? Or might there be another way to solve this conundrum? Along comes the hash! It’s not a running club, and it’s not a hiking club, even though we do much the same thing running clubs or hiking clubs do. So where is the difference? The brilliance of a check – the humble circle check, the sneaky false trail, a V, a cross, even a beer stop. The cunning tools available to the hare to liven up a run – to let runners of all abilities run the same course, but somehow faster runners run further than walkers, and yet arrive around the same time. The checks make the run part of a hash sociable, and the beers make the circle sociable.

And so to today’s hash, or run, from the football field on the Sameong Road. Familiar area, and the constant nagging worry on the drive to the runsite is whether we will be punished with the stairs. After Saturday’s ‘epic’ run, I was still trying to recover. The hare staggered out of a local tavern to slur through a hare brief and point us off in a vague general direction. We were following blue paper – a particular shade of blue, selected for its ability to naturally blend into a leafy environment. At the first check I determined that we weren’t to be punished by the stairs, and took off along the road. I got a bit ahead of the other FRBs, but there were 4 of us together as we jogged down to the wimp rambo split.

CW, Piggy, Poo and I, and when I saw the W/R split I was inconsolable. By the rubber wall, with the rambo’s pointed off the ‘wrong’ side of the wall. We were 2.5km in, and running around the rubber wall is another 8km – a terry-ble idea for a hare. I was ready to take the wimp trail, but Piggy spurred me on by questioning my manhood. Shortly afterwards the trail turned abruptly right and steeply up hill. So if we weren’t going around the wall, it probably meant we were going up to the temple and back down the steps? And even worse idea! The climb set in – no relief – no opportunity to pause and enjoy the view while checking for trail, because the hare completely forgot about checks. When the trail leveled off (briefly) there were trails going left, right and straight. An opportunity to catch up with the other 3 who had taken off ahead of me up the hill? NOPE! No check, just more trail leading towards the next hill – and away from the temple. When finally there was a check, either way would work and Piggy & CW continued to extend their lead.

I caught brief glimpses of Poo as we passed so many spots that would have made excellent checks, and very rarely, faintly heard a call. It was lonely and I was tempted to give up and take a more direct route back. I persevered though, and at the bottom of the hill, we followed the wall the 2.5km back to where the wimp rambo split had been. From here I was sorely tempted to go straight back in, but reluctantly plodded off on the wimp trail – any checks there may have been (one), were long since broken, while again we passed several places where the front runner would have got it badly wrong, as the trail turned again away from the A site. Finally we got to the bamboo bridge, and I attempted to cross it. My legs too shaky, and generally too weak, so I took the long way around to avoid it.

10KM… 6 CHECKS… I should point out the route was great – some good views, almost all trail, very little shiggy. There were even great places to confuse the front of the pack. With only 4 FRBs it was a tremendous amount of work to set, and had there been more checks on that route with only 4 FRBs we could have been struggling by the end.

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30th May – CH3 – ABB & Pigshit

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Yup, the suspense is over, Piggy is the new GM and between him and ABB they put today’s run together. Meeting at Kwazi’s we were driven all the way across the city to the Gymkhana club. Interesting – and clearly a lot of road ahead. We set off and dodged traffic as the hares sent us on the wrong side of the road, before randomly swapping sides and ducking into a soi. I got the first check wrong, but stood no chance of hearing when HRA found it. Sometime later we followed up and found trail leading to the footbridge used by the school kids to cross the river. Trail appeared to run out – apparently the hares had put a circle under a parked car! Why would they do that? Some people ran around like headless chickens, while a group of us assumed the kids had taken the paper down and crossed the river anyway.

On the other side Poo, CW and I looked around for a bit, eventually heading south past the schools and spotting paper on the other side of the road. We were back on trail, but had sadly missed a beer stop. We continued and stuck together due to the noisy traffic. A few other walkers appeared, who’d also taken the shorter route. Poo got a phone call and we found out the 2nd beer stop was at Baxta’s. CW and I followed trail to Baxta’s, while Poo beelined his way there, appearing on the road in front of us. Beer, chips, mango… I really didn’t need to go any further. I could have just stayed there, but there was a 3rd leg to get back to Kwazi’s pool.

Running was a struggle for a while, until the beer fizzed itself out in croaking belches. Then I felt good and started running. There was paper, and for a while less paper, and then paper again, and then powder, and then a pool. It was over… I’d survived! My legs are going to feel that in the morning, but good exercise for me. Within moments I was gifted a nice shirt – the kind I can wear anywhere. Beers (compliments of the hash), and then a circle. Then food, excellent Eurodiner goodies, and then another circle… Wait, what? Didn’t we already do the circle part? I did stand for the first circle, but I’ll have to check with Hash Historian about the rules for 2nd circles, so I sat for that. Cheers hares!

It should be pointed out that Cuckold was the first to the first beer stop!

28th May – CSH3 – Pamela & Stumbling Dyke

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Somebody (who shall remain nameless) mentioned that these run write ups often end up being all about me, and my run – which probably reflects how difficult it is to write about someone else’s experiences – they are very welcome to volunteer to put pen to paper, or rather finger to keys! Eitherway it gives me a unique pleasure that people actually read this drivel! So, for once, who cares what I did today, lets focus on the other hashers.

Like a drone I floated above the harebrief, watching the reactions to the instructions. Being honest, if I was a drone I would probably be aiming for the perfect angle to look down KO’s top, but I couldn’t help but notice how good Cuckold was looking – a fit and frisky young man! Frozen, the sniff, didn’t bother listening, and set off after paper and fortunately the pack could just see him as he disappeared among the trees. It wasn’t long before Cuckold caught him, and today Cuckold was in fine form – whenever I run behind him, I can’t help but think of the Party Rock Anthem written especially for him – “Everyday I’m Shuffling”…

The shuffle has almost gone, and Cuckold is turning into a fully fledged FRB and when trail headed towards the mountain Cuckold was floating along nicely. The trails were great, but a few more checks would have been useful to keep the pack together. After a hill climb, and a loop at the bottom, we headed back for the mountains. Finally I nailed a check and got back to the front, but this isn’t about me, and it isn’t about how hot I was feeling. Nobody wants to read about that! Most aren’t interested in how HRA breezed past and lead the way back to the finish, but the notable mention is of course Cuckold! In fine form he took off after HRA, but pausing for a brief conversation as he past by.

I didn’t see Cuckold again, so I can only imagine how his run ended up. There was a long OnIn along the mud road, so I imagine a team of can-can girls with feather boas cheering him along, taking care to hide before anyone else got there. The run was really good – a really nice loop, I just wish there had been more checks, and more challenging checks – Piggy might disagree, but the challenge of the checks keeping us together is what makes hashing not just running. A good OnOnOn at Yummy Pizza too.

26th May – CH4 – HRA

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Time for an HRA run. Enjoying the hashin’ more now the weather has broken – it’s still hot, but it is bearable. The football field, familiar ground, but it’s been a while since we’ve been here. CW and I walked off at the start letting the boys lead the way – that was until they struggled to climb a bank and then we set off properly. First check – nailed. 2nd Check – nailed. 3rd Check – nailed. 4th Check, into the hills – nailed. This was a good start! Next check. Fooked bigtime! I kept on up the hill, and even when I knew I was wrong, I wanted to carry on around the ridge and rejoin the trail. A long way off, I had to turn back and play catch up for a while.

A couple of good checks, and finally I got back into it at a false trail. For a while then I was caught the wrong side of a gulley – I could see paper just to my right, so pressed on. CW overtook Toesucker and lead the way up the hill. Piggy likes running uphill and caught up, and took over when CW went the wrong way. The pace was reasonable, and I got back to the front when Piggy checked straight, and CW couldn’t see another option. That put me back down at the road, and there was HRA. Seeing the hare at that point on trail, coupled with hints he’d let out during the hare brief, gave me plenty of information. Time to put it to use.

We set off up the hill behind the temple, and now it was my turn to lead. I managed to hold them off and get to the top first. As I saw paper, I looked over my shoulder to see Piggy & CW following me off the check. I need to buy every advantage I can get, so when I spotted paper to the left, and figured there was a false trail ahead, I set CW off towards the deadend. I was right, but my advantage was momentary, before I completely fucked up the next check. Damnit.

I was chasing CW & Piggy down the hill, while they thought they were chasing me down the hill. CW speeds up if he thinks someone is ahead, so with his afterburners in gear, and the trail heading downhill back to the A, I was just trying to move along. Great trail. So nice to be running again without quite so much heat.

23rd May – CH3 – Mr. Poo

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11km south on canal road, okie, the end of the world, but I’ll do it! We set off and Kwazi called the first circle seeing paper from some way off and ignoring standard FRB protocol. We all ran off towards the burning place, and quickly had another circle. I followed Chuckie, and we were correct. Somehow I got first choice at the next circle and nailed it. I called loudly and kept running to a V check. Getting there first I picked right. Turns out it was a pivotal V check, but I would know nothing about it for some time.

I pressed on off to the right, and hit a dead straight stretch. Looking over my shoulder I was waiting for the pack to appear. They never did. WTF? I was confident I wasn’t screwing things up. There was clean, new trail clearly marked, just as the hare brief promised… So I carried on. When I got to a junction, sure enough there was a circle check, but sure enough I could see paper in the distance to the left. I kept jogging, in the zone of an FRB.

Then there was another T-junction, we had to be breaking left, and not far left was a runsite we’ve used before so I set off there to check. Damnit!!! 150m and that white thing hanging off a tree was not trail. Back the other way and nothing. This could turn from the perfect hash to a nightmare if I wasn’t careful. I was so tempted to just head in the general direction of where I thought it must go, but there was no sound from behind – I had time, so I kept looking, and finally got it… OnOn! It was going the right direction, so I pressed on, alone, lonely.

The next few checks I picked off first choice and was cruising along. I remembered these trails, but up ahead that was a new wall, or dam, or what ever the hell it was? I followed trail as it cut up around and back down. Around what? Around a tent… In the tent there appeared to be a bunch of Thai guys and school girls drinking. As I avoided the scene, I couldn’t help but notice that Cuckold was sat in the middle calling out “Family”. This run was strange enough, while I was lonely running, I wasn’t too sure what Cuckold had going on over there, so I pressed on.

We were so close to home, but the nasty hare took us off in the other direction, and now some checks were kicked out. The kicked out circles were my first indication of the monumental fuckup that had gone on. Somehow CW, Piggy, and HRA had gone wrong at the “V” check and done the last couple of km of trail. Cuckold had been with them till he found his LaoKhao stop. That meant the last couple of km or so was following kicked out checks (even though I didn’t believe one of them). If you just follow the paper guys, it was a great run! Good Job Mr. Poo.

Trust me, the run was infinitely better managed than the complete incompetence at the OnOnOn.

Me running alone

21st May – CSH3 – Super Couple

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Sups & Superbitch teamed up for this run, and after a little bit of rain it promised to be slightly less hot… It was, but it was still uncomfortable. I was somewhat tardier than I would have liked, but had time to get ready before the off. Frozen thought screw the hare brief and set straight off, such a fast sniff that CW & I almost got lost finding the start of the trail. Breaking into a jog it wasn’t long before I got my first check wrong. Damnit! For me it was a 50/50 shot, but CW wanted to turn left. It seemed it took him a long time to call, and I was a long time chasing back and up the hill.

Well over a km, and only 1 check. Finally I got back in the game as Sloppy found trail off another circle, where Poo and I were following closely. Another check, and of course I was hopelessly wrong, this time following Turkey in the opposite direction, while the rest of the pack short cut over to the trail. The hares were tricking us nicely so far. The next time we came into an opening I think it was HRA I heard calling from up front. A nice turning over of the lead. And so we entered the slog – a big climb. I gambled – it had to go left, so I circled around climbing up and sure enough popped out just behind CW on trail. Behind CW, but alongside Sex Pistol, just ahead of Just Cumming. That hadn’t done me any favours – I’d still had to climb the bloody hill, and the On-calls were in the distance. I got into trudge mode, ignoring the heckles from Knock Out, and slowly chasing down Poo when the trail took an abrupt turn.

I could see hashers ahead, so we headed over to them, and when we got there I heard more hashers down to the right. Was I really that far off the pace today? I did feel weary, but didn’t expect to be struggling that much. So I cut down the side of the hill and popped back out on trail just ahead of Turkey. There was a circle check, and the frenchman was already checking straight, while CW was looking for something up the hill. I knew exactly where we were, so beelined for the A bucket. Sure enough, less than 20m from the circle was paper, and I was suddenly leading the way across the open flat area to the OnIn. Perfection!

19th May – CH4 – Knock Out

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KO teamed with Poo to set a run out towards Sameong. KO has been mixing up her co-hares recently, and the past couple of runs in the area caused lots of confusion – perhaps Poo would help? I didn’t listen to the hare brief, but when we set off it seemed like it was a live hare with KO just ahead of me desperately stapling paper to trees… Huh? This would last long – normally a live hare at least gets a little bit of a headstart! Fortunately after half a km or so she pointed me off and there was trail already marked.

We looped down the road I’d driven in on (eventually), and yes, that first check you completely foxed me! I hadn’t seen paper when we drove in, so chose the option to get off the main road. I was wrong, and rejoined the pack behind again. Christ it was hot! The 2nd check wasn’t so much of a test, although quite a number were wrong, I followed NOYB in the right direction. Did I mention how hot it was? We followed the rubber wall, so there were no options to the right, it was either straight or left.

Another check, and NOYB checked left and ended up back in the resort just next to the cars. Had it been me, I might have been tempted to grab a beer and sit down! Another check – either straight or left. Piggy and I went left, and sure enough we got paper. Piggy wasn’t 100% convinced as the paper seemed a bit close when he turned around and looked backwards. But we looked closely and it definitely had the trademark “KO” on it. We jogged on and then saw KO ahead of us waving! We waved back! She kept waving! We kept jogging and waving! She came running towards us, not waving but panicking. We met and had a discussion. I was hot, and would be happy to carry on – proficient short cutting, the beer must be cold by now? KO was insistent, and reluctantly we turned back to do the trail.

Interestingly here, none of us guessed quite how this trail would be used – we all assumed we were going backwards on it (afterall the trail was hidden from one direction). Back to the trail, and we continued. Hot and reluctant. How many times do I have to climb this hill? We went along the rubber wall, and missed great opportunities for checks. Why? Whenever there is a clear missed check alarm bells start ringing. How close was the trail?

Finally we turned left away from the rubber wall, and I got to a check. Hole in None was checking my first choice to the left. Chuckie checking my 2nd choice to the right. Toe Sucker guarding the circle, refusing to check the other trail. I knew it rejoined the trail to the left if I could just get far enough before anyone called On. I tried my best, but the On call came from the left. Having climbed the god damn mountain a couple of times already I wasn’t going back, and cheerfully slipped in next to Piggy & Hole in None at the front. They left me for dead. Did they realise it was uphill, do they not feel the heat?

We cut off to the left and went back down the hill we’d just climbed up. Huh? We’d done this before. Frenchman was up front, and CW & Piggy caught me as we got back to the rubber wall, this time it was on our left, and our only options were straight or right. Frenchman was way ahead, but got confused and came back for moral support. I had figured out what was going on and saw my opportunity. I ran past all three of them heading for the arrows pointing us back up the (fucking) hill we’d already climbed. My spurt was feeble, and the heat hit me. From there is was just a case of finding somewhere I could cool off.

The circle was great! The OnOnOn was great, even though when the storm hit we were lucky to not be killed by flying umbrellas or tiles dropping on our heads…

16th May – CH3 – Horny Monkey

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Horny, Horny, Horny… Back to Maerim… It was hot, and I really didn’t feel like running around, so popped open a beer mid afternoon, with no intention of going to the hash. Very last minute decision, I found myself in the car headed towards the runsite. Why oh why? What was I thinking?

We set off and the hare had us climbing steps and jumping off walls in no time. Was this a road run? I got a couple of checks right, and then was behind as we headed towards the river… Was this Skidmark in disguise? The hare was all about his Skiddy Sticks, but surely Skiddy hadn’t set the run? Sure enough we were headed for the Ping River crossing. Chuckie and HRA shook their heads in disbelief and bailed out, leaving the FRBing to myself, Piggy, Scooby and Poo, although to be fair the checks were tricky enough that the pack were kept together quite neatly.

I couldn’t figure out which way we were going to break, but it definitely wasn’t going to be the promised 5km. I start to run out of steam after 4k in this heat, so with Scooby sprinting around like a teenage boy on Soi 6, and Piggy prodding away this was a tough animal to figure out. It weaved one way and then the other, mostly on road, but some excellent checks. I finally got ahead, and of course, completely screwed up. One check had us foxed for quite a while, surely it couldn’t be further to the right? Finally I spotted CW & HRA trying to hide behind a bush, the other side of a rice field. Hmmmmz… I thought I was onto something until I found the fucking canal on the other side of the rice field. Damnit, Horny got me again the wrong side of the fucking dyke.

I was thwarted, I headed back across the rice field towards the road, but taking a different route put me in the middle of a wet paddy that I had to get around. Finally back of the tarmac, I took the shorter route back, ending up weary and some way behind the FRBs. Good job Horny. Shame there was so much concrete, but some stellar checks in there – I love it!

14th May – CSH3 – Shit House

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The OnOnOn was great! No doubt Swallow had a big influence there, and it was of course a big success! Great food, good turn out, great to have a later beer with some good friends! Oh, I suppose I should talk about the run as well?

The hare brief missed the brief part, so much that even Frozen Dick gave up and just set off. The hash sniff and I walked off towards where he’d been directed with the rest of the pack following once they lost interest. The first section sucked, a scramble over uneven rice paddies where we congratulated each other when we found paper. A circle check, and we were all checking forwards, sure enough Poo found trail, but was about as unconvinced as a hasher ever has been. We pressed on and another check. This time we weren’t so lucky and when KO squealed ONON, we had to join a queue to scramble across a ditch. I thought that would be the last we saw of HRA, but then the hash world got a bit fishy…

A circle check, and I don’t think anyone did it as the hares intended… Some of us found trail ahead, and some ended up going backwards on trail. I was right – it was the last time I saw HRA, or Poo on trail as the pack dispersed. Everyone was calling confidently. Pretty sure my group missed a section, while the other group went backwards for a while. One more V check, and then 2.5km run back…. WTF???

Luckily CW got confused by some non-checks and Piggy & I were able to catch him. Nice trick to lay powder down the left of the road, and then an arrow on the right of the road. Perhaps the hash budget should support the hares more and give them some powder so the trail is easier to follow?

We were heading towards the aqueduct (spell check – correct), but thankfully the hares gave us mercy and trudged us back through the rice fields. Piggy, ever the gentlemen, sat on my shoulder so we could sing ONIN together. Either way, the ONONON was great. Hopefully we can find a way to get more successful ONONONs this year!

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12th May – CH4 – Sleeps on It

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Dick the Wonder Boy came into town with Dick Lover to team up with Sleeps with Stuff, for a run out in Maejo. It was fucking hot. The mountains were on fire. It was someway out of town. For whatever reason the numbers were down as CH4 heads into quiet season. Not so far for me to drive, so I was happy, except, did I mention it is fucking hot. Seriously >40 degrees, we are insane to be running in this heat.

Before the run I tried to make a pact with the other FRBs to just walk today, but it didn’t take long before Poo started jogging. Asshole. I had to jog with him, because I wanted to go left at the first check (having seen it on the drive in). I went left, and was completely wrong. Damnit. I was so tempted to short cut over to where I was sure the trail would go (and it did), but had to trudge back around and slowly make my way back to the front. Visitor from Japan was ahead, but seemed to misunderstand checks – rather than calling ONON, he came back to the check to discuss what he had found.

We continued following sparse amounts of cigarette paper. In places there was none, and at best it was every 40m or so. The pack was kept together. We all followed trail, so by those definitions it was a huge success. Towards the end I got a smell of home and started to piece a few checks together. Needing to check 150++ off each circle meant HRA & Piggy had to check 150++ in the wrong direction, so with teutonic ease I arrived at the OnIn.

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