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Belly Dancer’s runs should come with a warning label… Actually they do, and this one had warning labels pasted on trees! I was sat in my office pondering whether to subject my weary body to another near death experience – hoping that more students would come to meet me, but I escaped the office and set off along the Old San Kampaeng road towards the run site where BD nearly killed us earlier in the year. The route to the run site was enough to turn Chuck Wao and Square Rooter back and Semen Soars had to be escorted in by the bus. Needless to say, the start was delayed as BD kept warning us not to take the Rambo option… – Not after 5:15…

We set off and I lucked out on a couple of checks through some rice fields before we trudged along a road heading closer to where BD had tried to kill us. The checks were good (tough) and kept the pack together. At one point Suck It and I contemplated swimming across the canal to save running 200m or so back to the bridge after hitting a long, long check back. Early on Frozen Dick was marshalling the troops from each check, but it wasn’t long before we lost him and 11 strong we finally entered the hills.

Mr. Poo kept everyone’s spirits low by giving us a countdown to missing the Rambo trail – “T minus 5 minutes…”, “T plus 2 minutes….” Yep 5:15 went past and we’d not seen any sign of a split. Suck It suggested we did the Rambo anyway – he didn’t want to pussy out on a Wimp trail with the 50k coming up next weekend, but slowly all hope faded. As we scrambled up shiggy to another difficult circle check everyone was losing hope. Graven Image finally called a meeting – he was missing his Mum and scared to go on in case we were already on the rambo trail which seemed to keep moving away from the A site. With GPS data to back up his argument the pack stalled – almost a mutiny until Skid Mark roared us on, and I plunged down the hill and finally got to the fabled split.

We spent some more time reading the notices on the trees, but Brown Finger wasn’t interested in a Rambo option, and we all set off down the hill with light beginning to fade. So much for Suck It’s bravado! Horny Monkey could be heard screaming for help and begging everyone to stick together – screw that, it’s every man for himself – I’ve been lost in the dark on BD’s runs before and I had a good idea where we were – at least we could find the trail for those following us and Graven Image urged myself and BF down the hill.

With GI in the lead we entered the tunnel of death, carved out of the 8 foot high stickers by the sadistic hare and we could hear the screams of those behind us. GI had enough of being ripped to pieces by the brambles and urged me on ahead. At least there were more of us this time, but I didn’t want to get stuck out again, so I didn’t even take a nap – it was on to the trails – I had an idea where we were from the last experience and plunged ahead.

We hit some decent running trails (finally) and there were a few circle checks as we charged back through the trees towards the end of the valley. These circle checks were easy, and I ran straight on through them. As I called “On-On”, Graven called “Following” and Brown Finger yelped “Me too” with no one prepared to check either side. Finally we hit the canal and certain safety – I wasn’t going to sleep on the hills tonight. I made a bad call at the V check and lost some ground, but came up to the last of BD’s sick jokes alongside Jungle Chim. The bastard took us through the canal anyway. Mr. Poo energetically ran back to tell everyone else to take the bridge, but the canal seemed the easier option and there were a few of us that paddled through. Including Suck It who had vehemently opposed the idea earlier.

As the night closed in we continued on the trail – another 2km – to the A bucket and the safety of our beers. 11 of the 12 made it out of the jungle with enough light to stagger home. The circle started with intermittent news from the lone straggler Frozen Dick. Humperdick’s shower was interrupted and he took the ice naked. We ate, we drank and still there was no FD. A few people were concerned and went on rescue missions, but after 10k I was happy enough with a beer. Finally FD returned and the circle continued.

The verdict from the runners? Well, it was much better than last time he tried to kill us out in the jungles there! There were some great trails – the checks were evil enough to keep us guessing and keep us together. Nobody died, which is a good thing! BD clearly spends a long, long time putting a run together and I appreciated the work out – although I’m not sure my legs will think the same tomorrow, and I’m not doing anything until Suck It’s psycho run – Suck It of course suggests we set off at 7am…. – food for thought BD?

Mr. Poo hadn’t been feeling well, so surely he wouldn’t be well enough to set too long a run? I anticipated an easy challenge on the familiar grounds of the Ag. Centre – I didn’t expect a 7km run!

When the bus arrived, and Brown Finger didn’t step off, I celebrated! At least the early pace could be controlled and I wouldn’t be destroyed from the start. I jogged off, along the road, and around the lake – a circle check – but I saw something white at the trees in the distance – hehe I’m off! OnOn! Through the usual trees and we hit the road – paper on the right and a sudden circle on the left… Does he want us to try the trail on the left? I’ll second guess and stay on the road… muahahaha! OnOn! As I got to the corner there was a faint glimpse of a visitor from Denmark behind me – turn left, another circle and woohoo! There it is on the road – OnOn!

Immediately we hit the shit, paddling through muck weaving between trees… No way Chuck Wao is going fast on this – screw the shoes, I’ll press on and voices are getting fainter behind me – OnOn! (Can they hear me?) Finally a V check – toss a coin time – is he taking us up the hill or along the bottom? I guessed the hill and darted left – Check Back! Plenty of time to kick the check out and keep going right. OnOn – there is someone behind me, so I can hear Mr. Poo in my head “Byte My Yahoo… he’s about to fail!” Not today asshole! OnOn – familiar ground, I know where this is – circle check left, circle check right, circle check up a bit and around the house – he’s being sneaky, but I felt like I could read him like a book!

He put a circle check where in the past there has been a pile of festering waste – tricky one, but I’m second guessing it’s back to the road here? Blimey! There is the paper – this is unbelievable! Keep going – something will go wrong soon, or Chuck Wao will come running up behind me moaning and grumbling about something – OnOn! Back on the road, surely he’ll just take us in? NO! More to go – all the way around the field… Now for visitors, this could be a trick, but knowing exactly where I was, I knew where I had to go… Poo had set some dodgy circle checks just off the trail to the left – but they were no-brainers! It was all the way around the field and back down to the road. Before I hit the road, Skid Mark and Nicolas strolled across as if it was a Sunday afternoon ramble – Short Cutting bastards – no way they are taking me today – time to accelerate! Another circle check – perfect record so far, and can I spot a white spot straight on the trail? YES! OnOn! No more tricks it is on in to the beer!

WTF??? I’ve been pushing it all along to stay ahead of Chuck Wao, and who is waiting for me by the truck? CW! The bastard didn’t even tackle the first water, he just wimped out back to the bus! Everything was hollow, but screw it – the beer tasted good and I had certainly got a great work out. The perfect hash? Today for me – almost! Cheers Poo!