Author Archives: stumbling dyke

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1561                                                                                                                                                                    Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Snail Trail

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Chatterbox

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run # 1562

As Skid Mark’s regime draws to a close we seem to be entering a period we saw at the beginning of his reign.  Covid  once again has reared  its ugly head, trying to suppress our fun, and the country is once more on the brink of lockdown. Let’s all hope we can get vaccinated soon and put this surreal episode of the world behind us.

Run # 1562 got off to a great deal of mayhem over directions and the placement of hash signs with the majority of members having to rely on their hashing instincts and ingenuity  to get to the A bucket. All the directions needed to have said was – it’s about 2 km up the road from where Cartoon usually sets his runs, then there would have been no ambiguity. Everyone got there in the end and allowed a few good splashes to be awarded in recompense for the initial confusion all adding to the fun and games of the hash.

Skid Mark and AWOL were the hares for today’s outing, and as you have probably guessed the location was out in San Kampheng. For those who do not know, AWOL is Snail Trail’s Brother and is an officer in the Thai Army. Anyway when Skid Nark sets a run, you can be pretty sure that it is going to be flat. Another point worth noting is that today the sky was clear, devoid of pollution, and the temperature wasn’t too excessive for the time of year either. This was due to due to a storm of biblical proportions a few days previously that must have put out the forest fires and cleared the particulates from the air resulting in conditions conducive to good hashing. Maybe Chuck Wao had something to do with these favorable conditions. I’m sure he would quite happily take credit for this welcome change in the ambient air quality.

After the usual hare brief we set off along a dirt road and into a wooded area and the first circle check which resulted in us being taken into an area overgrown with bamboo proving to be quite hazardous as the bamboo shoots provided us with many sharp and pointed obstakles to negotiate. It was at this point we were joined by Just Coming who had, being a veteran of almost 900 runs, experienced difficulties in finding the A bucket. Once we were clear of the bamboo area we found ourselves beside a lake with a backdrop of the area’s majestic mountains, so naturally Snail Trail and Chatterbox had to take timeout for the obligatory selfie or two in the picturesque spot. The lake wasn’t natural and had been created by a dam which obviously we would have to cross. Crossing the dam wall was relatively easy, but the final 4 meters had to be negotiated by means of a very dodgy, unstable and rickety bamboo bridge which needed to be crossed with extreme caution. I didn’t hear any reports of any mishaps here.  If there had have been they could have proved to have been serious.

We carried on into flat area where we were brought into close proximity of a family of buffalo who didn’t seem particularly pleased to have a bunch of hashers running through their home, so we tentatively skirted round them trying not to antagonize them too much. By this point we were in sight of the A bucket although we hadn’t yet come to the wimp Rambo split. But then just around the corner we came to the divide. I took the Rambo trail which took us along a canal then into a rice field which we ran through for a while ultimately taking us back to the canal which we crossed by means of a proper bridge as the hares couldn’t  find any dodgy bamboo ones to utilize.

Then we were taken through a rubber tree plantation for a while and then back onto the road which led us back to the A bucket. I clocked up about 5km a nice run in dispersed with spectacular scenery, great job guys.

It’s at this point, I have to make a correction in regards to something I wrote a couple of weeks ago on Superman’s run where we had the circle in his back garden. The garden is populated with a species of eucalyptus trees known as gum trees, He told me a tale of the early pioneering bushmen of Australia using these trees as an early form of pornography as they quite convincingly resembled  female genitalia.  whenever they would come across these trees the ever resourceful bushmen would pleasure themselves accordingly. I have to tell you now that this is a complete and utter fabrication and a figment of Superman’s imagination as our antipodean aficionado, Chuck Wao., could in no way manner or form corroborate this story and told me that I had well and truly been sent up a gum tree.  But in the defense of Superman, I’m a great advocate of never letting the truth get in the way of a good story.

OnOn Stumbling  Dyke…

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1560                                                                                                                                                                    Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Snail Trail

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Chatterbox

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run # 1561

For today’s run Scum made his haring debut on the CSH3 and took us about 25 km down the San Kam Pheng  road with the A bucket being at a small restaurant , overshadowed by an enormous  mountain. Obviously this major part of the Earth’s furniture was going to be a big factor in the day’s proceedings. What with the temperature  living up to expectations for this, the hottest, time of year and the ubiquitous forest fires maintaining  the  high levels of PM2.5 in the air, numbers were a little thin on the ground with only about 17 members turning up and only Snail Trail and CAT representing the harriettes.

Scum gave the Hare brief. The only detail of significance I remember of this was we were likely to encounter obstarkles and opting for the Rambo may lead to an unexpected surprise. We all set off , not unexpectedly, towards the mountain. The trail led us through a few fields covered with dead leaves which as we all know results in terrain akin to a ski slope. After surmounting a few barbed wire fences we came to a point which can only be described as a sheer drop of about 20 meters. But Scum, ever ingenious, had the foresight to attach a length of rope to a tree, so a spot of abseiling would have to be entered into to overcome this obstarkle .

When my turn came to descend, Deep Throat had held back to witness my attempt. Not that he was in any way concerned of my welfare, but more in anticipation of a moment of schadenfreude. I’m sure he expected me to come to grief at the hazard and busily videoed my antics. I was rather pleased to disappoint him by executing an exemplary descent making full use of the given apparatus. Perhaps he can use the video for training purposes. Following close behind me was Tiptoe who also made very easy work of the obstarkle.

From this point we carried on along the usual dirt tracks and ever closer to the ominous mountain. Soon we reached the wimp Rambo point of the run. I was, as you would expect, at the back of the pack along with Tiptoe and Snail Trail. All those ahead of us had taken the Rambo option, so the three of us decided as Scum had gone to the effort of setting a wimp trail it would be somewhat in contravention of hash etiquette to leave this trail unused. Suffice it to say we took the easy option.

The wimp trail took us around the base of what only can be describe as one almighty lump of rock which Superman informed me was evidence of a major geological event occurring many million years ago resulting in a great lump of calcium carbonate to protrude skywards. Anyway the trail around the base was really very interesting with caves that lead to ‘who knows where’ and sheer cliff faces with the evidence of them being used by serious rock climbers. It wasn’t long until we were back on dirt tracks which we ran along uneventfully for a couple of km, or so, and back to the A bucket.

Reports from the Rambo trail were of a very arduous and precipitous affair with real, live ,wild monkeys to be observed in their natural habitat – this was the surprise that Scum had mentioned in the hare brief. Proving once again hashing reaches the places other activities don’t reach.

When we all gathered round for the circle the odd spot of rain was felt, and as we all know the odd spot of rain in Thailand quickly turns into an almighty deluge pretty quickly. Chuck Wao – our religious adviser and in charge of everything meteorological on the CSH3- had foreseen this storm and considered the rain necessary to give us all a respite from the heat and to clear the pollution. In his infinite wisdom he had somehow arranged it so that the OnOnOn was actually at the Abucket, so we all retired to the dryness of the restaurant keeping  his record of rain free Saturday hashing in tact.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke…

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1559                                                                                                                                                                    Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Snail Trail

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Chatterbox

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run # 1560

With this Saturday being the local election bringing with it the obligatory ban on the sale and consumption of alcohol a discrete A bucket was required for this week’s run. So what better place than Ban Billabong, that little piece of Thailand that is forever Australia,  Superman’s and Superdarling’s  residence out near the Night Safari.

About 25 to 30 of the usual and dedicated suspects gathered under the welcome shade of the eucalyptus trees, given that the temperature was pushing 40 degrees again, a very necessary requirement. These trees, also known as gum trees, are a major feature of the garden which led Superman to recount a tale etched in the folklore of the early pioneering Bushmen of the 1800’s. These are the guys who, by their hard work, ingenuity and tenacity, shaped modern day Australia. His story started like this: You have to realize back in the 19^th century there was very little in the way of pornography and your average bushman was a very virile kind of bloke who would require a little carnal pleasure from time to time. Resourceful and innovative were very much what the early European settlers needed to be in this very unfamiliar land. One day one of these geezers must have been relaxing by a billabong waiting for a jumbuck – whatever one of those is – and noticed the uncanny resemblance these gum trees had to female genitalia. As a result the jolly swagman would use the trees to fantasize about his perfect Sheila – I hope I’m using the correct terminology – and would pleasure himself accordingly to Mother Nature’s natural version of PornHub. What a different world it was before the internet.

After Superman had made me aware of this, I could see the remarkable resemblance and the story seem perfectly plausible. But whether this is a true story or just a figment of his imagination, I will have to wait for the return of Chuck Wao to corroborate this account. As he is the nearest person I know to a jolly swagman.

Anyway back to the business of the run. Superman gave the hare brief and set the harriettes off first and told the men to wait for a few minutes. We all thought He was going to divulge a piece of juicy information, not for the ears of the ladies, but alas not. Although we were given a little entertainment watching the women trying to open the gate leading out of the garden. It must have taken them a good couple of minutes to emancipate themselves through the portal.

Once the girls had overcome the obstacle of the gate the guys set off. So down to the bottom of the garden we went and obviously through the gate and into a rice field.  The trail took us across a very substantial bamboo bridge – far too substantial for any hash run. The trail then took us onto the shoulder of the busy Canal Road which gave us a great opportunity, for a few hundred meters, to observe the local automotive engineering of the area. We saw some very impressive examples of Hondas and Toyotas with a few sightings of the lesser spotted Mercedes S class. You may have detected a little sarcasm there. We eventually turned off the highway into the local village and ran around the local streets; this was very much an urban run therefore eliciting the usual responses of bewilderment from the local community. Along the streets we went and ultimately we came to the wimp – Rambo split. At this point I wimped out, quite literally and then a few hundred meters back to Ban Billabong; a run of about 5km, thankfully, totally flat given the high temperature. Just the kind of run we need in this blistering heat, well done guys.

With the Thai government having banned the throwing of water during Songkran this year; although it is better than last year where they totally banned booze.  As we weren’t officially in Thailand, but an outpost of Oz. and there being a full moon someone decided to have a scaled down water throwing episode during the circle, I think it may have been initiated by Bushy Tail. I think everyone had a dose of the icy water treatment. Love it hate it is one of those traditions that can only happen in countries like Thailand. After the Circle Superdarling and her entourage provided us with great food and plenty of it; so all in all another successful hash on a non-drinking day in Thailand.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke…

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1557                                                                                                                                                                     Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Snail Trail

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Chatterbox

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Animal Dinner

One of the great paradoxes of hashing is that many of us only ever see each other on run days. As a result, when we meet we are always wearing run apparel and never see one another in normal clothes. This anomaly was put to rights last Friday as it was the occasion of this year’s Animal Dinner. There was a Caribbean theme to the event with many sporting casual beach wear while others kept up the long held tradition of taking this opportunity to get into their glad rags.  A special mention must go out to Cummalot who was modeling a stunning creation from her own personal line of haute couture which, to my untrained eye, wouldn’t have seemed out of place on the catwalks of Milan or Paris; a very impressive example of the seamstress’ art, proving what a bunch of truly talented hashers we have in Chiang mai. The organizers of this year’s Soiree Were Bushy Tail and Superman and the venue was the Mellowship pub at the Ibis Hotel on the Canal Road.

The food laid on by the hotel was augmented by many scrumptious additions courtesy of the harrietts. Would you expect anything else! Just over 30 people turned up for the evening’s shenanigans all  expecting a Champagne reception, as clearly stated on the ticket, but were disappointed in particular Chuck Wao who considered it a major bone of contention  marring the evenings festivities. Superman’s line of defense was that some people were allergic to bubbles and therefore they had to opt for a less effervescent grape beverage in the guise of bog standard, Jacob’s Creek, white wine. He maintained the price differential hadn’t been a consideration.

After everyone had partaken of the sumptuous repast, it was time for the highlight of the evening. As the Animal Dinner is always a numbered run, tradition stipulates that a run on the evening has to be set and completed. This year was no exception and Superman picked up the mantle of hare. I’m not sure whether a co hare was involved. There was a wimp – Rambo option for this run, heaven knows why, as the run itself entailed running out of the restaurant into the parking garage and back again not even leaving the environs of the hotel. The hotel security guard seemed a little fazed and confused by what was going on. He probably hadn’t seen that amount of people at the hotel for quite some time. Anyway the run itself was about 73 meters in length and the FRBs were back in under a minute. I think the wimp option was not doing the run at all.

After the run we all settled down to a bit of live music and somewhat embarrassing dancing from us old geezers but suffice it to say a good evening was had by all. Many thanks must be extended to the organizers and all who contributed to another successful and memorable Animal Dinner.

Run # 1558

The hares for the Saturday run Were Chuck Wao and Turkish. The night before had seen Chuck Wao exceed his usual 3 beer rule. I’m sure he must have had a few regrets in regards to his over indulgence when faced with having to set the run early the next morning. On the other hand, Turkish would have been’ as fresh as a daisy’ not having partaken in the previous evening’s revelry. The location was at that restaurant, still under construction, atop a small hill about 12 km along the Canal Road. We were at this A bucket last October and were afforded a spectacular panoramic view of the locality. But at this time of year the view extends to no more than murky, dirty and depressing pollution.

About 30 of the ever faithful Saturday hashers turned out for today’s offering. Although I have to report there was a decided air of apathy among those assembled due to having attended the Animal Dinner and suffering the inevitable consequences.

Anyway we all set off into the forest at a very sedate pace with very few volunteers stepping up to do much checking. This area has many excellent trails although very dry and dusty at this time of the year. It’s surprising how much of a difference a drop or two of rain makes to the hashing environment. We soon came to the wimp – rambo split and I noticed many of the younger contingent despite their exuberance of youthful athleticism took the wimp option; Whereas I of a more aged and corpulent disposition took the Rambo trail. Having said that, this occurrence was put right in the allocation of the wings as they were awarded to yours truly. As for the run there wasn’t really much to report other than is was a good workout along good running trails and a great antidote to the excesses of the Animal Dinner. Well done guys..

OnOn Stumbling Dyke…

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1555                                                                                                                                                                    Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Snail Trail

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Chatterbox

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1556

Just Cumming and Bushy Tail were the hares for today’s outing. Just Cumming seems to be setting every other run these days; proving himself to be a glutton for, the proverbial, punishment. The location was about 10 km along the Samoerng Road from Samcan , the Canal Road intersection, an area  where only mountains exist. So it was a safe bet, that a good work out of each and everyone’s cardio vascular system was in the offing. The A bucket was at the car park of a restaurant on the side of one of the ubiquitous mountains. This is a site that has been utilized by Just Cumming  on numerous occasions in the past, and I think is therefore eligible for naming as one of those frequently hashed from A buckets; such as Turkey’s Triangle, Superman’s Dog Leg and the like. My suggestion is J C’s Cum Spot. Let me know what you think.

The usual 30 or so hashers had made their way out to the A bucket with one or two longtime returnees making an appearance, one of them being Pink Nipples who had turned up after an absence of over a year or so. Set amidst the mountains, this is potentially an area of outstanding natural beauty. It’s only marred by the ever present dirty, filthy, disgusting air pollution that seems to give everything a monochrome hue at this time of year.  It’s akin to visiting a fine art gallery and finding  it full with heavy smokers. JC gave the hare brief, giving us the expected B S about how flat it was going to be and how the odd hill may have to be encountered.

We all set off in the inevitable uphill direction and carried on that trajectory for a good 10 minutes. After the usual huffing and puffing we eventually leveled off. We then followed a trail in more or less a straight line across the mountain. We followed various trails with the usual sneaky checks for around 15 minutes. Then the time came to descend off the mountain, so once again on a JC run we were faced with a near vertical slope to negotiate. As luck would have it there was a sturdy piece of bamboo on the ground. I picked it up to help me with the precipitous decent. As I embarked on my downhill path with my sturdy piece of bamboo, it got me thinking about what an amazing piece of natural engineering bamboo actually is. There are very few hash runs where you don’t encounter bamboo and it has some absolutely amazing qualities. It can grow up to a meter in 24 hours; It releases 30 % more oxygen into the atmosphere than trees; It has a higher tensile strength than steel. Bamboo can be used for food, clothing and shelter, not to mention the scaffolding on every construction site in Thailand and the ladders every electrician uses when working on overhead powerlines. I’ve also read that it has medicinal qualities in the treatment of cold and flu symptoms, so it may have a role to play in the war on Covid. After earthquakes, more often than not, it’s the bamboo structures which are least affected by the devastation. The list of truly amazing attributes seems to be endless. So the next time you encounter this miracle of nature just spare a thought to the value this unassuming piece of flora has on the ecosystem and economy of the world; One of nature’s true wonderments and the hasher’s friend.

Anyway with my trusty bamboo stick I made my way to the bottom of the mountain and back onto the road. From the location of the A bucket, I knew there was now once again some steep terrain to be negotiated. I followed a few trails running parallel to the road and then onto a steep incline which took me back to the starting point. I clocked up about 4km, not necessarily a long run but given the amount of hills a pretty strenuous workout was had by all. All in all a very good run guys.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke…

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1553                                                                                                                                                                    Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Snail Trail

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Chatterbox

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1554

Run number 1554 saw Mary Poppins as hare with his young apprentice, Grub, taking up the mantel of co hare. This was the first day of ,young, Grub’s work experience in the noble art of trail setting in Chiang mai. A very prestigious occasion combined with a very serious undertaking for the young hasher. This is something I’m sure you can all appreciate, with all the nuances and traditions that need to be observed along with all the fiendish tricks and peculiarities that have to be developed in facilitating runs worthy of Chiang mai hashing. The location was the Hex Shelter near to Ob Khan. Whenever we gather here, I always look to see whether the wall has been rebuilt which was demolished a few years ago by some over exuberant hash behavior. I have to report the wall hasn’t been replaced, but the rubble has been cleared up.

When I arrived at the run site; I learned of the fire that had occurred the previous night which had destroyed Bushy Tail’s restaurant. Her place hadn’t been open very long, but it had quickly become a convivial meeting point for hashers and was establishing itself as a de facto hash pub. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say, that her restaurant will be greatly missed and we all share her sadness in the demise of a bourgeoning business in such horrendous circumstances. Thankfully, there were no casualties associated with the blaze.

There was an unexpected addition for today’s run and that was the return of a few visiting hashers. It’s quite strange seeing unfamiliar faces on the hash although its really great to welcome visitors again. Hopefully, as time goes by and the vaccination program pics up momentum we will get back to somewhere near normal.

I’m Sure MP gave a hare brief, but I can’t recall anything of it. About 30 of us set off in the usual direction for this location. Everything started as per usual with the  FRBs doing what they do, locating all the checks etc. with us rear echelon runners following behind. Everything was going according to plan until we got to the Rambo – Wimp split, or should I say the lack of any indication of the split. There seems to have been extraneous forces at work sabotaging the trail by picking up the paper . The result was a considerable amount of confusion as everyone ended up on the wimp trail. The FRBs seemed to have gone in all different direction some doing the trail in reverse. Crap Thai and Sloppy Rod came running down a very steep mountain. Then as if by magic Mary Poppins and Grub came along to put us right. There were now about five of us following the correct trail Sloppy, CAT, Snail Trail, Juicy and myself.

We managed to find the original Wimp – Rambo split and it had definitely been tampered with. After about 5 minutes or so on the correct trail we met Deep Throat and HRA coming towards us. They had obviously done the run in reverse and advised us to turn back as there was a treacherously steep hill we would have to descend, so myself, Juicy Fruit and snail Trail took the advice and headed back the way we had come and back onto the wimp trail. On our way back in, we noticed Cumalot driving up the trail. It transpired that Obscene had suffered a fall and needed to be taken to hospital as he had apparently been knocked unconscious. We carried on back to the A bucket, passing  through the obligatory barbed wire fence we always pass through when we run in this area and back to the Hex Shelter.

I managed to clock up just over 5 km and it took my just over an hour. It actually turned out to be a very good run on great trails, so well done guys and a an excellent first effort from Grub.

Back at the A bucket I could see Just cumming in a heated discussion with the local village headman in regards to us parking on the side of the road. Things looked like they may get out of hand, but I witnessed one of the greatest pieces of diplomacy I think I’ve ever seen. The headman seemed to be getting increasingly agitated then Lung La, without saying a word, pulled a couple of cans of Leo beer from the cooler and thrust them in the guy’s hand. The guy calmed down considerably and went on his way. It was an amazing spectacle to behold. With regards to obscene I don’t think he had sustained any serious injuries as the last time I saw him was in Yummy Pizza at the OnOnOn tucking into a double pepperoni pizza with extra cheese.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke….

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1552                                                                                                                                                                    Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Snail Trail

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Chatterbox

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1553

Cums Any Time and Always on Top were the hares for today’s run with the location being about 4 km down the Samoerng road from Samcan. I don’t know if any of you remember from one of my earlier literary offerings; I proposed naming the intersection between the Samoerng and Canal roads Samcan as it is a location regularly referred to when giving directions for runs etc. – It being a portmanteau word using the first three letters of the respective roads of the junction also sounding similar to the Thai word for important. However, there hasn’t seemed to have been any widespread adoption of my proposal, or any adoption at all for that matter. But never mind some of the best ideas need time to establish themselves. Anyway back to the business of the run. As far as I’m aware both of today’s instigators where virgin hares although I have a sneaky suspicion there was a third hare, of significant experience, operating behind the scenes.

Once again, about 30 of the committed faithful turned out for today’s escapade. Cums Any Time gave a very detailed hare brief with the circle checks taking the guise of a clock. At first I didn’t get the reference, then realized that it referred to the ‘time’ aspect of her name. We set off down the road and it wasn’t long before we came to the first V check. The one trail led up a well-defined track and was the obvious direction to take and the other trail looked as if it were heading back to the A bucket and entailed a certain amount of shiggy. About 90 % of the pack followed the logical trail. Yes ,you’ve guessed it, 90% were wrong. It was at this point my suspicions were aroused in regards to the third hare as Just Cumming and a few of his cohorts made a ‘B line’ towards the less obvious trail. They either had great clairvoyant skills or had prior knowledge. My money is very much on the latter.

This area being quite mountainous, it was inevitable that sooner or later the trail was going to take us in an upward direction. As expected, we started the incline. But when compared to the previous week’s run, on the outstation in Doi Chang, where we had seemed to have been traversing near vertical slopes; this was a relative ‘walk in the park’ in comparison. I carried on up the hill, on the way noticing  a lot of tall dry grass which I’m sure, given a couple of weeks, will be turned into PM2.5 by the scientific method of combining the contents of a container of petrol with an ignited match resulting in combustion and considerable y more air pollution.

Eventually I made my way to the top of the mountain feeling quite pleased with myself having ascended the hill without too much trauma. My pride was short lived though, as I noticed a lot of the pack in the far distance on an adjacent mountain. This meant I would have to go down into the valley and go up the other side. Oh, the joys of hashing. After about 10 – 15 minutes I had made my way on to the other mountain. This point marked the high point of the run, so from now on the trail steadily declined along dirt roads taking us through a mediation temple and ultimately back to the A bucket. I thought I was the last to finish, but Snowballs was still out there. I hadn’t seen or heard him for the entirety of the run, so had no idea where he could be. But after about 20 minutes he turned up in his inimitable style. The run took me about an hour and 10 minutes and I clocked up just over 6 km. It was a thoroughly enjoyable run and a great work out; excellent first run ladies.

On a less positive note, there are very few physical accolades to be derived from hashing. Most of the benefits are, dare I say, spiritual. But there is one cherished reward on CHS3 each and every hasher receives on the occasion of attaining 100 runs and that is the pewter tankard. I have to report after the circle Chuck Wao placed his tankard along with his ‘roadie’ on the back bumper of his truck and inadvertently drove off with them still there. Despite Sheep Shagger’s best efforts to bring this to the attention of Mr Wao it was too late and he carried on oblivious of his error. Superman called him and he returned and an extensive search and rescue mission was mounted, but alas the tankard wasn’t located, but we did find his ‘roadie’. So if anyone finds this cherished artifact can they return it to it’ rightful owner.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke…

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1550                                                                                                                                                                    Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1551 – 1552

After a great deal of uncertainty and even postponement – thanks, once again, to our old friend Mr Covid – We finally got the go ahead to embark on our long awaited outstation. We packed our bags, got into our cars and trucks and headed for the mountains. The Thai Corruption were in charge of the weekend’s proceedings with Cool Balls and Just Cumming taking up the haring duties for this the second outstation under the Skid Mark regime. The location for CSH3’s latest incursion outside of Chiang mai was Doi Chang in the sub district of Mae Suai in the province of Chiang Rai. An elevation of about 1,300 meters, a full 1,000 meters above that of Chiangmai, provided us with some spectacular views along with a noticeably cooler temperature. The drive to the resort was in itself somewhat of an adventure as steep, twisty and precarious roads had to be negotiated to achieve the high altitude. Some of the bends had no protective barriers which could result in serious consequences for the unwary driver, so supreme caution had to be observed at all times. However, the views were absolutely spectacular. it felt quite literally like being on top of the world.

For the Saturday run most of the usual suspects had made the 170 km journey along with a few visitors joining us from Bangkok and Pattaya. In all I estimated about 40 hashers in total. We all assembled at the Jadai Resort in Doi Chang. Cool Balls gave the hare brief where he assured us we were going to be in for a flat run. This was obviously not going to be the case as the location we were in had only two directions, those being either up or down. The run was a B to A, so we all clambered into two trucks. One of them was a dilapidated old Toyota Hilux which looked very similar to the Toyota they tried to kill on the BBC TV show – Top Gear. If you haven’t seen it, I would certainly recommend you check it out on YouTube – Just type in – BBC Top Gear Killing a Toyota. You will be amazed at the tenacity and resilience of the Toyota and a classic piece of British TV.

We arrived at the B site and everyone started alighting the trucks as we were doing so we noticed someone, about 50 meters behind us, had fallen off their motorcycle. Luckily no injuries were sustained, but it turned out to be Bear Bum a hasher from many years ago and a one time employee of the old Hash Pub. I hadn’t seen her in about 10 years. It turned out Doi Chang was here home town.

As previously mentioned the area we were in had only two directions and we set off in the downward direction of the two options and we kept going down and down. My only thought as we kept descending  the side of this very steep mountain through the ubiquitous coffee plants was that at some stage we will have to turn round and start ascending this monolith of a mountain. An inevitable eventuality I wasn’t looking at all forward to. After what seemed ages the trail seemed to level off and we carried on a flat trajectory which was a welcome relief as the trail we had descended on was so steep it had put great strain on my knees. At this point I was at my usual, and actually preferred, place in the pack and that is right at the back. Not long after, I passed Sticky Mango’s son and his girlfriend – sorry, I don’t know their names – who had stopped. I couldn’t make out whether it was out of exhaustion or if they had stopped to admire the view.

Another few hundred meters or so brought us to the very welcome beer stop where we had the option between the Wimp and Rambo. I chose the Rambo and carried on following the dusty trails passing various plantations. At one point I was in an area surrounded by tomato plants. After a while the moment I had been dreading came and the inevitable ascent of the mountain started. Although the incline wasn’t necessarily that steep, it went on and on sapping all my energy. At one point, I stopped to catch my breath and was passed by an old farmer guy who was obviously no spring chicken but seemed to romp up the hill without so much as a by or leave. As Pussy Whisperer remarked later, you never see anyone over weight in this area. After a lot of puffing and panting and the utterance of the odd expletive, I eventually made my way back onto the road and back to the resort. The run was about 6km and one of the best cardio vascular work outs I’ve ever had in a long time. That being said, it was a magnificent run with spectacular views. Amazing job guys.

The evening saw the usual social get together with copious amounts of alcohol consumed. As I said before the outside temperature was significantly cooler than that in Chiangmai. So the resort organized a bon fire in one of the out buildings. This induced a very convivial and relaxing atmosphere. It’s quite paradoxical to think we were all actually enjoying sitting round an open fire in the tropics. This is not an activity I have engaged in before, in all the time I’ve been in Thailand. But it was a very pleasant experience.

Chuck Wao took over the mantel for the hangover run the next morning. This in traditional style was a short run of about 20 minutes or so. Although very much an abridged kind of run, he managed to condense all the elements of a good hash run into a short but sweet event. There was a little bit of shiggy combined with the odd hill or two. He even took us through a swampy area which is very uncharacteristic of him. I’m sure you are all aware marshy ground to Chuck Wao is like a crucifix to a vampire. The run took us through a coffee processing plant where Superman and Juicy Fruit explained the drying process of the coffee beans to me. Proving every hash is an education. A great little run to top off an excellent weekend. Thanks to the Thai connection for all the time and effort you put into organizing this outstanding outstation.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke…

Chiang Mai Saturday Hash House Harriers

Drinking and Running Since 1991

                                             Hash Trash 1549                                                                                                                                                                    Grand Master – Skid Mark                                      Haberdasher – Hot Nipples

Historian & Awards Master – Superman     Hash Cash – Titty Smoker

Joint Master – Just Cumming                               Beer Monster – Deep Throat

Religious Advisor – Chuck Wao                          Hare Raiser – Bushy Tail

Deputy Beer Monster – Sheep Shagger           On Sec.–  Stumbling Dyke

Run 1550

The, perfectly innocent, charcoal kilns located behind Mae Jo University was the location for today’s. run This A bucket always reminds me of something from Breaking Bad with sinister looking smoke emanating from what looks like some kind of makeshift stills. But as I’m sure you are all aware, looks are very often deceptive; especially in Thailand.   Purple Fart and Crap Thai were the hares for today’s escapade. Yes indeed, we were in for a Crap Fart production.

Not long after I arrived, I was approached by Titty Smoker who came out with a cryptic sounding remark; implying I was good with figures. It transpired, he intends to do a runner and he was looking for someone to take over his duties as Hash Cash. I find the timing of his departure somewhat suspicious, as in the past he has shown more than a passing interest in Bitcoin. With Bitcoin now trading at about 5 times the value it was when he took over the post. A bit of creative hash casharry combined with a few dodgy Bitcoin trades would see him sitting on, the proverbial, pretty penny. So don’t be surprised when he returns from his holiday – which he purports to be taking to avoid the effects of the newly appointed pollution season – to see him driving a posh new truck. I hope, if this is the case, he has the foresight to get one with an automatic transmission as to save Skid Mark any embarrassment. The last time I remember Skiddy taking to the wheel of Titty’s car still gives me  recurring nightmares of being catapulted out of the back of Mr Smoker’s truck. Skid Mark by his own admission said he hadn’t driven a vehicle with a manual gearbox for over 20 years. I’m sure all those riding in the back on that occasion would recall the incident with the utmost clarity. It’s an event which is indelibly etched on my mind, for certain.

Anyway back to the business of today’s shenanigans. The usual bunch turned out numbering about 30 in total. Crap Thai proceeded with the hare brief. I, inadvertently, was standing in close proximity to him and after quite some time Just Cumming realized that I wasn’t Purple Fart and inquired to the identity of the co hare. No one else seemed to have noticed. I suppose there is a similarity between us as we both share a similar fine hashing physique which can only be attained by living true to the pure ethos of hashing – A drinking club with a running problem.

We all set off into the forest and soon found ourselves running down the myriad of dry dusty trails that are typical of this area. After about 15 minutes I could see group of hashers in deep discussion as I got closer I saw  that it was Superman and retinue along with Tip Toe. Superman had completed 2km and was turning back, but Tiptoe wanted to complete the entire run. He was in luck as I fully intended doing the whole run . All in all the run seemed pretty flat , but there was a deceptive incline a phenomenon none as false flat as I was reliably informed by Tip Toe. We carried on along some really good running trails through the dried up streams.  Purple Fart said while they were setting the run they came across an area populated by thousands of butterflies fluttering around for all they were worth. Yet again one of those serendipitous moments you only get from hashing.

Soon we found our way back on the dirt road that would take us back to the A bucket. In total the run was just over 6km and took us about 1 hour 20 minutes. Excellent run guys and  a great choice  for the wings.

OnOn Stumbling Dyke…