Category Archives: Blog

The Shorcutter Special

So here we were back at the start of the last Ballbreaker. The hare not content to put us through the wringer once, decided, with m-alice aforethought to make us re-visit our fears by running
most parts of it back to front a second time. In an upside downy sort of way. Is there any other, you ask. The Brown man took off as usual in his “It’s not a race” guise pounding the trail followed by a band of semi enthusiastic runners up. I passed Shagless in a futile attempt to stay in touch with the pack, only to find him shift a gear and pass me effortlessly on one of his impulsive sprints. But like a sparkler, his fizz of energy was short lived and the proper order of things returned.

We were soon in the canyon-ish area and here the beastliness began. The trail was abandoned by all and sundry, everyone had a different idea where the trail should go. Who needs paper anyway? The melee was brought to an end when a lone frb called the On. From all points of the compass our Motely gang took various routes to by-pass, shortcut, overtake any and everyone they could. Eventually some sense, though not much, of order returned. Graven who had been lurking at the back of the pack, in that dream-like state he occasionally lapses into, now leapt into life. Approaching the head of the pack from a 90 degree direction he took off in pursuit of Chuckie and the Brown man. This would be a hard group to catch. The next circle check seemed to suggest that we bear left away from the little shack with its narrow path across a small stream. I clocked it and remembered it from the ballbreaker. TMB confirmed it and we took off to check. Tasty went left and I went up the hill. There Is a god. I was on. Yes, I did call it and followed trail which initially lead left to a False trail. Bastard ! 180 degrees behind us the trail continued. Up the hill we trudged only to find the bulk of the pack had found a shortcut and were now ahead. Isn’t that a great feeling to think you put All that effort in. From there it was a bit of a blur of dastardly V checks and circle checks most of which Sloppy checked, manfully, confidently, and Yes, of course wrongly.

We were met by the stranest leprechaun of a hare at an ad hoc beer stop. Well more of a beer halt really. It wasn’t actually beer, more a gloopy green syrup concoction that was best avoided suspiciously. Yet another first class opportunity for the SH brigade to do their thang and whizz promptly on by. Onwards. Once more into the…..dustbowl of eternity as fine powdery dust did to our lungs that which hitherto, the polluted air had failed. Choked us, filled our eyes with fine granules of sand. But we Hashers are made of better stuff and would not be defeated. Well, we would If we had a choice. We didn’t.

The onslaught continued with the front group being split up for short distances only to regroup soon after. Unexpectedly Sex Pistol and I found trail, Sloppy soon joined us and together we 3, we dumb 3 followed trail, descending into St Patrick's very own Irish bog of a cowfield. We were in deep sh*t and Piss. A watery Piss which filled up our shoes. Devine. To impress us in our misery the smart shortcutting b’stards simply sloped past us, along an off trail track. We arrived at the A site like the carriages of a train pulled in too fast and ram shackled bodies littered the area. Nice one Alice. Aided and abetted by Blows Herself & Cartoon..

Well, that was an adventure! The runsite is rarely used, because while it isn’t far from town, navigating to it isn’t straight forward. The hare wasn’t sure what the best way of directing people was, and I among others ignored the hash signs, and just made my way to the lake – one of the ones between Maejo and Doi Saket. It took just 20 minutes to get there (closer than Mae Hia!) It took others much longer to get there, and Chuckie was notably late, arriving as we set off.

Thankfully the runstart will move back next week, as it is getting a tad warm when we set off. Brownie virtually sprinted out of the blocks, only to remember he was carrying his bike key and turn back. I had jogged off after him, so I kept jogging from the start. A nice trail looping around the mountain, with the lake on our left. After some way we got our first circle – placed down a drop off in a quarry area to the left. Having scouted around here before, it was a split – either we’d turn left and head up the hill or head out to the lower ground… I’ve been around the lake and up the hill before, and it isn’t a great run, so I headed out the gully. Sure enough I spotted powder beneath me, so carried on parallel as Tasty made the call.

Another check, and this time I got it wrong, thinking the hare wouldn’t turn straight back towards the A. I wasn’t far behind a pack lead by Strangely Anal, but it soon became clear the hare intended to let the runners run, and not let them be distracted by things like checks! Geez! Overall it was a great running route, but it needed more checks to keep the pack together!

We got to a Cross Check, but with Brownie coming back from straight, and Strangely Anal off to the right, nobody bothered with left. I kicked it out and set off after the FRB pack. The pace was fast for the hash (5km in 34mins!). We past so many good check opportunities, with trail just carrying on. There would be no way of bringing this pack back together.

I caught up at a check by a canal, and nobody had checked the option back to the left. That seemed most likely to me, as right took us back towards the A. I was looking for powder on the right of the road and nearly gave up, until I spotted something on the left. I may have missed the first blobs, but suddenly I was ahead. Chuckie, Brownie and Graven were all in pursuit, so I just kept pressing on – we were on a trail I set around 7-8 years back (one of my first ever solo haring sets), but I was guessing most of the pack would have been disoriented by now. Again, we were lacking checks – it was just a runners run.

Chuckie was keeping close watch behind me, but another cross check slowed Brownie and Graven. Suddenly Graven appeared on the road to our left – very intrigued to know how he suddenly appeared there – Strava doesn’t lie! I don’t think he could have short cut, as he was very close to the trail at the end of the run. The pace was too much for me, but I was pushed on by the steps behind me. Finally a check, but it was put just after a junction, so when we turned back, GI and CW were slight ahead, and both charged off down the most obvious trail (well, GI did, and CW loitered). I picked a smaller trail that looked to head more in the direction I was expecting, and sure enough there was paper again.

I was leading again, but very soon CW and Brownie closed me down. I was overheating, struggling to focus on keeping moving forwards, while CW and Brownie were just having a chat behind me about who was who’s hero. I can barely breathe, but these guys are acting as though we were sat around a table. I made it to the check ahead of them and turned hard right. CW headed up the hill, while Brownie followed me. Nothing… Nada… And then a call from CW up to my left. I had a choice, and I made it. Brownie turned back, I carried on, paralleling as I could see CW up to my left. Sure enough I soon ran into a Check Back.

I hiked my way up the side of the dam – knowing it was the wrong dam, and we still had someways to go. I suspect quite a few thought they might have been home when they saw that dam! I nearly collapsed before reaching the top, and paused for a while wretching. When I got to the road along the dam wall, with the sun beating down, I staggered along walking. As Chuckie and Brownie caught me they commented on my honour for waiting for them – I wasn’t waiting, I was close to passing out…

When I got the next check wrong, it was game over. I was out of water and on my own, paying the price for the early pace. When I finally crawled my way into the A bucket, I wasn’t feeling good… It took some time before I could face a beer. It isn’t even hot season yet!

A shortish circle full of braindeadedness, before the attempt to escape the runsite. I lead a convoy of vehicles out by the most direct, but difficult to navigate route. I stuck at around 40-50kmph, with hazard lights flashing, and constantly a stream of headlights behind. It didn’t work, and somewhere along the way we lost half the convoy, with Burritto Butt leading them first towards Maejo, then back to the runsite, and finally out to Doi Saket!!!

Somehow they still managed to get their food before I did, so that is another restaurant that I will not go back to!

We were promised a full moon, so it would be a night run. I’m all for something different so drove for an hour or so to the southern end of canal road to see what they had in store for us. We were set off into the night, with most of us carrying torches – I carried 2, but some forgot and didn’t ask to borrow one! At the first check, Turkish and KO checked to the right, for what seemed like an eternity – it turned out neither had a torch with them.

I turned back slowly and walked for a while, getting used to the darkness, slowly overtaking the walkers. I started jogging, but it took a while to get back to the pack. There were some checks, but the hares were clearly being kind to the pack, making sure the trail was clearly marked for the darkness. Finally I approached a group of torches huddled together, and it appeared they were still checking. I’d just passed a small trail off to the right, so headed over to it, and suddenly I was at the front of the pack! I pushed myself into a steady jog, and got the next check right as well.

At the next there was utter confusion. It was called, but then Graven suggested we were just going back the way we’d come. It was dark, so none of us were really sure what was going on, particularly when paper ran out not long later. Perhaps we missed a check? Suddenly there were calls from everywhere, and everyone was convinced they were correctly on trail. I suspect that TMB & I were the only 2 that did it all, and strava suggests others cut a loop out.

For me, I was on my own again, believing I was just following TMB… I was expecting someone to catch me up sooner or later, but nobody appeared from behind. When I got to a check that was kicked out, I was really confused… Either TMB came back to kick it out for me, or… am I doing a 2nd lap of the trail? I tried to focus my brain, but it was dark, and I could have been on any trail. I trudged on, and was shocked to find all the pack already home when I got back.

Devious, particularly hiding the moon until the circle was nearly over!

I drove up to Chiang Dao for the weekend’s festivities beginning with Friday night. Good times to catch up with old friends, and make some new ones… The run itself was early – we set off in the back of pickups and songthaews at 2:30, with the sun beating down on us, as we were dropped in the middle of nowhere. This would be all new.

I don’t know how many hares it took to set this run, but Boom Boom Baby and Citrus Smeller were on fire for the first few checks – it wasn’t until later we discovered they had helped set that part of the run! I on the other hand was getting everything wrong. An interesting twist to the run was that (allegedly) there were secret eggs hidden close to some of the circle checks, which meant each time we got to a check, people started hunting right around the check, rather than checking properly. This confused the hell out of me, as I had forgotten the harebrief by then. Instead, I just couldn’t hear any “ON” calls because of the sound of rustling leaves…

I was doing a good job of getting everything wrong, and slowly overheating. Somehow I was still near the front, and finally got one right as we crossed an unlikely little stream much to the enjoyment of a local chicken farmer. I got a couple right in a row, and now being at the front, I had a look for eggs – no luck for me! CW got to a check just behind me, and he agreed left was the likely option – I went left, while he went straight. After 120m or so, I paused and turned around, but there were no other calls. I edged out to around 150m, but still nothing. When I looked back now, I saw Shagless coming in my direction. Aha! Inside information! I went another hundred, but still no paper. I asked an old lady sat chuckling by the side of the road, and she told me the paper was further on. After 300m or so from the circle, I finally found paper! Either someone had pulled paper down, or the hares had been too busy yacking!

The next couple of checks were straight on, but each time, it was closer to 200m than 100m… Another circle, so I checked a full 200m, finding nothing. When Shagless (co-co-lead-hare) called it from 300m in a completely different direction, I was half a k off the pace. I decided to gamble as the trail I was on appeared to be bending in the right direction anyway… Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, this time I lost. With the sun burning down on me, it took me some time to loop around, and by the time I found a check, it was kicked out and the pack long gone. I jogged and walked, and finally caught up with 4 lovely young ladies, who were also struggling with the heat. I was tempted to stay with them, but pressed on. Finally I heard voices ahead – with trail going to the right, there were clearly people calling straight on. I did the sensible thing and went straight, hooking up back with the front of the pack, joining them as we headed down a steep bank to the beerstop. I sat in the shade at the back of the songthaew, and the heat hit me… BAM!

I was struggling to focus on anything. By the time I was half way through my beer they were packing up the beerstop, and heading back. I opted to get the breeze on me sitting in the back of the pick up, so missed out on the epic Chuck Wao river crossing just before the end. Saturday night seemed a lot quieter than Friday had been, so most people made it out for the hangover amble.

All in all, a very successful outstation – great job hares!