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It was Fishy Finger’s virgin haring and he’d chosen Skid Mark as his co-hare – the alarm bells were already sounding!!! The A site was the same as for the allegedly 300th CH4 run, famed for Skiddy’s tunnel swim – still ominous. The directions were so comprehensive and detailed that it confused half the hashers and I had phone calls all week asking me where it was and Dick Tracy wants all runs to be signed from his house in future. I set off and the signs were just as detailed and comprehensive, although they still managed to get Unplugged and Anything lost.

The hare brief was anything but brief, and we were released eventually. After I got the first check slightly wrong, Semen Soars and Able Semen were setting the pace along the bank of the canal, with HRA in hot pursuit. I jogged up to the 2nd circle check with Unplugged and spent a moment discussing the paper that was plainly in view back on the other side of the canal! The trail set off up the mountain making for the saddle. Fortunately it’s not too bad a climb, only 400m or so before the descent into the valley the other side.

Unplugged took a tumble after chasing my ass down the hill. As we hit the canal at the bottom there was a huge bunch of people launching rockets making the next part of the run like going over the top during the war. We immediately saw the paper on the other side of the canal, but not willing to swim, we had the long jog to the bridge only to then hit skiddy sticks. There was a break in the group with me, HRA, Semen Soars, Horny Monkey, Turkish Delight, Able Semen and Unplugged clear away from the rest. Trivia moment – which 2 are silent running bastards???

Through the rice paddies with some excellent little checks that continued to thwart us one by one and back to the circle – exhausted! The On-On was one of the best attended in a long time, and for once the karaoke went down well. Definitely a great evening of hashing! Even Sups was asking the virgin what the secret to a good OnOnOn was!

It was time for an outstation, and rather than taking us away for the weekend, Horny Monkey took us around the corner to the Wangtarn resort, near where I set runs from. It was so close to home that I popped by for a beer on Friday night to say hi to the 2-nighters!

Saturday came around and Horny had insisted on a long tradition of Saturday runs starting at 3pm – just to make sure we sweat a bit more and get to run in the heat. To ensure the full effect, he avoided the tree-shaded jungle areas and chose a route in the open along bitumen. Rather than letting us enjoy the stunning views from the reservoir, he dragged us through flooded fields and yet more hardtop.

I picked up 2 sets of skiddy sticks and Chuckie urged me to launch them into the canal. HRA got another set, and CW found yet more. While the hare did a good job of keeping us under control and kept us together, he promptly told Semen Soars and a visitor which way to go – asshole! Big Top and Unplugged were in sensational form, and every time I took a wrong turn they were right up with the FRBs.

Back at the resort, we had a protracted circle, and headed on to the food. Great food, before we set off to the pool for bikini contests, underwater races and sprints. Next up the fire was lit and we endured Toe Jam singing for us. The last of us hit the sack before midnight – very civilised! CW and Turkish Delight were up drinking coffee around 7 – was this really a hash?

Dick Tracy and Dirty Pervert set off to set the hangover run – which took them over 2 hours to set. Eeek… They’d set 2 options, a ball breaker and a short run?! WTF? Fortunately the Hangover Ball Breaker was only 2.7km, and a good group of us set off to search for paper. Most of the paper was still in DT’s car! I’ve heard about being conservative, but this was insane and we spent most of the time trying to second guess the hare. Turkish popped up for a sprint finish – racist bastard!

A familiar venue at the Ag Center drew the crowds to experience what Stumbling Dyke had put together with the assistance of Pamela! My legs were feeling good and I was ready to run for once… With no sniff, the hare pointed us off down the road, and I jogged off to find the first cross check. We were heading straight towards the mountain, and it rose ominously above us. I got the 2nd check right as well, with Semen Soars making little effort to check the ‘wrong’ option.

Finally I got one wrong, turning back only to see Chuckie and SS following me – is anyone planning to do some checking today? The trail turned right along the bottom of the hills – perhaps the hares were going to be kind afterall? We got to another check, and having run there before we knew that the straight option was a deadend, so CW, SS and me turned left only to hit a checkback. It turns out the hares had taken a machete to the jungle and hacked a way through. We fell in behind Horny Monkey, HRA and Stephanie.

The next check was unexplicable – with most choosing to check left – along a trail that just took us back to where we’d just come from. No chance! I put my foot down and upped the pace along a beautiful running trail – looking over my shoulder, CW was following me. Even more motivation to speed up! It was another 2.5km to get back, but I was pretty sure which way we’d go – particularly since there are some new barbed wire fences, around the football field for example.

The last few checks then were pretty obvious – looking over my shoulder CW was following, but he didn’t want to do any checking. Apparently while I was checking on the right side of the road, he checked on the left, just in case I didn’t see the paper. Hah! He just didn’t want me to get too far ahead, and sure enough as we headed back he reeled me in, and overtook me shortly before the On-In. Nice running CW!

Seriously Sticky Mango? Was that really your idea? Or perhaps did the evil Cool Balls have some influence on it? I love a nice flat hash run, which was not today… I enjoyed the flat parts, which were a 100m jog to the mountain and a 100m crawl back.

We set off running, following Semen Soars and his fantastically fit son Able Seamen. I got the first check wrong and was never to see our visitors from Saipan who swooshed past and destroyed the trail to the finish. (Only Able Seamen looked more energetic at the end).

I remember a Cool Balls run that was quite pleasant! We ran 700m across an aqueduct – and aqueducts by nature are generally pretty flat! I like aqueducts – they perform a good job and they can be spectacular engineering feats and as such can become landmarks in their own right. The thing that pisses me off about aqueducts is how it’s spelt… It is a crime against humanity… Fortunately today’s run didn’t involve any aqueducts which makes me wonder what I’m talking about – perhaps it is time for a new paragraph…

We hit the bottom of the hill after a brief jog, and then the hares did a commendable job of finding every possible peak in the vicinity. Every time I thought it was the final top, there was an extra little incline waiting. He even took us off the nice little trail to enjoy the ‘lack of view’ from the top.

Finally the hares were thwarted and we were as high as possible, at which point they fortunately hit a road…. And after the scramble up the mountain we were left with a descent down the tarmac. At the bottom, the hare had managed to find another little ridge for us to climb. WTF? From there I was walking goddammnit!

The circle was fun – Anything was the highlight for me!

Bone Hur’s 69th run took us out to the Bone Residence, with the opportunity for swimming as well as a trademark Bone Hur run up Bone Hur Hill. With the customary ignoring of the sniff, Bone Hur pointed us out the front gate and I jogged off with Grumbledick whinging about this and that… Fortunately someone had stolen his horn, and it was just like running along with Chuckie moaning away!

The first check was a V check. I’ve hit that check first probably around half a dozen times now, and every time I pick left, every time choosing to head towards the inevitable mountain… Every time I find the check back about the same time I realise it is a dead end. So much for being the most intelligent hasher!

Sloppy of course got it right, and was off on a streak of checks that took us through a shanty town across some rice fields and through a street party. Bone Hur had it all on offer! But the run was heading inevitably towards the hill. As we started UP, I glanced along the road to the left, and contemplated the obvious short cut (which a lot of the walkers took). After taking a foolishly long detour around the street party, I fell in alongside Skiddy & Humpers on the way up. We passed numerous opportune check points, with no checks and fading ON ON calls ahead.

Rather than taking any of the earlier down hills, we went right to the top before we had the release of the descent. At the bottom some barbed wire pushed the trail to the right and an extra loop around before getting back to the A. Man I was tired, and the pool called many of the hashers… Getting them out for a circle was a struggle, but we succeeded and muddled through. Excellent food for Boney’s party, bikini clad Barbindoll and Cumalot, who could ask for more? Shame I had to head off early!