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12th October – CSH3 – Horny Monkey

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Horny is the hare… shall we go? The run site – some village coffee shop near 700 year stadium… shall we go? The GM out of town and Square Rooter appointed acting GM – wtf… shall we go? It seemed to have everything going against it!

Anyway, None of Your Business wanted to go along, so I drove off to the run-site… For some reason Horny had decided to try to hide his hash signs – much like a hare hides the first paper after a circle check. We weren’t the only ones driving around in circles, until I checked my phone and remembered the run time had changed – the run had just started and we were still looking for a sign! Finally we got there, stumbled out of the car and set off running through the village.

After a very long check I found myself out in front only for the trail to disappear. With hindsight it seems it should have been skiddy sticks, but nobody found them – instead everyone dispersed and ended up on trail up ahead. A very confusing section, that hours later we still couldn’t really figure out what had happened. We would probably still be running backwards and forwards around a big digger, kicking out the same V check again and again – but fortunately the hare stepped out and sent us in the right direction.

Another very long check and finally we were teased with a nice trail – it was brief as imminently we hit skiddy sticks. I say ‘we’, but to be honest Mr. Poo had run on past them in a simple joy about the beautiful trail he’d found. It was back again and after a little stumble we were heading up a little hill. Now Horny had managed to get in my head, and he was confusing me. I’d seen the circle checks on the main road, but were they real? My first guess was they were fakes, or were they? Damnit!

Horny somehow had pulled out a decent run – i.e. it wasn’t a complete fuck up! He’d even put together a figure of 8, and he only needed to tell us what to do once! (It happened to be at the meeting point of the ‘8’, but hey!

21st Sept – CSH3 – Frozen Dick

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The Dick Brothers teamed up again for a run out towards Ob Kham – FD’s new favourite spot. Almost certain there should actually be an apostrophe there, perhap’s I’d add more’!

It was a good run. We went up and down either side of gullies.

A bit short.

16th Sept – CH3 – Horny Monkey

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Mr. 100% man Horny Monkey! At 4pm I was chatting with Poo as a storm came by – my office grew dark, the rains came down, we both debated whether to brave it or not… Fortunately when I got there the rain was easing, and co-hare Tip Toe was strolling around with an air of confidence, although he was noticeably concerned about a lack of Monkey.

Finally the hash cash showed up, we had an elaborate harebrief where 1 skiddy stick just wouldn’t be enough to get the point across. Harebrief done he pointed us off straight into some thick undergrowth – that was only the start… The thick undergrowth was mild compared with what was to come. We got scratched up with the typical Chiang Mai stickers, Sups took a face plant, and we ended up going around in circles in a “field” – memorable as I remembered another crappy run there! That inside information let me avoid one deadend, but I still hit plenty of skiddy sticks.

We finally hacked our way through the fields and finally hit a short bit of running trail. Short… it took us up to the road so we could hit some tarmac. The last bit was bizarrely twisty. We know Horny likes to set 10k runs on a postage stamp, and today was another one of those – well 5k anyway. When we got back to a bridge after a 2k loop, I realised how close I was to finding the wrong true trail. I guess it worked the way he intended it to, and certainly kept us running around in circles.

15th September – CH4 – Mr. Poo

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The words “Monumental Fuck Up” have long been associated with hares such as Horny Monkey & Turkish Delight, but today we had Mr. Poo as the hare – could he break into the elite group of haring disasters? Well, he tried…

When I arrived Poo was already covered in mud, sweat and powder, so it was slightly confusing when he announced he’d be live haring and ran off carrying just 2 small powder bottles. The hare brief was so brief & confusing that we didn’t really know what to do. Rather than chasing him, we sat down and discussed things for a while and when he didn’t show up again, we reluctantly set off in the direction he’d gone.

At the 2nd check Semen Sores ran into Poo coming the other way. Apparently he had got lost, chatted up some monks and thought we would be somewhere else (other than on his trail). SS was so surprised that he forgot to ravage Poo, and let him get away. As reinforcements arrived we found the powder, including an arrow that pointed in the wrong direction. Itchy Bitchy was about to head back to the A saying ‘screw this’ – Able Seaman hadn’t even bothered setting off. Incredibly Kwazi found trail from further along the path and we started to piece things together. A couple more circle checks and there was an option to go up the mountain – Suckit was scared off by a bull, but Kwazi, Hump me Now and myself set off up the hill, only for trail to be called off to the right. Kwazi opted to keep going up the hill, and after a brief toilet break I went back to set off on the true trail. Only when I got back to the circle, Mr. Poo was busy ‘fixing’ the trail – he started following Kwazi up the hill.

Still confused I set off after the “ONON” calls, as Poo told me it didn’t count as catching him – apparently we were supposed to run the pre-laid loop before having our way with him. Up the hill, and we ran into Kwazi going the other way. The checks were easy now as we knew where the trail couldn’t go. As I checked off the last circle, I suddenly spotted Poo making a break for it, laying powder from off to the left. He promptly wrote the On-In over my shoes, and raced with SS back to the A bucket.

If the objective was to confuse us, he succeeded…

15th Sept – CSH3 – Snail Trail

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So, Snail Trail had the genius to send the housekeeper away so Skiddy had to set the run… Skiddy sent Frozen Dick & Humperdick out to find a new area for the CH3 1000th run, and then promptly stole the runsite for this run… Nice effort! A good run site, and nice shelter overlooking a pleasant lake, if only there was accommodation, we could have stayed over for an outstation!

We got let loose and at the first circle check I decided to climb the steep mountain to the right, rather than the obvious little trail that went straight on – it was only my first mistake, getting down the cliff was harder than climbing up it. I got back with the group, and quickly got another check wrong. Things weren’t clicking for me early on.

Chasing back from another wrong check, None of Your Business and I got attacked by a swarm of bees. Damn it! Semen Soars was also screwing everything up, and finally I got to a circle that was being checked left and right. There seemed to be a way through the forest straight on, and at last a bit of luck as there was some paper hanging there. I’d got something right, and at just the right time as the trail had to start turning left and back towards the A.

A hash of 2 parts, from then on I nailed everything, with Patrick trying to chase me down in between each check. I even picked the Skiddy Check leaving Patrick to go in search of sticks while Turkish, Square Rooter and I carried on. Finally we got to the base of the dam, and there was a cute little trail that climbed up the side to the OnIn on the dam. Great run on some new trails.

9th May – CH3 – SkidMark

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What do you expect? Skiddy from the flats to the south of CNX – during rainy season… I expect to get wet…

At a restaurant and dinner ordered, we got our hare brief and set off. I planned a steady start and watched as Humperdick & Horny Monkey set the early pace. Along the road and I assume they were calling, but it was drowned out by the cars. The first check took us across the railway, and the 2 FRBs danced in front of the train leaving the rest of us to follow behind. Soon it wouldn’t matter – it was on to a trail hacked out of the fields by Skiddy’s machete. It was hard going and certainly not running terrain… The reward at the end? A set of Skiddy sticks hidden disguised in the long grass… You know things aren’t going well when it’s Sups’ whistle that leads you the way…

We ran through a huge construction yard, with the simple goal of reaching the highway, and ran along the highway with cars flying past at 140-160kmph. A moments refuge and a beer with the promise of beautiful ladies and the delivery of a grumpy father. Whatever, we move on through Skiddy’s favourite bridges and danced through some trees. It was time to haul ass, and put some effort in. We crossed the train tracks again, and I spotted a bit of paper across the road, woot.. With a small mistake I nailed a few checks and was out ahead. We were nearly back, and surely I had it in the bag… A glance over my shoulder and there was Suckit, Poo and Horny on my tail. Another check – goddamnit! It has to be to the right? surely? not to the left? But there didn’t seem a way through, so the 4 of us checked down the street to the left… Only to hear Ting Tong calling back to the right… AAARGH! So close, but at least the food was good!

7th September – CSH3 – Anything

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Anything, teamed up with Chilly Pussy, a deadly combination! Having set the most lethal runs for the past few years this was a run that needed mental preparation for… No point making excuses, it’s game time… The strategy was to take it steady early on and save energy for the inevitable later stages.

Out of the bus stormed a team of Chiang Rai hashers – hair perfectly manicured, t-shirts gripping to their pecs and accentuating their biceps. They waved their Princeton graduation certificates flexed and soon gathered a flock of harriettes worshipping them. Oh, and Namron was there too…

We set off up the hill, and I instantly got the first check wrong. Not to worry, I dragged Princeton boy off on my first parallel run – the only problem was it wasn’t quite parallel – not quite perpendicular, but certainly not heading in the right direction! We ended up going over a small hill to rejoin the pack with Humperdick and Square Rooter taking joy in my mistake…

Up another hill, and the hashers spread out on the trail with Patrick seemingly in the lead. I got back towards the front, just in time to get another check wrong. Turned out it was the last check – and we had a 2-3km stretch without checks to take us back. As the trail turned back, I opted for another parallel run – it was technically further, but much easier going, and I popped up ahead of Patrick. Namron had the bit between his teeth and quickly closed us down, sprinting through in search of ‘victory’.

Surprisingly short from Anything, I feared for worse… – perhaps she is lulling us into a false sense of security?

1st September – CH4 – Square Rooter

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Square Rooter, Square Rooter, Square Rooter… Why, oh why, oh why???

He was looking even more smug and proud than usual when I got to the runsite at Doi Suthep – what had the wily bastard put together for us this time? One thing could be sure – it wouldn’t be flat… The hare brief promised us around 4km, that would take over an hour – shit, shit, shit… Why had I come?

We set off into the water fall, and even though the trail took us along the concrete path, the rain and moss made that a slippery, dangerous adventure. I found myself the wrong side of the waterfall at one point, but decided it was probably the better side to be as we would inevitably rejoin at the road. And at the road the trail continued on scrambling on a muddy, slippy, path barely gripping to the side of the mountain. When he’d had enough of that, it was time to climb. Up, up, up one of the main trails.

With Suckit and 2 Dutch boys up front, I settled into a comfortable climbing pace, and eventually got to a V check where both were calling check back and heading back… A quick gamble and I decided that Suckit was probably correct and the visitors probably didn’t have a clue what they were talking about, so I went to the right and sure enough the trail scrambled through shit to cross over to the other main artery. Square Rooter must have enjoyed manufacturing that ‘connect’… With hardly any trees to hang onto, and just wet leaves to slide along, it wasn’t much fun, but I managed to get across and hit the inevitable circle check on the other trail. I suggested one of the young Dutchmen ran up the hill, and like a eager rabbit he did just that. I chose the trail down, with little intention of coming back if I was wrong – sure enough there were soon calls off to the left.

I figured it was the little loop SR had used a couple of weeks back, and they would rejoin us at the clearing, but the calls got fainter as the trail must have descended sharply towards the Boy Scout Camp. From there, what goes down must come back up, and I quickly got back to paper – with a kicked out circle from the wimp trail. There ahead was Frozen Dick with the hare – FD can either talk or walk, but not at the same time, so I quickly caught up with SR keen to show me where the rambos would rejoin the trail. As he described what he was putting them through, I wasn’t sure if he was trying to encourage me to go back and do it all, or congratulate me on my short cut – either way I wasn’t remotely tempted to climb back up the hill, only to go back down one side, to climb back to where I already was – the better option seemed the 600m or so down to the cars.

31st August – CSH3 – Cool Balls

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The “A” Bucket was an orchid farm in the Maesa valley, a location that Sups couldn’t quite get to on time, so we set off without him. The trail set off and at the first opportunity we hit the rice fields, a balancing game along little walls, and it was Sloppy Rod that demonstrated his gymnastic abilities nimbly dancing ahead like a fairy! Only for him to be thwarted at the first V check.

We got across to a road, and the trail started going up, and up, and up… For a while we cut off trail and headed back down the hill, only to have to climb back up again when we hit the trail – it was as if the hares were completely disoriented stumbling around in the jungle. When we hit the main trail, we followed it up, up, up and finally hit the road about 3km higher up the mountain than where we’d started. Fortunately the hare was waiting for us there with beers and a ride back to the A. Some foolish runners decided to run back down the hill, we picked some up, and passed the others.

An uphill hash… Just what we need before heading out on Square Rooter’s Doi Suthep run today… :(

26th August – CH3 – Superman

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What did Sups have in store for us 11km south on canal road? He showed up early and drove straight past the runsite to ‘check’ on his paper after a storm had past through… He seemed satisfied that the first bit of paper might be there still, so it’d be good enough… Then the excuses started – mostly to do with him and Superbitch getting stuck out in a storm and only just finishing on time.

We set off and had a long trek along a track / road to the old burning place – several trails heading off to the right, and surely we were going to take one of them? No checks, but we were kept together as we tried to decipher what was left of the paper that had been washed off the leaves. Eventually I spotted trail heading off to the right, and left the newbie visitor to run down the road to the inevitable false trail. Meanwhile I ran into the next false trail and we were back together as the trail mysteriously disappeared around a temple. An impromptu circle check and finally Humps found trail heading into the woods.

Suckit joined us at the front as we broke out into ‘his terrain’, and with him knowing every blade of grass he was soon bounding ahead. Again few checks, and when we had checks we just filed forwards till we got to paper. At one point we seemed to be on newspaper, so perhaps we’d short cut?

Finally at the last check, I thought Sups might have a bit more up his sleeve, he might throw in one twist at the death? Nope – the rains must have washed out all imagination and we rounded the corner back to the A.