Category Archives: Blog

Courtesy Brown Finger:-

Last Monday we were subjected to the Square dude’s infamous hill, the vertical wall of death that broke the balls of the entire male hash. This Monday it was the turn of Alice, the darling of the receding hareline, to test our metal. Would he attempt to out Rooter the Square dude or would he have mercy on our still recovering testicles?

The latest Alice A site was outback of the Grand Canyon. I had scouted this area about a month ago and found the forest trails largely overgrown and the fences more numerous than ever. So I was curious to see what Alice had found here to make a decent run out of, or maybe he was just going to shred our legs to ribbons on barbed wire and shiggy.

A brief enough hare brief showing trail paper with a pretty red “plimsoll” line and fashionable printed checks. One might wonder whether the co-hare, Taste My Buns, had asserted her femininity here, but then again, the hare’s name is Alice. And then we were off. Roads, barren and housed land plots and opened barbed wire fences made up the outward part of the run. Some tricky checks had the FRB’s scrambling all over the place and it was fortunate that we had a visiting Jesus Christ in our midst to enlighten us as to the true path to follow. After a while we clambered through a gully and up to and through a fence and found ourselves on one of those overgrown forest trails I mentioned earlier. But this time the trail was a little clearer and as we meandered our way gently uphill the shiggy gave way altogether leaving good running trails that we moved swiftly along.

After the wimp trail had darted off to the right, it was always going to be when and where Alice would decide to lead the rambos in the same direction, and this is where I was caught out the most. Every time a check suggested a right turn I took it, and every time true trail went straight so that I was down the hill and up again like a flamin’ yoyo. Nice work Alice.

Eventually we did turn right but by then I was a good distance behind the front runners. It was that Columbian drug smuggling weasel who waited until three checks from the end to make his move and there was no catching the sneaky little git from there, although Chucky, Graven, Suckit and I gave it a good try. Not sure how Suckit managed to stay out front for most of the run, he looked like a pile of pale pig shit before the run having spent his entire 60 th birthday celebrations sucking on several bottles of vodka and an everlasting bong. Happy birthday you old bastard!

Beer and splashes, and then back to town for burgers and stuff. Thanks for the hangover, Mr Banks!!!!

And thanks to Alice for yet another great Chiang Mai hashing experience. I see you are haring again this Saturday. With my testicles unbroken and the skin on my legs unshredded, I am looking forward to it already

The signage to the A was probably the worst thing about the run, different coloured signs, signs on the right at left turns etc. I mean, on a scale of badness, mmm, possibly .75 – but enough to completely bamboozle HRA, who allegedly hadn’t been drinking, and more critically beer mobster Tiptoe.
The hare brief was brief. Funny! And off we went like rats up a drainpipe. The cream paper managed to curl and look aged after a day. I empathised.
The trail followed a Nov run of mine but in the opposite direction, lovely forest paths, a dry streambed, some bush, farmland, just great. At a check, Charlie was attending a grazed knee while Poo and self clambered under barbed wire in search of paper. Oh, they went thataway, added Charlie helpfully after we’d gone 50m wrong.
Once at the BJ junction, it was right towards the road and perhaps the quarry or…..stay South side and follow my trail from last Mon’s male run! Blimey, talk about deja vu. At least Browny got to smell the bovine anal offerings he treasures. He even ran off trail to sniff the scent. Pervert.
A semi jogging PiPoo and CheapShagger had been left behind by now and I was jogging along in train of Poo and Charlie. Chuck, Graven, Sherman and Suckit were ahead, along with the Namaimo Cannonball but I only heard faint calls and never saw them again. No great loss admittedly.
Up the stony hill and down the other side. Would hares take us back into the doi and around anti clockwise? Yes! Free scouting lesson, apply here. I’m in!
The return loop was excellent trail, narrow forest paths on ridges with tricky Vs and checks descending to more open pastures and wider farm tracks. Charlie let me pass but I couldn’t catch Poo.
A final check had left and right ahead options but jackknifed back left, up and around. Nicely done hares. Pleased I didn’t get there first.
The circle was extra long as Frozen and Tiptoe decided to short cut as Frozen knows the area like the back of his wanking hand. 2 1/2 hours later the love birds return from 180 degrees the wrong way muttering about Shiggy, barbed wire and ravines. Marvellous stuff.
Two splashes stand out: Browny sharing excess amber with HRA last Xmas and then being offered Cumalot to finish him off or something. And most disturbingly the picture painted by Shakespeare’s American son Sucket of Piggee and Strangely in matching lingerie wanking off together on a double bed to Albanian fart porn and deciding their hash paper should be…ugh..ugh..ugh..creeeeeeeaaaaam.
Fcuk my dead dog. That bastard vision can not be unseen. Thanks Suckit for ruining the rest of my life.
Superb set, lovely running trails and the most engaging and sparkling On On On in months. Well, the pack went to Mad Dog while I enjoyed sushi (ahem) in Nimmanhimen with a lonesome Canuck visitor. Sometimes you eat the trail, and sometimes the trail eats you.
Kudos to Square Rootley for his magnificent achievement of 300 male runs, 3 pewter tankards (2 mislaid and new one already half flattened) and putting up with all this CH3 silliness for donkey’s years.
Alice.

Courtesy Brown Finger:-

The ubiquitous hare Alice, the saviour of many a Chiang Mai Hair Raiser, provided his latest offering from one of his favourite A sites along and to the right of the Ob Khan road. The traffic was bad coming out on the songthaew, with tailbacks along the Hang Dong Road worse than ever. It was therefore somewhat surprising that we arrived at the A just in time for the hare brief. A good turnout, nice hashing area, good prospects for a yet another fine Chiang Mai male hash. But Alice was looking pale, sickly. Was he still feeling the effects of his mysterious ‘illness’ or was he starting to buckle under the intense pressure of haring so many recent runs? We were about to find out.

I was feeling confident. I know this area well, having scouted the crap out of it over the last few years. There isn’t a trail, dirt road, bush-bash, hill or water obstacle that I don’t know like the many strange warts on my old fat arse. No contest. I was going to WIN!!!!! And there I was, way out front, picking the checks from the A that lead to a trail into the forest at the back of the Garden Centre. Now there are only two realistic ways to go from here, either to the right, on nice running trails up to the back entrance road to the Centre, or straight ahead, through a gully and into the Centre near the entrance on the Ob Khan Road. So, having passed the right hand trails, we hit the gully and a check. Only one way left to go, or so I told Chucky, who understandably followed me in a forward direction. And that is how over confidence gets you into all sorts of shitty trouble. Much to my complete amazement an on-on was called from somewhere behind. Still feeling cockily confident, I assumed that the hare had backtracked and taken the right hand trails. So I cut through the Centre knowing I would join the trail out to the right. How fucking wrong could I be. By this time I was all alone and obviously someone had found true trail . . . but where????

So I did a loop back to the gully and sure enough the check was kicked out to the left along the gully, which I had scouted on many occasions and had found impassable because it led to a dead end, at an old occupied shack. It was here I came across a lone Pi Poo, and it was a good job I did. Between us we found trail going back into the forest, leading to an old abandoned house, which I had never seen before. It was here that Gravy swears was a V check with both legs ending in a false trail . . . WTF? But by the time I got there, paper on the ground indicated the supposedly true false trail which turned out to be the false false trail, if indeed there were two false trails in the first place – the hare, of course, strongly denied this preposterous notion . . .

Anyway, Pi Poo finally figured it out, and I left this fine fellow to fend for himself while I tried to catch up with the pack. God, it is so bleeding’ boring just running along trail with kicked out checks. Not used to this, and I never want to get used to it. Anyway, I had to live with the fact that the reason why I was in this lamentable situation was because I had been a smug little prick, thinking that everything would be as it always was, forgetting that things never are – trails come and go, fences come and stay, a hare can bushwhack through almost any type of terrain

And then we were led to the other side of the Ob Khan Road, along familiar dirt roads, and through that heap of shit, just past the water tanks, where the farmer keeps his cattle and their stinking anal offerings. Nice smells at the end of a long hot day. Thanks Alice! And it was here that a particularly nasty check had the pack heading back in my direction, and would you believe I was back on trail and out front again. But alas, I wrongly went left at a check with Chucky, and we went approx 110 meters and found trail that was coming from the right. Chucky, still regaining fitness following his annual visit back to Aus, suggested we stay on trail and head on in, so we did, with Turkish Delight catching up to us screaming like a banshee for reasons I still don’t understand. Turkish, Turkish, Turkish, what more can I say!

And then we were back over the Ob Khan Road and on in to the A for another fine circle and plenty of cold ones.

Well Alice, you didn’t buckle under pressure, it was another great run, which certainly made me feel ‘ever so ‘umble’. Keep up the good work, and if you need a hand setting another run from your favourite A site, then go find some other smuck who knows the area better than me!