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By Alice

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Tasty and Browny combined to set a real runners’ run out in the wilds of Mae Wang waaaay down south.
Well it wasn’t that far – but it was a bit further than it could have been as April Fools met Boxing Day and no HHH sign on Canal Rd obviously guaranteed confusion/loss/misery/argument and delivered in spades! LungLa will NOT turn where there’s no HHH or listen to female navigators like Pussy Galore who advise him to!

Apart from Suckit’s ancient non standard HH signs in blue and black and paper seemingly hidden under grass and rocks the first few hundred metres, this trail in two parts did exactly what it said on the tin.

First section
was more broken and farm trails, shiggy and dusty roads with lorry drivers handsomely paid to raise dust and choke us to death. Checks were basically impossible to predict and the pack was well exercised finding the damn things and carrying on. The straight ones were the killers!

One of the features this area is cross paths and paths off paths so you really needed half a dozen active checkers and callers. We sometimes got the numbers, but checkers who don’t shout Checking! make it harder than it needs to be for keen mid packers.

I was feeling pretty good after getting an early check right and feeling I was in the hares’ head. That lasted ‘til approximately the next check. I was forest 120m thataway and OnOn was called 100m t’otherway! Back to back marker quick sharp!

Early doors I was checking down a gully and heard Banksie calling checking. I heard the sound of rain drops and looked up to see our Dutch mannequin emptying his bladder above me. Drip, drip, drip. Shame I forgot about that by circle time.

We dipped into a dry creek bed and up the other side under the golden wat on the hill. Beer stop location last year I remembered.

Last section was more forest and suddenly we came out to this year’s beer stop and TmB very happy at our grouping.

Banks with his haemerroid and enlarged prostate set off without further ado. Someone called after him:Wtf are you going solo, you’ll have to do the checks alone!
Cartoon, Skiddy, Trash Bin Boy and Pussy Whisperer also set off briskly as I filled my face with banana, choc and a tiny, tasty orange.

Second leg was forest trail heaven. Browny admitted to a narcotic effect as he set. It wasn’t quite as happy, feely for me, especially as I ran into the False Trails and Belly, suddenly the demon headmaster, was barking:Who is ahead of us!?

Shortly I found out. Skiddy yomping at speed and Whisperer checking who I was before answering my RU? call.

The FRBs had broken circles and it was just perfect forest running for km here with one fcuk up. A check had been broken into an orchard but trail was back right in the forest. Luckily I saw shirts thru the trees and followed but worried for the runners behind.

Strangely Anal, Suckit, new dad Piggy, Blows, Knockout and Anally Boring were in the van and we made good time pushing each other along. Even Banks managed to stay relevant building up his fag appetite for later.

Graven overtook me in a gully after checking the wrong way and helpfully pointed to paper I’d missed up the opposite bank. That’s the Grinch’s good deed of the year!

Out into more open country and Piggy said: I can see the cars! This didn’t assist in solving the last check but soon enough we were at the most welcome clear OnIn printed sign.

Great run and looking forward to the BB on Sunday 5th January and not the date Helpful Harry aka Frozen Dick told everyone in the circle!

Silly Cow’s lovely visitors Olive Oil and potentially Reach Around experienced ice and down downs, while Hash lush Snowball’s UK mate from Seattle let on that his sponsor filmed for years in the NW only to finally release his film on their 1000th run. Maybe CH4 have to wait for that? Visitor Fast Crash from
Portugal but based in Mozambique also put ample cheek to ice. Sadly we missed Dogshit, Principal’s Bitch, Comes Over Her Back and her wife possibly because of the early pick up or maybe babysitter issues. Great visitors are great fun and well done hares for providing an excellent set for the H3 high season.

Today there was a Malaysian invasion! We’ve had quite a few visitors recently, and today randomly an extra 96 (ish) showed up. Our regular 20-25 or so group is easy to handle – today we suddenly had to make sure there was enough transport and beer for a HUGE turnout – we also had a bunch of extra CM folks show up – very welcome to Bushy Tail, the returning Dogshit, and Liberace!

Alice had picked a runsite outside a school for a run starting at 4:30 – it was utter chaos! Songthaews arriving full of hashers, songthaews leaving with school kids. While the hare might have been frustrated in trying to get his harebrief done, it wasn’t anyone else’s fault!

We set off, and Brownie was clearly itching to test himself with the visitors! There were a couple of young trackstars that were clearly running well, but had no idea what happened at the check. I jogged along, getting the first few checks right – as I quickly figured it was a reverse of the last run Alice had set there. Of course he would go up to let everyone enjoy the views at the dam – it would be rude not to! The inside information left me well placed as we climbed the stairs and at the top where Alice was waiting, I was only going to head over the dam. For most of the visitors, this must have seemed like a low chance – good visibility and no sign of paper – but to me it was about 100%.

I was moving along nicely near the front – proud there was a group of 4 CM people (me, Tasty, Brownie and Cartoon), and only 1 visitor as we got to the other side of the dam. Then I got one check wrong and could never get back into it! Man the pace speeds up when you have a large group of FRBs! The rest of the run was familiar – heading inevitably towards the weir crossing.

The circle was good – considering the challenge of entertaining that many people.

By Alice
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Prison Bitch & Discharge were schooled in the fine art of haring by Knockout aka Jean d’Arc patron saintess and savior of those afflicted by dodgy bamboo bridges.

Well it was flat and lots of orchards and an area I’m not too familiar with. 3 pluses there. Some sharp turns that TmB didn’t see, much to Angry Inch’s enjoyment, also curries favour in the scribe’s eyes.

Two songthaos plus some visitors and a virgin, CH4 livin’ the high life nowadays…let’s enjoy it while we can (before the smog).

So off we went down the road and the FRBs almost missed check #1. Smallish beige flour circle on grass at the roadside. Didn’t bode well. Not did Square Rooter’s arse, which trumped out a call something between an earthquake and a bamboo bridge splintering. Purple Fart rather aptly caught the blast and he was not impressed.

Soon we were curving right along the side of an orchard and a bamboo bridge of fairly challenging nature presented. TmB and Strangely fcuked off to locate the next crossing. The rest followed Browny and Angry across to a circle. Slowly, wobbling and afraid of an early bath. KO jumped in the raging torrent to steady poor hashers as they crossed. Prison Bitch allegedly broke the 4th pole while crossing earlier but thankfully the remaining 3 supported Shrek, so I felt the rest of the pack was going to be fine.

The trail went basically anti clockwise but was hard to predict at checks. Brownfinger had an almost perfect record at checks – of fcuking up. I’ll follow him next run because even he can’t keep that stupendous level up.

Purple Fart was going really well although I’m suspicious it was just to keep upwind of Rooter’s rotten rectum.
Good to see Always on Top on trail and some guys I didn’t know, Young & Rich, Scratch, Braindead (HK H3er from 1972) and just someone else.

We crossed and re-crossed little irrigation streams and ducked low under branches. Suddenly we were back on tracks and there was Pussy Galore having followed trial in reverse after refusing the bridge. 4 points for refusal for PG!

The OnIn was big and clear but then trail disappeared and we stumbled back through the trees and rubbish to the footy field.

I had around 5.7km. A very pleasant return run back in CM. Nice one hares.

I cruised out of work with enough time to get to the end of canal road to drop some beer off and go for a run. They are digging up part of the canal road that they only laid a year or so back, so I just managed to get to the circle site before 4:30, only to find the hares had said fuck it, and let the pack leave early… WTF? Only the songthaew matters now? Screw anyone who still has a job? The run was listed for 4:30, why the hell are they setting everyone off early? These thoughts coursed through my mind for pretty much all of the run. Especially as I unloaded beer and water from my car before setting off, while the hares just watched me. A quick change, and I finally set off at 4:34pm – now maybe 7-8 mins, call it a KM behind the pack.

After 20 mins or so, I caught up with Katastrophe and Square Rooter – Rooter didn’t want to let me pass virtually throwing me into a ravine so I could keep going. I was trying to set an ok pace that didn’t put me into the red. A while later I passed Robin Banks, and then caught a collection of walkers including Pussy Galore, Cumalot, Always on Top and some others. I passed one young looking Thai guy, and initially thought it was Always On Top’s nephew, but put my head down and got into running along. The young Thai guy left the walkers and started running along with me, and only then I looked over my shoulder to see it was Bus Bitch keeping me company.

One of the great things about this area is it is generally flat – except Pussy Whisperer had managed to find the only hill there was – without a trail and launched us up it. I heard nothing from ahead, just BB and I plugging away. Most of the checks had been kicked out with Teutonic efficiency – I suspect someone being extra caring with Dad following behind.

Finally as we approached the OnIn, I saw Angry Inch up ahead – he turned and asked who was following, and when he found out it was me, he stopped, and pulled out his cock.