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What a weekend of hashing – it started the night before with a bar crawl – in honour of Superman’s 999th CSH3 run – a warm up for his 1,000th on Saturday. What a feat?! The bar crawl, set by Poo, took in the favourite hash bars – the hash pub, the eurodiner and next place. The circle was in a random carpark off Loi Kroh – which happened to be outside of Poo’s apartment. A good turn out!

Saturday took us about 7km down the canal road where Pamela had been out with Stumbling Dyke. It was Pamela’s intention to destroy Superman in his 1000th run (and potentially his last run!). We set off along the trail with Semen Soars and Able Seaman setting the pace. For a long time Semen Soars was just a faint cry ahead of us and Sloppy Rod settled into Chuckie mode – CW was away for the weekend, but Sloppy does a good impression of the constant grumbles.

Pamela had found an evil mountain for us to scramble up, only the cut back down to the left – no trail, just scrambling through the trees. Near the top I found a plastic bag with a bit of paper in it, and a powder bottle – bad hares! Made worse when Poo found yet another bag someway later. It was then that the rains came and I bailed out, trotting along back to the cars while the rest of the pack started climbing yet another hill.

In the circle, I passed the reins over to Superman to run the circle, which was enjoyed by the mass gathered. OnOn to the Hash Pub, for free food / beer.

FD is known to prefix his runs with superlatives like ‘the best’, while today he pointed out the good bits were his, while the crappy bits were due to Human Excrement. With moments to go, the hare brief was delivered and again the hare pointed the direction leaving the hash sniff, Humperdick, feeling unloved and as if he has a pointless position… Hmmm… We set off running and at the first opportunity I went the wrong way.

Another circle check and I was back doing the FRB duty, until the next check where I ended up pretty close to where we started and nowhere near the trail. Hell Superman was in front of me and Dick Tracy staring at his ass. We hadn’t even reached the check that FD was so proud about! A set of skiddy sticks thwarted the lesser minded, and from what I hear the painted sticks will never be found again from where Sloppy launched them to. Poo and I were meanwhile on the real trail only to hit THE circle check. Ugh!

What a mess, for some reason we all thought he was going to loop to the left – that’s what we do here… We don’t go back down to the right, the trail must be somewhere further on to the left… Damnit – Superman was in front of me again, with Dick Tracy staring at his ass! Down the hill it was single file down a narrow gully and I was feeling more nimble footed than the pack in front. Oh well, I had to creveate along – (I know that isn’t a word, but there isn’t a word to describe following a slower runner down a narrow trail).

At the bottom I was frustrated – was he really going to run us back along the road? or just parallel to the road? We’d set off in this area, so surely there was some trick… I was with Skiddy when Skiddy said “hmmm I was here before, and there was no paper then….” Clearly the dastardly hares were planning a figure of 8? Or were they just complete fuck ups? We ran past blocked off trails that we’d previously travelled to a circle close to where we’d previously circled.

It was the second check that took longer than it could have – largely due to Poo not spotting the white paper dangling from the trees. Sadly – that gave Sloppy Rod the opportunity to run back to the old paper on the out trail, and call the pack ONON, with Big Top in quick pursuit. I know this as I had a great view from the crappy trail I was climbing my way through, that also turned out to not be the right way to go.

Fortunately I’d heard the sound of Humperdick’s horn to lead me to the left. Hang on – did I just say something positive about the bloody horn? That irritating squeak that destroys the pleasant peacefulness of the countryside? – let me digress….

Since Chuckie is Hash Cash and Humpers is sniff, things have changed on the hash. Humpers is fitter than when he first started, which means outrunning the horn isn’t quite as straightforward. So I’m running along, minding my own business, when all of a sudden the bloody horn sounds from right behind me. WTF? Further up the trail, I’m jogging along, completely on edge, fearing another horn blast, when Chuckie suddenly says “Am I near the front yet?”. Geez! I’m supposed to be at peace, in nature, but I’m running along fearing acoustic molestation!

…and I’m back. Where was I? Ah yes… Poo (the wings), Humpers (the winner) and I (the GM) did the right way back, while the rest of the pack followed the cheating, short cutting Sloppy, and sure enough they were into the beer before us. A cunning trail with plenty of twists… – I have to say this was another great run by Frozen Dick – hang on I take that back – it was a great run by Frozen Dick. The right length, with plenty of challenging checks that kept everyone together throughout the trail. Just what we wanted – good job!

(From the hareline, it appears we might be having 52 more Frozen Dick runs this year! Delegation is the key!)

I checked the webby, and it was Chilly Pussy – setting a run out towards Ob Khan. Fantastic – I remember about a year ago we had a 20(ish) minute run that HRA did twice by mistake from the same place. I complained bitterly at the time, but secretly was looking forward to something similar today! But then… it turned out Anything was the Co-Hare…. AAAARGH! Lets hope Belly Dancer didn’t have anything to do with this, would we all make it back alive?

Skiddy thought better of it and did his best to destroy the bridge off the canal, and in turn attempted to thwart the hash by blocking access to the rest of the hashers! With due respects to all injured in the incident, and with the bridge cleared, we made it to the run site where Chilly Pussy said nothing in the hare brief. Anything did say something – not sure what – it confused our visitors, while the rest of us looked to Humperdick to lead us off.

The sniff did a good job as the trail started off confusingly, but before long we were running along and hit a V check. By tradition, after a V check you may get a check back. The benefit of Check Backs are that you know for sure you are going the wrong way. Without a checkback it isn’t certain – you could still be on trail! Perhaps you missed a branch in the trail, perhaps someone had picked some of the paper up and the trail was still there a bit further on. I, for one, vote in favour of check backs – they make life easy. IF there is a hugely compelling reason to avoid checkbacks (and I can’t think of one), then I am in favour of the hare brief informing us before we set off. Sadly I spend a good deal of time dancing around in circles trying to figure out what was going on – after all nobody could call “OnOn” from the other branch anyway.

When I was completely convinced I was on the false trail I did what I could to rejoin the pack and relay the message that V checks weren’t quite as we expected. As it happened I found Superman and Frozen Dick first and realised I was well off the pace. When I saw a line of hashers clambering up a steep incline off the main path, I remembered going that way before – was it Alice? or Throbbing Ninja? – Anyway, last time Kwazi went straight on and that seemed the more sensible option to me. Sure enough I rejoined HRA, Horny Monkey and Morning Woodn’t as we set off on familiar trails.

So far I had spent more time “near” the trail than on the trail, and that wasn’t about to change! We slipped off trail into ‘looking’ mode a couple of times, and each time I seemed to take the longer route to catch up with the calls. When the trail headed 90 degrees to the left steep up into the wild jungle off the road, I decided to take the potentially longer, but flatter route around the mountain. Amazingly I hit trail again and after a quick detour through a bees nest, I was back on my own on the road to the On-In.

Fortunately when I got back the short cutting DFLs were already there and we only had to send a few bikes and trucks out to find the lost hashers. Wow – I didn’t expect that from Chilly Pussy!!!

I figured that getting a ride with the hare and her husband would give me some advantage! No matter what I asked, I was given nothing – no help at all. Apparently we might see some trees that had been blown over in the storm, and that was as far as it went! To the X centre and we set off along some well used bike tracks.

We came out at the crocodile farm, and that was our first confusion – should we go left or right along the road. I was wrong, but we figured it out and carried on. We passed through a resort and someone had cleared a bit of paper away leaving us to guess a bit to get back on track. The pack was pretty much together as we passed the Tiger camp (with crocodiles, tigers and snakes, this was a hash to remember)!

Jungle Chim and I were told off for checking up towards some little huts off a circle check, but as we regrouped I started feeling the effects of my previous nights drinking with Belly Dancer and associated dehydration. I walked for a bit off paper over a hill only to meet Junglicious and Lester coming towards me as I lucked out on intercepting the trail further on.

Towards the end we hit a circle that had us all foxed. Clearly someone had taken a fancy to Sleeps On It’s pieces of paper and taken them home and it was a good 300m before Skiddy and I found paper again. From then it was pretty much straight back, and soon the beer was in hand. A nice run – at around 7km it made up for the 3km yesterday.

OnOn!

I’ve had lunch on Suthep Road a couple of times this week and each time I’ve looked UP at the TV mast ominously defining the skyline and the mountains. Bugger – there would be little choice involved, we were going to be climbing the hill at some point – why would Chuckie do such an evil thing?

The floor was turned over to the sniff to lead us off, only for Belly to have done his own sniffing and lead the charge in his familiar fashion. Unsurprisingly we set off UP the road so I made sure I overtook BD before the road split and we had the inevitable first circle check – sure enough I got it right as we cut along the discretely concealed path that takes you UP the hill. I was already on a roll and nailed the second circle as well.

The hare had let us know there would be False Trails – (some kind of International Skiddy Sticks) – so when the paper suddenly, abruptly takes you off the main path I’ve started getting suspicious. I had some distance on Horny coming up from behind, so I tried to second guess the hare’s FT, carrying straight on up the trail – 100m on and no paper, bugger! Had Chuckie really managed the triple guess me? Is this a new kind of FT set to catch out the sneaky likes of me and Poo? In short – No! I went back found the FT, and the trail continued sure enough from about 110m. Arse fecker dildos.

I suppressed my displeasure and continued on the trail nailing all the circle checks until we made our way back down the hill and saw the hare with his sidekick Square Rooter spying on us. We couldn’t be heading back already could we? I messed up the last circle and the pack regrouped only for a bunch of us to pointlessly climb a good 100m straight up a steep cliff to the final set of Skiddy Sticks, sorry false trail. Damn that Chuckie! I remember being told such behaviour was a “c*nt act” when I did it to CW and here he was pulling it on me.

We got back to the A in about 32 minutes – much quicker than intended, and while there were comments about it being a bit on the short side, most of the FRBs were lying around close to passing out from exhaustion. It might have been short on the time side, but had plenty in it in terms of a work out. Cheers CW!