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Courtesy: Brown Finger!

I woke up this morning feeling a little disturbed. Alas, this was not due to my girlfriend’s usual pre-breakfast foraging under the blanket. No, I had fallen asleep last night with the news that two of the most sneaky, sadistically cunning hares known to the Chiang Mai hashing community, BMY and Belly Dancer – good to see you back and looking well, man – had decided to combine their respective “talents” to set the Saturday trail, and I had been having nightmares about it.
My anxiety increased as the songthaew wound its way slowly through the 10k maze of narrow alleyways towards the A site, which was hard to navigate even in the full light of day . . . The convivial discussions in the back encroached upon the thorny issue of the wimp/rambo split. Would this pair of most irreverent hares dare to defy the edict of the GM and “the committee” and set one, or would they find another way to upset the Horny Arsehole and his loyal acolytes? Well, the hare brief suggested that the run might indeed be within the official guidelines as BMY quickly barked out his orders for the day: “V checks, cross checks, circle checks, skiddy sticks, any questions?!” Ah, no mention of a w/r. Round one to the Spunky Monkey!
Somewhat later than the allotted start time we were sent out on trail, but there was still plenty of daylight left in which to complete the 5-6k trail that Monkey Banger had insisted upon, wasn’t there? Now Shagless is not well known for his FRB exploits, but today he was on fire. The dude was burning up the trail like a twisted fire starter on amphetamines, but wait, wasn’t the trail already on fire – I mean literally. Whatever, the great galloping Canadian was magnificent as he tore through the early checks leaving the usual suspect FRBs trailing in his ashes. But then his moment of blazing glory suddenly faded to a flicker as the trail meandered up towards the great dam wall.
The view over the reservoir was quite spectacular, and was even more so as we came to a “5” stop circle half way up a stony mound that resembled the steep work face of a deserted quarry. After a few appreciative “oohs” and “aahs”, the requisite five were off again down through the shiggy trail to the low lands where I assumed we would find the on-in. This must be approaching Humping Monkey’s designated 5-6k distance, I thought. But although I knew where the A site was, the insolent hares insisted on taking us further and further away from it, setting checks that the FRBs were finding hard to read. Nice trails and rice fields took us way past the 6k mark until, finally, the last three checks turned us back in the direction of where I knew the A site to be.
Despite the “unauthorized” extra distance – in the region of 10k total? – the two DFLs, Frozen Dick and Tip Toe, arrived back safely after about an hour and five minutes, as the light was fast deserting the already commenced circle. Apparently, they had declined the offer of a short cut. Excellent hashers! The circle was appropriately short and seemed to me somewhat more amusing than usual, maybe because it dared to be more inventive, to stray from the normal tourist format – I do not recall a single “long arm of the law” splash for hash shirt infringements or other such routine matters, or a splash enacted upon an unfortunate “boy” for daring to across the Shagging Simian’s circle – but I might have been asleep at the time. After the closing ceremony, which, alas, did not include Toe Jam’s favorite “swing low, sweet chariot” anthem, most hashers departed for the on-on, leaving a few of us who had to be elsewhere in town. However, as I had foreseen, in the pitch black the songthaew driver got completely lost in the maze and we ended up on several occasions asking locals for directions. Needles to say, some of us missed our assignations, but what the hell . . .
So then, the fearsome combined intellects of the hares decided not to make use of a wimp/rambo split, which appears to be a common, internationally accepted tool for the hare to use where safe and appropriate to do so. But they did go far beyond the guidelines on distance. So, honors even – one to the royal Monkey Man and the committee and one to the disobedient hares. But wait, aren’t both hares also significant members of the committee? This makes no sense at all!
Fine trails, superb views, good short circle – great work lads.

Scout:-

Just back from scouting, and decided to give the hash a go – essentially 2 straight hashes, lets give it a go! Cool Balls had set up out in Maerim and my mind was on a long aquaduct run, but I couldn’t quite remember where it was – somewhere near there? The directions were somewhat ambiguous – somewhere past Maerim village – and it seemed many struggled to find their way – the returning Chuck Wao missed a sign, while the Songthaew decided to take a tour of the elephant camps before running.

We set off and shortly after lost trail as we ducked through someone’s yard. A lady in a shawl ushered us on and we refound trail heading up the hill. A split in the trail with circle check – nobody wanted to check downhill so we stalled while HRA ran on to the trail and fortunately found trail. We were heading left so surely away from the nasty hill I’l spotted on the drive in. Abruptly we turned right – a circle check tempted me to the left, but HRA quickly called right and we were heading back down the other side. I ducked out the way as Graven Image came storming through, while moments later we were chasing Brown Finger across a field.

I got stitch and fell in with jogging along with Horny Monkey and Crazy Crack. The FRBs screwed up the trail not far further and there was a group together again. A bit of a ravine and HM took a dive – a 720 somersault. The trail was swooping around and I figured the cunning hare was doing a “moon shape” although I didn’t really notice us crossing the road in. I spotted the hare stood with his kids across the field and through we must be just about home – a short run awesome! But he just waved us goodbye and we had another loop to do, over another hill and along a precipitous ridge. Finally we were home and back to a low key circle.

14th Jan – CSH3 – HRA

Being away for the last month had made be forget what a PITA being Hash Cash is and perhaps I should have stayed away another week to let Dr Btye have the added fun of 20+ visitors (mainly from Phuket) to contend with!

It’s much appreciated that Dr Byte and Frau Snail Trail stepping up to assist me and Anything for Hash Cash and Haberdasher duties – sorry JC (from Phuket) drank all the beer so could not reward you with a splash!

HRA looked fresh and pretty pleased with himself as he got to the A-site. Getting there a bit early I didn’t manage to find paper and wondered if he had some sadistic plan to use the precipitous cliffs around the lakeside larger – well that’s what I would have done! Anyway with the large throng – HRA gave his hare brief which I heard none of as was still grappling with collecting money.

With Hash Sniff Snail Trail leading the way and the racist BmY close behind – I sprinted to the front – felt pretty good – but not sustainable with Phuket triatheletes Na He Man, Houdini and Creature quick to run me down. The first check gave a Phuket/Chiang Mai split with Brownfinger, BmY, Mr Poo, Skid Mark getting lucky and that was pretty much the last I saw of the FRB action.

The run was as flat as a ladyboys chest – so meant for a fast pace run – all good preparation before Sunday’s CH3 Ball Breaker, but the Phuket visitor’s were wondering why we didn’t give them any hills! Snail Trail, Anything, Flip Flop and Bar Bin Doll found a good short cut and lopped off a km to rejoin the front of the walkers. Scooby Doo ran with me for a while – then decided he wanted a faster pace – only to trip at the final hurdle to earn the Crash for his bloody knee and hand.

Phuket having its own racist FRB’s struck lucky at the last check to give Na He Man and Houdini the first in honours on HRA’s pan cake 7km run.

Meanwhile Nutcracker, Miss Piggy, Chilly Pussy were somehow led astray by Blue Tit – eventually needing Just Coming to rescue them 5km off paper!

Guest of honour Ejackulator who has run with Chiang Mai before including the 1000th run a year ago – marries Creature (from the Blue Lagoon) today (Sunday) and it was good to see so many old friends up from Phuket to join our run and we wish Jack & Noi all the best for their marriage and life together.

Also getting married today are Chilly Pussy and Shot Gun and we wish them every happiness and best wishes in their soon to be completed new home in Nam Preah.

With the circle swollen by Phuket’s most prolific beer drinkers – even double the usual beer was not sufficient! With Phuket GM Jungle Balls entertaining us as well as the usual circle madness – good fun was hopefully had by all. Apologies to anyone who was missed due to lack of beer.

OnOnOn at the Hash Pub to further pre-lube Ejackulator & Creature’s wedding and those brave Hasher’s heading out on Humperdick, Frozen Dick and Skid Mark’s Ball Breaker run(s)!!

OnOn
Belly Dancer