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3rd May – CSH3 – Turkish Delight

Posted on May 3, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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What would Turkey do for us / to us? At Huay Tung Thao the trails are familiar, but there are options. A familiar starting point had us running towards the mountain, and of course there was a circle check waiting at the base. It is a great spot for a circle check, but kind of gives the game away early – if we turn left, it is towards the moobahn, if we turn right it’s towards the lake. I opted to check straight on towards the waterfall – I set a run there previously, it was a truly shitty run, that climbed up the waterfall in the vague hope there might be trails up there. I figured Turkey was the kind of hare who might copy that fuck up. Fortunately I was wrong, and we were heading to the lake.

It crossed my mind that he might just run us around the lake – I’ve heard that he previously just ran us around the 5k running track! But, nope, I led Chuckie across the dam and around to the entrance to Huay Tung Thao. Then things got a bit confusing… There was a circle check, and soon after I found trail, around the same time Chuckie also found trail. At closer examination, I had found the wimp trail just before it joined the main trail, so I carried on and joined the walkers who were checking off a circle check.

We were tight up against the barbed wire fence – the otherside of which was the army base, where there are men who have guns, and have been known to use them. The sensible option is to not run near highly trained soldiers, particularly during a period of political strife. I saw Sups checking away to the right, and opted to check even further to the right – so far that I found a great running trail. Such a great running trail that I couldn’t resist running on it! And would you believe it, after a while I found paper! I assume the hare had just set an impossible 700m check…

Rather than running off, I went back to join my fellow hashers and help them through the unfamiliar area – am I ever thanked for these duties I perform? Nope… Anyway, we 2nd guessed a couple of obvious skiddy sticks to get back to the OnIn. Some call it short cutting, some call it intelligent hashing – my boys called it “winning” – apart from Tip Toe who did an even better job of ‘winning’.

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1st May – CH4 – HRA

Posted on May 1, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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The new CH4 runday, the new CH4 runtime – who would show up? how many? I arrived early, missing the traffic from work, and past Frozen Dick & Microwave getting some extra exercise on the way to the run – on their bikes. Microwave set off for a bit of a recce to find some trail. Turned out around 30 or so hashers showed up, one of the larger CH4 turn outs for a while. It was nice to see Ninja, Taste my Buns, Beautiful Box join us, and I’m sure there were some guys too – oh yeah, Sups was there. Not a bad start!

Eventually HRA let us have a hare brief and set us off. So called virgin trails – ha! Anyway, we set off and Chuckie and I walked for a while before starting a jog and eventually getting to the first check together. One of us should check left, buuuut… nah… Unlikely! So we carried on and found trail. I’ve never been to the left there, but nor has there ever been a hash set to the left there – I figure it’s a dead end! The next check we had to split up, and I opted for the regular route to the left. Somehow it was None of Your Business that found the 3rd choice and called us on. He led the way for a while as we headed into the hills. I enjoyed following Knock Out, Ninja and Itchy up the hill, and as we got to the top I caught up at a sneaky False Trail that was omitted from the hare brief.

We followed old trails up a ridgeline, and another circle check was surely going to take the trail up the the buddha statue on the hill… Nope? Seriously? He wanted to take us down to the gully? Damn! A circle check at the bottom of the hill, had me guessing it was to the left. I followed Itchy for a few paces before LumberJackOff called from the other direction. Where was it going? Turns out he was calling on old paper. Sure enough we were back up the hill, back to the trail by the little buddha statue – I could have saved myself the down and up if I’d just gone with my original theory. What the hell, we descended quickly to another familiar runsite.

Chuckie went further to the right – further away from home, while I mossied around a couple of trails, only to find Pigshit looking at some paper! He’d been absent all trail and then showed up ahead – had he spent some time at Graven’s private hashing school??? We charged down the hill to the Wimp Rambo split – a glance at the watch and it was already nearly 45 minutes – did we need the rambo option? Ugh, being first there, I guess I should do it…

Next circle check and I am a complete fucking moron. I should know the area better than that, but found myself checking out on a peninsula, while Graven’s favourite padawan called “RU?” from the other side of the lake, mockingly, like a blind man who really hadn’t seen the trail he was following! 😉 Back on trail, and back with the pack, somehow Taste my Buns was up front – nice running! We climbed through a barbed wire fence, while Horny took the arduous route over a tall gate. Down the road – we were homing in on the A. Taste my Buns was leading the way, and bizarrely she went right at another circle check – that wasn’t going anywhere. Chuckie alongside, and only Lumber Jack Off lumbering ahead, I made my move… We were nearly home, everything was falling into place, one more check, turn left and we are back in…. Except it wasn’t left, it was straight on… and coming back from 150m or so I was back behind None Of Your Business! He looked over his shoulder, saw me, started running, looked at his watch, figured it was too far, and the lazy boy gave up.

We had an extra loop around, but it was all kicked out as I came through, having the luxury of watching Chuckie and Horny congratulate each other as they found the final check and hence the OnIn.

Rain for the circle temporarily moved us up the hill to shelter, and then back to the the original site for a delayed, but entertaining circle.

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28th April – CH3 – The Dick Brothers

Posted on April 30, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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How could expectations be high for a run set by 2 dicks (Humperdick and Frozen Dick)
But how could anyone muff a run in the Ob Khan area with sooooo many lovely trails.

Before the hare brief Frozen Dick suddenly had a panic attack about one of the checks (presumably one set buy the other Dick) and he quietly took me aside and explained the check.
There would be a check where the trail would be very hard to find … it would uphill to the left. I got the first 20 checks wrong as they all seemed to fit the description. Eventually I got lucky!

Some nasty evil person tried to sabotage the run by destroying at least three check and quite a few hundred metres of trail. But they underestimated the skill and resourcefulness of this group of hashers. Even the DFL’s didn’t miss beat, and this was nothing to do with the obviousness of where the trail was going! On our arrival back with the news FD immediately deduced it to be a person of Swiss origin who owns three dogs who was the saboteur.

The false trails was strangely omitted from the hare brief. However both of them nicely brought the pack (with the exception of myself who was secretly checking uphill to the left) back together.

Turkish Delight was in an unusually chirpy mood as both Brown Finger and Byte My Yahoo were absent giving him a much better chance of winning. He was later nearly awarded the wings for coming in first but it was decided that he must of short cutted somewhere! So the wings were then passed on to very triumphant Square Rooter. Who, in true hashing spirt, had added a could of kilometres on to his run so as to give TD a chance This extra distance however caused him to arrive back at the “A” from the completely wrong direction.

Liberace was so disillusioned with the run that he created his own and struggled in from yet another direction.

At the circle some half hearted attempt was made at naming a newby hasher who was in a hurry to be named (foolish man), but every one was brain dead mood and nothing came of it.

There was an excellent turnout – considering who the hares were – of about 21 hashers.

Soapy and SR were late arrivals. Soapy should try this more often as in very quick time he was running with the FRB’s – I am sure this had nothing to do with the horrible false trails that happened just before he reached the front.

Lumber Jack Off certainly deserved his Hash Crash award. In addition to the 2 crashes that were reported at the circle there was a magnificent double back flip which was only cut short by a badly placed tree. Hope your back get better.

And the general consensus of the run – excellent – all the practice must be paying off :)

Thanks guys great run.

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26th April – CSH3 – Big Top & Mr. Poo Animal Dinner AGMU

Posted on April 27, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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What an epic outstation weekend – I’ve finally made it back, although my head hasn’t quite arrived yet! It began on Friday – I arrived around lunch time and Horny, Poo, HRA and Square Rooter were just heading down the road for a beer. I figured I’d join them, and 4 hours and many beers later we got back to the resort. Saturday was a slow day until run time. Songthaews took us all out to the start – well the Rambo start – the Wimps were taken 3km along the trail and set off moments later.

A good early pace as Gorf replaced Brown Finger as the FRB. We looped around some fields and headed back towards the huge mountain that overlooks Chiang Dao. We got to where the Wimps had been set off from, and for a few km the checks were all kicked out, allowing Gorf to leave us behind. The heat was devastating and running was a struggle. Finally we started wheeling in the DFLs and got to a water stop.

It was pretty much straight on, straight on towards the mountain. Pleasant views running along with Taste My Buns & Horny Monkey. A few tough checks late on and we could see Gorf ahead of us. Amazingly I was FRB for a moment, but the exertions and the heat took their toll and I was down to walking towards Poo who could be seen from about a km before the OnIn. We’d been promised a 6km run, but it was a big fat lie. 8km in deadly heat – time for the AGMU.

Big Top took charge of the circle, and promptly fired her committee, leaving her in sole command for the evening’s Animal Dinner. Back to the resort and the guys grabbed some beers and hit the pool for a couple of hours while the ladies got ready. With thunder and lightning threatening we all descended on the dining room. Excellent food, good music, and a wide array of beverages. It seems not many people had heard of Absinthe, and I ended up having t least 1 too many, along with copious amounts of gin and tonic, on top of the Leos – oh and Beer Lao too. No wonder I feel like shit!

We had to get up by 10:30 for a hangover run. I managed it just. Apparently I was supposed to co-hare it, luckily Pigshit stepped in to help Knock Out. I set off before the hare brief, and took a nap along the road. Horny dragged me to my feet and I managed to get running, behind Cougar & the Germans. Fortunately the run was only 1.1km, and I wasn’t going to do it twice! Circle time, and time for the hare of the dog. Big Top promptly quit and assigned duties to Mr. Poo who announced his new committee. I think I am on it, hopefully he’ll update the list soon!

Excellent job guys – so successful in crippling us that we didn’t even thank the hares properly in the circle for organising a great event.

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21st April – CH3 – Turkish Delight

Posted on April 21, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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Turkey Turkey Turkey…! With the promise of virgin trail we set off to the depths of the Sameong road, just past where we have had several outstations, including Poo’s wedding. Virgin? We’ll see. The chosen runsite was a random corner off a random backstreet with the intention of a circle in a mosquito infested rice paddy.

In case the run was shit, at least we’d be able to look at Turkey’s artwork on trail with smiley face checks in place of regular circles. We were off, and Belly did his trademark sprint, getting a check or two right, but he was polite enough to let us pass when the trail headed narrowly up the side of a barbed wire fence. From there we went up. Straight up. We were close to some nice trails, but rather than finding and using them, Turkey had chosen to take us straight up the shiggy.

Periodically there were checks, and Brown Finger and Pigshit carried on up calling ahead of me. After an eternity we got to a trail and that was the moment that changed the run. It went from a crappy scramble over terrain that there is a good reason not to run on, to a great run! Around a nice lake, we avoided the skiddy sticks and headed up a bit further, before a great check took us back down. The pack was fractured by here with Graven, Brownie and Piggy joining me on the descent – what will we do next week?

As we got out of the hills, we hit a road and a rice field. I know this place!!! This was Poo’s wedding run!! This was where Chuckie and I ran 5km off trail in desperate search for trail! Beautiful area, great trails, so we went back down the road! Another couple of skiddy sticks to dodge and then a good check that took Brownie and I the wrong way letting Gravy slip past for a 3 out of 3 farewell weekend! Nice running sir!

All in all, a nice set, but I much preferred the downhill over the uphill!

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20th April – CH4 – Pigshit

Posted on April 20, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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Virgin Hare… what could we expect???

In these write ups, it is rare for me to be overly positive – my attitude generally is that respect, and compliments, need to be earned – if it’s a spade, then I won’t call it a shovel. I’m not good at pandering to people, so sometimes I find myself doing a write up, where I’m clutching at straws to find positives to talk about in a run. Today is not one of those days. With that preamble, I would have to say that today’s run was fucking brilliant.

I could leave it there, but should go into more detail. It was at the back of BJ Ranch near Ob Khan. Frozen has been setting some good runs there, and there are clearly some great trails up in the hills there. Before the run we were all talking about the “Double Check Back V Check” from not so long back, and hoping the virgin hare wouldn’t make a rookie mistake. The hare brief came, and in this case “hare brief” was not the correct description – it wasn’t so much of a “hare long”, but more a passage of time where the hare just told us complete lies. There as a Wimp / Rambo split, but the wimp trail came in at 2.5km, and the Rambo came in at about 5 – not the 7km we were promised!

We set off up the hill towards the other runsite we use (the one with the shelter that could have been useful as rain was threatening!). First check, and I got it wrong, but given where we were, both choices met at the same point. As I paralleled over to the trail I had a dispute with one of the laziest old dogs I’ve ever seen. It was a very old labrador, that had lost its voice, felt like it should bark and be aggressive to me, but just didn’t have the heart to go through with it. Anyway, I came around the hill to the circle check arriving the same time as None of Your Business who looked incredibly disappointed to see me, and promptly sprinted off. I plodded along and for a while Poo and I were feeling old as Willy Walls and NOYB set the pace ahead of us – damn kids these days!

That was all over at the next check as I led the way – and then over my shoulder the loudest caller turned out to be Brown Finger – the co-hare!!! WTF? BF was sticking with his FRB ways, even though he knows the way, he’s got to be up front calling OnOn! I screwed up the next check, and when I caught up some hashers were checking around, while the rest were giving Brown Finger the Spanish Inquisition as he guarded the circle. There was no OnOn call, and BF was being worn down. Eventually he crumbled, and without telling me explicitly where to go, he gave enough away, and I was back on trail. Graven appeared behind me and we started working well as a team putting some distance in past the W/R split. Things were going well.

It was deja vu. Graven and I were working well together up front. Now when I look back at the track from my GPS, it is clear the hares had me completely twisted up in circles – excellent play! I was checking completely in the wrong direction (looking for the 7km run). A bit disoriented, I’m not sure why I kept going wrong at that point, but sure enough some of the pack caught up, and somehow Graven slipped past me. When we got back on trail it was straight forward back to the OnIn and the beer!

A virgin circle running, where many protocols were absentmindedly overlooked. A good circle nonetheless – even with a long story about the US coast guards!

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19th April – CSH3 – Horny Monkey

Posted on April 19, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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When I got up NOYB asked me where the run was – Maerim – “Great”… Who’s the hare?… “Horny”… “Oh….”
Horny Monkey is the only guy who would find a decidedly average runsite, with limited options (surrounded by a golf course, the ping river, and 2 highways) and choose to set not 1, but 4 runs in the space of about a month. If we didn’t know every possible turn, it was because the area was being constantly changed by the developers.

We were there, and had no choices! It was runtime!

THe first 3 circles were all within about 100m of each other. We’d seen 2 of them on the drive in, but when we got to the ‘gate’ we were screwed! As haring goes, it was a good check – the DFLs were just about to light the barbecue for their picnic. Screw the run, we’ll just sit here and wait for the FRBs to figure it out. The co-hare was there – Pigshit needed to call HM to get permission to let people know that we were supposed to tackle the security guards, rip open a security fence and escape without being shot. Interesting concept!

Half the pack decided not to risk their lives, and ran the other side of the wall leaving us to figure out a false trail. The hares had introduced some interesting V checks – a mix of international standards, Chuckie standards, and local roolz. They worked for screwing us up, but for a variety of short cuts Graven and I ended up ahead. Turkey lead a group clambouring though a tiny fence to swim through a ricefield – some people will do anything for a short cut!

Anyway, Graven and I were ahead somehow – through completely legitimate means – and we worked together nicely, particularly enjoying running the other side of a river/cesspool to the rest of the pack. We got back and there was the easter egg hunt with balloons all over the place and cake from “Taste my Buns”.

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7th April – CH3 – Frozen Dick / Humperdick

Posted on April 19, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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So nearly 33 years after being formed, Thailand second oldest hash reached its 1000th Run milestone.

Male hashing in Chiang Mai is a very colourful affair with lots of intrigue, in-fighting and battles for male hash supremacy, but somehow it survived and on the whole it’s a great hash with some fine and absurd traditions.

It was apt that Superman and Liberace between them had 999 runs on the 1000th Run – with Superman’s 633 runs alone beating the sum total of the current regulars.

So here’s to the past GM’s who have kept this hash alive …

ROLL OF HONOUR – Previous CH3 Grand Masters:

81-82 Charles ‘RADAR’ Graham
82-83 Ian ‘CALVES’ Law
83-84 Andrew ‘BROWNEYE’ Koetzer
84-85 ‘HOWARD KIRBY’ / John ‘DINGO’ Brigatti
85-86 Alan ‘CONCORD’ Wilson
86-87 Bernard ‘CLUESLUE’ Webb
87-88 Kenny ‘REBEL’ Desportes / Tom ‘WOODPECKER’ Owens
88-89 Robin ‘BLABBERMOUTH’ Ellis
89-90 Bruce ‘LIBERACE’ Kekule
90-91 David ‘LOUNGE LIZARD’ Holston
91-92 John ‘SUPERMAN’ Lyons
92-93 Martin ‘HAIRY PUSSY’ West
93-94 Evan ‘CHUNDER’ Smith / Richard ‘FOGGY DUCK’ Herbert
94-95 Bill ‘PASSION FINGERS’ Shaw
95-95 Butch ‘GOAT BUSTER’ Ashby / Dennis ‘SKROTE’ Kaufman
96-97 Dennis ‘SKROTE’ Kaufman
97-98 Bruce ‘LIBERACE’ Kekule
98-99 Darrel ‘PASTRY LEGS’ England
99-00 Peter ‘DYKE CONVERTER’ Van Loo
00-01 Stephen ‘WOMBAT’ Lewin
01-02 John ‘HEAD HACKER’ Shaller
02-03 Scott ‘SUCKIT’ Rulka
03-04 Bill ‘ROCKS OFF’ Paterson
04-05 Bruce ‘LIBERACE’ Kekule
05-06 John ‘SUPERMAN’ Lyons
06-07 Bob ‘HOLE PLUGGER’ Staat
07-08 Dietmar ‘SKID MARK’ Brand
08-09 Bryan ‘FAG’ Marlborough / Ken ‘CHUCK WAO’ McLeod
09-10 Ken ‘CHUCK WAO’ McLeod
10-11 Peter ‘DYKE CONVERTER’ Van Loo
11-12 Reid ‘KWAZI MOTO’ Resnikoff / Sean ‘MR. POO’ Wordingham
12-13 Alan ‘HORNY MONKEY’ Saunders / Kevin ‘BELLY DANCER’ Ralph
13-14 Dietmar ‘SKID MARK’ Brand

Current GM Skid Mark had done a great job getting the 1000th Run promoted and organised and its always great to see hasher friends coming from far and wide to enjoy our great scenery. From Pattaya – Lord Lucan, ET, Try a Fuck and Mongrel Arab, Phuket – Toad and Rotary Wanker, Bahrain – Curved Balls, alas the evil Gasman from Perth and in all around 70 attended.

Frozen Dick led the hare brief with Humperdick looking on in no doubt a state of relief. Superman had mentioned to me early on that this was the only run area he’d ever got lost – hummm – and the hares had taken 6 scouting trips to nail this run – expectations where high! With only circle checks to worry about – On Out we headed …

First paper was along a nice running trail and as I had my son Willy Walls running his first male hash decided that we’d stick together (as I had the GPS). Of course the FRB’s led by Brownfinger were soon way off ahead but the checks worked well to keep the pack not too spaced out. The checks were one thing …. The brutal gully climb in the smoke laden air was ‘challenging’ …. This really must have taken some scouting effort to link these trails up.

Lord Lucan and his Away Team and Liberace along with me made the back markers and there were some good views between rock scrambles. …. Unfortunately there were some tumbles … Dirty Pervert had a nasty fall and from the size of his swollen arm was lucky it wasn’t broken … fortunately he’s healing well …. He wasn’t alone, some of the visiting Malaysian’s also tumbled and somehow Pamela stumbled on the (flat) Wimp Run.

So finally after a well set run worthy of the 1000th – up a dam wall and OnIn to some well deserved cold beer!

Great food from Günter’s German Restaurant – outstanding and Mr Poo had put together a funny newsletter (for once) and onto the circle.

Following the circle headed back into town for sponsored festivities which ended a very memorable day. Thanks Skid Mark, Frozen & Humperdick, Mr Poo, Horny Monkey, After Birth and everybody who showed up to make it a fun celebration.

OnOn
Belly Dancer

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14th April – CH3 – Mr. Poo

Posted on April 15, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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We were all somewhat hungover from the Songkran run… Mr. Poo the hare was so hungover that he’d forgotten to bring enough powder, felt too crappy to set the trail, and opted to do a live hare – only to find that he was a bit too hungover and might not make it on his own. He picked Chuckie for a co-hare and so we had 2 live hares – neither looking in good shape.

They set off and we watched them duck in to the right, 5 minutes and we set off in pursuit. The first check was easy – we’d seen where they had gone. we were gaining. I nailed a few checks and things were going well – particularly when the monks told me where the strange farangs had gone. Having run here before I had a hunch where they were headed, and sure enough I got to the crucial intersection. Up the hill? Or along the bottom?

Damn, I guessed, and guessed wrong. Graven had already checked that way too – as he’d ignored the early part of the trail and just headed straight to the ‘crucial’ point. It was up the hill, but how high up? Most of us got it wrong due to some ambiguous calling from up ahead and found ourselves above the trail over a steep cliff. I opted to parallel for a bit longer, only to find that I wasn’t paralleling, I was getting further away – they were going clockwise after all… Must be a figure of 8. Back down to the ‘crucial’ point, and sure enough where there once was circles, now there were arrows. Tip Toe ahead of me?? and Frozen?? I guess the hares had changed the trail in between the FRBs and the DFLs! Somewhere ahead Brown Finger and Graven were calling, and at the final circle I joined them.

A cheeky loop back behind a ruined temple brought us back to the A – I recall the same hare using the same loop previously, so I managed to run into the circle site while the hares were still sweating. Short, but sweet – I don’t think anyone needed to do much more this time!

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12th April – CSH3 – Skid Mark

Posted on April 12, 2014 by admin| Leave a comment
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THe start of the Songkran runs, and Skiddy was the hare out in San Kampaeng / Bo Sang… A new run site, that looked flat and surrounded by rice fields… We expected bridges, we expected rice fields, what would be delivered? First up – we were delivered his co-hare – GasMan… Uhoh…

We set off straight into the dried out ricefields, and a circle check. I kept going straight, while people fanned out to the right, reluctant to try crossing the dried up mudbed to the left. A bit further along and there was a dodgy bamboo bridge crossing. Clearly Skiddy hadn’t found it, otherwise he would of used it. I surely wasn’t on, but there were no calls from elsewhere. I made my way across and through the rice field, spying what might be paper in the trees beyond. It was, and I was on. No sooner had I cried “OnON”, then I cried “OOOOOOW!”, like a girl, as I smashed my knee into a wooden stump. Blood oozed down my leg, but I continued. When the trail turned abruptly left to a circle, I knew the trail was going back, but took the long way around to the road, slowly catching up as we headed out into another set of rice fields.

The trail ran down the edge of the ricefields, and not far ahead Graven started leaking off to the left. Smart man, I peeled off before he did and we paralleled across the field – around 100m or so from the end of the field, and it was no surprise when Brown Finger called circle check ahead. The only problem was the stream I had to scramble across, but I was back on trail the other side – intelligent hashing – right?

Laying trail through the field is tricky, and there were more calls of “Looking” than “OnOn”. We lost trail at one point, so I fanned off to the right – a long way off to the right, ending up on a trail the wrong side of a large rice field. Bugger… It wasn’t looking good. I could barely see them a few hundred metres away to the left, but at least my trail was runnable, and when I hit the road, I heard “Checking” to my left, moments before I saw powder on the road ahead of me. Result!

It wasn’t far from there to the beer stop, but far enough for Brownie and a bunch of others to pass by. Beer stop – always a good addition.

We then headed to the W/R split, and the unpleasant part. Scrambling through thorns, barbed wire, scrambling along a tiny concrete path. I got lucky with the skiddy sticks and found myself ahead again. Only, I had to lead the way through ricefields – not just along the burns, but straight through the crop… wtf? I don’t know if it was waiting to harvest, rice, grain, feedstock or whatever, but it wasn’t pleasant trying to avoid trampling down the fruit of a mans labour. We got through, and a final circle check before the On-In. A climb over around a gate was a nice finishing touch, but with the pack limping in, bleeding and cut up, it was a testing experience!

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