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We all know Square Rooter has two sides – sometimes he sets the most evil runs imaginable scrambling hands and knees up steep muddy banks, and sometimes he sets great runs…. We all know that his unmentionable partner in crime helps him out and has some influence over him… I can remember scouting with them before, and so I suspect it depends largely on whether she walks on his right or left side as to whether he hears her positive inputs! Thankfully today we had “Good” Rooter and a great trail.

Today was the founders run, so Rooter treated us to an undulating set past the canal road football field. We grouped at the shelter just below the concrete water circle and the smile on SR’s face was ominously wide! The hare brief had Chuckie taking a nap in the shelter, and finally we were set off to find trail at the first barbed wire crawl. I squeezed through first, and given how long it took each person to get through, I figured I may as well run a bit and see what happens. A circle and a tempting trail to the right. I went down, all the time thinking it was just a bit too tempting, and thinking about the last time Rooter set here… I wasn’t confident and after 140m or so, I turned back. Sadly I had been in a gully, and couldn’t hear anything from behind me, and it seems the check was long cleared when I got back – and despite SR’s in depth harebrief about how to kick out circles, it wasn’t at all clear where everyone had gone! Luckily I caught them up after another check or so.

We were going backwards on a set SR had done a couple of years back and I passed the point that I lost a lot of time searching for trail. So as CW and I eased our way back towards the front, I suggested it would be right at the next check – CW does listen to me and sure enough we were back in amongst it. Another check by the big gate, and I commented that nobody wanted to check back to the right, and CW and I followed Bendover and Shrek around the estate to the left and we were on. Another check and I was again on form heading up the hill along the edge of the property. With CW wrong at the last check, I was leading Cartoon and Poo behind as we got to a V-check.

This V check had paper all over the barbed wire to the left – that was a lot of effort to do if the trail didn’t go left, but if it did go left, that meant climbing over a hill. I suspected it was left, but to the right is a great trail that runs around the side of the hill. I went right. I went far enough to find the check back (150m), and then went back far enough to make sure everyone knew it was a checkback… and then turned around and enjoyed the great trail running around the hill. I looped around and expected 100% to find a check where several trails come together, but there was nothing. Damnit – I must have gone 500+m off trail and did the hare manage to outwit me? I knew I had to keep going left, and fortunately there is the hidden trail that most wouldn’t spot, so I headed down towards it and within 10m I had found some beautiful Rooter paper, heard hashers coming towards me, and when I turned around found a nice little circle check hidden behind a tree – nice work SR, you nearly outsmarted me! 😛

I checked correctly, but clearly I didn’t quite go far enough, which unfortunately added to some confusion for a while, and it was Turkish who led me along the correct trail. An interested V-check, but Turkish had paused moments before to let me pass, and so I got true trail leaving him exploring amongst the trees. We were descending from the hill again, and I passed the nice trail down looking at some bright pink about 50m ahead. I was so tempted to just turn left, but continued to the circle. As I got to the circle, CW got to the previous junction, so I gifted him the true trail.

From here CW hit some magic and took off. There was check after check after check after check. CW nailed a bunch in a row, and behind we were confused between the calls of checking and ONON. It was hot, and now the pace had picked up I was starting to overheat. CW was way ahead steaming away… I made another tactical decision, and headed back – the hill climb was already tough enough, and if I can take any pride from it, my shortcut was better than Turkish’s short cut as he joined me with the hare just above the cars. Good set Rooter – cheers!

Today was “Royal Ploughing Day” – I have no idea what that means except that I don’t have to go to work! 😀

Greasy is back in town, and normally sets some good runs, so I was definitely headed to the hash. A reasonably turnout and the hare set us off a little early following leaf coloured paper into the forest. The first loop was just to add a bit of distance before we got to the usual runsite at the temple not far behind Sups house (strange he wasn’t there). From there the hare took us up the road at the back of the night safari – once upon a time this was a great running trail – today it is tarmac. I walked up the hill with Chuckie.

The next circle, I was sure we would get off the road so I headed left. CW also thought we would get off the road, so found another way to go… I’d gone probably 200m, looping back to the left before it was called from the road. Damnit – you could see the paper just 30m further up the road! I jogged back and carried on up the road after the pack.

Another couple of checks and I was back in the mix as Chuckie got a 90% check right, while Cartoon picked wrong. Another check and I was right, but overheated… I need to find a way to cool down on the run. Cartoon took over the lead as we headed up a great trail into the hills. I was running with Jungle Chim, as we slipped past CW and co at a check, jogging gently back down the hill. Cartoon was way ahead, until he got a V check wrong, and we caught him as he came back from the false trail and cut in front of us on true trail. Jungle obliterated the check so we could get ahead of the rest of the pack!

The checks were good enough so the pack came back together, and I again got a circle completely wrong – now Jungle was running for his life with the pack chasing towards the onin. It was a short run, 3.5km but fun and definitely enough given the heat. A good circle that managed to finish in daylight!

A last minute change of runsite had some confused. As I meandered down the river bank I missed a sign and kept going until I bumped into the hare stood looking confused in a kids park. He told me to backtrack, and it turns out I was just the wrong side of the river.

A decent turn out for this time of year. The harebrief informed us of obstakles ahead, and I could immediately think of one that was nearby. We were set off to cross the iron bridge over the river, which suggested we would have to come back across the road bridge a bit to the north – or swim.

My legs were screaming at me, and I settled into a steady pace a bit off the front. Cartoon leading for a while, and then Angry Inch. Chuckie finally got into the mix after arriving late. There was a little bit on trail, but it was mostly road running. Sure enough we were back on the main road at a bridge and back across the river.

Plenty more road to come, and I gradually slipped further off the pace. It was hot and humid. I reached the beer stop with Jungle Chim and ABB. We were some way off the front, but kept going, and opted for the rambo option. Still mostly on roads, but a bit in an orchard. Finally we hit the largish canal, and I knew what the obstakle was going to be. New markings with an “RO”, but at this point, I opted for a third choice and headed in for a beer.

By Alice

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Superman and Capt Hook were on the hareline. Mmm, would we be playing family fcuk ups or family fortunes?

I hove to just after Poo, which is unremarkable apart from the fact that he was hash cash and tardy. ABB had stepped up to the plate. Literally. Poo wondered what % of fees he was in receipt of from the Merchant Banker.

Sups harebrief was spoiled by an irritating drone in the background. But that’s enough about Sloppy Rod.

And they were off. Sups collared me and promised I’d learn something from his set. That sounded well ominous.

By the second check I was up there with the pack despite walking slowly and starting 2 mins adrift. Promising, I’ll say! Most FRBs headed straight into the forest or bore to the right where I know there is a gulley and trails up. I ducked thru a barbed wire fence despite Cartoon telling me it was a no go and someone had already gone through. I went anyway as there’s been no calling and checked left thru the orchard. Expecting to hear OnOn at any moment, I retraced my steps after a tight 100m. Still R U shouts from Does Nothing, doing nothing standing around the check.

I went back and checked a bit closer to the forest and there was shredded. Onon I called as best I could in my ailing state.

Turkey caught me and asked if there was anyone ahead? A minute later in a wooded gulley, Sloppy caught me and asked the same question.

We traversed the lower extremity of the Doi and came out to a familiar spot. So far so good. I was walking and 4th after ten mins plus!

As we headed into the forest, shredded went left with no check at the obvious place. Turkish came walking back with a big, satisfied smile. I think it’s a False Trail he beamed. Think? How do you THINK it’s a Falsie? Sloppy was pounding on ahead and Turkey stood there without checking up the other way. Poo thought it may go right, but no paper, no FT or call and all Turkey achieved was lose two minutes on Slops-classic TD!

We followed the path for a few 100m and there was a broken circle left as we hit the main path. It could have gone right if the hare was sneaky and adventurous, but it didn’t.

Grease Gorilla and Cartoon past me here as we got to the split. As Sups doesn’t like the terms Rambo and Wimp, he has rebadged them. The wimp is now the normal run or NR and the Rambo which was the normal run is the Long Run or LR. Are you still with me? With all that smoke and mirrors, I turned right to climb up to the ridge thinking I was on the walker’s or the shorter run. At the top I was surprised to meet Turkey, Sloppy and the SRB Snowballs running around sorting out a tricky check. They were coming back against me and going further down the ridge towards the new road. I realized I’d taken the LR option not the NR option so decided to continue past the circle check and make my own way clockwise back down the route Gorf set a few weeks ago.

Snowballs hesitated but then set off in pursuit of the Turk and the Sloppy one, and also GG and Cartoon who were now ahead of him. Maybe he didn’t trust me or maybe he did and figured he had higher chances of getting lost the other way.

I lost contact and no one followed me. Fine. I even jogged a bit and made my way down to the edge of Doi and property. I traced my return over familiar trails close to Gorf’s route but a bit simpler, arriving back at the A just before Grease Gorilla came in first from the anti clockwise direction.

4km, still breathing, did a few 100m jogging and enjoyed the whole shebang. Decent effort Sups and Capt Hook. Good to see Greasy, Rooter and Libbers back, although Frozen Dick better increase his life insurance cover after their slanging match in the forest and in the circle.

By Alice

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The pre-monsoon storms are a-threatening so a shelter at the Crem 8.5km down Canal Rd was selected by Alice as CH3 means no Thai ladies to whinge about ghosts. Going on the premise that a decent shelter holds off the rain, but no shelter mandates it, plus ample parking and toilets, the site coyly purred pick me, pick me!
All drivers and even Tiptoe located it fine but the songthao sped past down the new road extension ignoring the HHH and the evidence of Crem, cars and another downwards HHH. LungLa obviously doing his best Burrito Butt impression and navigator Square Rooter his best HRA impression.
Just before the run, Superman was seen to be running back to his car, actually running, maybe he’s like one of those disability claimants who get secretly filmed reffing football matches or playing golf after milking the state for 10 years of financial sympathy. Just maybe he retired from the FRB group
a decade too soon?
Tiptoe definitely was in no fit state to run, having been run over by a drunk Thai and hospitalised. His legs all bandaged and still oozing blood, but what a beer monster, present and correct, on time and ready to serve the hash. Puts Purple Fart – Hey Does Nothing, it looks like it may rain, are you still going? to eternal shame. Semper fi my arse!
Miss Royde took the hare brief and learnt what inattentive cusses some can be. White paper dipped in blue royal blood, Yellow/orange walkers cut out, trail headed out that way, there was no need for gaters and off they went. But not very far. The first check kept the pack running ‘up their own clackers’ © ChuckWao as the gaters remark prompted Graven to drawl that it can’t be that way, indicating a broken scrub field with paper just 100m away. So they milled around and then some more and finally OnOn was called after an age.
Emma was sweeping the pack it seems, running just behind and observing every false move and fcuk up with interest. Trail headed towards the forest but turned right at the huge flooded quarry, dimpled with rain, as the wild wind whipped up a frenzy. A circle could have cut left alongside the quarry but went straight along its long side. A walkers’ split off continued straight as the runners turned right between copse and agriculture. Trail followed wide paths around the fenced off new property divisions then ducked right at a V into scrub and a recently cleared field. Here the plot thickens. A circle on a tree on the far side had the pack lumping around in an enclosed orchard with no exit or paper. Walkers were amongst runners here so they all got caught up. True trail started to the left on the tree lined division from the adjacent field but was missed so the FRBs eventually ŵent further and further past paper through the next field and found trail on the track heading back towards the quarry. The pack missed about 600m and two checks but no game changer.
Trail ducked right into burnt forest and remnants of full moon shreddy were strewn soon seen. The walkers had cut infront of the runners here and Turkey – wtf he took the walkers option? – got his just rewards as checking circles with Does Nothing became a nightmare as the errant Cloggy showed his lack of nous and came back to a previous circle complaining he couldn’t find paper off the subsequent one! This messed up the Turk’s best laid plans and made Alice very happy.
Around the top of a massive orchard and leg back towards Canal Rd. Some had the internal GPS working done didn’t. A well set V had sups and Purpke Fart walking thru the bar as Sups was sure he could box it and get back on trail. Was strange to do a scooter beer stop and see these two reprobates wandering together on the wrong side of a large property, deep in conversation like Fagin and Oliver, way off paper…
Walkers and FRBs appeared in short order and the kerfuffle made Sups and PF change tack and reverse in for a wee refreshment. Strangely, sweating like a racehorse, bounced in, hardly a sign of his chipped toe. Pussy Whisperer was thankful for a mouthful but the Turk was dismissive of the two finger shot offered. Cartoon huffed and puffed and ignored the proffered ale. SheepShagger begged for a lift home then took himself off as Alice packed up the beer stop accoutrements. Chucky came labouring down the track having chosen various attractive options which all turned into FTs and checkbacks.
Almost all were back by 55 mins and rehydration proceeded. Frozen Dick hiked his own trail but in true fashion messed up some idiots who bought into his ‘this is my area, I know everything here’. As the leader of the free world would tweet, ‘Mission accomplished.’ But who does one believe, the fake blond with the big tits, or Stormy Daniels?
OnOn CH3!