Author Archives: stumbling dyke

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1548                                                                                                                                                                    Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1549

Huai Lan reservoir in Sankamphaeng was the location for today’s run with Turkish being the orchestrator of proceedings. Around 30 of the usual suspects turned out for what the Turk had in store for us. I can’t remember much of the hare brief; other than Turkey telling me that the Rambo trail was perfectly within my capabilities. We set off from the A bucket, first running along the dam wall which in its self was over half a km; it didn’t look that far, but straight line distances can be deceptive. Sloppy Rod tried to predict which direction we might be taken in. After a short period of pontification he soon gave up; as he said trying to get into the psyche of Turkish would require a mind far superior than his.

After crossing the dam we turned right and carried on up the road for half a km, or so, until we came to the wimp – Rambo split. I opted for the Rambo trail following Snail Trail, Juicy Fruit and Always on Top. At this point we weren’t that far from the FRBs as they could be heard quite clearly in front of us. We ran along the multitude of trails that  criss cross the forest in this area. It wasn’t long before we came to the uphill part of the run, which actually wasn’t  too bad, but we did lose the trail when we got to the top of the hill. We called OnOn to locate the trail, but the FRBs were far too ahead of us to hear.

Eventually we located the trail taking us down the mountain through a small temple area with a Buddhist shrine where there were a couple of women selling food; they didn’t look to be doing  much trade . I was at this point following Snail Trail and Juicy Fruit who were taking things at a very sedate and leisurely pace stopping frequently to take pictures of the local flora and obviously taking time out for the odd selfie or two. We carried on until we came to a dairy farm populated with about 100 cattle. As we passed this herd of lactating bovines, I could see that something wasn’t quite right. I was under the impression that any Chiang mai hash that encounters cattle on any trail, must be directed to an unavoidable area of semi liquid cow shit  with a depth of no less than 1 imperial foot. As much as I looked, the area was, very much, devoid of nature’s, very own, organic fertilizer. This must be a first.

We carried on down a trail where we could see some pretty ferocious looking dogs, but thankfully we able to avoid them as we soon realized we had been sucked down a false trail. We carried on uneventfully for the last 1.5 km ,or so. We soon found ourselves back at the dam and consequently the A bucket. I clocked up over 6.5km for the run taking us  a colossal 1 hour 45 minutes  which in turn made the circle late starting.

As the circle started late it soon got dark and it wasn’t long before we were subjected to the rustling of leaves which built up into a strong wind this could only mean one thing – heavy rain was imminent. Were we to see the 100% rain free Saturday hash broken?. Our illustrious R A, Chuck Wao, looked under great strain as he tried to abate the inevitable. A few tentative drops of rain were felt which soon turned, very quickly, into a deluge with the ambient temperature dropping what seemed to be 15 degrees or so. This wasn’t the night to be riding a motorcycle, I can tell you.

I want to plead a case of mitigation on behalf of our R A, The Honorable Chuck Wao, in regards to his rain suppression remit. Had the circle started on time and not waited for us stragglers. The G M could have conducted a circle of about 50 minutes before the rain started. So as far as I’m concerned his 100%  rain free record still stands.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke.

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1547                                                                                                                                                                     Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1548

Coming along to his first hash some 19 years ago and intermittently turning up for runs ever since, Rat’s Arse finally acquiesced to setting his first run. This is in contrast to his co hare , Deep Throat, who has been hashing for only 2 years and clocked up about 7 runs as hare. The location for today’s escapade was the Boy Scout camp at the foot of Doi Suthep. This was a once a popular choice of  A bucket for all of the Chiang Mai hashes until we were unceremoniously informed  we were persona non gratia due to some very hash behavior, apparently. But we have tentatively been trying to reestablish our presence once more. Snowballs set a run here a few months ago without eliciting the wrath of the powers that be.

There was a good turnout of about 35 of the regulars. We are still, somewhat, Covidly challenged when it comes to visitors.  Deep Throat gave the hare brief, nothing of great import to relate there. It was obvious to all those assembled, as we were at the bottom of Doi Suthep, the spiritual home of Chiang Mai hashing, the only way was up. We set off through the main gate of the scout camp – at least we started off on the flat. After 100 meters or so we came to the first circle check only to be met by Tip Toe and Square Rooter who had set off early to give themselves a chance of finishing in daylight. They totally defeated the object of their early departure as they were waiting for the FRBs to locate the trail from the check, putting them in the exact position they would have been in if they had started at the same time as everyone else.

After a few hundred meters running along, more or less, flat trails, we started the inevitable climb; clambering over random boulders and running along, the typical, dusty dirt trails. Then all at once, we found ourselves in an area devoid of trees. The reason for this lack of arboreal shrubbery became abundantly clear  very quickly because right in front of us, we were confronted by what can only be described as a cliff face. It looked as if we were in for some pretty serious mountaineering. However, aside from the precipitous nature of this rocky outcrop, the area wasn’t particularly difficult to negotiate as the nature of the rock afforded us good traction and it turned out relatively easy to ascend. It would have been a different kettle of fish had it been raining, but of course there was no chance of that, as Chuck Wao has banished rain from the Saturday hash.

Having reached the top of this novel feature of the run, I stopped for a little respite  regaining my composure after the serious assault on my cardiovascular system. As I indulged myself in this little hiatus and admiring the view of the city which was quite spectacular only sullied by the now omnipresent air pollution, I was passed by Chatterbox and CAT who bounded up the hill, without a care in the world, still full of energy – Oh the exuberance of youth.

We carried on up the mountain to the next feature of worthy note, an idyllic waterfall festooned with tropical vegetation which uncharacteristically for waterfalls in Thailand at this time of year had water flowing over it. This is one of those serendipitous moments you only get to experience through hashing . Having said that although a very beautiful spot ,the area was abound with potential danger with an abundance of  jagged rocks and steep chasms to overcome. One point, going round the back of the waterfall, was particularly treacherous t. But someone had a attached a dodgy length of rope to hang onto, so everything was just fine.

The waterfall marked the high point of today’s run, so everything now was going to be, with all the hard work behind us, relatively easy. We carried on through the forest weaving our way through the myriad of trails until we started to descend back to the Scout Camp where I met Square Rooter doing some kind of reverse sweep. I was the last so we made our way back to the A bucket.

The run was about 3.5 km with about 1.5 km of that in a vertical direction. Great workout, great views, great run guys.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke…

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1546                                                                                                                                                                     Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1547

In life nothing is certain, especially living as an expat in Thailand, so it’s not such a bad idea to have a plan B up your sleeve as you can never tell what mystery situation might be lurking around the corner. This contingency was never more appropriate than for today’s run. This weekend should have seen us hashing along pristine virgin trails and running among the beautiful and spectacular mountains of the Doi Chang district of Chiangrai. But once again Covid reared its ugly head putting pay to our long awaited outstation. Never to be down hearted, Skid Mark and Sin Bin rolled out their  own plan B setting a last minute alternative  run  in the more familiar San Kampheang  area .

The A bucket for today’s outing was at the Bang Pong resort. There was a good turnout of over 30 of the regular suspects. I suppose this being one of very few opportunities where social drinking could be indulged in, with all the bars and restaurants being banned from selling alcohol at this time. Turkish turned up, albeit late for the run, with Chaing Rai Outstation T- shirts which showed a remarkable resemblance to the Arsenal shirt of the early 1970’s. For all US or Australian hashers, Arsenal is a football team from London.

Skid Mark gave the hare brief, with brief not necessarily being the operative word ,I don’t think anyone  took any notice of a word he said, as a certain degree of confusion ensued for  the first 10 minutes of the run.  Everyone was running round like headless chickens at this initial stage. We eventually found ourselves in an orchard area where there was a ladder leaning against a tree with some kind of animal skin stretched out over it. I hope we hadn’t disturbed some kind of Black Magic ritual or something. It all looked very creepy. After what seemed ages the wimp trail was located, but try as we might no one could seem to find the Rambo Trail. As far as I was aware at the time everyone took the wimp trail.

Although the wimp trail wasn’t very long, only about 3.5 km, it took us along some interesting trails. We ran past what I can only assume is the residence of the German attaché to San Kamphaeng as we went by a place surrounded with railings painted in the black, red and gold of the German flag and some pretty fierce looking dogs in the garden too. That behind us we carried on down a plethora of dirt trails and up to the dam. When we reached the top we immediately descended the incline  we had just struggled up. This is the point where I was spotted by one of the Thai teachers I work with. I don’t really mix my work and hashing life. As a teacher I am expected to express the persona of a person of high moral integrity and as I’m sure you can all understand a good hasher is the total antithesis of that demeanor. So I’ve always thought it’s better to keep the 2 lifestyles separate.

After the dam we carried on for another 5 or 6 hundred meters and back the resort. As I previously mentioned the run was just over 3 and a half km and took less than an hour. At the end I discovered some of the youthful contingent had found the Rambo trail, so well done those guys and good last minute haring from Skid Mark and Sin Bin.

OnOn Stumbling…

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1545                                                                                                                                                                     Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1546

English is a living language and it is changing and adapting all the time with new words being added to its lexicon every day. A year ago hardly anyone would have heard of Covid – it started as an abbreviation, but has very quickly become a word in its own right. Now most people, throughout the entire world, use this word on a daily basis. I don’t think it will be long until the word Covid morphs into many more derivatives. For example; as a noun we can have covidisation; as a verb we can have covidate, along with its various conjugations; as an adjective we might have something like coviddey and as an adverb we could have covidley. What would the dictionary definition be? I hear you ask. Well, it might be something like this: A circumstance or person that totally deprives any situation of fun, enjoyment or any kind of excitement. A few, hash centric, example sentences of the most recent addition to the English language are:

That coviddey guy is doing my head in.

The upcoming outstation has fallen victim to covidisation.

He has been covidating the circle for far too long.

The hares totally covidated the run today.

He covidley droned on about his shit run all night.

This is just a thought, but remember where you first came across this word.

Today’s run was the 13^th annual Ball Breaker a co-production between the CH3 and the CSH3. I think the way it worked was if you did the Ball Breaker, the long run, it counted as CH3 run and if you did the short run it counted as a CSH3 run. The hares for today’s extravaganza were: Just Cumming, Captain Hook, Cool Balls and Ting Tong. These four stalwarts of the male hash are more colloquially referred to as The Thai Corruption. My apologies, I must make a correction; I meant Connection. The location was out in the Mai Wan area about an hour from the center of Chiangmai. The A bucket was on a dam with a somewhat depleted reservoir – to be expected at this time of year , I suppose. Having said that, the region was mountainous with a spectacular vista, or if you were attempting the Ball Breaker I would imagine it to be more of a foreboding sight. For one reason or another, I was unable to do the long run leaving me no option than other to do the short run. I’m sure you can imagine my disappointment.

Anyway, all I can really say about the actual Ball Breaker run was it started at 2:30 pm and about 12 hashers participated, so I will give you my account of the short run. In total about 30 of the regulars turned out and Just Cumming informed us that it would be a generally flat affair. Could he be believed with all these mountains in the vicinity?

We set off along the top of the dam and down to the edge of the reservoir with Snowballs taking the lead stopping periodically to take photographs. We were kind of following paper, but it was difficult differentiating it from all the litter that seemed to be strewn along the trail.  As promised the trail was generally flat, so for once  Just Cumming had told the truth. Another point of interest about the short rum was that Chuck Wao had opted for the less strenuous  of the runs. This was due to having done something to his hamstring .

On the down side, this run had the potential to be very picturesque, but around every corner there seemed to be an illicit rubbish dump some of the dumps were even smoldering and giving off some pretty noxious gases. It was if Armageddon had come to paradise. As previously stated the run was pretty flat with no major ob – sta – cals to overcome and we soon found our way back to the A bucket. I clocked up about 5.5 km and it took me just over an hour.

As the OnOn had fallen victim to covidisation the Thai Conception – I apologies again, another correction – I meant connection had provided a very sumptuous buffet for 50 Baht. Well done guys, great run and great food.

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1544                                                                                                                                                                     Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1545

The location for today’s outing was 12km down the Canal Road from the Sameorng intersection and I was the hare, so there isn’t much I can really say about anything that went on during the run. About 35 of the regulars turned out on a beautiful day neither being too hot or too cold. The run was in total about 5.3 km with the wimp being about 3km. most of the runners finished in under an hour. Even Tip Toe and Square Rooter finished with about 30 minutes of broad daylight to spare. For this reason I awarded the wings to Tip Toe. I could have given them to Square Rooter, but Tip Toe is more polite to me.

As I have been hashing in Chiangmai since 1998, over the years, I have witnessed many weird, wonderful and momentous occasions. Alas many of my memories have been assigned into the category of a drunken haze, but I suppose that’s what hashing is all about. Although there is one strange and weird event, I would like to recount which I remember with clarity and such luminaries as Superman, Pamela, Captain Hook and Superbitch will totally be able to corroborate.

It all happened on a CSH3 run sometime in 2004 and the A bucket  was just outside one of those Chinese cemeteries in the Doi Saket area not far from The Wan Tan resort. I can’t remember who the hares were, or much about the actual run. But what happened during the circle is one of the strangest phenomena I have ever experienced at any time anywhere. The circle started as normal, I think Wombat was the GM at the time. Superbitch was in the position of Hash Flash. During the evening she had busily been taking various pictures with Wombat’s new digital camera – this was at a time when digital cameras were at the cutting edge of technology and smart phones were still a concept of science fiction.

At the end of the circle Captain Hook was perusing through the photographs that had been taken by Superbitch and found in many of the pictures there were, what looked like, solid golden coins. These weren’t those shadowy circles that are sometimes found in digital photographs, but solid golden discs in what seemed high definition and some of the discs had very elaborate designs on them almost resembling some kind of ancient written script. There was absolutely no logical explanation for these, what can only be described as, apparitions whatsoever.

Many people might say there must have been some kind of anomaly with the camera. But to my knowledge this camera never captured such images again. As it transpires this Chinese Cemetery uses some kind of coins during the burial ceremony. It was all very bizarre. Perhaps the spirits were trying to send us a message about buying Bitcoin – which by the way is now trading at over 1 million Baht each- because that is the only gold coin, I know of, that totally exists within the ether.

Whatever the case it was all very strange and totally true.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke …

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1543                                                                                                                                                                     Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1544

After the eating and drinking fest of Christmas Day what better antidote than a  Boxing Day hash to address the balance of over indulgence. So Bushy Tail and Juicy Fruit stepped up to the plate to set today’s run. The location was in the San Khampheng area, a district favored by Bushy, about 20km from Promenada. It all started with certain degree of confusion, I suppose it wouldn’t be the hash otherwise, as the GPS coordinates sent those not following the signs, me included, to the incorrect A bucket. Even when I called Deep Throat to send me the right location, that also sent me to the wrong place. But I got there in the end, all part of the fun and games of the hash.

Once again about 30 hashers, including a few longtime returnees, gathered round for the hare brief; most of whom were sporting Santa hats maintaining the seasonal feel of this festive time of year. I can’t remember much about the hare brief – I’m fully aware; I must pay more attention to the briefs. Anyway, we all set off and it wasn’t long before we came to the first circle check which sent us into a forest and the start of an incline which wasn’t steep, but a long and arduous gradual slope which seemed to go no forever and proved to be extremely energy sapping. About halfway up, I stopped for a while leaning against a tree to catch my breath when I was passed by snail trail. She took great delight in reminding me of the time during the Lampang  outstation  where I was confronted by a herd of stampeding  cattle,  necessitating me to take spontaneous and evasive action by standing behind a tree to save myself from being trampled by the rapidly approaching bovines. Her recollection was of me hugging a tree. Whatever the case, I’m glad that tree was there.

The trail in the forest was very rocky and with every step, I could feel each and every stone making an imprint in the soles of my feet. After about 20 minutes of this terrain it was beginning to get quite painful. Going through a few circle checks and along many of the trails that crisscrossed the forest we descended onto a dirt road which was much kinder on the soles of ones feet. In comparison to the rocky trails in the forest, running along the dirt road was akin to running on bed of feathers.

The dirt road carried on for about 1.5 km when I came to a very ambiguous point where the wimp and Rambo trails met. It was difficult to see which direction to go in as there seemed to be arrows pointing in two directions. Somehow I managed to select the correct trail which carried on along for another 1 km, or so, through a few barbed wire fences and back to the A bucket. The run was about 6 km and it was just about getting dark when I finished, Great run, great workout, well done ladies.

As we are now at the end of December, I think it would be remiss of me if I didn’t take this opportunity to reflect quickly on the past year.

This time last year everything seemed to be quite normal. There were stories about a flu epidemic in China, but no one seemed particularly concerned as most years there is a new flu strain. We are all so aware of what happened next. If someone had written a science fiction novel depicting the scenario that transpired, no one could have got their head around such an unprecedented eventuality. This goes to prove that reality is much stranger than fiction. The whole world went into lockdown and we saw the last Pre Covid Saturday hash in March and if I remember correctly it was at Turkey’s Triangle. It wasn’t until July that we could start hashing again and for the first time in the history of CSH3 the AGFU had to be moved from 23^rd of April to 11^th July which saw Just Cumming giving way to Skid Mark to take over as GM of the CSH3. After that things kind of got back to normal with the exception that there have been very few visitors due to Thailand closing its borders. But there one or two committed hashers that faced the rigors of the mandatory two weeks quarantine so that they could join us, namely Belly Dancer, Pizza Shit and pig Shit. Another couple of points to mention is that CSH3 has now become the unofficial mushroom gathering society of Chiang Mai, with weekly reports in the CSH3 newsletter. The other point worth a mention is that Chuck Wao can control the weather. This past year has been an arduous and difficult year for everyone let’s hope in 2021 we can all get vaccinated and put the infamous year of 2020 behind us.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke …

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1542                                                                                                                                                                     Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1543

With the election  bringing with it a ban on the sale of alcohol resulting in  Deep Throat having to make a mad dash to Makro for provisions before the deadline ,as I may have forgotten to remind him;   and a visiting big wig in the area making the hares  reroute today’s run. The portents weren’t looking particularly good. But these are obstacles – pronounced ob-star-cals in Chiangmai hashing parlances – we have to overcome from time to time . It’s all part and parcel of the hash. Today’s instigators were Square Rooter and Wooly Jumper and the location was along Canal Road about 1 km after the Huey Tung Tao turning.

About 30 hashers turned out for today’s outing with Chuck Wao bringing along a very pleasant young lady by the name of Y. Hopefully he will be able to encourage her to bring along some of her friends as we are over quota on ugly farang geezers. Square Rooter gave the hare brief. I can’t remember anything of significance, so we all set off across a bridge into a wooded area with many trails. Square Rooter had described the terrain as flat: I would have said it was definitely undulating.

About 20 minutes into the run, I heard some rustling in the bushes, and what seemed like appearing from nowhere, Bushy Tail came blazing onto the trail. She totally took me by surprise. Anyway, the whole area was a mass of trails going in all directions, but it was bound be a big fence to the left which separated us from the cycle track near Huey Tung Tao. So there was no chance anyone could get lost. We eventually got to the wimp / Rambo split. I opted for the Rambo, and although I was on trail all the time, following powder, I might add.  I somehow inadvertently must have shortcut, as it wasn’t long before I was back on the wimp trail and following Tip Toe who had tripped over some steel rods which were protruding out of the ground intermittently along the trail. Now he had a big gash on his arm, but in inimitable hash style he soldiered on. We carried on the trail being very careful to avoid the protruding steel rods. They seemed to be everywhere. Then back to the A bucket. I clocked up just over 5 km and was informed by the mushroom brigade that no fungus was gathered today as everything is too dry. Anyway guys, great run.

Now we are once more at that festive time of year, I want to bring you a story from the Great Hash Liturgical Text. This piece is taken from the Book of Rooter and his third Epistle to the Bangkokians. It goes like this:

A wise old sage going by the name of Square Rooter had studiously been monitoring the heavens. He had calculated that at this time there would be a planetary alignment between the astral bodies of Saturn and Jupiter. All those there present gazed at the phenomenon in the night sky and were amazed. It was at the time of the great plague of 2020 which was decimating the whole fabric of civilization. And it came to pass in the days of Skid Mark, G M of the Chiang Mai Saturday Hash; in the province of Chiang Mai; in the kingdom of Thailand. That Skid Mark did appoint to the role of Religious Advisor, Chuck Wao of the antipodean lineage. Chuck Wao did solemnly swear under his stewardship that he would ensure that not so much as one drop of rain would fall on a Saturday hash. Chuck Wao diligently embraced his task and dutifully completed his allotted role and performed the miracle, as no moisture was seen to precipitate from the heavens on any of the hashes on Saturday under his tenure.

It was decreed that Chuck Wao would be rewarded for his diligence and commitment and an angel by the name of Y was sent unto Chuck Wao and she would bring him glad tidings of great joy – and a few other fringe benefits ,I’m sure. From this point Chuck Wao went forth and hopefully didn’t multiply. Praise be to the Hash. Merry Christmas, everyone.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke…

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1541                                                                                                                                                                     Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1542

Superman was supposed to be the hare for today’s run, but he deferred his responsibility to the Thai Connection in the guise of Just Coming and Captain Hook who took charge of proceedings. The location was at one of Superman’s favored A buckets – his eponymous dog leg near The Grand Canyon. Around 30 of the usual suspects amassed with one new member joining the pack, but unfortunately I don’t recall his name – come to think of it may have been Scum, but I could be wrong.

The run took us through familiar territory, into the forest along many mushroom festooned trails and was generally pretty flat for the first couple of km at least. But it wouldn’t be a Just Coming run if there weren’t hills to surmount. As expected it wasn’t long before  we were confronted with the inevitable uphill section, which to be perfectly honest wasn’t too bad- I’ve experienced a lot worse from Just Coming’s productions. Everything was fine, running through the forest interspersed with pleasant views ,albeit showing the first signs of the egregious air pollution which is now a common factor at this time of year in Chiangmai.

We were now obviously at a reasonably high elevation which can only mean, in the words of the time honored adage, what goes up must come down. The descent off the mountain  proved to be an absolute nightmare due to the particularly steepness of the trails , seeming at times to be almost vertical, and given the gravelly nature of the track and treacherous ravine on the left hand side every step had to be taken with extreme caution. I was very thankful that there was still sufficient daylight at this point as trying to negotiate this terrain in darkness would have been tantamount to suicide.

We finally reached the bottom of the mountain and onto some decent running tracks which took us back to the A bucket. There is one point of consternation that needs to be brought up about this run.  The fact is that Just Coming and Captain Hook were standing in For Superman and every time superman sets a run from this location he has a beer stop at TinTin and treats us all to expensive imported European beers, or maybe I dreamt it. That aside guys A very enjoyable run and a great workout, well done.

In the circle Belly Dancer made a very poignant; and what turned out to be profound splash; and  thinking  about it also quite philosophical too. It all went like this: Belly put Sloppy Rod, just Cumming, Chuck wao, Super Bitch and Superman then proceeded to reel off a load of statistics.

All of us now and again try to evaluate life – asking ourselves, what’s it all about? and work out the time we spend doing various activities. I’m sure we’ve all looked at various stats: Apparently the average person spends 33 years in bed but funnily enough only 26 years sleeping; over 11 years of screen time; 5 years eating; over 3 years on holiday and 2 years at school. These numbers are all very interesting but they don’t take into consideration the life of the committed hasher.

Belly Dancer proceeded to put this particular oversite to rights. He had been on the CM Hashing website, which if you weren’t aware, is a veritable repository of all sorts of facts and figures in regards to all of the hashes in Chiangmai, so an honorable mention must be made to Dr. Bite for all the collating and number crunching he has done to achieve such a comprehensive and interesting archive.

As it transpires over all the Chiangmai hashes Sloppy Rod has clocked up 607 runs, Turkish 705, Just Coming 1001, Chuck Wao 1,230, Super Bitch 1,248, and Superman a Whopping 2,150. I have utilized  a very scientific metric and come up with the following results: I’ve worked out the on average each run is 4.37 km long and the amount of time spent at a hash meeting including the circle is 4 hours 23 minutes.  This means Sloppy Rod has run 2,640 km and spent a total of over 110 days of his life involved in hashing.  Turkish has run 3,080 km spending a total of 128 days hashing. Just cumming has run 4,374 km and spent 182 days hashing. Chuck Wao has run 5,375 km and spent 225 days hashing. Super Bitch has run 5,453 km and spent 228 on the hash. Superman has run 9,395 Km and spent a total of 393 days of his life hashing. On the scrunched up piece of paper, that Belly handed me, with all this information was written 89%. I have no idea what this figure represents, perhaps it’s the answer to life the Universe and everything there. But one thing I do know that hashing is a major part of many people’s lives and long may it be this way.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke ….

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1540                                                                                                                                                                   Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1541

After a short absence, Skid mark and Chatterbox stepped up to the plate as hares for today’s run with the location out in Sarapi. There are two things you can be certain of when Skid mark sets a run in this area. The first thing you can bank on, it’s going to be a flat run devoid of hills or any steep inclines. The second point that can be relied on is that the OnOn will be at Auf der Au – The German restaurant with the amazing buffet. If you’ve never been there, I would certainly recommend you give it a try. You will never leave the place hungry, that’s assured.

It all started with a considerable amount of inconvenience and frustration with the road through Sarapi town being closed off due to the weekly street market taking precedence over the smooth flow of traffic, as a consequence severe congestion built up along the alternative route. This is one of those occasions where a motorcycle is a great advantage, as you can drive to the front of any vehicular queue. An observation corroborated by Chuck Wao who had spent quite some time in the traffic jam on his way to the A bucket.

About 25 of the usual suspects turned up. Belly Dancer, a long time returnee, making an appearance having done the obligatory 2 weeks quarantine after returning from England. Skid Mark proceeded with the hare brief, but chatterbox was nowhere to be seen. Apparently whilst setting the run, she had mistaken a dirty slimy swamp for firm ground and consequently ended up waist deep in the quagmire – all part of the fun and games of hashing. We set off down the concrete road and the first circle check. As anticipated we were heading for the rural attributes of the local topography, through a banana plantation followed by a few coconut trees and finally into the rice fields.  This time of year the rice plants are in a state of maturity, almost ready for harvesting, the sun low in the sky, giving the whole area a golden comforting hue; a vast contrast to that almost, unnatural, fluorescent glow that is  experienced earlier on in the year when the rice plants are just establishing themselves. it’s all part of nature’s ever changing pallet of wonderment.

So the run was going to take us through various plantations, predominantly rice, which meant there were many irrigation channels to cross which can only result in many substandard rickety bamboo bridges to be crossed – bridge is a far too generous description to bestow upon basically what amounts to, in many cases, a couple of dodgy poles strewn across the void. The abundance of channels had turned a lot of the area in to little islands and a great deal of time was consumed finding crossing points. A few of the more daring and agile of the pack jumping the ditches, personally I took the more sensible approach and put my faith in the rickety bridges as my means of island hopping.

One common sight at every precarious crossing point was Snowballs, in his capacity as hash paparazzi with his telephoto lens, waiting for the inimitable money shot, eagerly anticipating that moment where someone fell in, which would also allow him to glean a certain degree of schadenfreude, I’m sure, reveling in the misfortune of the unfortunate. I’m not aware of any photographic evidence of any mishaps.

We traversed our way around the expanse for quite some time and the scenery didn’t seem to change that much until we came to the area of a sugar cane plantation. I can’t ever recall seeing sugar cane on a run before. These plants grow to about 5 meters tall and running through them was quite a surreal experience. I was made aware – by Square Rooter, I think – that it is the waste material from these plants that is burnt and contributes a great deal to the egregious air pollution we suffer on an annual basis. So I, for one, am going to stop taking sugar in my coffee to decrease the demand and help mitigate the severity of the pollution – every little helps. We finally got through the sugar cane to be met by Skid Mark taking pictures and the OnIn.

The run took me just over an hour and I clocked up about 6 km. Great run guys I thoroughly enjoyed it. I didn’t get the mushroom report.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke …