Category Archives: Blog

11th May – CH4 – Sex Pistol & Blows Herself

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Rating: 9.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Thar She Blows!
The Swiss Australian duo combined to set a fine run out past the Tiger Head in the wilds of Mae Jo. The hare promised a more or less flat run and it seemed like she was talking out of her bottom as we climbed and climbed from the off. At an early V, Chucky went left and Tasty crashed thru the bush totally off trail trying to keep equidistant between CW and the right side trail which was unfollowed. The languid Sandgroper’s Check Back call sent TMB bashing thru the sparse forest onto true trail as Alice, Poo and a couple of other puffed steadily upwards on paper.
The long yellow strips were bright and well placed. Checks were clearly set in powder by SP and they lucked out that the rain storm threatened but never arrived.
From the high point on the hill a circle took us left and from then on its was gently downhill and undulating all the way back thru beautiful forest and lovely trails, stoney and a bit tricky then sandy on the lower elevations in the last couple of km.
Chuck Wao was really pushing hard and Spitz was full of spunk. Once he left poor Alice gasping with a cheery You’ll catch up in a few seconds…fat chance. Only HRA’s strange mating calls slowed Spitz down, as he stopped to review trail and try to make sense of the confusing bellowing coming from the rejuvenated QLDer.
Just Jim and Knockout were going well although one was calling loudly and helpfully and the other, obviously scared of incipient avalanches, kept shtumm.
One particularly excellent circle had the main trails left and right which were run out – and devoid of paper. Tasty, Poo, Just Jim and Spitz went right and none called anything. Chucky was clearing yelling Checking from left then returned. KO came back from a left side smaller path to push on straight on what could have been a path thru the bush – and found trail! Nice work hares and KO.
The trail turned left as we continued our anti clockwise route and the FRBs went fast and furious, kicking all Vs and circles out clearly and pushing each other hard. I believe they had hands in each other’s shorts as they hit the On On chalk near the Tiger Head and gambolled in to the A by the dam.
Tasty, Poo and HRA lead me home to a welcome wash and watering.
Colour co-ordinated SP was sat at the circle while Blows Herself was running the trail again and scaring the shit out of Jeff from Taiwan and others with her terrific burps.
TMB had 6.5km and Does Nothing 5.98km on their devices. FRBs were in just shy of the hour and a fine run was had by all. KO’s friends Aung and Khet joined us and Sheep Shagger boasted he’d collected 12km of samples yet kept pace with Does Nothing! KO threw away a heavy rock that the newly coiffeured ex lawyer asked her to lug home and so the circle proceeded.
Alice and TMB have a high bar to reach on their upcoming Saturday run, qudos to Blows and Sexy for a top run.

(Alice)

8th May – CH3 – Pigshit – AGFU

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Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Pigshit and Does Nothing teamed up to set the FU of FU runs, writes your humble scribe Alice.
It all started so well. The rain held off. The area is scenic. It’s close to town. What could go wrong?
What could go right more like? Bleedin’ hell, someone left the gate open at the dickhead farm! The hare brief was straight forward, although the cream paper bit didn’t bode well. It looks old, it warps and wrinkles in the damp and it doesn’t stand out. But the ‘there’s a circle check that’s a bit of a fcuk up’ was a dead giveaway. ‘I left paper going up a hill in the wrong direction and forgot to take it down’. Case closed m’lud.
Into the forest we go, decent circles and Vs in all the right places then up into the hills on narrow paths and ‘sparse paper’ as Libbers called it.
We wind round and up, it’s steep, hard going, fairly overgrown and not runnable. We crest a spur and find paper leading down. Then a strange V with two pieces of paper. Then nothing. We descend another 100m to a saddle and a ravine. Still nothing. Chucky says the wrinkled cream paper isn’t cream paper but old paper. Confusion. Then old yellow paper. Fcuk. What to do?
Poo and Chucky head down and left, ABB, PeePee and SheepShagger follow nervously into the unmarked unknown, their plaintive calls unanswered. It’s 5:45. Dusk approacheth shortly.
Shagless, Alice and Bone Smoker decide to retrace on paper and we find Libbers coming up the hill. Suddenly good news. Krapthai finds THE missing circle, unbroken, and down we happy band head on true trail. The only ones!
Everyone else is fcuked up on the wrong side of the hill heading in various wrong directions! I estimate Pigshit and DN had runners 4km apart from each other at some point!
Down we skip towards home and a V then a circle coming out of the forest. I find two strips to the right, On On….and run in all the way shouting Looking! No more paper.
Krap and Shrek go back and find true trail to the left and take 20 mins more to do a large loop around and back. SheepShagger and PeePee run in from the right and Frozen Dick drives off in his truck to rescue Poo and CW who’d come out somewhere near the other A bucket. What a palaver!
The circle continued at gracious host Kwazi’s and a tasty meal of burgers and salads was enjoyed by all, after a swim for a few.
Thank you Piggy and committee for all you’ve done this past year. On on for new GM Does Nothing and his new committee of lost souls.

(Alice)

6th May – CSH3 – Does Nothing

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Rating: 6.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Does Nothing stepped up to the plate to set a sensible challenge down the ‘6.3km road’ without naming it Ob Khan Rd. The sign at the turn had disappeared and there were no further signs til the Hex Shelter A bucket.
Oh uh. Hashers in a fainkle, slight panic stations..
Welcome two couples from Wan Chai H3 in HK, Tinbits and Spinky McHu(ex GM) plus Hopeless with Lost in Translation. All good runners and a nice touch to bring some award patches as gifts.
Luckily Turkey was on form so four shirts were sold and it was hare brief time.
White paper strips, circles and Vs ending in FT. Graven wouldn’t approve!
And we were off. Down the road and right towards the lakes. Trail basically followed the property in an anti cw direction with a loop right into the burnt woods. Would the hare take us further in and over the hills cw home? No! But he tried to find a trail that way when he scouted apparently. So we bashed on through the bare forest until we came out on a steep but wide path back out onto the main trail the other side, visitors leading the way plus LJO and TMB, fresh from the dentist’s soft voice and sensitive fingers. Mmm.
Back on the path, heading left towards OK Rd, DN tricked the FRBs with a sneaky thru the barb wire fence left turn that everyone missed due to sun and marking right side of trail previously. TNB screamed at Poo to stop and look but he was hard of hearing and came on. So she yelled louder and he ignored her more. A perfect couple.
Suddenly I was second behind LJO. We piled thru the wire and followed trail back to the junction where we’d come in originally. Apart from me, now mid pack, who checked left at the last circle, up and wrongly.
A decent 4.5km of nice trail well set. Good job hare and also new GM Knockout. A good start to your reign.

4th May – CH4 – Shagless & DGI

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Rating: 8.0/10 (1 vote cast)

Team Shagless and DGI produced a nifty 5km in hilly challenging terrain 13km along the road to Samoeng.
We set off steeply down and soon were dealing with a series of well set circles.
TMB and LJO set the early pace with Sexy Pistol also on the van. Soon it was up, up, up into the forest with some Vs and circles that did their job well.
As we trudged up a steep path, KO suddenly turned to face me, hand on knees, mouth agape. My excitement was cruelly dashed as she panted like a worn bellows, gasping for oxygen- not anything my fevered imagination had initially suggested!
At one point there was R/W split and then some confusion when we rejoined as there were two Vs close by and shouting On On from at least two different locations.
The Rambos got a bit of a dirty check in the forest. LJO went left, TMB right and then disappeared! We didn’t hear anything but she didn’t return…a pattern which was repeated for the last third of the hash.
SP found trail and we traipsed down through quite thick forest on a narrow path replete with Poo sticks and a few thorny problems.
At another circle high on a terrace we saw TMB and LJO far below yelling at us. Getting to join them was harder that expected as Shagless just dropped down the hillside thru scrub to a circle on the road then up again to the left and around on another rough path until we dropped down again to the road. Paper was hard to see as they’d set it to be invisible from high above – and they bloody succeeded.
The run home was thru a slew of virgin circles. Tasty just nailed them and LJO and self were faced with 50/50 calls at best. We messed up equally and runners and walkers alike piled thru infront of me alas.
The last bit before ascending the Steps of Abraham back to the A went past a meditation centre. A sign read SSHHH which I thought meant Sheep Shagger H3 Meditation Centre. Another said STFU!
A hot, sweaty pack of rascals recovered with lube of choice and a mild gently comic circle.
Kwazi’s TDIH, a few birthdays and a memorable quote were read off a scrap of paper half the size of a playing card – without glasses too! Welcome back Beep Beep.
On In,
Alice

27th April – CH4 – Knock Out

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Rating: 7.0/10 (1 vote cast)

An interesting lesson in human psychology and behaviour. Knockout’s hare brief mentioned an 8.4km estimated run length which she qualified by saying she could be be dyslexic and the run might actually be 4.8km. Three hashers who talked/moaned to me, heard the 8.4km and not the qualifying statement – so were on trail expecting a mini BB run from Hangdong’s fairest hare!
A site was the usual DN, Piggee and Rooter location behind the Ag. We were set off towards the hills but Kwazi for reasons known unto himself and his parole officer headed completely the other way!
The first tricky circle check was more to do with poor checking. A group headed off up the tangled and gnarly dry stream bed towards the foot of Rooter’s Hill. No paper. Eventually someone went up the opposite hillside on a clear path and we were OnOn again. Trail was tricky, narrow and steep in places. We crossed a few spurs before dropping down to the familiar rocky stream way.
Once across we found trail heading down and motored along now at decent pace until we cut back across the stream bed, I think. Bit hazy here. The pace picked up as we headed down and closer to home. At the bottom of the path we turned right and we were surely headed for the On In? Wrong. A circle with a mean on trail straight up the hill again, across the streambed and down down to the original path we’d been on. Right turn for home and there was a few hundred metres to go. TMB overtook Spitz Spunk and self with a snide comment about how much younger and slower he was than her! I advised him to challenge her in the swimming pool but he didn’t seem prepared for the challenge. Tasty pulled away and soon we were on the last bit back to the A.
Good run, sensible distance given the terrain. Nice to see everyone again, Ben Dover included, and meet Soft Balls. On on, Alice

29th April – CSH3 – AGMU – Chuck Wao & Knock Out

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Rating: 6.0/10 (3 votes cast)

16th April – CSH3 – Pussy Whisperer

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Rating: 8.7/10 (3 votes cast)

Welcome to the Chiang Mai Sunday Hash House Harriers (CSH3) – to avoid the songkran traffic a select group of hashers decided to run on Sunday. Missing out on church, Pussy Whisperer set the run with Blows Herself helping. I decided to head along late – it was Maejo afterall (although the website had removed the directions, I did check an email to make sure). Honestly driving to Maejo, I wasn’t sure if I would find hash signs or just head home again, but sure enough the group gathered by the small shelter on the way to the Tiger’s Head.

A small group, that was swelled slightly by the arrival of the Leaky Faucet clan as we set off on the run. The air did seem clearer, but it wasn’t long before I could taste the smoke, and I started questioning why I was there. The pollution is getting better, but my cough has come back again tonight… The first few checks were fun, and I was mostly near the trail for quite a while. The Maejo forest has such a network of trails that all interweave, and when Brownie and I got one wrong, it didn’t worry us, we looked at the old paper, carried on and found the Wimp trail, and then before you knew it we were back on trail. A couple of times I paralleled, indeed I spent most of the run, close to the trail…

That trail was devilishly sneaky – seriously good job from too fairly inexperienced hares – who taught you? V checks in the right places, and the checks had us all unsure – really good job. I got a lot wrong, and then a bit right, but the zig zags were devilishly good – I would be proud of that set! Finally I got one check so wrong the by the time it was called I was hacking my way up the wrong hill surrounded by shiggy. I assessed my options and none were good so I hacked my way in the general direction of the calls, only to find my way blocked by a couple of ravines. Navigating around I got to the wimp trail, went backwards and got to the split following most of the pack by now. Some more zigs and zags.

Finally I knew the trail had to head up the ridge line – there was no avoiding it (or was there?) The trail turned left, I turned right, and after 40m or so I paused, contemplating… I was tired, my lungs felt smokey, I knew the trail had to go up the hill, I knew I was recovering from 10+ days sickness after my last pollution run. Behind me Blows Herself called out wondering where I was going – was she lost on her own trail?

I opted to head back, and as soon as I found trail again, (cutting out a zig, or a zag), I found Leaky Faucet with a confused family. The hare brief had been precise, but no use if you missed it. They were very grateful to follow me back to trail. I avoided the hill, but promptly got the next couple of checks wrong, so got further behind anyway. Damn those hares cut it close with that trail. Very nicely done, but very risky too. The real FRBs came charging past as I walked my way back for a beer.

1st April – CSH3 – HRA & Brownfinger

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Rating: 8.7/10 (3 votes cast)

I sit at home coughing gunk out of my dry throat wondering why I would consider going running outside in the pollution… I did, and now I’m paying the price! I don’t recall using that runsite before, but of course we’ve run all around there, and it was a good spot, so no doubt we will use it again. I scanned the area trying to pinpoint exactly where we were, and when we set off I had my bearings. First check, I got a bit of an advantage and broke into a bit of a jog. 2nd check was tucked around the corner, but was it a double or triple cross? Cunning hares defeated me on that one, and I followed the pack up hill and around the corner to the left. A junction – lots of trails, but no check… Interesting, I slowed down and waited for a false trail, it didn’t come, at least not soon enough, but I guessed we’d be looping around the other side of the orchard, and maybe the hares were scared trails would be too close?

NOYB started nailing a few checks at the front with TMB until we got to the edge of the jungle, and they checked left and right, leaving the straight on trail for me. Another check and I was following KO and LJO along a nice little trail through the trees. A circle lead to an abrupt right turn, and down to a false trail. We scattered as KO and I were still cutting cross country towards the calls – it’s nice now it isn’t so overgrown anymore! I saw NOYB leading the pack up a gully one side of the hill, and knowing it had to break left, I edged up a slightly different angle, and promptly found paper, and Cumalot checking for trail.

We were back to the other side of the orchard as I expected, and I led the way along the edge to another circle. Straight would take us back too soon, so I went left, and sure enough found paper, and another check. The trail forked, it was left or right, but I figured I had enough time to cut across if I was wrong. I went right, but I was wrong, but also right as I cut over to the left and then was right. KO hot on my trail with Graven and Chuckie. The pace started speeding up.

A V-check and my trail headed off to a False Trail. A FT, not a CB, so TMB quickly sped past and led GI off to the right. Another check, and when TMB chose to go up to the right, GI, CW and I didn’t pause for a moment, and charged straight on and inevitably found paper. I sprinted past GI to get first pick at the next check, but when I turned right, GI yelled “Following”. CW hung back, trying to do the right thing, but knowing we were likely on. We were, and I was feeling strong. I breezed through another V check, and then out to the main trail with a circle. Right took me home, so I skipped around the corner. I’d gone about 50m, when I realised I had probably smurfed it, as the more likely way would be the otherside of the quarry to avoid the out trail. I did the 100+20m, no paper, so ran back to the circle. To my shock, the pack was passing by! I thought we were way ahead, but here was NOYB ahead of me?! Damnit!

CW called us ON, and sure enough we were going around the quarry, and surely now I had blown it? I rounded the corner, and saw CW looking confused up ahead, with a stream of hashers following behind him. He called the false trail just as I passed an opening to the right, leading towards the A site. I overtook NOYB but had to go 80m or so before I found the paper. Glancing over my shoulder when I called, there was Graven leading a gaggle of hashers to chase me down. Not today! Not today! One last circle, and there were 3 options, 20% / 60% / 20%, the odds raced through my head, and I picked the middle option. Sure enough there was paper, and I rounded the final corner with GI & CW right on my heels. There was the OnIn, and there were the cars, and the beers! Great run, a lot of fun… I just wish I hadn’t gone so fast and breathed in so much smokey air.

25th March – CSH3 – Turkish Delight

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Rating: 8.0/10 (6 votes cast)

Today was Turkish Delight, and he picked around Ban Pong past San Kamphaeng – a place guaranteed to get complaints from everyone, to the north or the south! But really with the new road, it isn’t so bad, and when I got there, lots were milling around already. Milling around nervously sharing tales of previous TD fuck-ups! Nobody remembers the good runs, just the reasons he is known as a GM’s delight! A little heckling in the harebrief, but he was eager to set us off. We were part way along the lake, and he pointed us back towards the dam.

None of us had seen any paper on the drive in, so Graven and I lazily walked along the dam wall while Brownie followed the trail below – everyone scanning the distance, but not seeing anything. Finally we were called back down the road and then cutting onto a turkey run hacking our way to the left. There was a bit of a traffic jam, but better to be patient at this point, and soon enough we were on open trails. A good trail had us running smoothly until I spotted the main FRBs ahead looking confused. A glance to the left showed a False Trail hidden neatly on the back of a tree. The hare was definitely winning this battle as we turned back and followed Knock Out and Pussy Whisperer.

In my mind now we had 2 choices, around the lake, or back around the hill to the east of the lake – left or right. God Damn It, the hare was twisting us all up with the tight checks, keeping the pack close together. We headed towards a hill and I was gripped with fear, as there is no good solution from there. If we go up that hill, it is a brutal climb – I know – I’ve set it, with KO. But if we go up it we can’t go down the other side, we’d have to hack higher, and around to the left, and I know that hill is full of the kind of shit that Turkey might just decide to use… Damnit. I was worried! I was slowly making my way back towards the front, and the pack started coming back just to my left. There wasn’t much space there, and they weren’t far away!

I cut across and I was back in the game! Graven had shared some information – at an earlier check he had seen Turkish at the end of the dam – apparently he had seen the ONIN already. but having seen the hare there gave a lot away, and we had to be heading to the dam. Now the checks were starting to get easier – I’ve been here before. A circle check and first TMB comes back to check another way, I carried on, and saw Graven poking around, and Sups coming towards us down the main trail saying he hadn’t seen paper there. Sloppy was hacking his way through the hill on the right. I decided I didn’t want to go up the hill, so the only way I wanted to go back was skirting around the side of the hill. I did so, but went 150m or so before I found paper… I really wasn’t sure whether to call on, as I wasn’t sure if I’d missed part of the trail, or we could even have been on the out-trail – the trails were FFFFking close together!

I was right, and I was at the front. Another check, and it had to be left, but then there were 2 trails – I plodded along the right one, while Brownie and Graven charged along the flatter left one. I was right, but they weren’t going to go back, they were looking for the intersect, and sure enough after 100m the trails almost joined. I saw them, 10m to my left, charging along. I asked – are you on trail? Graven replied “I’m on a great trail!”, I asked, “is there paper?”, and the reply was “no…” Hmmmm… I guess I will follow the paper that turns away from your great trail then and leave you to run in to the out trail! I called ONON, that is all I could do… Chuckie followed, as did, the Lizzard! Chuckie had honourably done a ridiculous false trail up the hill, that nobody else even considered doing – he said it was 200m, it could have been 400m, nobody could validate the story! But he caught me as we crossed the small bridge at the other end of the dam, and there was the ONIN.

An excellent Turkey set! The pack was kept together, the checks were good! Dam good – looking at the map, the trail was very, very close on the way out and the way back, and I remember scanning the hill to the left, trying to spot paper, and didn’t. Good job!

20th March – CH3 – HRA & Brownfinger

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Rating: 9.0/10 (2 votes cast)

Beware the Young Turks – and an older one!

The deviously devilish HRA and the confidently cunning Brownfinger combined their myriad talents to produce a masterful run for the boys of CH3.

We were out 11.5 down Canal Rd behind Suckit’s ranchero and hopes were high. I wasn’t disappointed. In fact the run had more than everything.

Hare brief stated runners were on Graven Ass strips while walkers would transfer to powder at the split and not rejoin. Apart from Frozen Dick of course. Not sure why people don’t just listen to the brief without trying to trip up the hare but a few half minds were chuntering on and trying to disrupt BF’s discourse.

Away we went up thru the orchard on TMB and Foxy’s old trail. Into the bush, down past the pastel green reservoir and after some tricky turns and checks into forest. We crossed some burnt areas and tempting streamed junctions. Here I got a couple of checks right and got ahead going along and up a blackened ridge.

Eventually we turned left but I went on to the FT and suddenly I was mid pack with SpitzSpunk and Graven and Chucky in the van. It was good running trail now, well marked and we sweated thru the accumulated heat of a hot day. Then a circle where things unraveled aa tad.

On on was called from front right but there seemed no trail. BF warned about some bush whacking so maybe…I dropped paper in the overgrown unburnt hillside as we descended but then it ran out and we weren’t on any trail. God help the guys coming behind! Then a False Trail shout from down there. Fcuk!

Bashing thru the bush we found plenty of paper in a streambed at the bottom and went left onto lovely connecting trails over stone and sand with the dappled light of early evening shading our perspiring cranii and heaving chests.

We hit a circle after a straight run down a leafy path. Pack spread, I go straight and Spitz takes the sneaky left turn that TMB employed recently and I missed twice. He finds pink paper but not ass crack white. Chuck Wao was away right, closer than he knew to true trail but we hear a faint On call from a mysterious large red object with a Fallsburg NY accent, way ahead thru the trees. I keep jogging and turning back to check for paper but none. Strange, 180m no paper strange. The large red object was becoming distinct, it was like Bigfoot all over again.

We burst out of covered forest to find Frozen boasting he’d been on runners’ trail all through and had aced 6 checks without disturbing them for us. We sauntered past to a torrent of kvetching about how dare we pass while he’s laying paper to join trail!

An excellent FT knackered me again and trail took off left down a concrete dam and up a charred hillside to a building. We weren’t too far away now.

Spitz actually run up the steep hill ahead to show Graven his power while I guarded the circle. Chuck Wao was away right on the adjoining property. Turkey was somewhere around but disappeared off the radar. Spitz called In On On and we were up the hill and suddenly around fences and properties and wide tracks.

The next circle on the corner foxed Chuck and Graven and they went straight and right. The obvious main path was left so I took that and sure enough paper.

As we approached a familiar property with new fence and gate, Graven yelled On In from behind me! I started to up my pace as the Oregonian gained on me and tried to put me off with his blather. To no avail! I won! I was Mo Farrah! David Bedford! David Hemery! Actually I was just Alice, and water not gold, my reward.

35 minutes later and well after everyone else, a bedraggled, bloody and desperate Turkish Delight staggered in, red eyed, soaking in sweat, exhausted, without water, limping and beside himself with frustration, anger and indignant rage for some reason. He was as ever, a GM’s dream.

The truth will out. The Turk had not only sniffed around pre-run but boasted he’d found the On In and knew exactly which way we’d go and how to come home. This son of Attaturk not only went off paper deliberately because he ‘knew’ the way to shortcut but he added a couple of clicks and inflicted half an hour of pain suffering and loathing on himself.

The Turkey had certainly come home to roost. Christmas and Thanksgiving had definitely come early for the GM.
On on,
Alice