Author Archives: mrpoo

Sheep Shagger made his solo haring debut a fair way down Canal Rd, writes Alice, and in the area close to the Frozen Dick house apparently.

The pack was small but raring to go and the brief told us we were on sheep related paper, a nice touch. The hare was pretty sure it was about 5 km and there were FTs marked with sheep in red NO signs. When asked about check backs from Vs it became clear there weren’t any Vs just circles.

Away we went on the start of a tight course that tried to wiggle a runnable route out of a narrow grid of tracks and orchards. It was promising to be a literally close run thing. How would the hare control the pack?

I struggled to get past Tiptoe then Rooter stepped across me.
The first check was hidden behind a tree although when you stopped and turned round because there was no paper visible either side of the t junction, you saw the check. I went right to check-wrong! The breadcrumb paper was rather thin, tiny strips that someone tore into thinner tinier strips that some runners had trouble seeing.

On on was called left and into an orchard or two, another check and through a wide barbed wire fence unmarked onto more paper and then a check that led to our undoing.

The pack spread and a clear On On from FRB Graven on a track the other end of the orchard. I caught up and we saw paper on both sides of the barbed wire fence. Portent of gloom or a masterful debut?

He and others tried finding ingress to the overgrown field while Graven, as senior hasher, sent me down the clear path on paper to find the False Trail, he reliably informed me was down there.
On and on I jogged, obviously too far for a falsie and so it was. Into another orchard and out with a flash of songthao red through the trees. Uh oh. 10 minutes in and I was back at the A. Sheep Shagger’s face was a picture! The FRBs converged behind me and it was time to take stock.

Graven re-ran the out trail while I jogged backwards with the hare to show him where we’d hit the in trail. I think he was so focussed on the out trail and making that well marked but tricky at checks, he’d missed the proximity of the in trail. A new hare common gaff.

No matter, we set off again, the Kwazi checking like a good un and running down trails. Suddenly we see the rest of the pack, ABB, Strangely, Pig, Pussy Whisperer, Square Rooter etc. They were standing around and debating. Didn’t look promising. They were confused, trail was confused and what we did know was that paper was both ways fairly close by.

Paper was found in a field but going backwards, then down a clear path and then 3 pieces hidden after a long gap which suggested a circle somewhere but also that we were in reverse again. Despite good will, head nor tail was really made of things so groups made their own ways home trying to follow the in or the out backwards to try to ascertain where we went wrong.

Calls weren’t always heard clearly or perhaps made and tempers got a bit hot here and there. Hash is a game, should be fun and there’s only 3 main moving calls. ‘On on’ for on trail. ‘Checking’ when searching from a check. ‘Looking’ when suddenly off paper and trying to get back on. If the pack call clearly and often, we’ll eat the trail and not irritate each other. End of vent!

Back at the A, Sheep Shagger was trying to come to terms with everyone’s advice. The circle was low key as folk relaxed. Luckily the terrain was flat and we got mixed up close enough to the A both times so no-one really stressed or panicked. A few gently funny tales of the Udon outstation were told and enjoyed by your scribe Alice.

Strava routes were revealing. They all looked like a figure of 8 overlaid on a loop of another 8. Pack ran between about 3.5 and 5.2 km I think in about 45 mins.

On on on was in Bier Stube with unfortunately smoking patrons in our vicinity. Lucky Chuck Wao went home to recuperate.

And so we convene at a crematorium out along Canal Road under a pall
of mercury dust and ashes from the day’s funeral pyre. A timely
reminder that from dust we arise and to dust we return and all that
jazz. Didn’t CW’s last run start at a crematorium? Anyhow the hare
gave us a brief brief — strips, shreds and yes, International
Standards by golly — and we were away.

Nice trails out this way. I started off very slowly and needed to keep
stopping. Felt like someone had Mickeyed me a diuretic. When I reached
the back of the pack I found Abominable Blue Balls paused and
surveying the situation and “quite fancying” a trail to the right. Not
in such a big way as to run down it, mind.

You will have to forgive your correspondent for not seeing much of the
action from here on. I was a good distance behind the FRBs and only
met other hashers when they were returning from checking circles and
false trails. Something had to be working well for the hare today
because the pack was pretty much held together whenever I came across
it. By this time I was a tad concerned about the rumblings in the
distance and what these might entail. Couldn’t pick up pace though.

After a while of slow solo shuffling I caught sight of Sloppy Rod
hobbling and dragging his ankle behind him. He said he was at the edge
of a gulley, taking in the view? I dunno, but the ground gave in
beneath him! Landed on his ass. Now, I personally have had experiences
such as this so kudos for pressing on with nary a whinge.

On then, trying to keep ahead of what was coming. Following broken
checks correctly and yet screwing up false trails! I had no idea how
much further I might need to go and then the rains came. Sudden and
torrential. Thoughtful haring meant only one or two shreds of paper
for an awful long time. And it was getting dark. When I got to the
temple wall it was dark and there were three ways to check. Was the
circle washed away? I went left first for a good distance but nothing.
Came back to find guess who? Mr Poo, almost as clueless as me. Next I
took the dirt track, nothing and back. Kwazi Moto arrived on the scene
and went the way I just came from. I gambled on third time lucky and
set off, again nada. Came across no hash name Mark and we tried the
dirt track again. On we went, and on, and on, through lightning and
sheet rain until we came to Canal Road. Result. But which way? No hash
name Mark rode in on his bicycle so he thought he might recognize the
turn off CR. Took us 40 minutes.

Back at the A bucket to find the hare out looking for hashers. He
didn’t find anyone, but how about this? Sloppy Rod limped in using an
improvised crutch made from a branch he hacked down.

At the start of the run my mind I idly wondered what it would be like
to go up in a puff of smoke, and at the end I nearly did. Cheers Chuck
Wao for a memorable set, hypothermia notwithstanding.

Out past Tiger Kingdom to the Sunspot family compound, a sylvan
setting and a new runsite for this hasher. Off we went with
Bellydancer spurting on ahead, and on he went missing the first bit of
paper! Out then along the road to a mooban with a circle check and
maybe six possible ways to go. This was going to take some working
out. I went straight ahead and explored a couple of avenues and the
rest of the pack fanned out looking elsewhere but no joy. Nothing from
nobody. ABB even bravely put glory before prudence and ventured onto
the narrow, slippery pathway along the khlong. I began to have a
niggling feeling that I may not have traveled far enough and
backtracked and Oops! found the trail. Gotta be 200 meters that one. I
backtracked again to make sure someone somewhere would hear my On! On!
And sure enough there was ABB loitering on a corner so all was well
again.

From here on there were some nice muddy trails. My shoes got nice and
gunky. And heavy. Didn’t stop me from nailing a couple of checks. They
call me the breeze. And I prefer Skynyrd’s version. Then came the
false trail and I took it. Into the jungle I went a good 200 meters
until I got to a teensy FT. Back and out and Mr Poo and Chuck Wao were
motoring past and giggling because they didn’t even see paper here. On
I followed.

To the RICE FIELDS! Here was a circle check that did not appear to
give the pack many options. CW went right, I went left. No sign of
paper but I gingerly explored along a few berms close to the edge of
the paddy fields but found nothing and came back. CW meanwhile had had
an encounter with an angry farmer, who probably had a rifle, possibly
with a scope, and returned to the circle check. The pack was pretty
much all together at this point. CW felt that his way past the farmer
was the likeliest direction so I suggested him and me make a break for
it before the farmer could react. What’s the worst that could happen?
The farmer picks off Kwazi Moto?

Sometimes, however, an intrepid individual with uncommon valor steps
forward to save the day. A faint call of On! On! could be heard in the
distance so back around and through the bushes the perplexed group of
hashers traipsed. And what sight for sore eyes greeted us 500 meters
away in the middle of the paddy field? Only the figure of Mr Sticky
Wicket. Did he really shout, “Forward, The Light Brigade, Half a
League, Onward…”? We were going home. Still a lot of berm running
though until we reached the road.

Thailand is the world’s largest exporter of rice and has 12 million
hectares of farmable land under cultivation. The rice grown is jasmine
rice, a classier rice for them that knows their rice, but it doesn’t
give such a great yield. Could somebody, perhaps Sunspot, get in touch with the Thai Ministry of Agriculture to suggest
growing pilau rice instead in future, which I prefer anyway, and then
we might get back a bit more land for hashing.

Anyhow, more danger ahead. Maybe a kilometer of busy blacktop before
we forked right and came to an interesting check when I thought we
must have been very close to the A bucket by now. Piggy and CW left me
third dibs so I moseyed right along a dirt trail and lo and behold
paper! Across the aqueduct. I did not enjoy this one bit but the views
were nice. Some more road running got us home.

Somebody had the distance at 10.5K, so well done hares for putting in
so much effort to make a memorable run.

And so we find ourselves at Wat Doi Khum in the warm sunshine to find
out if Belly Dancer and Scooby Doo will live down to expectations. We
in the songthaew were a little lost, and in one case a tad tetchy –
you know who you are Pigshit – until we found BD pratting around and
hiding his HHH sign in long grass! An early challenge from the hare?
Who knows? A sizeable turnout of twenty-plus hashers, with visitors
and returnees, made it to the A bucket though ready for some action.
Hare and coHare exchanged some furtive glances and settled on 6K
today. Sounded like bullshit for some reason.

Off along the road then, to a junction, I turned right, just to warm
up really, I kinda new it was the wrong way. Everyone else up a leafy
trail. I caught up to witness a lot of time-consuming milling around
at the next circle check that had a boatload of possible trails to
follow. And a dozen or so lazy lemmings. Does Nothing and most
everybody else doing nothing. It’s a common misconception, by the way,
that lemmings zig along and commit mass suicide by jumping off a
cliff, or not, in this case. Any mishaps are caused by their migratory
behavior — a result of their strong biological urges! Fortunately, we
don’t know anybody like that. Oh, er, hang on a minute.

Anyhow, I took a punt here and went straight not knowing that Anal
Afterbirth was ahead. After 150 meters, then 200 meters, then, yes,
250 meters, we thought we may have stumbled across the intrail. But we
pressed on, expecting to meet everyone else head on in about half an
hour. Someone, somewhere had found paper waay baack however. An all
round interesting check for the hashing connoisseur that one. Product
of a screwup or not.

Was the hill next? Turned out this was a 975 meter elevation. I
enjoyed the company of Sloppy Rod for this lung buster and at the top
was a V-check. 50/50 this one so I went left. 300 meters, I swear, to
a Back Check. I called it as written. Not enough information for
Sloppy as it turns out. He asked me to repeat it 7 times! He was only
happy when I called Check Back! Now that’s just extracting the urine
after that lung buster, Bozo.

Running with Punnany from then on through the shig and on to the
temple. Chuck Wao and Pigshit some distance ahead at this stage. Out
of earshot anyway, funnily enough. I forgot we were going to see some
powder and spent some time pfaffing around behind someone’s house
until Punanny worked out the real steps we needed. These took us down,
and then down some more on the original pre-roadway steps, to the
welcome sight of Scooby scribing the On In. Now, I did hear a minor
complaint about there being unmarked trails to follow after the On In,
but this hasher could see the songthaew, the beer, and you know why?
Because he looked!

Over 8K for some runners today. Today there were no expectations,
because nobody wanted disappointment. But well done hares for
surprising us with a good run.